Send us a text

Content / Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault

This week’s episode is a little bit of a heavier one. So before you dive in, we invite you to make sure you’re in a comfortable place, release your bodily tension as much as you can, and take some deep breaths.

Shame is a topic that needs to be discussed more openly. It’s time to normalize the experience of shame, and acknowledge that it may not always be a bad thing to experience.

It’s important to talk about how shame can cause us to act in ways that don’t serve us as we grow up, and why it’s critical to learn to be resilient, show ourselves love, and prioritize leading pleasure-filled, enjoyable lives in calm, relaxed bodies.

Shame is defined as a feeling of not wanting to be seen because you believe you are bad, or part of yourself is bad. There is something seriously flawed with part or all of yourself. Shame is the feeling that arises from that belief.

Shame is not to be confused with guilt. Guilt is experienced when we do something that causes a problem, and shame is experienced when we feel we ARE the problem.

Shame is traditionally used to set the boundaries of our communities. It’s evolutionarily important. But where shame becomes a problem is when we do not follow up the shaming incident with emotional or physical attunement (giving someone subsequent attention, understanding, explanation or acceptance of what they did and why shame was used as a tool to deal with it).

There are 4 strategies that we use to respond to internalized shame, all of which are normal: 

1. To attack the other (external)
   1. When someone does something to remind us of our internalized shame, we attack, we fight, or we shame other people
   2. We avoid external triggers or reminders of shame
2. To attack the self (internal)
   1. “If I beat myself up enough I’ll stop being the person I’m ashamed of being”
   2. We avoid inner experience (ie: through numbing, dissociation)

Each of these strategies is self protection.

Give this episode a listen, and let the healing begin.

Disclaimer: Dr Lee is expressing her own views and is not offering professional or medical advice.

---------

Want to learn more about what Dr Lee does, get early access to all her amazing offers, and get free training? Join her facebook group, The Pleasure of Business: Fall In Love With Your Body, Brain & Bank Account.

And check out Lee's incredible membership for women who want to feel good getting more -- Pleasure Rebelle. SIGN UP HERE! Because a pleasure-focused life is the greatest act of rebellion.

Support the show

Want to connect with us?

On the web:

• The Institute for Trauma & Psychological Safety

On social:

• Instagram
• Tiktok

By email:

• [email protected]