Thank you for listening to the Middle Aged Candy Store, produced by The Gathering. 

In this episode, the famous Inspector Monocle visits the historic manor, High Dudgeon, to solve the foul murder of one Tom Hardhands. An organizing meeting for the Slobbering Vandals support group discusses problems with their silent auction as slobbering and breakage unfolds but just as the space station astronaut finishes his update to the group, the narrator describes a violent incursion of scheming emus, dolphin hair dryer salesmen and yawning gigglers. Meanwhile in the store, Karen encounters the fierce Gorak in her quest for revenge against the Candy Salesman.

Lady Aspartame’s Lover was written by Kristin Mueller-Heaslip, performed by Michael Giel, Tony Culverwell, Rachel Perry, Kristin Mueller-Heaslip, Donnie Febbleston, and Karen Loomer, and produced by Kristin Mueller-Heaslip. Incidental music by Johannes Sebastian Bach, performed by Kristin Mueller-Heaslip. 

Slobbering Vandal Support Group was written by Donnie Febbleston, performed by Megan Liley, Kristin Mueller-Heaslip, Karen Loomer, Tony Culverwell, and Donnie Febbleston, and produced by Donnie Febbleston.

Intro and interstitial segments written by The Gathering and performed by Karen Loomer and Donnie Febbleston.

Theme music by Donnie Febbleston and performed by Donnie and Linda Febbleston. 

All sound effects are licenced under Creative Commons Zero and can be found on freesound.org. Special thanks to: 

• Dolphin Noise-.wav by jfournier18
• Lots of Morse Code by Buss1000
• Outro Quindar Tone by scy.wav
• hair dryer.wav by loullipop
• Cartoon Chicken Loud Single Screaming Squawk sound effect by Mastersoundboy2005
• Break Mirror002.wav by Tetrisrocker
• Indoor adult murmur, couple.wav by SpliceSound
• handcuffs_taken_out_and_closed.wav by daboy291
• Bell rings timidly.wav by Fenodyrie
• dorm door opening.wav by pagancow

Sound design by Donnie Febbleston.

Cover art by Amanda Matalanis. 

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