Scared Disruption

What happens between receiving a calling and finding the courage to live it?

In Part 2 of The Awakening of David, I explore the space between David’s anointing and his arrival on the throne—the waiting, uncertainty, trials, and transformation along the way. Through reflections on Psalms 23 and 30, we move from trusting the Shepherd to finding our dance after seasons of mourning.

And I’m stepping into something new myself: this is my first video episode of Sacred Disruption. You get the face behind the voice, a little home-studio realness, and an honest conversation about being seen.

I also share my experience leading my first public séance and how embracing what I understand as my spiritual gifts has challenged me to move beyond fear.

Where are you in your own awakening? Learning? Searching? Sitting quietly with God? Or finally dancing?

There is room for you here.

It’s safe. It’s sacred. It’s sanctuary.

Hosted by Alyssa Marie.

Scripture explored: 1 Samuel 16, Psalm 23, Psalm 30, and 2 Samuel 5:4–5.

This episode offers personal spiritual reflections rather than a definitive biblical chronology. David’s age at anointing and the composition dates of Psalms 23 and 30 are not established.

Content note: Strong language and discussion of mediumship and séances.

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What happens when God shows you something about who you are becoming—but your life still looks exactly the same?

Welcome to Episode One of AWAKENING: KING DAVID, a five-part Sacred Disruption series exploring David’s life not simply as a Bible story, but as an awakening.

We begin with The Anointing.

David is a young shepherd when Samuel anoints him to become king. His family knows. David knows. Hell, even the sheep know. 😂 But there’s one rather significant problem:

There is already a king sitting on the throne.

So what do you do when something has been revealed to you before your circumstances reflect it? What happens in the space between anointing and appointment?

In this conversation, we get into David, Saul, calling, flawed people, honoring those who came before us—even when they got it wrong—and my own evolving understanding of a God who loves us through every messy part of becoming.

Because maybe being called doesn’t mean being perfect.

Maybe awakening changes the way we understand God, ourselves, and even the people who disappointed us.

And maybe the time between what God showed you and actually seeing it manifest isn't empty space at all.

The anointing comes first. Then comes the becoming.

🎙️ Sacred Disruption with Alyssa Marie
AWAKENING: KING DAVID — Part One of Five
The Anointing: Chosen Before the Circumstances Change

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Did I Almost Break My Daughter? | An Intimate Conversation Between Mother & Daughter

What happens when a mother and daughter sit down and tell the truth about their relationship—not just the beautiful parts, but the hard parts too?

In this deeply personal episode of Sacred Disruption, I sit down with my youngest daughter, Sophie Ella, for an intimate conversation about growing up, becoming a woman, and what it means to love each other through the places where we didn’t always understand one another.

We talk about her experience as a 24-year-old Gen Z woman, my need for control as a mother, the moments that hurt, the lessons we both had to learn, and how our relationship has evolved as I learned to loosen my grip and she learned to trust her own voice.

And I ask the question that has stayed with me:

Did I almost break my daughter while trying so hard to protect her?

This isn’t a conversation about blame. It’s about accountability, healing, growth, forgiveness, and the beautiful—and sometimes uncomfortable—transition from raising a daughter to respecting the woman she has become.

Some conversations disrupt us.

Some conversations heal us.

And some do both. 🤎

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A conversation about grief, faith, and the danger of using spirituality to avoid the truth of life. 

In this episode of Sacred Disruption Podcast with Alyssa Marie ☀️, Alyssa explores the concept of spiritual bypassing—when spiritual language and practices are used to avoid the truth of our human experience.

The conversation begins with a deeply personal story. After traveling to California to say goodbye to her brother-in-law during his final hours, Alyssa witnessed a powerful moment of presence, honesty, and love that reshaped her understanding of spirituality.

Instead of denying reality or praying for a different outcome, her family chose to walk through grief with gratitude, compassion, and faith.

This episode reflects on:

• What spiritual bypassing actually is
 • How spiritual clichés can sometimes silence real pain
 • The difference between faith and avoidance
 • Why grief, honesty, and compassion are sacred parts of spiritual life
 • How scripture and spiritual practice call us toward presence—not perfection

True spirituality doesn’t deny life’s difficulties. It walks through them with open eyes, open hearts, and a commitment to love anyway.

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In this episode of Sacred Disruption with Alyssa Marie☀️, we dismantle the idea that denying yourself makes you more worthy, more spiritual, or more lovable.

Self-rejection is not humility. It is fragmentation.

When you silence your needs, suppress your truth, or shrink your light to be accepted, you don’t become more lovable — you become divided. And division within always blocks connection without.

This conversation explores the difference between discipline and self-denial, ego and authenticity, sacrifice and self-abandonment. True love — romantic, spiritual, communal — begins with self-acceptance. Not perfection. Not performance. Acceptance.

The body remembers when it has been rejected. The heart knows when it has been dimmed. Healing begins when you stop fighting yourself.

Self-acceptance is not selfish. It is alignment.

And alignment is love.

Sacred Disruption isn’t about tearing yourself down. It’s about shedding what was never truly you.

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The Race, Based on Ecclesiastes 9:11–12

A reflective episode for anyone who’s been doing “all the right things” and still wondering why the results don’t match the effort.

We’re told from a young age that life rewards the fastest, the strongest, the smartest, and the most prepared. But Ecclesiastes interrupts that tidy narrative with an inconvenient truth: the race is not always won by the swift.

In this episode of Sacred Disruption, I sit with Ecclesiastes 9:11–12 and explore what it really means to live in a world where timing, chance, and forces beyond our control shape outcomes just as much as effort and intention. This is a conversation about ambition, disappointment, faith, and the humility required to keep running even when the finish line keeps moving.

The Race invites us to release the illusion of control, question hustle culture—even in spiritual spaces—and trust God in the unpredictability of the journey. Not every loss is a failure. Not every delay is denial. And not every race is meant to be won the way we imagined.

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Grown-up conversations hit differently when it’s your own child sitting across from you. In Episode Seven, I sit down with my son Stephen — now a full-grown man with his own mind, his own memories, and his own truth.

We unpack what it really looks like to parent a Black son into adulthood while unlearning the rules we were handed. We talk responsibility, identity, expectations, and the places where love evolves as both people grow.

This is an honest, reflective, sometimes funny, sometimes tender conversation about the long arc of parenting. The little boy becomes the man — and the mom becomes a new version of herself right alongside him.

If you’re a parent, a son, a daughter, or anybody doing the work of breaking cycles, this one will land deep.

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 🎙️ New episode of Sacred Disruption: DISRUPTION…The kingdom of heaven isn’t somewhere far away—it’s within you.

You are the ruler of that inner kingdom. The way you treat others is the reflection of how you rule yourself. If your words carry grace, your reign is rooted in love. If your actions are harsh, your throne is built on unrest.

How you lead within determines what flows without.

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In this episode, I sit down with my sister, Joy, for an honest, unfiltered conversation about the roots of our “performer selves.” We go back to childhood—the praise, the pressure, the invisible scripts we learned to follow—and the walls that finally came tumbling down. It’s raw, freeing, and a reminder that the real you is always waiting underneath the roles you’ve played.

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🎙️ New Episode Drop: The Backdrop to Becoming the Imposter

In this episode I share  how duality raises an imposter‼️ All in preparation for Episode 5, The Imposter  

✨When you grow up under the twin stars of Gemini parents — wild, free, magnetic, yet bound by the rules of religion — you learn early how to shapeshift.

✨Sunday mornings were sermons and pressed clothes. Saturday nights were jazz, laughter, and too many secrets. Somewhere between holiness and hedonism, I learned to perform. To become whoever kept the peace, kept the love, kept the illusion.

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