"So if you've ever had that thought. Asking, ‘Why is this so hard?’ And wondering, ‘Am I the only one?’ I want you to know. You're not alone. And it's not your fault." - Michelle Florendo

Decision-making is a fundamental part of our daily lives, yet many people find it increasingly challenging. In this episode, Michelle Florendo addresses a question from Jacob in New York about why decision-making feels so difficult and whether he's the only one who is having a hard time. 

S5E2 | Why is Decision-Making So Hard?

Michelle shares her insights from years of coaching and teaching decision-making, revealing that many people face similar challenges but often hesitate to discuss them openly.

Table of Contents

1. Introduction [00:00:00]
2. The Hidden Nature of Decision-Making Struggles [00:02:30]
3. Why Decision-Making is Hard: The Impact of Technology [00:05:45]
4. Decisions as Reflections of Identity [00:11:30]
5. The Influence of Social Media on Decision-Making [00:15:00]
6. The Erosion of Tolerance for Uncertainty [00:18:45]
7. Conclusion [00:22:30]

Introduction [00:00:00]

Michelle introduces the episode by addressing Jacob's question about why decision-making feels so difficult and whether he's alone in his struggles. She emphasizes that many people face similar challenges but often hesitate to discuss them openly. This reluctance to share difficulties with decision-making creates a false impression that others don't struggle, leading to feelings of isolation.

"Sometimes I feel like I'm terrible at decision-making. I spend a lot of time overthinking and straight-up agonizing over decisions. Am I the only one? Why are decisions so hard?" Michelle said, quoting Jacob’s question.

Michelle responds: "You are not alone. And thank you for asking the question." She explains that her experience in coaching and teaching decision-making has shown her how common these struggles are, despite the lack of public discourse on the topic.

The Hidden Nature of Decision-Making Struggles [00:02:30]

Michelle shares an anecdote about a LinkedIn post she made asking about decision-making challenges. While the public thread received few responses, her direct messages were flooded with people sharing their struggles privately. This experience highlighted how many people are uncomfortable discussing their decision-making difficulties in public forums.

"I remember the public thread was like crickets. No one was responding. Maybe there were one or two responses... At the same time, I remember my DMs were blowing up," Michelle said. This stark contrast between public silence and private outpouring illustrates the hidden nature of decision-making struggles.

She explains that this reluctance to open up about decision-making challenges stems from societal expectations, particularly in corporate environments, where decision-making skills are often taken for granted. Many people assume they should already be proficient in decision-making, leading to a hesitancy to admit struggles or seek help. 

"Decision-making is often taken for granted. Decision-making is something that people assume you already should be good at," Michelle adds.

Why Decision-Making is Hard: The Impact of Technology [00:05:45]

Michelle delves into how technology has significantly impacted our approach to decision-making. While technology has made more information readily accessible, it has also created new challenges:

1. Information Overload: The vast amount of available information can be overwhelming and lead to analysis paralysis.
2. Illusion of Perfect Knowledge: Easy access to information has created an unrealistic expectation that we should be able to predict and control outcomes perfectly.
3. Increased Pressure: The abundance of information has raised the perceived stakes of decisions, as people feel they should make the "best" choice with all the available data.

Michelle points out: "More data has seduced us into thinking that it's possible to have perfect data. There's this illusion that we should be able to control the outcomes of our decisions through pre-knowledge." This expectation of perfect knowledge and control sets an impossible standard for decision-makers.

She emphasizes that good decision-making isn't about predicting the future with certainty, but rather about managing uncertainty and risk effectively. Michelle states, "I'm here to tell you that good decision-making is not about clairvoyance. And if predicting the future or knowing the future is the standard you're holding yourself to, you're just setting yourself up for frustration and failure."

Decisions as Reflections of Identity [00:11:30]

Michelle discusses how decisions have become more than just practical choices; they've become reflections of our identity. This shift has made decisions feel more high-stakes and emotionally charged. She references Barry Schwartz's book "The Paradox of Choice," explaining how decisions now often relate to higher-level needs like belonging and self-actualization, rather than just survival.

"Decisions are no longer just about fulfilling needs for survival. But now for fulfilling needs higher up on Maslow's hierarchy of needs like belonging and self-actualization. Decisions have become a vehicle for expressing identity," she explains. This transformation of decisions into expressions of identity adds emotional weight to our choices.

She further elaborates on how this change has intensified the decision-making process: "The rise of social media has made this even more intense. As our lives and the decisions within them have become more public and visible." The increased visibility of our choices amplifies the pressure to make decisions that align with our desired identity and social image.

The Influence of Social Media on Decision-Making [00:15:00]

Michelle explores how social media has intensified the pressure around decision-making:

1. Increased Visibility: Our decisions are now more visible to a wider audience, increasing the perceived importance of each choice.
2. Comparison: We're constantly exposed to others' decisions, which can lead to doubt and second-guessing our own choices.
3. External Judgment: The fear of what others might think adds weight to our decisions.
4. Information Overload: Social media exposes us to an overwhelming array of possibilities and options.

"We worry about our decisions, not just for how they impact us. But for how other people may view them. Including your old crush from high school who might've seen that post about your new job," Michelle explains. 

She stresses the importance of developing stronger internal judgment to navigate these external influences effectively. Michelle advises: "It's even more important to develop stronger internal judgment in the face of external influences. Decision science has been used to design the social media apps that demand our attention... I think it's time to use decision science to improve the experience of decision makers instead of manipulating them."

The Erosion of Tolerance for Uncertainty [00:18:45]

Michelle explains how technological advances have reduced our tolerance for uncertainty and open-ended situations:

1. Instant Gratification: The ability to get immediate answers and quick solutions has decreased our patience for uncertainty.
2. Reduced Practice: We have fewer opportunities to practice sitting with tension and uncertainty.
3. Increased Anxiety: Lower tolerance for uncertainty leads to increased anxiety when faced with decisions.

Michelle reflects on the change: "We live in an on-demand era. And with its close to instant gratification, it has decimated our ability to sit with the absence of resolution." 

This diminished capacity to handle uncertainty makes decision-making more challenging and anxiety-inducing. She emphasizes the importance of building the "muscle" to tolerate uncertainty and tension, which can lead to more effective decision-making over time. 

"Sitting with tension, as Seth Godin used to call it in the altMBA, is a muscle. If we are not continually exercising it and building it, it atrophies,” Michelle adds.

Conclusion [00:22:30]

Michelle concludes by reassuring listeners that if they find decision-making difficult, they're not alone and it's not their fault. She acknowledges the many factors that contribute to making decision-making challenging in today's world. Michelle expresses hope that by understanding these challenges and learning effective frameworks, people can experience relief and make decisions more easily.

"So if you've ever had that thought. Asking. Why is this so hard? And wondering, ‘Am I the only one?’ I want you to know. You're not alone. And it's not your fault," she stresses. 

Key Takeaways

• Many people struggle with decision-making but hesitate to discuss it openly.
• Technology has made more information available but has also created new challenges in decision-making.
• Decisions have become reflections of identity, making them feel more high-stakes.
• Social media has intensified the pressure around decision-making by increasing visibility and comparison.
• Our tolerance for uncertainty has decreased due to technological advances and instant gratification culture.
• Building the ability to tolerate uncertainty is crucial for effective decision-making.
• Understanding the challenges of modern decision-making can provide relief and lead to more effective strategies.

Mentioned in the Podcast

• "The Paradox of Choice" by Barry Schwartz
• “Hierarchy of Needs” by Maslow
• Seth Godin’s altMBA program

For More Decision-Making Resources

• Michelle’s Stanford Continuing Studies course
• Check out Michelle’s self-paced course Decision Toolkit for Personal Decisions
• Her Decision Toolkit Coaches and Counselors virtual workshop on Maven

About Michelle Florendo

Michelle Florendo is a distinguished decision engineer and executive coach who specializes in helping individuals navigate complex decisions in both personal and professional spheres. With a Bachelor of Science in Management Science and Engineering from Stanford University and an MBA from UC Berkeley's Haas School of Business, Michelle employs a sophisticated blend of decision engineering, design thinking, and lean startup methodologies to assist her clients in charting their optimal path forward. She has guided hundreds of driven professionals in applying decision engineering principles to achieve greater clarity and reduce stress in their decision-making processes.

She currently teaches a decision-making course for Stanford Continuing Studies and has played a pivotal role in enhancing the curriculum on career decision-making in Stanford's renowned Design Your Life course. Her expertise has been recognized by various prestigious organizations, as evidenced by her involvement with Seth Godin's altMBA program, her founding membership in the Forbes Coaches Council, and her position as a faculty coach for the Berkeley Executive Coaching Institute. For those interested in exploring Michelle's coaching and speaking services further, additional information can be found on her professional website at poweredbydecisions.com.

About Michelle Florendo

Michelle Florendo is a distinguished decision engineer and executive coach who specializes in helping individuals navigate complex decisions in both personal and professional spheres. With a Bachelor of Science in Management Science and Engineering from Stanford University and an MBA from UC Berkeley's Haas School of Business, Michelle employs a sophisticated blend of decision engineering, design thinking, and lean startup methodologies to assist her clients in charting their optimal path forward. She has guided hundreds of driven professionals in applying decision engineering principles to achieve greater clarity and reduce stress in their decision-making processes.

She currently teaches a decision-making course for Stanford Continuing Studies and has played a pivotal role in enhancing the curriculum on career decision-making in Stanford's renowned Design Your Life course. Her expertise has been recognized by various prestigious organizations, as evidenced by her involvement with Seth Godin's altMBA program, her founding membership in the Forbes Coaches Council, and her position as a faculty coach for the Berkeley Executive Coaching Institute. For those interested in exploring Michelle's coaching and speaking services further, additional information can be found on her professional website at poweredbydecisions.com.