Safe To Be Seen

Brandon and Darci explore the difference between performative religious practices and transformative spiritual experiences, reflecting on their personal journeys since leaving organized religion.

• Defining spirituality as the practice of love and deep connection
• Community as both the benefit and shadow side of religious participation
• Moving from viewing oneself as broken to recognizing inherent wholeness
• The body as an altar and spiritual guide that never lies
• Meditation as a tool for excavation rather than escape
• The danger of spiritual outsourcing and abandoning one's inner knowing
• Finding spirituality in everyday moments and human connections
• Intimate relationships as the ultimate spiritual training ground
• The sacred nature of suffering and its role in transformation
• Presence as the core of spiritual practice

If you're ready to reconnect and bring your relationship back to life, send a DM to our Instagram at safe2bseen 

[00:00:00] Performative vs. Transformative Spirituality
[00:03:42] What We Miss About Religion
[00:11:33] Community and Confirmation Bias
[00:21:45] Defining Modern Spirituality
[00:31:00] From Broken to Whole: Shifting Paradigms
[00:38:44] Body as Altar: Meditation and Self-Discovery
[00:47:49] Avoiding Spiritual Outsourcing
[00:54:47] Living Authentically as Spiritual Practice
[01:04:27] Finding Spirituality in Human Connection

Ashley Baird shares her incredible journey as a breast cancer survivor, mother of five, and community builder who transformed her diagnosis into a mission to help others.

• Diagnosed at age 36 with stage 4 triple-negative breast cancer after finding a lump the day after Christmas
• Given only a 20% chance of successful treatment and a prognosis of approximately two years to live
• Fought through aggressive chemotherapy while parenting five children, including a three-year-old daughter
• Experienced what she describes as miracles throughout her treatment journey, including access to life-saving medications
• Created the nonprofit "Battle of the Breasts" to support women fighting breast cancer in her community
• Found deepened faith and spirituality through her cancer journey, learning to "nestle, not wrestle" with her circumstances
• Discovered that allowing herself to be vulnerable and accept help from others was one of the greatest challenges
• Transformed her perspective on parenting and life priorities, focusing on meaningful moments with her family
• Defied all medical odds to survive more than ten years after her initial diagnosis
• Continues to use her experience to bring hope and support to others facing similar battles

Join us at Battle of the Breasts on September 27th to support women currently fighting breast cancer. Visit battleofthebreasts.org to sign up a team, become a sponsor, or make a donation.

More Than Love Couples Coaching
https://www.instagram.com/safe2bseen?igsh=MTJkNHNkNXh6bzlxMw==

Holos Healing:
https://holoshealing.info/

Gettin Lost Is Being Found:
https://www.instagram.com/gettinlostisbeingfound?igsh=bWZrN3JndmQ0Y2pt

Find Battle Of The Breasts here:
https://www.battleofthebreasts.org/
Instagram: @battle.of.the.breasts
Email: [email protected]

[00:00:00] Introduction to Ashley's Journey
[00:09:15] The Moment Everything Changed
[00:20:32] The Diagnosis and Breaking News
[00:33:16] Finding Purpose in the Battle
[00:46:35] When Family Becomes Your Why
[01:00:20] The Spiritual Journey Through Cancer
[01:14:15] Changing Perspectives on Parenting
[01:28:30] The Medical Battle Against All Odds
[01:45:05] Battle of the Breasts: Creating Legacy

Former NFL quarterback John Beck shares his remarkable journey from undersized, late-developing young athlete to BYU football star and NFL draft pick, revealing the psychological dimensions of high performance and resilience through life's inevitable challenges.

• The importance of having a clear vision and unwavering belief from a young age
• How parental influence shaped Beck's work ethic and mindset for success
• Experiencing the underdog mindset and using it as motivation rather than limitation
• The psychological balancing act of caring deeply while letting go of outcomes
• Why comparing yourself to others at young ages is counterproductive
• Beck's experience as BYU quarterback, including the famous "answered prayer" play
• The unexpected adversity and disappointment of his NFL career

Remember, it's not about that—it's about conditioning yourself to be willing to do what it takes and to love it.

Join us for our couples retreat "More Than Love" on September 19-21 in Brian Head, Utah, where you'll learn to heal unconscious patterns, regulate your nervous system, and step into your divine masculine and feminine energy. Visit the link in our show notes to apply.

Guided meditation:
https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/wbf8yihnv2a8h7jjyhczw/Connecting-to-your-Authentic-Self.mp3?rlkey=4cjj06t9ltrbv044ouxotim89&e=2&st=fvfoodx6&dl=0

Find Our Couples Retreat
https://holoshealing.info/more-than-love/

[00:00:00] Finding Purpose Through Adversity
[00:13:34] Growing Up in Mesa: Family Influences
[00:24:20] Performance Mindset and Youth Athletics
[00:39:17] The BYU Quarterback Experience
[00:55:29] NFL Career: Challenges and Disappointments
[01:11:47] Finding Balance: Faith in Professional Sports
[01:22:15] Life Lessons from Football
[01:31:40] Parenting and Perspective
[01:39:46] What Truly Matters in Life

Religious upbringing disconnects women from their divine feminine essence by teaching them to rely on male authority figures rather than their own intuition and spiritual wisdom. Patriarchal systems reinforce this by limiting recognition of feminine divinity and creating shame through purity culture, which research shows leads to religious trauma syndrome, lower self-esteem, sexual dysfunction, and damaged relationships.

• The feminine divine was presented as "too sacred" in religious contexts, creating spiritual fragmentation and disconnection
• Purity culture creates disembodiment through shame, teaching women they are responsible for men's thoughts and actions
• Religious trauma separates women from their intuition, sensuality, and connection to their bodies
• Studies confirm purity culture leads to anxiety, guilt, lowered autonomy, sexual dysfunction and marital dissatisfaction
• The divine feminine is not about people-pleasing, hyper-independence, self-sacrifice, or performing for others' approval
• True feminine essence is magnetic, intuitive, creative, and deeply connected to body wisdom
• Embodying the feminine requires creating space, processing emotions, trusting intuition, and developing personal rituals
• Women carry the "vortex of creation" within their wombs—a direct connection to divine feminine power
• Feminine energy doesn't force outcomes but attracts through presence, and authenticity
• Healing the feminine involves "unbecoming what you are not" through nervous system regulation and embodiment practices

Join us for our couples retreat "More Than Love" on September 19-21 in Brian Head, Utah, where you'll learn to heal unconscious patterns, regulate your nervous system, and step into your divine masculine and feminine energy. Visit the link in our show notes to apply.

Guided meditation:
https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/wbf8yihnv2a8h7jjyhczw/Connecting-to-your-Authentic-Self.mp3?rlkey=4cjj06t9ltrbv044ouxotim89&e=2&st=fvfoodx6&dl=0

Find Our Couples Retreat
https://holoshealing.info/more-than-love/

Timestamps
[00:00:00] Childhood Views of Feminine Divine
[00:09:45] Religious Disconnection From Feminine
[00:15:04] Mother After Deconstruction
[00:29:04] Purity Culture and Its Lasting Impact
[00:42:15] Podcast Couples Retreat Promotion
[00:51:10] What Feminine Is Not
[00:58:59] True Nature of Divine Feminine

The dance of masculine and feminine energies represents one of humanity's most powerful dynamics—yet these essential polarities are often misunderstood and constrained by societal expectations. Brandon Burke peels back layers of conditioning to reveal the truth: "Masculine and feminine are not gender identities. They are energetic life forces that we each embody."

Brandon shares a deeply personal examination of patriarchy's devastating impact on both women and men. Women have been conditioned to "play small and not ruffle feathers," while men have learned to "wear masks of strength to cover up their fear." These patterns leave everyone feeling unsafe to be authentically seen.

The conversation takes an illuminating turn as Brandon explores the historical shifts in American gender dynamics. While equality outside the bedroom creates balance, sexual attraction thrives on polarity. This creates a delicate dance—when masculine energy decreases, feminine energy unconsciously increases to maintain equilibrium, often diminishing the natural attraction between partners.

For men seeking to embody healthy masculine energy, Brandon offers profound guidance about living at the edge of fear without becoming passive or overly forceful. The masculine's greatest gift isn't fixing or controlling the feminine—it's providing consistent presence and stability. Through breath awareness, eye contact, and regulated presence during emotional storms, men create safety that allows full feminine expression.

Perhaps most powerfully, Brandon vulnerably shares his own journey navigating these energies: "I'm in the trenches in this. I'm not an expert, I'm not perfect at it. This is the sacred work of relationship." His message speaks directly to men who struggle with discomfort during their partner's emotional expression: "Don't let your heart close just because hers is."

Ready to transform your relationship? Join us for our couples retreat "More Than Love" in Brian Head, Utah this September. Discover how to create true safety, heal unconscious patterns, and experience the connection you've always desired.

Timestamps:
[00:00:00] Intro
[00:04:26] The Destructive Impact of Patriarchy
[00:09:20] Historical Evolution of Gender Dynamics
[00:17:30] Polarity and Sexual Attraction
[00:31:10] Father and Mother Wounds
[00:43:52] The Art of Holding Space
[00:59:36] Breath, Presence, and Regulation
[01:09:42] Opening Her Heart When It's Closed

What if the most powerful energy you could emit isn't happiness, love, or gratitude—but simply being authentic? Groundbreaking research reveals that when humans express authentically, regardless of which emotion they're experiencing, they generate energy spikes 40 times greater than traditionally "positive" emotions. This scientific confirmation validates what many of us intuitively sense: our authentic expression is our most potent life force.

In this deeply personal exploration of authenticity, we share our own journeys back to our true selves. Brandon reveals how his depression stemmed from living inauthentically, driven by external validation and achievement, while Darci explains how her autoimmune conditions connected to years of suppressing her needs and managing others' emotions. We discuss how cultural conditioning, particularly for women, creates a dangerous pattern of self-sacrifice that manifests as physical illness when we abandon our authentic expression.

The journey toward authenticity begins by shifting one crucial question. Rather than asking "what does the world want of me?"—the question that dominates our early lives—we must ask instead: "how does my soul want to express in this world?" This simple reframing opens the door to profound healing. As we share practical tools for reconnecting with your authentic self—from somatic practices to inner child work to simply playing like we did during our spontaneous skinny dipping adventure at Gordon Creek Falls—we invite you to remember who you truly are beneath the masks and conditioning.

The path isn't always easy. As Gabor Maté suggests, we face two options of pain: the pain of living authentically or the pain of attachment. When we choose belonging over authenticity, we paradoxically belong to no one, since others never truly know us. Yet when we express our genuine selves, we make it safe for others to do the same. Ready to start your journey back to authenticity? 

Guided meditation:
https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/wbf8yihnv2a8h7jjyhczw/Connecting-to-your-Authentic-Self.mp3?rlkey=4cjj06t9ltrbv044ouxotim89&e=2&st=fvfoodx6&dl=0

Timestamps:
[00:00:00] Intro
[00:12:46] Celebrating Family and Discovering Hidden Waterfalls
[00:21:22] The Science Behind Authentic Energy
[00:31:44] How We Lose Our Authentic Selves
[00:42:14] The Couples Retreat "More Than Love"
[00:51:54] Reclaiming Your Authenticity Through Practice
[01:07:34] The Parable of the Smoky Mirror

What happens when our beliefs control us rather than us controlling our beliefs? This profound question lies at the heart of our journey through attachment and how it shapes our connections with others and ourselves.

Attachment isn't inherently problematic—it's how our nervous systems organize for survival, safety, and belonging. The challenge emerges when we become so attached to our beliefs that they blind us to other perspectives and possibilities. Using Don Miguel Ruiz Jr.'s "Five Levels of Attachment" as our guide, we explore how attachment progresses from the authentic self enjoying pure experience (level one) to dangerous fanaticism that destroys relationships and creates suffering (level five).

Through personal stories of religious deconstruction, we share both painful moments of judgment when beliefs changed and beautiful instances of curiosity and acceptance. We examine how attachment manifests physically—creating anxiety, tightness, and defensive reactions when beliefs are challenged—and how awareness interrupts this cycle. Those moments when we feel compelled to defend our positions or impose them on others reveal unhealthy attachment taking control.

The path forward isn't about abandoning all beliefs but recognizing our relationship with knowledge. Are we using knowledge as a tool for connection and understanding, or are we allowing it to create separation and suffering? As Nikola Tesla wisely noted, "We are all one. Only egos, beliefs, and fear separate us."

This exploration represents a fundamental aspect of our middle passage—the transition that has reshaped our lives. Rather than adding more to our identities, we've discovered the liberating power of subtraction—unbecoming rather than becoming. By loosening our grip on rigid beliefs, we create space for deeper connections, greater curiosity, and authentic living.

Ready to examine your own attachments? Listen in, and join us next time as we explore authenticity—the counterbalance to attachment and the key to living genuinely connected lives.

Find Our Couples Retreat
https://holoshealing.info/more-than-love/

Timestamps:
[00:00:00] Intro
[00:03:50] Couple Life Update and Family Reflections
[00:09:02] Understanding Attachments and Knowledge
[00:17:40] The Five Levels of Attachment Explained
[00:38:36] Creating Our Own Suffering Through Beliefs
[00:46:12] Breaking Free From Unhealthy Attachments
[01:02:30] Authenticity Preview and Closing Thoughts

Trauma shapes our intimate relationships far more than most of us realize. In this revealing conversation, Darci and Brandon explore how the wounds we carry from childhood create unconscious patterns in our adult relationships.

What if the key to deep connection isn't understanding your partner's love language, but rather their trauma language? As Darci explains, true intimacy means being "deeply seen and known without having to perform," yet our unresolved wounds often make this vulnerability feel impossible. Each time we're triggered, we're essentially teleported back to a younger version of ourselves—responding not to the present situation, but to what our nervous system remembers from the past.

The good news? Through understanding the body's language and creating compassionate relationships with these younger parts of ourselves, healing is possible. Brandon's moving poem about reconnecting with "little Brandon" demonstrates how we can offer ourselves the safety, protection and love we always deserved.

Find Our Couples Retreat
https://holoshealing.info/more-than-love/

[00:00:00] Intro and welcome
[00:08:00] How Marriage Affects Self-Discovery
[00:17:00] Understanding Trauma in Relationships
[00:29:00] The Science of the Nervous System
[00:38:00] Parts Work and Inner Child Healing
[00:55:00] Creating Relationship with Younger Self
[01:10:00] Brandon's Poem to Little Brandon

Your nervous system holds the key to transforming your relationships. In this illuminating episode, somatic practitioner Darci Burke explains how childhood experiences shape our attachment styles and why cognitive understanding alone isn't enough for healing.

The conversation begins with a special treat as Brandon and Darci's daughter Graci joins from Hawaii to perform "Paradise" by Stick Figure—a song with profound meaning for Brandon's healing journey. After this beautiful musical interlude, Darci delves into the science of attachment and regulation.

Darci reveals that 80% of communication flows from body to mind, not the reverse, making our physiology the true creator of our psychology. We learn how attachment styles form in early childhood based on caregiver relationships: anxious attachment from predominantly dysregulated caregivers, avoidant attachment when connection wasn't safe, and disorganized attachment from unpredictable safety and danger.

The episode offers hope through understanding that caregivers only need to be regulated 30% of the time to foster secure attachment in children. But the most powerful insight comes in distinguishing between cognitive understanding and embodied healing. The nervous system doesn't understand verbal language—only felt experience—which explains why many remain stuck despite intellectual awareness of their patterns.

For true transformation, Brandon and Darci stress the importance of somatic practices that create safety in the body first. This approach burns away survival energy, creating space for expansion, authenticity, and deeper connection. The conversation concludes with information about their upcoming couples retreat and programs designed to help parents foster secure attachment in their children.

Ready to transform your relationships by healing your nervous system? This episode provides the roadmap to become unstuck from survival patterns and remember your inherent wholeness.

How did the fantasy version of love peddled by Hollywood and pop music shape your expectations about relationships? In this deeply personal episode, we trace the evolution of our 28-year relationship from blind romantic mythology to genuine connection.

We begin with the serendipitous way we met—dancing to Tim McGraw at a college event in 1997—and journey through our early marriage, where we mistakenly believed we needed to complete each other. Like many couples, we entered marriage with unconscious programming about what love should look like, much of it shaped by media messages. Remember Jerry Maguire's famous "you complete me" line? We bought into that fantasy completely, along with other harmful ideas from those classic '80s and '90s love songs (which we hilariously sing for you).

The turning point came when we realized our relationship was struggling because we were operating from wounded places, trying to use love as a band-aid for abandonment wounds. Through vulnerable self-work, we discovered that our partners aren't the source of our pain, but the revealer of it—a sacred mirror reflecting what needs healing within ourselves.

Today, we share what we've learned about creating a relationship built on sovereignty rather than codependence. True love doesn't try to change or fix you. It doesn't control, demand, or require reciprocity. Instead, it creates safety for authentic expression and becomes a container for healing rather than a performance of roles.

If you're ready to transform your relationship from a place of survival to genuine connection, join us for our intimate couples retreat "More Than Love" this September, where we'll guide just ten couples through the tools and practices that revolutionized our marriage. Because when love comes from wholeness rather than need, everything changes.

Find Our Couples Retreat
https://holoshealing.info/more-than-love/

[00:00:00] Intro
[00:09:14] Weekend at Cali Vibes Festival
[00:17:05] Beginning Days of Our Relationship
[00:33:09] How Media Shapes Our View of Love
[00:42:37] What We Thought Love Was
[01:03:38] Unconscious Patterns in Relationships
[01:14:50] What Love Really Is
[01:19:50] More Than Love Retreat Announcement