Say Know Podcast by Matt Ingrouille

November 06, 2018 Episode 11 - Darcey Loitz

SHOW NOTES:

Darcey Loitz is passionate about helping other people struggling with addiction and is actively seeking to be a mental health and addictions worker. He shares with us his lived experience and insight on the underlying causes of addiction. He believes that addiction is rooted in childhood trauma and self medication of emotional pain. By the age of 11 he was consuming alcohol and using LSD by Grade 6. He shares about being sexually abused by a man when he was 15 years old, and found the courage to share this only a year ago.

In this episode Darcey discusses a wide variety of topics. He talks of childhood traumas and how he began to self medicate at a very young age. He discusses the significant role of his mother in his life. He speaks of his love for her, despite her suicide attempts, her struggle with alcoholism and an ongoing stressful cancer diagnosis. He talks of loss, fear and isolation, and the importance of reaching out. He discusses how important it was for him being a father and the loss of identity when his kids grew up and moved out. He also talks about his relationships with women, and the subject of rejection and being alone. His addiction slowly spiralled to eventually injecting Crystal Meth. A discovery at work ultimately leads him to getting help for his addiction and Darcey is now clean.

HIGHLIGHTS:

He grew up moving frequently, both of his parents struggled with alcoholism. He struggled to have stability or have friends because of moving all the time. He felt abandoned by his mom who was not home much when he was a kid.

He shares his youngest traumatic memory; having almost died at age 3 due to a bunk bed accident

In Grade 5 his mother had attempted suicide by shooting herself in the chest. She survived but it had traumatic lasting effects on him.

Darcey began consuming alcohol and LSD at a very young age.

Darcey talks about being sexually abused by a man when he was 15.

Darcey recalls how important being a Dad was. His kids were his life and how difficult it was when they were all grown and moved out (Empty Nest Syndrome) and loss of identity.

The straw that broke the camel's back...When His girlfriend walked out after he had already lost everything, his mom had passed away, his kids were grown and moved out, and then his girlfriend left him, and was he felt utterly alone.

He talks about Depression and PTSD. He was suicidal and felt he had nothing left to live for. He knew he needed help but feared that he would lose his job and everything that he had worked all his life for like his house, etc.

Darcey discusses how losing his keys at work, essentially ended up saving his life and he was able to get the help he needed.

How supportive his workplace was in helping him with attending treatment at the Northern Addictions Centre in Alberta.

QUOTES:

" We feel so alone in our addiction, even though we’re not; we feel alone in a room full of people..it's a strange feeling.”

“I wanna take the things that helped me and pass that on to others, and let them know that they’re not alone.”

“I felt like I had nothing to live for.”

“He gave me my first shot, and then I understood how people become addicted to Meth. I never felt anything like that in my life.”

“You lose yourself - You don’t see the wake of destruction with that drug.”

“Nobody at work knew that I was an intravenous user.”

“I spent $80,000 in one year on Meth.”

“I was trying to kill myself and just wanted to have fun doing it.”

“He looked at who I Could be; instead of what I was doing.”

“We are people first; and addicts second.”

LINKS:

The Mask You Live In - Documentary

Official Say Know homepage - http://www.sayknow.org/Canadian Research Initiative of Substance Misuse (CRISM) Prairies website - https://crismprairies.ca/SayKnow.org Facebook page - https://www.facebook.com/sayknoworgSayKnow.org Twitter feed - https://twitter.com/SayKnowOrgMusic provided by Redbull DJ Champ, Charly Hustle - http://www.charlyhustlemusic.com

POEMS WRITTEN BY DARCEY LOITZ:

My Truths

Living in fear

Acting strong

Out of control

Seeming in balance

Feeling alone

Surrounded by people

Wanting to hide

Standing out front

Needing to cry

Smiling broad

Longing for love

Feigning independence

Addiction...

It has me lying to myself

and everyone around me

A Choice

Emotions swirling in a dust devil

a plastic bag in an abandoned parking lot

on a cold autumn day

Blown high beyond reach one moment

down in the gutter the next

Seemingly on a whim

Days or weeks go by

the question persists

When will it stop?

Start remembering

only that which the poison

seemed to cure

Forgotten the destruction, pain

and suffering which accompanies

that instant cure all

I must remember the reality

It is not a cure

but a poison

that masks my problems

and creates new ones

in my time of weakness

the only thing it cures

is a fleeting moment of displeasure

which will return with vengeance

Life is not easy

Giving up is

Choose life

Find out more on the Say Know Podcast website.

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