SassyStephB Poetry

Sometimes it feels like if I can't put it in essay format then I have nothing to say. I need to have 17 paragraphs breaking down each point and each thought otherwise the thought isn't worth sharing.

However sometimes I just want to write. I want to stay in practice, even if I don't really have anything to say.

Sometimes while you write you find your voice. Like the story is in the midst of the jumble of words that keep flowing through your head. From scary intrusive thoughts to simply being grateful for the sound of my beating heart, I think if I write it down, then the truth can be found. That the story that is perpulating beneath the surface will poke it's head out to see how many words have flowed out of me and if it will be safe to jump cause it will have a pillowy landing into the prose the preceded it.

Sometimes I have nothing to say, that's ok. I write anyway.

I built a sandcastle with you. We enjoyed it all day. Then, in the light of the moon, the tide washed it away. It’s okay to be sad; We worked hard to build. We put that tower together with lots of love and skill.But we knew the waves would knock it down; We didn’t build it in the hillsThe foundation was on sand, and it didn’t sit on stone. So when the rain came, the foundation had to erode.

Next time I build it will be with heavy rocks and reinforced steel. Not trying to bend nature to my will, but bend my will to my nature.

When I was hungry, you fed me. It was a fritay feastBanan Peze, Pate Kode, Marinade, akra with a side of piklizMy plate is full to the brimSo I wouldn’t go hungry again

When I was thirsty, you made me ji korosolYou offered me citwonade, but there weren’t enough limes in the bagYou used them to clean the fish you were about to fry, tooA hug would have sufficed for me to feel your love.But you didn’t want me to walk away needing more.So you asked, “Are you hungry?” when I came in the door.

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You don’t miss himThe more you thought about itThe more you could see the magic was you, trulyWhen y’all were together you travelledyou cookedyou dancedyou laughedyou curated a life that felt like a

movie.you moved through conflictand you let him know he was specialyou celebrated his existence each day, because you loved that he chose to stay.When you broke up, you travelled you cooked you danced you laughed. you don’t miss himyou miss who you gave yourself permission to be when with him you are still that girl. The world is still at your feet losing him didn’t lead to defeat..you are found In the realization that your life didn’t change when things endedyou’re still you. You weren’’t missing him. You were missing you

I lived for 5 years married to a man who never got on his knees. not to praynot to pleasenot to crynot to pull weedsBut I stayed on mine planting seeds that would never grow.crying tears you would never know about.That garden yielded nothing except a broken heart, a confused brainand a mountain of shame for not walking away the first time I realized he didn’t want to change. but I stayed and tried to convince him to love me betterI endured all a kinds of weather with no shelter. but its nice to be safe inside now. wrapped up in my blanket looking out the windowstaring at the planetsas they align

My love wills a lot of things to be.Though sometimes naive, she can move mountains and shake trees.Her strength surprises me.

Why is the world so cruel?I ask as I stand before the glassrubbing my headas I self-sootheNot sure what else to doScreaming at myself for mistakes I've madepinching my arm to contain my rage.reminding myself that I can be cruel tooLooking in the mirrorthinking about what Michael saidI take my hands off my headlook myself in the eye”Stephanie, it’s okay to cry, do it til the water runs dry.it’s okay to try your best and failIt’s okay to be unwell, it’s okay to grieve the things you see Its okay if it puts you on your knees.its okay to gloat about your degrees.Its okay to want a life of easeThe world is cruel cause it is mirroring you.If you stop being cruel to yourself for wanting more joybaby, the world will follow you too.”

The Bible says those who sow in tears will reap in joy. And oh, boydo I have news for youThis garden is gonna be overflowing with food.Because the seeds I watered with my tears are about to break through.

Don’t attachYou’ll feel no lossBut you will lose humanityThat’s not worth it to me.I’d rather feel your love.Your warming smile beaming on me dailyI’d rather walk 1000 milesThan to forget how it feels to feel you loving me.

She refused to lose her magic powers,so she sang for freedom in the shower. Everyday. Aguanile. Until she was set free.