In this episode, I\u2019m revealing the core essence of Champagne Living \u2013 cultivating an abundant self-image \u2013 and the six ways it transforms your life. You\u2019ll discover how this single mindset shift, choosing to see the beauty and joy regardless of external circumstances, opens you up to bigger opportunities.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Because an abundant self-image isn\u2019t about waiting for a certain dollar amount, it\u2019s knowing, deep in your bones, that you are worthy of life's finest experiences. That your shine is already here, waiting to be expressed.<\/span><\/p>","tablet":"

Many women feel that a magical and expansive life requires money \u2013 the luxury bags, the designer clothes, unlimited bank accounts. But here\u2019s the truth: your sparkle isn\u2019t bought, it\u2019s embodied. This is the essence of what I call Champagne Living.<\/span><\/p>\n

In this episode, I\u2019m revealing the core essence of Champagne Living \u2013 cultivating an abundant self-image \u2013 and the six ways it transforms your life. You\u2019ll discover how this single mindset shift, choosing to see the beauty and joy regardless of external circumstances, opens you up to bigger opportunities. <\/span><\/p>\n

Because an abundant self-image isn\u2019t about waiting for a certain dollar amount, it\u2019s knowing, deep in your bones, that you are worthy of life's finest experiences. That your shine is already here, waiting to be expressed.<\/span><\/p>"}},"slug":"et_pb_text"}" data-et-multi-view-load-tablet-hidden="true">

Many women feel that a magical and expansive life requires money – the luxury bags, the designer clothes, unlimited bank accounts. But here’s the truth: your sparkle isn’t bought, it’s embodied. This is the essence of what I call Champagne Living.

In this episode, I’m revealing the core essence of Champagne Living – cultivating an abundant self-image – and the six ways it transforms your life. You’ll discover how this single mindset shift, choosing to see the beauty and joy regardless of external circumstances, opens you up to bigger opportunities. 

Because an abundant self-image isn’t about waiting for a certain dollar amount, it’s knowing, deep in your bones, that you are worthy of life's finest experiences. That your shine is already here, waiting to be expressed.

00:00 Introduction

00:45 Sparkle comes from your mindset

01:26 What is Champagne Living?

02:26 My personal journey towards Champagne Living

03:42 More abundance means less chasing

04:11 Abundance means wanting less

05:41 Abundance shifts how you see the ordinary

06:39 Abundance attracts more abundance

08:00 Abundance makes generosity effortless

08:30 Abundance ends comparison

09:33 Champagne Living is embodied

Connect with Master Life Coach Tonya Leigh:

Every woman wants to sparkle in her own unique way to have that certain genise quad that lights up rooms and just makes life feel a little bit more magical. But here's the mistake I see. We've been taught to believe that sparkle is something you buy a new outfit, a handbag or luxury vacation. And listen, there's nothing wrong with any of those things, but the truth is sparkle isn't for self. Welcome to the School of Self-Image where our motto is simple. Elevate your self-image, elevate your life. I'm Tonya Leigh, your hostess, and I'll guide you to become the woman who doesn't just dream bigger. She lives bigger. Let's dive in.

Hey there, I'm Tonya Leigh and I am so glad to see you here. My entire body of work is around self-image because this is the foundation for a magical and expansive life. And today's episode was actually inspired by a message that I received recently on Instagram. This lovely woman reached out to me and she said, word for word, I want to sparkle like you, but I can't afford designer clothes. And my heart went out to her because I know so many women feel this way. I have felt this way thinking that our shine is something that we have to buy, something that comes once we've reached a certain income or can finally afford the right things. But here's what I told her. Sparkle doesn't come from money. Sparkle comes from your mindset, from how you choose to see yourself and the world. I have met women who have had access to unlimited bank accounts and were as dull as a dishwasher.

And I've met women with limited resources who could walk into a room and instantly light it up, not because of what they were wearing, but because of the energy that they carried. And that's when I knew I had to do this episode because so many of us are waiting until we can afford our sparkle. And yet the truth is your sparkle is available to you right now. And I have a name for this way of being. I call it Champagne Living. Now, let me be very clear here. Champagne Living isn't about drinking champagne every night or even buying designer labels. It's not about excess. It's about the energy that you bring to your life. Think about champagne and what it represents. It's about celebrating the every day. It's about choosing to see joy, abundance, beauty, no matter what's in your bank account. Champagne is a sign of celebration, of overflow, of luxury.

And Champagne Living is a mindset one that says, I am worthy of sparkle of luxury and joy right now. It's in how you show up, it's how you carry yourself and you create these moments of delight no matter your circumstances at the core. Champagne Living is an abundant self-image. And I want to take a moment right now to tell you a little bit about my relationship with Champagne Living because a lot of people look at the life I'm living now and they think, oh, of course this is easy for you, Tonya, but you all don't see. Many years ago when I started this work and I was actually living in a tiny little apartment with my daughter, I was newly divorced trying to figure out, oh my God, are we going to be okay? Are we going to make it? And it was in those moments that I decided to start looking for what was going well and right to do the best I could with what I had.

I call it blooming where I was planted. And I am convinced that I am where I am today. I developed this mindset so many years ago of deciding no matter what is happening around me, no matter how much money I have in my bank account, there is always something to celebrate because abundance isn't a dollar amount. It is an energy. And when you cultivate that energy within yourself, you start living from a place of already enough. And from there, your sparkle doesn't depend on what you buy, but on how you be. So I want to share a few ways this abundant self-image shows up.

First of all, the more abundant you feel, the less you chase. Really think about it. When you are overflowing on the inside, you stop scrambling for external validation. You don't need to fill the void with endless shopping, scrolling, or proving yourself. Sparkle isn't purchased, it's embodied. The other way it shows up is that the more abundant you feel, the less you want certain stuff. There was a time when I thought that another handbag or another pair of shoes or another status symbol was the key to feeling complete. If you would've told me 10 years ago that there would be a day where I wasn't obsessed with a designer, I would've said, no, that's not possible. Because I go back and I visit with that version of myself, and she really thought that was a sign that she had made it. She really thought, oh my God, that really means you are high value.

But now that I am where I am in my life, and maybe it's because of age, I think it's just maturity. I know those things don't define me. I actually want them less and less. I'm all about finding a good sale. I'm all about finding a good piece at the vintage store. I still love fashion. I still love clothes, but I know it's not about a price tag. It's about finding pieces that really embody and express who I want to be and how I want to see myself. And quite honestly, I don't want to see myself as a woman who needs designer labels in order to feel good enough. So it's really interesting that the more abundant I feel, the more value I have on the inside, the less I find myself wanting certain stuff. Now, because sparkle really does become about presence, it's not about possessions. The other thing that happens with an abundant self-image is that abundant shifts how you see the ordinary when you live with this abundant self-image, even the simplest rituals start to feel luxurious. I think about my morning coffee and how I romanticize it in my head.

Every morning I wake up, I don't know about you, but I just am so excited about that first cup of coffee. I put music on, usually a little jazz, and I go into my little coffee area and it's become this ritual that's about so much more than just caffeinating myself. It's just this magical little moment that I create for myself every single morning. It's the handwritten note. It's the fresh sheets. When you start to bring attention and intention to these routine ordinary things, suddenly life starts to sparkle without needing a price tag. The other thing that happens, and this is the best part, is that abundance attracts more abundance. Think about it. When you show up feeling abundant on the inside, you're going to start to attract more opportunities, more money, and more resources, because that is a match for how you're showing up in the world.

But we often get it wrong. We're like, I'm going to wait for those things to show up, for me to sparkle, for me to feel abundant. But you got to sparkle first and the success will follow. It's not the other way around. And I know this might sound woo woo and we hear about law of attraction, but let's break it down to a scientific level. I used to be a nurse, so I like understanding the science behind the things that I teach. And it really boils down to the reticular activating system. It's the part of your brain that notices and amplifies what you're focused on. So when you're tuned into abundance, what's going to happen, you're going to start to notice it and to spot opportunities and possibilities. And you're going to start to look for what's overflowing and abundant in your life. And when you're in that state of being, just notice how you show up.

Notice what you attract, what you do and the results that you create. An abundant self-image creates more abundance in your external world. The other beautiful thing about an abundant self-image is that it makes generosity effortless. Think about it. When you feel abundant, you naturally want to share. You want to share ideas, you want to share resources. You want to share money. You just want to share because you have this sense of there is enough. You give compliments freely, you celebrate others, you make the people around. You feel so seen, and that generosity multiplies your sparkle and it doesn't cost a cent. Finally, when you are an abundant state, it ends the game of comparison. Nothing will dull your sparkle more than you comparing yourself to everyone else because you are so unique. You have a gift about you. You have things that only you can share.

And so if you're constantly comparing yourself to everybody else and using other people as a weapon to make yourself feel bad, you are dulling your sparkle. But think about it. When you see yourself as abundant and you see the world as abundant, you stop measuring your worth against someone else's highlight reel. Instead of feeling envy, you're going to start to feel inspired because you trust that there's more than enough for you too. You also start to think, you know what? If they can do it, so can I. And instead of feeling envy, you start to celebrate what others are doing because they're showing you what's possible. True abundance makes you cheer for others, which ironically causes you to sparkle even more.

So when you think about Champagne Living, I want you to remember this. It's not about the handbag. Again, there's nothing wrong with handbags. I still enjoy them, but I know they don't create my sparkle. It's not a price tag because you can't buy that energy. As I said earlier, there are many people that I know of personally who have unlimited budgets, who don't feel that sparkle in their lives. And it's not the lifestyle that you see on Instagram at the core. It's about cultivating an abundant self-image because abundance is an energy. And when you live from that energy, something powerful happens. You naturally just attract more of it. Opportunities open up. New clients arrive. Money flows in unexpected ways, not because you're forcing it, but because your energy is already aligned with it. And here's the best part. When you feel abundant, money doesn't define you. You enjoy it more. You use it with intention, but you stop needing it to prove your worth. And that's why inside the School of Self-Image this November, our entire focus is on an abundant self-image.

I'll be teaching you on how to rewire your relationship with abundance, including money, so that you can feel not only rich from the inside out, but also start attracting more abundance into your life. Because the sparkle always comes before the success. And yes, that includes financial success. So if you are ready to step into a richer way of being, come and join us inside the membership. You can learn more at schoolofselfimage.com/join, and I cannot wait to welcome you in. Thank you for tuning in, and I'll see you in next week's episode. Cheers.

The Self-Image Manifesto

You’re Invited To Live An Extraordinary Life!

The post Champagne Living: How to Sparkle Without Spending appeared first on School of Self-Image.

Most advice about becoming a high-value woman is surface-level: wear this, say that, wait three days to text back. But true high-value energy is not about tactics or performing to get the man, the job, or the money. It is a state of being. It is how you carry yourself, how you see yourself, and how you show up when no one is watching.

In this episode, we redefine what it really means to be a high-value woman and how to embody that energy from the inside out. You will learn the three layers of value (intrinsic, perceived, and lived), how to shift your mindset, build self-trust, raise your standards, and create habits that reflect your worth without chasing approval or validation.

00:00 Introduction

02:01 What “value” actually means

02:43 You have intrinsic value

03:53 Self-image sets your perceived value

04:34 Your lived value is how you show up

05:57 Have valuable thoughts about yourself

06:52 Wrap a red velvet rope around your life

07:54 Keep your word to yourself

08:42 Prioritize your well-being

09:15 Dress to impress yourself

09:53 Learn how to master your emotions

10:51 Celebrate yourself

12:31 Invest in your own growth

13:44 You don’t have to fake it ‘til you make it

Connect with Master Life Coach Tonya Leigh:

Do you know what's been driving me crazy lately? All this advice out there on how to be a high-value woman, because it usually goes something like this, dress this way. Say these three things, don't text back too soon so that you can land the man or get the job or attract the money. But here's the thing, when you are truly in your high-value energy, you're not doing it to get anything. You're not performing for some prize. You're not manipulating outcomes. Being high value isn't some tactic. It is a state of being. It's how you carry yourself, how you see yourself, and how you show up whether someone's watching or not. So today we're going to redefine what it really means to be a high-value woman and how to actually embody that energy. Because spoiler alert, it's not about the handbag, it's not about the man, it's not even about the job, it's about who you are when you stop chasing and you really start owning your worth. Welcome to the School of Self-Image, where our motto is simple. Elevate your self-image, elevate your life. I'm Tonya Leigh, your hostess, and I'll guide you to become the woman who doesn't just dream bigger. She lives bigger. Let's dive in.

Hi there, and welcome back to my channel. I'm Tonya Leigh, and today I am diving into a topic that is no stranger to the internet. If you go on YouTube, you see these videos everywhere and it's on how to be a high-value woman. And I'm going to be really honest with you right now. A lot of the stuff out there really rubs me the wrong way because it is so performative. It's full of tactics to appear high value instead of the high value. There's a big difference, my friends. So I want to set the record straight. I am not here to teach you how to get him to text you back faster. I'm here to teach you how to text yourself back faster, to keep your own word and to elevate your own life. This work is about the relationship between you and you. 

It is the most important relationship. It's the one that matters the most, and it's the one that we focus on around here at the School of Self-Image. So before we dive into what a high value woman is, let's clear up the word of what value actually means because it gets tossed around everywhere and usually I feel like in the wrong way. When you think of the word value, what comes to mind? Because most people, what they think of is what you bring to the table for other people. And yeah, that's a part of it, but if that's all you ever focus on, you're going to spend your life performing for approval. I know this to be true for my own experience of wanting to feel valuable. And so let me be a certain way. Let me show up a certain way. Let me get the accolades, let me get people to approve of me. But that just you down and it ends up making you feel low-value.

So I want to break it down into three parts of what it means to be high value. The first part is your intrinsic value. This is your birthright. You were born valuable, period. Yeah, you're just valuable. What if you believe that to be true? It's just who you are. You don't have to earn it, you don't have to perform for it. Just you being here if you think about it, is such a miracle. Think about all of the things that had to line up in order for you to be a human being. Right now walking this planet, it's miraculous. That alone makes you valuable. But the trap is when women are performing to be valuable, they're wearing certain things, trying to look valuable, trying to say the right things, but it's coming from a low-value state.

They don't see themselves that way. They haven't claimed the value first. And whenever you are performing for your own value, it just keeps you on this hamster wheel of life. So what if you just honored your intrinsic value? What if you just decided right now I am a valuable human being? Because when you do, it makes the next one so much easier. And you hear me talk about this so much on this channel because my whole work is around self-image. But how you see yourself does determine how you show up in rooms. It determines what treatment you allow of yourself. It determines what you will tolerate and what you don't. So when you perceive yourself as valuable, others are going to see you that way as well. And if they don't, you probably won't allow them into your world. They're not a match for how you see yourself.

And that brings me to the third part of value, being a high-value woman. And that is your lived value. Your lived value can't be faked. People will feel it without you even saying a word. It's how you live out to that statement of I am a valuable woman. And here's the thing, it's going to look different for all of us. I think there's this misconception that high-value women wear designer clothes and they're very hoity to hoity. Is that even a word? I think it is here in the south, it's a word. There is this misconception around being a high-value woman. And I've seen this so much in videos and other teachers talking about it. And women can start to think, oh, I have to dress a certain way. I have to speak a certain way. I have to look a certain way to be high value.

But let me tell you, I have been around many women wearing the best clothes who could articulate beautifully, and they still don't feel high value. It is an energy that you claim and then allow yourself to express it in your own unique way. You being high value might be wearing jeans and cowboy boots because that's what you love. That's what you value. Honor that we all have our own unique expression of our value. So don't get called up and it needs to look this way and I have to be this way. You're here to be uniquely you. And when you own your value, that is going to show up in a way that feels so aligned.

So I want to give you eight steps on how you can embody high-value energy. And the first one is the core. It's the foundation, and that's to have valuable thoughts about yourself. High-value women. Start with high-value thinking. Think about how you talk to yourself every day and ask yourself, is this how a high-value woman would speak about herself, would speak to herself? How often do you say things like, I don't have what it takes, or I'm too behind, or I can't figure this out, or they're not going to like me. Or what if this doesn't work out? That's not how a high-value woman thinks about herself. She thinks, you know what? It's an honor to be around me. I have so much to bring to the table. I have so much to give. I have so many unique ideas. I'm not behind. I'm exactly where I need to be. I am so excited about this next chapter of my life. So just pay attention and ask yourself throughout the day, is this how a high-value woman would think of herself?

The next step is to have what I call a red velvet rope around your life. You get to decide what you allow in and what you don't think of yourself as a VIP club. Would you allow people to talk to you in certain ways? Would you allow certain behaviors around you? Think about your environment, your surroundings should feel inspiring, not training even. Think about your habits, putting a red velvet rope up around how you show up for yourself. Choices that align with your future self, not sabotage her. Often when I'm talking about a red velvet rope policy, we immediately go to boundaries for other people. But I love to tell clients it's boundaries that you have with yourself. It's you deciding, wait, do I show up for myself like this? Do I speak to myself like this? Because having standards is what this is all about.

This isn't about snobbery. It's about having high standards for yourself, how you treat yourself and how you allow others to treat you. The third thing that you can begin to do that will help you to embody high-value energy is to keep your word to yourself. Think about it. A high-value woman trust herself. She knows that when she says she's going to do something, she's actually going to follow through. And if you've been in this pattern of breaking trust with yourself, I always just recommend start with the small things. If you say you're going to go for a walk today, go for a 20-minute walk. If you say you're going to journal, pick up your journal and do it. Show yourself that you matter enough to follow through on the things that are going to make your life better, that are going to help you elevate your self-image.

Practice keeping your word to yourself because that's what a high-value woman does. The fourth thing is to prioritize your well-being. Value shows up in how you treat your body, your mind, and your spirit. So choosing rest over staying up all night and watching Netflix, booking the doctor's appointment that you've been putting off, making time for joyful movement instead of punishing workouts, when you care for your wellbeing, you signal to yourself, I'm worth the effort. And as a high-value woman, you know that you are. So it's time you start showing up for that. The fifth way to embody high-value energy is to dress to impress yourself, not others. This is a huge one because high-value style isn't about labels, it's about alignment. This is about you wearing colors that light you up, even if they're not in style or not even in your color palette.

It's you putting on perfume for a day at home with yourself because it just makes you feel so luxe. It's used choosing quality pieces that you have had your eye on instead of chasing trends for validation. The goal here is that when you pass the mirror, you smile. The sixth way for you to embody high-value energy. This one's so important. It's for you to learn how to master your emotional life because a high-value woman doesn't get tossed around by every mood or every trigger. She learns to understand her emotional life and to deal with her triggers so that she can show up intentionally and in her power. So what does this look like day to day? Well, maybe it's taken a pause before responding to that snarky comment on Instagram. Maybe it's choosing curiosity over being defensive in a tough conversation. Maybe it's practicing emotional regulation tools and different tools work for different people, but maybe it's breath work.

Maybe it's journaling. Maybe it's movement. Mastery does not mean that you don't feel, it just means that you don't let feelings run the show. Number seven, and this one is so big and it's probably something you don't do enough, and that is celebrate yourself. Stop waiting for others to validate you and tell you how amazing you are. You get to be your own hype woman. This is something that I've gotten really good at doing. I toast myself for every little milestone. Even if no one else notices, I even toast my failures. I'm like, girl, I am so proud of you for trying. I'm so proud of you for doing something that most people won't even attempt to do. But this is where a lot of women sabotage themselves. They're not looking for their own value. And every day, every single day, you have wins. Now, if you haven't been looking for them, you may think, oh no, I don't.

I really don't have any wins today. And I'm here to tell you, if you are a living, breathing woman, you've got some wins today. And sometimes the win is just, I got up and I got dressed. It's been a rough week. But are you celebrating that? Are you saying, wow, I'm really proud of you on your hardest of days, you got up and you got dressed. You need to treat yourself to the life that you want. All of the things that you're wanting other people to do for you, start doing them for yourself. You want some flowers? Go buy yourself some. I do it every single week. If you want people to say, oh my God, you're doing such a great job, tell yourself that. Cut out the middleman and begin to self-celebrate because it says, you know what? I see my own brilliance.

I see my own value, and I'm not going to wait on the world to give that to me. I'm going to give it to myself. And when you're in that energy, I promise you, you're going to show up in the room so much more powerful and in your value. Finally, invest in your own growth. When you see yourself as valuable, you want to invest in it. And that's going to look different for all of us. It might be investing in your health. It might be investing in your personal growth. It might be investing in your style. It might be investing in your home. You get to decide what investment you need during this season in your life. But what I know is that a high-value woman, she never stops evolving, and she's always creating from a place of value. She's not creating from a place of I'm not good enough.

She's looking at herself as I am enough, I am valuable. And from that place, what do I need next? What is the next level for me? Because she's always creating, creation is in her DNA, she never stops growing. She never stops evolving. And so investing in yourself is a way for you to tell yourself, I'm valuable. I am valuable enough to invest in. Maybe that looks like reading one book a month that stretches your perspective. Maybe it's taking classes that inspire you, whether it's in the arts or cooking or whatever you're interested in. But when you expand your mind, you expand your life.

So those are the eight steps to embody high value energy because at the end of the day, being a high value woman really comes down to one thing, how you see yourself, your self-image. And that's why I created The Self-Image Method.

It is my signature course where I walk you through the exact four-step process to upgrade how you see yourself, so that you naturally embody that high-value energy in every area of your life. Inside, you're going to learn how to assess where you are, define who you're becoming, edit out the contradictions and refine your self-image until it matches the woman you want to be. And here's the best part, you don't have to fake it until you make it. This method rewires how you think, how you feel, and how you show up. So being high value, it stops being something that you're chasing and just becomes who you are. So if this episode lit something within you and you know are ready to stop performing and finally start embodying your high-value self, come and join me inside The Self-Image Method for the first time it's available outside of the membership. And you can get started today. Just go to schoolofselfimage.com/method because at the end of the day, you don't get what you want. You get who you are, and The Self-Image Method is how you become her. Thanks for tuning in this week, and I cannot wait to see you in next week's episode. Cheers.

The Self-Image Manifesto

You’re Invited To Live An Extraordinary Life!

The post What is a High Value Woman (And How To Become One) appeared first on School of Self-Image.

If you’re ready to become the woman of your dreams in a sustainable way, this podcast shows you how.

In this episode, I’m sharing four simple ways to raise your self-image and elevate your life. You’ll learn how small, intentional steps create lasting change and why embracing failure encourages growth and self-confidence.

I’ll also talk about the power of awareness, how your choices are the building blocks that shape you into who you want to be, how repetition turns your chosen vibe into your natural state, and why deciding how you want to feel will make you unstoppable.

00:00 - Introduction

00:23 - Are you showing up as your best?

01:40 - Check in with your default setting

03:24 - Name today’s vibe

04:40 - Clear the contradictions

06:52 - Practice being your dream self

07:52 - Make your desire greater than your fear

08:53 - Failure is part of the process

09:22 - Embrace the work

10:59 - Change comes from intentional action

Connect with Master Life Coach Tonya Leigh:

Here's the truth. Your self-image is deciding what you tolerate, what you go after, and how you show up long before you even realize it. But here's the good news, you don't have to overhaul your life overnight. Just four simple daily steps can start to elevate your self-image and the woman that you are becoming. Welcome to the School of Self-Image where our motto is simple. Elevate your self image, elevate your life. I'm Tonya Leigh, your hostess, and I'll guide you to become the woman who doesn't just dream bigger. She lives bigger. Let's dive in.

Hey there, I'm Tonya Leigh and welcome back to my channel. The other morning I woke up and I caught myself in what I call my default mode. Here's what happened. I ended up grabbing my phone before I even knew it, and next thing I know, I'm scrolling through emails in my pajamas, here's a mess and already reacting to the world. And I thought, is this really how I want to start my day? Is this the next version of myself and how she shows up for her morning? And that moment reminded me of something. Her self-image isn't shaped in these big dramatic ways. It's shaped in the small daily choices.

One of the things that I always say, and I know for sure to be true is that a well-lived life is nothing more than a collection of well-lived days. So instead of getting caught up in what you think needs to happen next week, next month, or even next year, I want to challenge you to bring it back to today. Decide who you want to be, decide how that version of you shows up and live each day with intention. And when you do, I promise you, you're going to see your life dramatically change. And that's exactly what we're talking about in this episode.

I want to share four daily steps that will elevate your self image starting right now. Step number one is doing what I call checking in with your setting. I want you to think about it. How often do you wake up and check in with how am I feeling today? Because if you're like most people, we just wake up and we feel a certain way, but we don't even understand, number one, what we're feeling or why we're feeling and we just continue throughout our day without being intentional. You see, all of us have a default setting, and if that default setting serves you great, keep it. But many times it doesn't. If you're waking up day after day, feeling hopeless or feeling frustrated or feeling maybe insecure or feeling a sense of lack or scarcity, what is happening is that that feeling state is showing up and how you walk throughout your day at showing up in the behaviors that you engage with, and that's ultimately creating your results.

And so it's so important for you to pause and notice, where am I set right? Am I anxious? Am I neutral? Am I inspired? And here's what's really important. You need to do this from a place of so much love and compassion. What I don't want you to do is to start judging yourself for being a human. Because as human beings, we have very human emotions and we're not always supposed to be happy. We're not always supposed to be high vibe. But you know what? We are supposed to be aware because awareness gives you a choice. You can decide, do I want to keep this? Is it serving me? And if not, you can adjust it. So step number one is actually very simple. All you need to do is just check in with yourself. What's my setting right now? Now, once you've done that, you can move to step two where you are going to name today's vibe.

What I want you to do is to decide on purpose how you want to feel and show up today. Pick a vibe word. Do you want to feel radiant, confident, bold, playful, elegant. One of the things that I do is I like to think about what's on my agenda for today? What are all of the things that I have committed to doing? And then I like to reverse engineer it. Well, how does that version of me feel? How does that version of me think? How does that version of me show up? And I love to anchor it in something tangible, right? I love to anchor it in actions that are actually going to help me to feed and nourish that vibe that I have decided on purpose that I want to embody for the day.

So even right now, ask yourself, what is the vibe that I want to embody today? Claim it because you don't have to keep living and being a certain way. You have autonomy, you have choice. You get to decide who you are no matter what is happening in the outside world. So claim it, decide it, and then practice being it. And then that takes me to step number three. Step number three is you need to start clearing the contradictions.

You need to begin to edit your life of what doesn't serve that vibe. What ends up happening is that you say, okay, today I'm going to feel confident that is my vibe. And then all of a sudden you're going to have all of these thoughts come up. Maybe the thought is who are you to be confident? You're never confident, you don't trust yourself, you don't have what it takes. And I love to tell clients this is a good thing. This is just showing you where your work is.

This is showing you what you need to change in order to embody this energy that's going to help you create the results that you want. Contradictions aren't just in your thoughts. There are things around you right now that are contradictory to how you want to feel and who you want to be. So let's say for example, you're like, my vibe today is I am organized. That's who I want to be. But then you look around and there's clutter everywhere that is contradicting that state that you want to embody. So when you begin to organize your space, and it could just be a little area in your office, what are you doing? You're telling yourself, this is who I'm choosing to be. This is who I am. Or let's say you've chosen the word energetic, that's your vibe of the day, but you look around and there are things all around you that are draining your energy.

It might be the foods that you're eating. It could be the clutter, it could be the conversations that you're having. It could be that you keep procrastinating on going for that daily walk or showing up for the gym and your workouts. The moment that you take an action to prove to yourself, this is who I am, this is who I'm choosing to be for the day. What happens is you begin to collect evidence to prove to yourself that you are true to your word, that you are claiming a certain state of being. And you do that over and over and day after day, all of a sudden you have a completely different image of yourself. And that's why this work is so powerful. So that is step number three is you want to clear the contradictions, everything from your thoughts to your habits, to the things that surround you.

And then step number four is actually very simple, and I want you to consider that it can be super fun. And that is just to practice being her. You don't want to just name it, you want to live it, you want to embody it. So you've assessed your setting, you have claimed your vibe of the day, your clearing contradictions, and now it's practicing showing up as that version of you in different areas of your life. This is when women I find to be so hard on themselves. They show up and practice a totally new way of being, and they don't get it right the first time or the second time, and suddenly they start beating themselves up and they start running the story of this just isn't who I am. And the reason why they think that is they just haven't practiced it enough. If you've been listening to this podcast for any amount of time, I always say, you get really good at what you practice.

Like anything new, like anything, you're just starting. It is going to take time. Think about a toddler learning to walk. How many times did they fall down? Many. I have a daughter. I remember when she was learning to walk, I was always afraid. I'm like, is she going to hurt herself? But she would fall down and guess what? She would get right back up and she would try again and again and again until one day she was just a walker. It's just what she did. Now she doesn't have to think about it, she just walks. Her desire to walk was greater than her fear of failure. And so over time, it's just who she became. I even think about learning to drive a car. I don't know if you remember how awkward it was trying to remember. I grew up driving a stick shift, so there was an added layer of complexity to that.

But just trying to remember the gear shift and the signs outside of and the pedals and which foot went on, what pedal. And it seems so complex and difficult, but over time I just practiced it so much to now I can get in a car and not really even have to think that much. It's just intuitive. It's just I know how to drive. And I share that with you because I want you to realize that that is what change is like if you fall down, that is a part of the process. It doesn't mean give up. It means to get up and keep practicing until one day. It's just who you are. And so this work is a day by day basis, a view, checking in with your setting with you, naming your vibe with you, clearing the contradictions, and then just practicing over and over and over again.

These four steps may seem so simple. You may be thinking, yeah, this is just what you do, but do you really get honest with yourself? Do you check in with yourself? Do you have an awareness about your state, or do you just think that's who you are? And there's no changing it? Because I'm here to tell you that you can change your state of being. And then are you deciding on purpose who you want to be? That is a decision that you get to make. I love, especially in the hardest situations, to ask myself, who do I want to be right now? Because if I'm not aware, if I don't check in with my setting, I'm just going to revert back to an old state of being that's probably reactive. That doesn't help me get the result that I want. So I love knowing that we get to decide.

And then are you clearing out the contradictions? Are you looking into your own brain and looking at the thoughts that oppose who you want to be? And then shifting them little by little until how you think is aligned with who you want to be? Are you changing up your environment to make it so much easier for that you to emerge? And then are you practicing being her? Are you showing up day after day with this intention of this is who I'm becoming, and also embracing the fact that you're going to fail. That is part of the process. What if you fell in love with failure? What if you weren't afraid of it? What if you knew that every failure was just getting you closer to the result that you want to have? And that is the work. It's not these big grand gestures that create change.

What I know to be true from my years of reinventing myself and supporting women in doing the same. It's that change comes from how you live each moment of each day. And this is exactly what the members of the School of Self-image do every single day, and it's why they get such extraordinary results. They go through The Self-Image Method, which includes our curated day journal practice, to bring that awareness to their lives, to bring that intentionality, to give them the tools to be able to practice new ways of being in the world, which in turn help them create new, it becomes their way of life. It's our way of life. It's how we love to move through the world. And I'm so excited because for the first time ever, The Self-Image Method is available outside of the membership. Women have been asking for it. And so now it's yours. If you're ready to elevate your self-image and practice this alongside me, you can go to schoolofselfimage.com/method and let's get started.

I'm telling you, this is such a beautiful way to live your daily life. And remember, when you elevate your self-image, you elevate everything else. Thank you so much for tuning in, and I cannot wait to see you in next week's episode. Cheers.

The Self-Image Manifesto

You’re Invited To Live An Extraordinary Life!

The post Elevate Your Self-Image With These 4 Daily Steps appeared first on School of Self-Image.

If you’ve been feeling a pull for something fresh and exciting in your life, this conversation is your sign to make that change.

In this episode, I’ll be sharing the five things you must release in order to welcome your Next Era. You’ll learn how evolution comes naturally for our creative core and why transformation is more about refinement than repairing what’s “broken.”

I’ll also talk about why creating space matters in your expansion, why past stories and external validation aren’t the be-all and end-all, why the people and places you choose can make or break your growth, and how setting standards allows the new you to emerge.

00:00 - Introduction

01:00 - Change requires releasing the old

02:19 - External approval holds us back

04:12 - Authenticity is a magnet

05:13 - It’s OK to want more

06:18 - Guilt shrinks our desires

07:18 - Desire and gratitude can coexist

09:02 - Stop tolerating the wrong environments

10:52 - Curate your surroundings to your dream self

11:54 - Quit overidentifying with the past

13:01 - Your best days are waiting for you

14:30 - Silence your inner critic

15:53 - Compassion builds confidence

17:15 - Set the standards for the treatment you want

18:59 - Clear out what doesn’t belong

Connect with Master Life Coach Tonya Leigh:

Every woman has a next era calling her forward, a version of herself that feels more alive, more expansive than her previous season because life isn't meant to be lived on repeat. It's meant to keep evolving, keep refreshing, keep surprising you. At the core, we are creative beings and when we stop creating, we often feel very unsatisfied, unfulfilled. But here's the thing, you can't fully step into a new way of being by dragging the old you behind because it's heavy, it's outdated, and it blocks the expansion that you are craving. So today I'm breaking down five of the most common things that hold women back and quietly sabotage their self-image. And what happens when you finally let them go? So if you've been feeling this pull towards something fresh, something exciting, this conversation will give you permission to travel lighter. Welcome to the School of Self-Image where our motto is simple. Elevate your self-image, elevate your life. I'm Tonya Leigh, your hostess, and I'll guide you to become the woman who doesn't just dream bigger, she lives bigger. Let's dive in.

What You Must Let Go Of

When it comes to change, when it comes to reinvention, when it comes to elevating your self-image, often what happens is that we immediately go to all of the new things that we think we need to do, the new habits, the new goals, the new ways of being. And sure those things are important, but what needs to happen in order for that new you to emerge? What most people don't think about are all of the things that they need to stop doing. And to me that's elegance, it's simplicity. It's letting go and releasing to make room for what's possible. If you think about a sculptor, for example, the sculptor doesn't just start adding clay. What does he or she do? They chip away at the statue to reveal what's already there.

Or you think about a gardener, right? I dunno if you've ever gardened or not, but usually what you do is you go out there and you pull out the weeds to get the soil ready, to accept these new seeds that you're about to plant. And that's what we need to think about when we are going into our own reinvention. When we're ready to step into our next era, we need to think about what do we need to let go of? And after having coached women over the last 15 years, I've seen five common things that secretly sabotage us and hold us back.

The Five Things That Don’t Belong in Your Next Era

So the first thing that does not belong in your next era, this is the thing that holds so many of us back, is the need for external approval. I want you to really think about it. How often do you let the fear of what other people think of you or what they may potentially judge you for, stop you from doing what you really want to do When it comes to external approval, what I have found to be true is that number one, it's fleeting. Have you ever noticed that when you do something, some people will approve and other people won't?

So if you're trying to please everyone, chances are you are not pleasing yourself. One of the things that I have personally experienced, especially running a business, is that everyone is going to have an opinion. Some people will love the things that you do and other people will not. Now, at the end of the day, of course, I want to show up. I want to deliver my best. I want to serve my clients at the highest level, but I have to be true to me. I have to really tune in and ask myself, what feels like your truth? Tonya? What matters to you? Are you honoring your values? Are you honoring your desires? And sometimes, unfortunately, not everyone agrees with that, but what I get to know is that I am living in alignment with myself, and that's authenticity. And that's the thing about approval. When you are seeking it from the outside world, chances are you're not being authentic.

And at the end of the day, authenticity is the most magnetic trait you can have. Of course, it's going to repel some people, but those are people that aren't meant to be in your world anyway. But it's going to attract the right people, the right people who appreciate you for who you truly are, who are a fit for your values, your worldview, and that just makes for such a more incredible way of living. When you start validating yourself, when you start giving yourself that approval that you would crave from everyone else, when you start liking your reasons for what it is that you want to do, that's where real freedom exists. And just think about how much lighter you would travel in the world. Think about how you would show up differently in your life if you weren't needing the approval of everyone else and you learned to give it to yourself first.

So that's the very first thing that does not belong in your next era. It is slowing you down and it's keeping you from creating the results that you want. The next thing that does not belong in your next era, and hear me out because this is a big one, and that is guilt around wanting more. How many of you feel guilty for what it is that you want? And what this does is it creates a split energy. It's on one hand you saying, I want this, but there's this other part of you that says, I shouldn't want this. How can you create what it is that you want when you're literally putting the brakes on your desires? Because here's the thing, your next era is going to require more abundance, more beauty, more expansion, more joy. It's going to require that you let go of the guilt of more guilt shrinks your desires.

When you're feeling guilt for what it is that you want, you're probably not even being honest about what you want. You're choosing what you think is acceptable. You're choosing what is safe. You're choosing what think your mother or your sister or your friends will approve of, and that's you living out of integrity with yourself and it shrinks your desires. All of us have desires, and I believe these desires are divine. I really do. I have this theory, whatever you believe in God universe. But there is this entity that experiences life through us. And because of that, we all have such unique desires. It's like my desire is to travel. My mother, on the other hand, her desire is to have the most beautiful garden in her neighborhood. There's nothing wrong with her desire. There's nothing wrong with mine. It's all about being honest about what it is that you truly want.

Because when you define it, when you claim it and you release the guilt around it, it is so much easier to create. Now with this particular guilt, what often happens is that we have this belief I should just be happy with what I have. Shouldn't I just be content? Shouldn't I just settle and be grateful with what I already have? And the answer is yes. I want you to understand that gratitude and desire can coexist. In fact, not only can it coexist, it is the best foundation in which to create from a grateful heart of saying, I am so appreciative, I am so blessed and I'm excited for more, I'm ready for more. Because this thinking that we shouldn't want more, it really just comes from scarcity and lack. And it was probably instilled in you as a child, you should just be grateful. You should just settle.

You should think about everybody else and forget yourself. But what I have found to be true is that when I finally got honest about what I wanted, not only was I being true to myself, I had so much more to give everyone else. In fact, I remember feeling so guilty around my love of travel and the fact that I was traveling a lot because I thought about my parents and my family who had not traveled in the way that I had. But because I honored my desire, guess what? I get to take my mom and dad on trips. I've been able to help my brother travel. I've been able to help my niece and nephew do things that they never dreamt they would be able to do, all because I honored my desires. So where are you feeling guilty about what you want and what would it feel like?

What would it look like for you to release the guilt and just decide and claim what it is that you want in your life and get your energy behind that 100%? Because I'm telling you to get into your next era, you're going to have to release that energy. You're going to have to be unapologetic about what it is that you want and release the guilt around it. Now, the next thing that does not belong in your next era is you tolerating the wrong environments. Now, this is where I come from, a very different school of thought than some coaches because some coaches will say, you don't need to change the external. You only need to change what's in here. And at the end of the day, there is some truth to that. What's in here is always determining your experience. However, I know for a fact that when you start to place yourself in certain environments, it's so much easier to change on the inside.

In fact, it almost happens effortlessly because all of a sudden you have different things being mirrored back to you and you step into it with so much more ease. Think about the environments where you feel most alive. Think about the environments that really signal to you get, yes, this is where I want to be. This is who I'm becoming. Then think about the environments that drain you. It could be the things, the people, the places that wherever you're there, whenever you're there, you just feel drained. You feel like it's not calling forth the best version of you. Now imagine if you stop tolerating those, maybe for you it's clutter. You look around and there's clutter everywhere, and it's just reflecting back to you. I'm disorganized. I don't have my life together. Because the external is always just mirroring back to your self-image, however you see yourself as what you are going to be looking for and what's going to be reflected back to you.

Now, the beauty of this is when you stop tolerating the wrong environments and you start placing yourself in environments that really match the future that you are stepping into, it is so much easier to access new thoughts, new possibilities, new ideas that aren't even hanging out in certain environments. This is why one of the main pillars of the school of self-image is environment because what you surround yourself with is shaping you. And so what you'll find is that when you begin to intentionally curate an environment that mirrors back the future that you want, and when I talk about environment, I'm talking about all of the little details that surround you, everything from the books you read to the art on your wall, to how your furniture is arranged, like it all was a choice you made. And that choice is mirroring something back to you.

And when you begin to make those choices on purpose and you start to place yourself in more expansive environments, it will release you to step into a next era unburdened by all of the baggage from your past, all of the unintentional choices. And you'll notice that you just feel so much more aligned with the future that you are creating for yourself. The next thing that does not belong in your next era is over identifying with the past. And this is what most people subconsciously do. They keep looking to what has been as a determining factor of what can be. And it's why most people just keep repeating the past over and over again. So first of all, I want you to know that your mistakes do not determine your future right now you get to decide what you want to think about you. And even the story that you tell of your past, if you're telling yourself a story of the past of how you have failed, how things have never worked out for you, how you don't have what it takes because of what happened five years ago, that is optional. You literally get to tell a story that will free you from all of that baggage

Because at the end of the day, what you think right now is a choice. But if you keep repeating the same old thoughts about the past, you're going to keep creating the same old results. So the second thing when it comes to over identifying with the past, and this is one that we don't often think about, but it's very important, is over identifying with your past successes. You may be watching this and you think that your best days are behind you. You've had a lot of success. You've experienced what you think are your highs of life, and now you're thinking never again. I'm on the other side. It's all downhill from now. That is just a story that you are telling yourself. You must be willing to break up with a part of you that keeps identifying with your successes from the past.

I know this to be true for myself. You've had success in the past and then you try to create success with the way you used to do it and it's no longer working. And that is not a bad thing. That is just a signal that you need to be introduced to a new version of you. It's a signal that there's more growth to experience. There's new possibilities that are awaiting, but you'll never find them if you're over identifying even with your successful past. So over identifying with your past, whether it's your failures or your successes, it's inhibiting your growth. So your next era really does begin when you loosen the grip of your past failures and your past successes so that you can allow this new version of you to emerge. Now, I'm ready to share the fifth thing that does not belong in your next era.

And if you just do this one thing, you'll see your life completely change. And that is you need to let go of this harsh inner critic. I know that voice in your head, that you want to believe the voice that tells you that you're not good enough and that you don't have what it takes and that it's going to take too long. And oh my God, you shouldn't have done this and you're such a failure. That voice needs to be replaced immediately. In fact, I want you to think about this. Do you spend more time fighting for your possibility or fighting for your limitation? And a lot of time you don't even realize this is what you're doing. But when I'm coaching women, I can see very clearly they are spending way more time talking about all of the reasons why they can't do it, why it's going to be too hard, how it's going to take too long.

And I'm like, no wonder you can't create the results that you want. What if you spent more time talking about how this is the perfect time for you, how you have what it takes, how this desire of yours is so important, how you're so excited to show up for it, how you are the perfect person to execute it? Imagine what your life would be like because here's the reality, you cannot bully yourself into your next era. You can try. I've done it. I tried to bully myself into weight loss. I tried to bully myself into being a better businesswoman. I've tried to bully myself into every reinvention that I've ever had, and it never worked long-term because at the end of the day, you are always going to come back to how you see yourself. And if you see yourself subconsciously as not good enough, not be able to create change, not be able to sustain change, inevitably that is going to be what you create, which is why I want all of us to access that compassionate voice.

And she's within all of us, I promise you. Now, you may think she's not there because you haven't listened for her for a long time, but she is there. It's that version that loves you deeply. It's the version of you that wants the best for you. It's the version of you that knows that your desires are important and you have exactly what is required to create them. And it's a practice. That's what I tell my clients all of the time. I'm like, this is a practice and you get good at what you practice. If you begin to practice treating yourself with so much love and self-respect, if you have grace with yourself, if that is what you practice over and over, eventually it becomes your default. Now, the other thing is that you set the standard for how other people treat you by how you treat yourself.

When you begin to speak kindly to yourself, when you begin to have your own back, when you begin to cheer yourself on, when other people don't offer that to you, you won't tolerate it. You'll be like, no, this is not acceptable. In my world and my world, this is how I treat myself, and this is how I want to be treated. I think about the golden rule. What is it? Do unto others as you would have them do unto you? Well, the opposite is true. Don't let others do unto you what you won't do unto them. And when you begin to really love yourself that madly, when you begin to talk to yourself like you would talk to your best friend, you really do become unstoppable. I'm telling you, it is the secret. If you just did that one thing you released the harsh inner critic, you would be blown away with how quickly you can step into your next era, that era of aliveness, of expansion of joy.

Becoming Unstoppable Through Self-Compassion

Because at the end of the day, think about this. You are with you every day, every second for the rest of your life. People are going to come and go, but you are going to be the one constant in your life. So why not make that relationship the most important one? Why not make that voice so loving, so kind? And sometimes that voice is tough because she wants the best for you, but it will always come from a place of love. So yeah, it's time to release that harsh inner critic. Your next era isn't about piling on more hustle or trying to fix what's wrong with you, because guess what? You're not broken. It's about you removing what doesn't belong anymore, the constant need for approval, the guilt around wanting more, the environments that drag you down, the stories from your past and that harsh inner critic.

Choose Your Release and Begin Again

When you let go of even one of these, you're going to create so much more space for confidence, for freedom, and ease. So here's my question for you. What's the one thing that you're ready to release? Start there and you'll feel the shift almost immediately. Thank you so much for tuning into today's episode. And before you go, I have a little gift for you. It's called the Self-Image Manifesto. Think of it as a love note from your future self. You can go to schoolofselfimage.com/manifesto to download your free copy, and I'll see you in next week's episode. Cheers.

The Self-Image Manifesto

You’re Invited To Live An Extraordinary Life!

The post 5 Things That Don't Belong in Your Next Era appeared first on School of Self-Image.

If you’re ready to become the woman you’ve dreamed of, journaled about, and caught glimpses of in quiet moments, this episode is for you.

In this episode, I’m showing you how to redefine your self-image and why it matters in every area of your life. You’ll discover the one question that sparked my reinvention journey and how you can use it to evaluate and transform your internal setting.

I’ll also break down the self-sabotage cycle and how to overcome it, why shifting your story changes your behavior, how your new identity changes your world, and why one small step aligns you closer to your dream self.

00:00 - Introduction

00:57 - The question that started my journey

03:06 - Self-image and why it’s important

03:52 - Self-image is an internal thermostat

06:27 - The self-image cycle and how to break it

06:57 - Take action to confirm your identity

07:31 - The “mirror” effect

09:40 - Your self-image is editable

10:56 - Let go of your old self

11:35 - Who do you want to be?

Connect with Master Life Coach Tonya Leigh:

Right now, there is a picture of yourself that you carry around in your mind. And here's the kicker. You don't rise above it. You live into it every single day. That picture, the way you see yourself sets the limit for what feels possible, for what feels safe and what feels like you. And no matter how much you hustle or how many wins you collect, you will always, always return to the woman that you believe yourself to be. Welcome to the School of Self-Image where our motto is simple. Elevate your self-image, elevate your life. I'm Tonya Leigh, your hostess, and I'll guide you to become the woman who doesn't just dream bigger. She lives bigger. Let's dive in.

Hey friends. Welcome back to the channel. Today we are talking about the power of your self image. Your self image is that picture that you have about yourself. It's what you think about yourself. And if you've been struggling to reach your goals, if you feel like you always come back to a certain state of being, this is the missing piece. This is the secret to change that not a lot of people talk about. I discovered this many, many years ago. In fact, my self-image journey started at 2:00 AM in a hospital. At the time, I was working as a critical care nurse, and I also had a little daughter. I was extremely overwhelmed. I was extremely overworked and just over it, I was in a place in my life where I was like, oh my God, there has to be more. But I didn't know what that was for me.

But I'll never forget a doctor turning to me. He was a visiting doctor who was working the night shift, and he said to me, Tonya, who do you want to be? And I found that such an interesting question because my entire life, it was always, what do you want to do? What do you want to do when you grow up? But who I wanted to be, I didn't know how to answer the question. So I said to him, well, I know I want to be a good wife, a good mom, and a good nurse. He said, no, I'm not talking about the roles you play in life. Who do you want to be as a woman? Your essence? And I could not get that question out of my mind. I couldn't answer it at the time, but it was replaying in the back of my mind through that entire shift.

And so the next morning at 7:00 AM I'm driving home thinking, who do I want to be? I mean, is it an option? Do I really get to decide? And the more I entertained that question, finally the answer came and it shocked me because it was so antithetical. Is that a word? Is that word antithetical? We might just go with that. I know it is a word. I don't know if it means, well, give us one second. I am consulting with my podcast director directly opposed or contrasting? Directly opposed or contrasting. I think we should keep this. Let's just keep rolling. It was antithetical to who I saw myself as because you have to understand, I grew up in a very religious home. I grew up very strict conditions, couldn't wear makeup, didn't travel. My life was very, very simple. And so the word was I wanted to be worldly.

I know it was everything I was told I should not be, but it was such a part of my soul my whole life. I'd always been interested in the arts. I'd always been interested in travel, beautiful places, adventure. It was deep within me, but I thought it wasn't for a girl like me. Turns out I was very wrong. This was a self-image problem, and it's one that I went on a journey to solve, literally becoming a completely new person through the work of self-image.

So I want to talk about what is self-image and why is it so important? This is the missing piece that a lot of people don't realize is running their entire lives. And so they struggle to reach goals, they limit themselves and they end up feeling very dissatisfied with their own lives. Even though they're taking a lot of action, they're trying to make it happen.

They always come back to a certain state of being, and that is because of self-image. Self-image is the picture that you have of yourself. It's your thoughts about you and it determines what goals you set. It determines what you allow into your life, what you reject from your life, because subconsciously you're always working to prove your self-image. True. I like to think of self-image as this internal thermostat. So if you think about in your house, you have a thermostat that controls the temperature of your rooms. So let's say your thermostat is set at 70 and someone leaves the door open and a bunch of hot air comes in. Well, what happens? The AC gets triggered. It turns on, it brings in some cold air to bring the temperature back down to 70 degrees. That is what your self image does. It is always going to bring you back to a certain setting.

That setting that you have around money, relationships, the setting that you have around your wellbeing, it is always, always working.

The way self-image works is through what I call the self-image cycle. So basically you have a thought about yourself. Let's just say that thought is I'm not good with money, and you have a lot of evidence for it, so you really believe it to be true, but you think that about yourself and then you feel a certain way. Maybe you feel frustrated, maybe you feel shame. Maybe you feel anxiety. And so when you are in those feeling states, how do you show up with your money? Do you take care of it? Do you spend intentionally? Chances are not. Maybe you avoid it. Maybe you overspend and ultimately you create more evidence for that statement. I'm not good with money. That is how self-image works.

Your self-image really does depict your behavior. Again, it's that internal thermostat. You may not even know what's happening, but it's kicking on and it's telling you, don't do this, do that. And it's great when it's working for you. But what happens when it works against you? All of the action in the world, it might create a temporary change, but it's not going to create long-term change because ultimately you're going to come back to your setting. This is what you may think of as self-sabotage and you may not understand. Why do I keep sabotaging myself? I say I want one thing, but now I'm doing another and I can't figure it out. It is self-image work. I think about all of the years where I said, I really want to work out, I really want to be someone who works out consistently, but my self-image was I'm not someone who shows up consistently because I had a lot of evidence for it.

And so I would create these great plans. I would join the gym. I would go for a couple of days, and then inevitably, because I didn't change my self image, I would let myself down. I would disappoint myself, and then I would have weeks of proving to myself, see, Tonya, I told you, you don't show up consistently. I think about my man. He has the self-image of an athlete. He's had it basically his entire adult life. So every day he goes to the gym, he plays basketball. He's very active because that's his identity. That is how he sees himself. And so he will make sure no matter what he gets to the gym because that's what his self-image dictates. This is why action alone isn't enough. You have to change that internal setting that is always run in the show. And this is why I always encourage people take action not to get the result, but take action so that you can confirm a new identity.

Take action so that you can prove to yourself, I'm showing myself that I'm good with money. I'm showing myself that I can be a great CEO. I'm showing myself that I can be organized. The results will come. That's just going to happen if you do those things over consistently. But even more delicious is that you're changing that mental picture of yourself, which means you're going to be able to create long-term results, not just temporary ones.

Here's the really cool thing about self-image is that it's really a mirror effect. The world is always reflecting back to you who you believe yourself to be. And I want to tell you scientifically why this happens. Within each of our brains, we have this thing called the reticular activating system. It is the part of our brain that sifts through the billions of pieces of data that's coming in at every moment and delivers to us what we believe to be true.

Now, there are so many options out there, but we will zero in on what confirms our beliefs. It's why maybe, I don't know if you've ever had this happen, but you can get a hundred compliments, but that one bad review comes in and you focus on it because deep down, there's something within you that maybe you think I'm not good enough. And so even though a hundred people have said, oh my God, I love what you do, you're amazing. You zero in on that one. That confirms what you believe to be true about yourself. Because if you really believe, oh my God, I'm really good at what I do, I love what I do, that one comment may come in, it may sting a little bit, but you're going to be like, you know what? I know who I am. I know that's a reflection of them, not me.

I know the kind of work I do, the kind of job that I do. The reticular activating system is basically serving you up what you tell it to look for. You need to ask yourself, what are you looking for? Are you looking for the reasons why it won't work out for you? Are you looking for the reasons why you're behind? Are you looking for the reasons why you're too old? Are you looking for the reasons why you'll never have enough? Because if that's what you are subconsciously looking for, guess what? The reticular activating system's going to be just panning for at all times so it can deliver it to you. But the moment you begin to see yourself as abundant, as joyful, as confident, you practice that over and over. All of a sudden you're going to be looking for different evidence in the outside world, which is always available to you, but you'll begin to see it to collect more evidence for how you're choosing to see yourself.

That is the power of self-image. And here's the most exciting part. Your self-image is not fixed. Your identity is not fixed. It is something that you always get to choose to shape, to become. It's always available to you to become someone new, but as long as you hang on to who you've been, you're going to keep repeating who you've been. You've got to be willing to let go. I call it letting go of the rope. The analogy I love to use with my coaching clients, I don't know if you've ever water skied, but if you have, you will appreciate this. But I remember when I was first learning to water ski and I would remember falling, the boats pulling me along and I fall and I hang onto the rope. Now, it is impossible for me to somehow defy physics and pop back out of the water.

It's not going to happen. And so I remember just taking on water feeling like it was suffocating, and the moment I let go of the rope, I was just floating because I was supported. I had a life jacket on. It was actually very peaceful. But when we hang onto these ideas about ourselves that we're not good enough, that we don't have what it takes, that we're not smart enough, pretty enough, whatever it is, it's you hanging onto the rope and dragging yourself trying to get up. You can't reach your goals that way. Self-image work requires that you let go of the rope so that you can float and then ask yourself on purpose, who do I want to be? Not what I want to do. Who do I want to be? And then let your actions come from that. The results will follow. That's just how it works.

But this work is about starting at the being level. That's the most important part, because who you're being is determining your entire life. So yeah, your self-image isn't fixed. You could change it starting today. And if you've been struggling to reach your goals, if you feel dissatisfied in your life, this is the missing piece.

So here's what I want to leave you with. I want to pose to you the 2:00 AM question that was posed to me. Who do you want to be? And really allow yourself to think about that question. Allow yourself to dream and imagine. Don't look to the past for this answer. That's not where we're going. We're looking into the future. Think about the images that light you up. Maybe it's what you dreamt of being as a child that you have somehow forgotten. Allow yourself to really dream and be courageous enough to answer the question and then to live it out.

Now, if you want to know more about the School of self-image and what we stand for, I have put a link right down below, or you can go to schoolofselfimage.com/manifesto and grab this document that I created that really shows you how to elevate different areas of your life as it relates to your self-image. Have a beautiful, beautiful week, and I'll see you in next week's episode. Cheers.

Hey, are you ready to transform your self-image but lack direction and support? If so, I'd like to invite you to join the School of Self-Image. This is an exclusive monthly membership where you'll create your own powerful before and after story. Through weekly classes and coaching, you'll learn powerful techniques on how to elevate the quality of your mindset, style of surroundings, to change how you see yourself and create extraordinary results in your life. Head over to schoolofselfimage.com/join to learn more.

The Self-Image Manifesto

You’re Invited To Live An Extraordinary Life!

The post The Power of Self-Image and Why It Shapes Everything appeared first on School of Self-Image.

If you're looking for a total transformation over the next 90 days, this is for you.

In this podcast, I’m sharing the seven steps I’ve used to reinvent my self-image. I’ll walk you through how I’ve shifted my limiting beliefs into expansive ideas to become an elevated, confident, and unstoppable version of myself.

You’ll discover what it takes to be unrecognizable and why the benefits outweigh the discomfort, how transformation is both external and internal work, and why your choice today will allow you to welcome the new year strong.

00:00 - Introduction

00:14 - Stop delaying your dream self

01:47 - Becoming unrecognizable is a challenging process

03:00 - Why 90 days are perfect for reinvention

03:54 - My experience of self-transformation

05:40 - Be radically honest with yourself

06:44 - Choose one focus

07:42 - Paint the vision of who you want to be

09:13 - Put a red velvet rope around your life

11:10 - Uplevel your environment

12:52 - Change your appearance

15:38 - Commit to a daily practice

16:44 - Make the choice now!

Connect with Master Life Coach Tonya Leigh:

Welcome back to another episode. I'm so excited that you're here because today we are going to talk about how to become unrecognizable over the next three months, because the reality is a lot can happen in 90 days.

I want you to imagine that it's December 31st of this year and you are at this party and at the party are two different versions of you. Version one is basically the you of today. Same mindset, same habits, same results. Then there's another version of you who decided to become unrecognizable. I'm talking about a whole new mindset, whole new way of being, a whole way of living. 

Which one would you choose? Now here's what most people do around this time of the year. And I know this because I used to do this myself and it's, we wait until the beginning of the, year we tell ourselves things like, oh, the kids are going back to school, the holidays around the corner. I'm just going to be too busy. To pursue my dreams, to pursue what's really important to me. And here's the problem with that.

Every time you wait, every time you say to yourself, I'm going to just delay my dreams a little bit. I'm gonna wait until things calm down. All you're doing is perpetuating a self-image of a woman who doesn't see her dreams as important enough right now. You're perpetuating the self-image if a woman, who's always delaying her life. And remember with self-image, you're always going to subconsciously prove yourself true.

And that is exactly why I'm going to challenge you. If you are feeling called for more, if you know that there's an area of your life where you're settling, where you really want to up level your life, I'm gonna challenge you to do it over the next 90 days. We're not going to wait. We are going to commit to our own reinvention.

What does it mean to be unrecognizable? Well, if you just look at the definition, it means no longer being able to identify something because of a major change. It can be appearance, it can be attitude, it could be state. And so as it relates to this, it's you being so different that the people around you are like, wait, who is this? And even for you, it's your looking at yourself and being like, I cannot believe that this is who I am. 

But the reality is, when you go through this process, it is so uncomfortable because you've probably been so accustomed to being who you're being. Your brain's going to tell you things like, this isn't who you are. Who do you think you're fooling? Like, don't you know what used to be? You're just pretending you are faking it.

And that is the voice that if you listen to, it's going hold you back. But when you start to understand that you get to decide who you are, and this isn't about you losing yourself. It's really about you, losing the parts of you that were never yours in the first place. They were never parts that you would have chosen on purpose.

But for whatever reason, conditioning, habits, repetition, you now think that's who you are. But guess what? You get to change that. You get too. Redecide in every moment who you want to be. So why 90 days?

Well, I have discovered that most people overestimate what they can do in a day and they underestimate what they do in 90 days. Not to mention, you think about it every 90 days as a seasonal change. I think that's such a beautiful container. For changing different areas of your life. I even think about how we run our business. We meet quarterly to stop and reassess, like what do we wanna change? What do we want to be different? What do need to stop doing? What do you need to start doing?

We can accomplish a lot in 90 days. So I want you just to imagine for a moment who you can become in 90 day. Again, it's December 31st. And you are at a party with you that decided to become unrecognizable. What could you accomplish in the next 90 days? And I promise you, it's probably way more than you're allowing yourself to even imagine. So let's talk about how to actually become unreconnaizable over the next ninety days.

Before I share the steps with you, I want to tell you a little bit about my story and my journey to becoming unrecognizable because I was just looking at some photos recently at my mom's house and I am unreconnaisable in every way everything from number one how I look but more importantly how I feel how I think about the world how I think about myself it's a completely different identity than that version of me all those years ago so I've gone through this process many times and the reality is I remember a specific.

Reinvention around my body and my weight. And at the time I was thinking when I was preparing for this, like how just stuck I felt. I would go on the diets. I would become obsessed with Shape magazine. I was like, this is the answer. This is gonna be what changes everything. But inevitably I would just go back to my old habits, my old ways of being. And the reason being is I didn't change my self-image. And you'll always work to prove your self-image true. It really did occur to me, I have to change my identity. And I did completely change my relationship with my food, with my body, and completed a whole new reality for myself. But it didn't take 90 days, it took me much longer actually.

And the reason being is I didn't have the tools that I have now, which is why I know you can do it in 90 days. I've done my own reinventions in 90 day since then. And so I wanna share with you exactly how I do it. So let me walk you through the exact steps that I have taken to become unrecognizable again and again in my own life. There are seven of them. So step number one is you must become radically honest with yourself. That means sitting down, assessing your life, looking at what's working because I believe in celebrating that, but also what's not working. Where are you perpetually frustrated? Where do you know you're settling? Maybe think about what are the things that you secretly complain about in your life? Is it you don't like your friend group? Maybe it's you don't like your relationship with your body. 

You don't like that you're earning a certain amount of money. You don't the fact that you' overspending. Just be honest. And you have to do this with a level of compassion. There is no upside to beating yourself up ever. That just keeps you stuck in a self-image cycle that is sabotaging. You must come to this assessment. With a lot of love, with a lot of respect for yourself, respect enough to be honest, because you know you deserve better, because you want to change.

And so just zoom out on your life and think about what's working and what's not. Once you do that, step two is to choose one focus. Now listen, I get it. I get that there are times in our lives where we want to change everything at once. We are not happy in our relationships, with our bodies and our careers, and we're like, we just want to do over.

But you know what that does? It just sets you up for so much overwhelm of trying to change every thing at once, and what I have found to be true is that when you choose the one focus, that area of your life where you want to become unrecognizable, Inevitably, what ends up happening is who you become in that area begins to spill over in all of the other areas. But having that one focus tells your brain, this is what we're focused on. This is what's most important right now. And now let's get to work. Now, once you pick your focus, maybe you're going to focus on your career.

Maybe you want to focus your relationships. You want to focused on your health and wellness. What you must do next is you need to paint a vision of who that woman is and what are the results that she's creating. So the best way for me to describe this is to tell you about one of my own reinventions. It was around my weight and I'll never forget after struggling for so many years to have a healthy relationship with my body, to lose weight and maintain that weight loss from a place of self-love, not self-loathing. What I did is I started to study people who were just naturally slim.

And for me, it was studying a lot of the French culture. I looked at what they ate, their relationship with their food, and even spending time in France, I started talk to people like how they think about food. And I started paint this vision of myself, I call this like the French version of me, but she was someone who enjoyed food, who ate it with so much. Satisfaction, she savored it, there was no deprivation, there was no beating herself up. She also chose high quality ingredients. She stopped eating when she was elegantly satisfied. She went for long walks. The way she thought about food was so different than the version of me who had struggled with it for years.

And I got super clear on her. I got super-clear with how she thought, how she treated her body, how he showed up in the world. And that became the vision, I guess you could say my blueprint for my own reinvention and becoming unrecognizable in that area of my life. Now, once you have assessed your life, you've chosen that one area that you want to become unreconnaizable in, and you have painted that vision of her. The next step is one that has been very supportive of me. And I have found that the women who do this are able to create results way faster. And that is you need to put up a red velvet rope around your life. Think about a red velvety rope. It signifies what's allowed in and what's not. And the reason why this is so important, especially when you're trying to create results fast is you're gonna be so tempted to get pulled back into old ways of being.

Like when you're surrounded by the same people, the same places, the same ideas, that trigger is going to signal for the old you to show up. And so the more you can protect your space so that this new you can emerge, the faster you're gonna be able to create results. Now listen, I get it. We're heading into the holidays. So we're gonna to be around family and friends and hopefully having so much fun. So how do we do it then? What about? In those off hours, when you're not around those people. What are you consuming? What are allowing into your life to make you better able to show up in those moments as this new you that's emerging?

And so yeah, I think having a red velvet rope is so, so important. I call it my reinvention hole. I know when I want to make a big change in my life, that's when I need to have this rope up around my life bigger and bolder and tighter than it's ever been. So that I can establish new ways of thinking and new habits. You know, they say it takes, what, 21 days to form a new habit and then about 60 days to really cement it so that it's just default. It's just what you do. And so I have just found that when you protect your space, when you project your energy, it allows you to become unrecognizable, to reinvent yourself so much more quickly. The fifth step.

To becoming unrecognizable in 90 days is I feel like undervalued and yet when I look back at my own reinventions, it has been the number one thing that I've done that has allowed me to reinvent myself over and over again and that is up level your environment it is so important because what you may not realize is that your environment is shaping you. The people you hang out with, the places you go, the books you read, what you listen to, it is all shaping your identity. So the way I think about it is to shape your environment on purpose so that it reflects back to you who you're becoming. You think about the area that maybe you've already chosen. You already know, I want to be unrecognizable in this area. 

What do you need to surround yourself with? Who do you to surround with? Is in that elevated energy that will call forth that best you. It could be the books you're reading, the podcast you're listening to. It could you even driving a different way to work. I remember doing that actually. It was like, I wanted to live in this high vibe energy. And I remember one little change that I made is I started driving a different route to the hospital where I worked. I drove through this beautiful neighborhood. It was a little bit out of the way. But seeing those homes, seeing the manicured lawns, it just elevated my state. It was mirroring back to me, like this is what I want for my own life.

I'm telling you, elevating your environment can help you access new possibilities, new ideas that aren't hanging out in the environment that you may find yourself in right now. Step number six to becoming unrecognizable in 90 days is to change your appearance.

Because here's what happens, we wake up thinking the same thoughts, feeling the same ways, and then choosing the same things. Part of that choice is the environment that we're in. But another part of that is how we dress ourselves, how we do our hair, how we to our makeup. And so if you're just doing the same thing all day, every day, you're just getting the same reflection back to you, confirming this is who I am. This is who. But the moment you begin to tweak these things, whether it's your environment or your style, it's sending a different message to you. I remember hiring a stylist because I knew I wanted to elevate my appearance.

I knew this was an important part of my reinvention. And I met her in New York. I was at this little boutique in SoHo and she picked out this dress for me. And I remember looking at it and thinking, no. This girl doesn't wear that. I grew up very conservative. I grew in a very religious home. My clothes were always big and baggy. Didn't dare show any skin. And this particular dress, ironically now I look back at it and it's very conservative, but it was a very fitted Alexander Wang dress. I'll never forget this dress. But it was fitted and I was not used to wearing fitted things. And so I put it on. My stylist and everyone in the boutique was like, Oh my God, this looks amazing on you. I had a complete identity crisis in this boutique. I kid you not.

I was bawling in the dressing room. Like I can't wear this. I can wear this, but I knew this was such an important part of my own journey. So I bought the dress and I wore that dress until one day I was like Oh my god, more please. This is just what we wear. That dress. I know it sounds so crazy, it was just a dress and it's always about more than the dress or more than anything, but it's what it was saying to me about me. It literally was a catalyst in my own becoming unrecognizable. So for you, maybe it's wearing a bright lipstick, maybe it you cutting your hair, it's you wearing the funky boots that you've always wanted to wear, but you thought that you couldn't because of whatever reason. Maybe it's your wearing the dress.

It doesn't matter. What is a secret style wish you've had? Something that you've wanted to wear, express through your style that you haven't allowed yourself. Now's the time. Over the next 90 days, I'm going to challenge you to wear that thing, do that thing. Adorn yourself with that thing because I'm telling you, it's powerful to see yourself in such a different way. 

The final step of becoming unrecognizable over the next 90 days. Is a commitment to a daily practice. This is where every day you are meeting with that future you. And also assessing the current you. What are you thinking? What are your feeling? What are doing? And creating a practice where every day you have such awareness that you know what needs to happen. You know what need to shift. And you practice it over and over again until one day. You look in the mirror and hopefully in the next 90 days and you're like, wow, this really is who I am now.

Because the reality is you get good at what you practice. And a lot of times I have women say to me, but it just feels like I'm faking it. And I assure them, I'm like, no, you're just so used to playing a certain character and you've played her for so long that you think that's who you are. But the reality is you can decide who you want to be. And this isn't about faking it till you make it, it's about you practicing it until you become it. And you can do this in 90 days. If you follow these seven steps, if you stay committed to your practice, you will become unrecognizable over the next 90 days Why does this even matter?

You know, the way I think about it is that we have this one life. And if you're not waking up every day, ecstatic, excited, full of possibility, full of optimism about what can be. You know, you have to really take a step back and ask yourself, is this the kind of life that I want to live? What I want you to know is a lot can change in 90 days. Don't be one of those people that wait until January the 1st and just repeat the same kind of year over and over. What if you entered into the new year as your strongest, most expansive self ever?

Think about what next year could hold. You don't have to wait. In fact, I'm going to encourage you not to. I'm about to go through my own 90 day reinvention. I'm so excited. I'm also a little bit nervous because I know what's required, but I know that the payoff and the benefits way outweigh the discomfort that reinvention requires. I'm actually going to be teaching a class within the School of Self-Image called your 90 day re-invention where we're going to go way deeper into actually how to do it and having the accountability behind it. 

So if this episode spoke to you and you want to join me, I would love, love, love to support you. You can go to schoolofselfimage.com/join or click that link right down below.

And I look forward to potentially seeing you inside the membership and I will see you on next week's episode. 

The Self-Image Manifesto

You’re Invited To Live An Extraordinary Life!

The post How to Become Unrecognizable in 90 Days appeared first on School of Self-Image.

If you’ve ever looked at your life and thought, “I know I’m capable of more,”- this conversation is for you.

In this first-ever video podcast, I’m opening up about how I practice excellence in my own life, including the awkward moments of recording on camera and why it’s the secret to elevating your self-image.

You’ll discover how to stop letting perfectionism hold you back, how to align your actions with your values, and how excellence becomes the foundation for reinvention in your health, your finances, your relationships, and your dreams.

01:20 How self-image shapes your life.

03:05 What true excellence looks like.

04:18 Why excellence is an inside job.

06:25 Choosing where to give your best.

08:30 The trap of perfectionism.

10:20 How half-effort chips away at self-image.

12:00 Using values to define excellence.

14:15 Living beauty inspiration and connection.

16:45 Turning ordinary into extraordinary moments.

18:30 Practicing the I am a woman who statement.

20:00 Raising standards and rewriting your self-image.

Connect with Master Life Coach Tonya Leigh:

Have you ever looked around at your life and thought, “I know I'm capable of more”? And yet, you're unsure of how to close the gap between where you are and where you want to be? Well, that is where excellence resides.

Hey friends, it's Tonya Leigh here. I am so thrilled to be with you today. This is actually my very first podcast video, meaning it's now on YouTube, and you can actually see me. And I have to tell you, this feels so awkward. I am used to just sitting in my office and recording via me and my microphone. And putting myself in this situation is an area that I am able to practice excellence. It's a way for me to say, “You know what? I want to show up and give this my very best,” which is what excellence is.

Now, in case we haven't met, I am Tonya Leigh. I'm the founder of the School of Self-Image, and I have coached thousands of women on how to change how they see themselves. 

This was the part that was missing for me for many years. I remember being overweight. I remember struggling with money, struggling in relationships, and I couldn't figure out why – what was going on. And I would take a lot of action, but nothing ever seemed to stick. 

And it all boiled down to my self-image – my thoughts about myself. And that determines everything. It determines the goals you set for yourself. It determines how much money you allow into your life. It determines the quality of your relationships, the careers that you say “yes” to. It really does influence everything, which is why I love this work so much.

And, one of the things that I know to be true is that excellence is the secret to elevating your self-image. Now hear me out, because I'm not talking about perfection. Perfection comes from a place of fear. It comes from a place of not thinking you're not good enough. So you need to strive to appear perfect so that others see you that way.

Excellence is very different. Excellence is you seeing yourself as good enough and knowing that you matter – and what you touch matters – and you want to bring your very best to everything that you choose is important to you.

Now, when it comes to excellence, one thing I know that I used to think about it was that it was what other people saw. And it was something that was developed over years – five, ten, 15, 20 years of practice, then you could be excellent at something. But what I’m about to share with you is going to change everything. 

Because that’s not what I am talking about. 

The excellence that I'm speaking about is self-respect in motion. It's you showing up in this moment of your life with your very best. Now, what that looks like for you and for me is all different, but it's you saying, “What I touch matters, who I am matters, and it matters so much it deserves my A-game.”

When it comes to excellence, I don't know about you, but I don't want to be excellent in everything because I know what it requires. It requires so much attention, intention, focus, and energy. 

And there are certain things that, quite honestly, don't really matter that much to me. For example, cooking. I used to think I should be excellent at that, but the reality is it didn't light me up. It wasn't exciting. I'd much rather go out to eat or have someone cook for me, or just cook a mediocre meal that is nourishing but won't win a three-star Michelin rating, I can promise you that. It's not that important to me. So, in that area of my life, I've just accepted I'm going to be bare minimum. I'm not going to put all of my time and focus into cooking. And that's why you need to decide what's important to you.

But if you're showing up and giving your bare minimum to the areas of your life that do matter, you feel that. And it chips away at your self-image, because everything you do is a vote for how you want to see yourself.

So let's say, for example, what's really important to you is building wealth. But you haven't been looking at your numbers. Maybe you've been overspending. Maybe you've just avoided your finances. You can see how you have split energy. You're not being excellent in that area of your life. 

And you feel that – you know it. It's not how you want to see yourself. You want to see yourself as someone who is financially responsible, who really keeps an eye on her numbers, who spends with intention, who spends in a way that feels really good to her.

So when you don't show up excellently (Is that a word? We’re going to make it one.) in the areas that matter to you, it really does chip away at your self-image. So, there are areas where you're going to want to be bare minimum, but it will never be the areas that matter the most to you.

But also, you don't want to be a perfectionist because perfectionism is just fear in disguise. It's fear dressed up as excellence. You're wanting people to look at you as if you're not flawed. And that's not excellence. 

Excellence is the willingness to appear flawed because you know that you are showing up and giving your very best. You know that you're going to grow. You know that you’re going to learn. But you can guarantee yourself, “I'm going to show up and give this moment all that I've got.” That is excellence.

When I was first starting my business, I was a perfectionist. I was so afraid of being seen as not a good enough coach, as imperfect, and so I let perfectionism slow me down. And in that case, doing the bare minimum was a way to get my momentum going. I was like, “Girl, if you can just get out that newsletter, if you just show up and deliver,” at least I was saying, “I'm a woman who's going to show up. I'm a woman who's going to follow through on what I say I'm going to do.” And that had a positive impact on my self-image.

But then there was a time in my business where I knew I needed to demand more of myself. I didn't want to do a half-hearted job. I wanted to go in and give the best experience, provide the best content, provide the best coaching. And I'm still on that journey. 

Am I the very best? I don't know. I know one thing for sure: I show up and I give it my all. And to me, that's what excellence is. It is an inside job. It has nothing to do with anyone outside of you. It's what you know you're capable of, and are you showing up and honoring that?

So, you have to decide: where do you want to be excellent in your life? Because if everything's important to you, then is anything really important to you? You have to define “what is most important to me.”

And one of the best ways to do that is to determine what you value. This is one of the first things that I have our members do: decide what your core values are that you want to build your life upon. And then once you define what those values are, you want to look at “how can I be excellent in those – in the different areas of my life.”

For example, my core values are Beauty, Connection, and Inspiration. So I can think about how I can be excellent in honoring my value of beauty in my business. That comes down to how our workbooks are designed, our membership site. It comes down to the little details that we pay attention to that create a beautiful experience for our members.

I think about Inspiration: How can I be inspired? But as it relates to excellence, how can I be inspiring? How can I be an example of what's possible? How can I share that with the world? And one of the ways that I can do it is through video. 

So this is actually me practicing excellence in real time, because I know I'm not as good to the outside world as I can possibly be when it relates to doing video. I'm going to stumble, I'm going to get it wrong, I'm probably going to say some “ums” and some “ahs,” I'm going to lose my train of thought – I'm very human in that way. But I still want to strive for excellence.

So what does that look like? Well, it looks like being prepared, putting in the time, putting my notes together, really thinking it through. Practicing, getting it wrong, doing another cut, doing it again until I'm like, “Okay, that's the best that I've got for today.” And then feeling good about that. Not beating myself up because it's not as good as it could be, but knowing – from who I am today and what I know today, this is what I've got, and I gave it my all. That's what excellence feels like.

And as it relates to Connection, I think about honoring that value and being excellent in my relationships: setting boundaries, being truthful, taking the time to carve out moments with friends, planning special things for them. That's how I get to be excellent as it relates to my value of Connection.

So think about what is important to you. What are your core values? Because if you're not striving for excellence in your core values, chances are you know you are not living up to your potential. It doesn't feel good when we are half-assing in our lives, especially when we're half-assing about our values.

So, once you define “This is where I want to be excellent. This is where I want to give my all,” how do you actually do it? Well, I want to give you some practical tips that have really supported me.

Number One: Surround Yourself with Excellence

What you surround yourself with is shaping you. Your environment is impacting how you see yourself. And what I know to be true is that when you start surrounding yourself with people who embody excellence in that area that you want to be excellent at, you're going to start to see different opportunities. It's going to elevate how you think about things, and it's going to rub off on you. It's going to inspire you to want to be better because you put yourself in a better environment.

Number Two: Hire a Coach or Mentor

Hire someone who you think is excellent, or they're striving for excellence in that area that you want to be excellent in. There's a reason why people who are successful in their field – the majority of them have a coach. Coaches have been there. They understand what holds you back. They understand the obstacles and the hurdles because they've most likely overcome them themselves. And so they're already ahead. They can help you slipstream and get to where you want to go so much faster.

Number Three: The 1% Rule

The other thing that I like to think about is the 1% rule. Give one percent more than you usually would. Give one percent more than the rest of people are. It's going to make you stand apart. 

A great example is I had a friend who came and stayed with me a couple of weeks ago. And when he was leaving for the airport, I went into my office to get to work, and he had left me a thank-you note. He went an extra 1%. He could just as easily have texted me “Thank you, had a great weekend,” but he wrote the most thoughtful and beautiful thank-you note. Like, who does that these days? He does. And it set him apart. It made him excellent. He turned the ordinary into extraordinary, which to me is what excellence is. And it just took an extra 1% to do that.

So, think about in your life where you can pour a little bit more effort into. Give it that extra 1%, because I promise you, that is going to set you apart from the rest, and you get to walk away knowing, “I went above and beyond what I normally would.” And think about what that does to your self-image – it causes you to see yourself in such a different way.

Number Four: Raise Your Standards

The final tip I want to give you is I want you to elevate your standard in your area of excellence – that thing you want to be the best at. And the way I like to think about this is: “I am a woman who…” Fill in that statement.

And be careful where you look for that answer. Most people look at what has been, who they have been in that area. And when you look to the past, guess what you create? You create more of the past. I encourage you to look into the future – who you're becoming, who you want to be. Who is she? How does she show up?

“I am a woman who prepares for her video podcast, who shows up and gives value, who practices, who gives her best.” I started practicing that a week ago, before I got in front of the camera. And now that I'm here and I'm getting a little bit more relaxed, I'm living into that. Again, I know I'm just going to get better and better at this. But I decided on purpose, ahead of time: this is who I want to be, this is how I want to show up.

So for you, raise your standard because you don't get what you want in life – you get what you expect of yourself. 

And maybe you've been expecting yourself to not do a good job, to do mediocre work, to get the C because that's what you've done in the past. Let's forget that. You get to rewrite your story. Look into your future and set your standards from there.

And I promise you, it will change your life. Why? Because it's going to change your self-image, which is what this work is all about.

I want you to see yourself as the incredible, capable, and excellent woman that you are. And that is determined by how you show up this moment, and then the next one, and the next one. All of those moments add up, and every single one of those moments, you are casting a vote for who you want to be. Choose to be excellent in the areas that really matter to you.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you like this video, please like, please subscribe, please leave me a comment down below. And I will be back next week for another one. 

Have a beautiful week. Take care. Cheers.

The Self-Image Manifesto

You’re Invited To Live An Extraordinary Life!

The post The Self-Image of Excellence: What Separates the Best from the Rest appeared first on School of Self-Image.

Who Do You Want to Be in Hard Times? A journey of Self-Discovery<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

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In the final episode of the summer series of the School of Self-Image podcast, Tonya Leigh emphasizes the profound impact that showing up during difficult times has on our self-image and personal growth. She asserts that our responses to challenges shape our identity more significantly than our reactions during easier times.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

She reflects on her personal experiences with self-doubt and how navigating difficulties shapes our self-image more than our successes in easy times. As the summer comes to a close, Tonya encourages listeners to recommit to their goals and finish the year strong. She also shares her plans for the future of the School of Self-Image, including transitioning the podcast to a visual format on YouTube, embracing the discomfort that comes with growth and change. Tune in for inspiration and motivation to face challenges head-on!<\/span><\/p>","tablet":"

Who Do You Want to Be in Hard Times? A journey of Self-Discovery<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

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In the final episode of the summer series of the School of Self-Image podcast, Tonya Leigh emphasizes the profound impact that showing up during difficult times has on our self-image and personal growth. She asserts that our responses to challenges shape our identity more significantly than our reactions during easier times. <\/span><\/p>\n

She reflects on her personal experiences with self-doubt and how navigating difficulties shapes our self-image more than our successes in easy times. As the summer comes to a close, Tonya encourages listeners to recommit to their goals and finish the year strong. She also shares her plans for the future of the School of Self-Image, including transitioning the podcast to a visual format on YouTube, embracing the discomfort that comes with growth and change. Tune in for inspiration and motivation to face challenges head-on!<\/span><\/p>","phone":"

Who Do You Want to Be in Hard Times? A journey of Self-Discovery<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

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She reflects on her personal experiences with self-doubt and how navigating difficulties shapes our self-image more than our successes in easy times. As the summer comes to a close, Tonya encourages listeners to recommit to their goals and finish the year strong. She also shares her plans for the future of the School of Self-Image, including transitioning the podcast to a visual format on YouTube, embracing the discomfort that comes with growth and change. Tune in for inspiration and motivation to face challenges head-on!<\/span><\/p>"}},"slug":"et_pb_text"}" data-et-multi-view-load-tablet-hidden="true" data-et-multi-view-load-phone-hidden="true">

Who Do You Want to Be in Hard Times? A journey of Self-Discovery

In the final episode of the summer series of the School of Self-Image podcast, Tonya Leigh emphasizes the profound impact that showing up during difficult times has on our self-image and personal growth. She asserts that our responses to challenges shape our identity more significantly than our reactions during easier times. 

She reflects on her personal experiences with self-doubt and how navigating difficulties shapes our self-image more than our successes in easy times. As the summer comes to a close, Tonya encourages listeners to recommit to their goals and finish the year strong. She also shares her plans for the future of the School of Self-Image, including transitioning the podcast to a visual format on YouTube, embracing the discomfort that comes with growth and change. Tune in for inspiration and motivation to face challenges head-on!

00:01:32 - Contemplating What's Next

03:08 - Embracing Growth and Uncomfortableness

06:40 - Addressing Current Global Concerns

10:05 - Managing Worry

18:33 - Doing the Opposite of Your Mood

23:09 - The Role of Style in Showing Up

25:07 - Asking Who You Want to Be

26:54 - Navigating Hard Times Intentionally

Connect with Master Life Coach Tonya Leigh:

Welcome to the final episode of our summer series, and we are going to end on a note we all need, showing up when it's hard. Because let's be honest, there are days when you'd rather just disappear, hide under the covers or let self-doubt drive the car. And I've been there more times than you will ever know, but what I've learned is that how we show up when it's hard shapes our self-image more than how we show up when it's easy. So let's talk about it.

Welcome to the School of Self-Image, where personal development meets style. Here's your hostess, master life coach, Tonya Leigh.

Hey, you. I can't believe that this is the last episode of the summer series. It seems like I just announced that I was going to take a sabbatical, and now here we are. The summer is almost done and we are heading into the fall season. And I don't know about you all, but I am excited about the last months of the year. I think this is an opportunity for us to recommit and to finish the year strong and proud no matter what's happened the previous months. And so let's all just decide we're going to make the most of these next months.

Now, a part of what I've been doing over the summer is really thinking about what's next? What's next for me? What's next for the School of Self-Image? And the big question I've been asking is how can I step up? How can I challenge myself? How can I grow? And it's really uncomfortable when the answers start coming and you start having all of these excuses.

But there's one thing that I have been contemplating doing for a while and it's time. And that is this podcast is now going to be on YouTube as a visual version, meaning it's going to be me recording it live in front of a camera. Now, is it uncomfortable? 100%. I have been doing this via audio only for so long, and it comes with many perks. I'm able to take my mic and my computer anywhere and record. I don't even have to get dressed if I don't want to, even though I always feel better when I do. And so deciding to bring this to a visual component is really requiring that I step up my game, my professionalism. It means I'm going to really have to plan ahead. I'm going to have to do things in a different way, and that's always uncomfortable.

But then I think back to my very first podcast and how uncomfortable I was, how awkward it felt. And if you go back and listen to the first one, which was actually the very first of the summer series, you can see I've grown so much with this medium and this platform. And now I'm just choosing to do it all over again by doing video. And I hope more than anything that inspires you. I know that my very first video isn't going to be my very best. I know that I have a lot of growth and opportunity in that area, but at some time we just have to show up. We have to commit to doing what's hard because it's in that hardness that we grow. That's where the opportunity lies. And so come find me over on YouTube at Tonya Leigh. Make sure you subscribe so that you catch our very first video podcast that's going to be dropping next week.

Now, today's episode is all about showing up when it's hard. And yeah, we can make our own hardness through our resistance and our fear and our perfectionism, which I've been known to do. But then there are also times when life is hard, where unexpected things happen. Maybe you find yourself, you've lost your job, or you are dealing with sickness either with yourself or a family member. And those are the moments where we really need to ask ourselves, how do I want to show up in all of this? Who do I want to be in this?

I think back to the beginning of the summer, I lost my father, and yet I still had responsibilities. I still had a business to run, I had clients to serve, and I just kept asking myself, who do I want to be in this? And when life is hard, you have to make hard choices. That might be when you have to reprioritize, you have to decide to let some things go. But what I have found is that you need to just find your bare minimum. What is the bare minimum that you can commit to that allows you to feel like you're still taking some steps, you're still making some progress, you're still showing up? And more than anything, it's about giving yourself grace during those times.

And so I hope you enjoy the final podcast of the summer series, and most likely the final one where it's just me and you and this microphone, because next week it's going to be video. But you can still listen here on iTunes, Spotify, wherever you listen. So thank you all so much and I cannot wait to see you on the next one. Enjoy.

Hello my gorgeous friends. Do you know that one of my favorite things to do every single week is sit down and record this podcast? It is very rare that I have a week where I'm like, oh, I got to get this podcast done. It happens occasionally. But for the most part, I'm always excited. And I was thinking about why that is. And what I found in my mind is that I have thoughts like this is a way for me to connect with many people. This is a way for me to hopefully add a little sparkle to your day. This is a way for me to share with you what's worked in my life and what hasn't worked. And it's a great honor for me to be able to share these things with you.

I had a completely different episode planned for today, but I just wasn't feeling it. You all know what that's like, right? You just tap into the energy of what's going on, how you're feeling, and you're like, nope, that's not the podcast for this week. Just when I thought that we were having a moment where the collective nervous system could calm down, we now are facing new things to worry about. And I've been receiving many messages from clients and family and friends about how do I deal with this? I'm freaking out. I'm scared. Or I even have friends who are in the region of conflict right now or they have family there and they are feeling all of the things. And rightfully so.

Today's podcast, this might be hard for me to actually record you guys, I'm going to keep going. The show must go on. So my project manager and her husband who does our web design, he creates a lot of the magic behind the scenes. They moved to the States in December of 2021 and they moved from the Ukraine. All of their family is still there, and they are in the middle of this war that is happening. I can't imagine being in their shoes. They know I love them and I appreciate them so much, but this week they have shown up even when it's hard. I can't imagine having left my family and then a war comes along and they're stuck there and I can't get to them, I can't help them. I can't do anything really for them. And that is the situation that they're in.

And yet this entire week. They've been on the meetings, they have done the work, and they have showed up even when it's hard. And I've seen Anna's face, and I can tell that she's not well. She's probably not sleeping very well. She's worried. You can tell she's in fight or flight, and yet she's still showing up when it's really hard. And it was offered to her that she doesn't need to work right now, take time off. But she chose to keep working. And I get it. I know when I've been in hard situations, sometimes having something to focus on instead of what you're worrying about is a little bit of relief.

But as I was saying earlier, I know that some of you listening right now, you're in a hard time, and maybe just dealing with the past two years, you're like, I have had enough. I just want a break. And yet the world keeps happening and doing what the world does. And so I wanted to dedicate this podcast to all of you, amazing men and women. Because we have men that listen to this podcast, which I think is really cool. But I want to dedicate it to you all who are in the hard right now. And I want to share with you how I ideal with showing up when it's hard.

The first thing I want to share with you is around worry, because a lot of times I have found that hard and worry coincides. They usually come in a package. And so I've shared this on a previous podcast, but I want to briefly share it again here because it's been really helpful for me. When life is feeling hard and I'm full of worry, I like to do a list, and I write down everything that I'm worried about. Everything that I think could happen in the world, could happen to my family, could happen in my business, could happen to my friends. I just write it all down.

And then I create two lists. One is my list and the other one I put as God's list, and I start to separate things out. So the way I do this is I look at my list and everything that I have absolutely no control over, I put on God's list. And I have a conversation with the universe like, hey, listen, this is bigger than me. I'm going to let you handle this one. You got this. I love that I actually cheer the universe on when the universe has always had it, right? But I just give that to God, the universe.

And then everything else goes on my list. And that's what I focus on. I focus on what I have control over. I remember doing this during the pandemic. I couldn't control the virus. I mean, I had some influence, like wearing my mask and not being around people, that was in my control. Yes, 100%. But on a global level, we didn't know how this virus is going to operate. And so at the end of the day, I didn't have control over COVID-19. And so I wrote down, oh, we may all die. I may get sick. My business is going to crumble. All of the things that I know we all were thinking during COVID. That was probably what I was worried about too in the beginning, until I did the Week of Calm, it totally shifted me truly.

But in the beginning, I was freaking out. And then I wrote down what I had control over, taking care of my health, wearing my mask, doing all the things that we were told to do in the beginning to take care of ourselves and to protect our neighbors. I did all of those things. And that's all I had control over, and that's what I focused on. So write down your list and separate it out. Give what you can't control over to God, the universe, whatever you call a higher power, and then you take care of the rest. So that's number one.

Number two, and this has been really helpful for me, the other thing that has been really helpful for me is to honor how I'm feeling. I feel like a lot of our suffering, in fact most of our suffering, is because we don't allow ourselves to be human and to feel all of the human emotions. So when we start to feel sad or angry, or whatever those emotions are, we want to instantly change it. Especially people that don't know the law of attraction really well, and you're afraid of attracting bad things into your life. You're like, oh, I got to feel better right now. Or that, or you beat yourself up. You beat yourself up because you are being a human. That's what I like to say.

So for me, it's been so helpful just to be like, yeah, babe, you're anxious today. You're sad today. You're worried right now. It's okay. I got you. And that energy just lightens the mood a little bit because what I used to do is feel anxious, sad, or worried, then beat myself up for it and feel even worse. And so allow yourself to be where you are. In fact, this whole month within the School of Self-Image is exactly what we are talking about, emotional mastery. And as I told the women within the membership, I'm like, the first step is you have to feel and honor where you are right now in order to change it. But a lot of you're trying to change it without being where you are right now, and it's impossible.

It's like me being here in Denver and trying to get to California, but not wanting to admit I'm in Denver. I don't know if that was a good analogy, but it's what I got right now. But honoring where you are, I think, is the way to show up when it's hard. And here's why. When you finally accept that you are in a hard place feeling the hard things, you don't use all of your energy fighting with where you are. And trust me, that takes a lot of energy to suppress and deny and try to pretend. Instead, it's like, okay, I'm anxious today and I'm going to get some work done. Okay, I'm feeling really sad today, and I'm still going to show up and get some work done, or I'm going to show up for my family, whatever it is that you're wanting to show up for. So allow yourself and honor where you are right now.

And then that leads me to the next thing. I have found that it's really helpful when I'm in acute phases, like when I am so deep in just really uncomfortable and painful emotions, and I'm talking about sadness, grief, that kind of energy, to allow myself to do the bare minimum. I experienced this when my daughter was sick and I still showed up, but I gave myself grace. And I'm like, okay, you got some things to do. Whatever you can take off your plate right now, do. Get it off your plate and do the bare minimum. Because here's the thing. We want to honor where you are, but we also want to keep your momentum moving. I know what it's like to be in a hard place, and then you just stop. And as you stop, you just, I don't want to say indulge, but you just ruminate in that energy and then things begin to pile up around you. Maybe you're overeating, maybe you're doing things that don't serve you, and then you've added layers upon layers of hardness on top of the already hard thing.

And so how can you keep the momentum going, show up. And still get some things done, and also at the same time give yourself grace? And for me, that's allowing myself to do the bare minimum. Today, I'm going to go work out for 10 minutes, or I'm going to write one page. For those of you who work for someone else, look at how can you do the bare minimum outside of work so that you can still keep things moving a little bit, but you're not moving so fast that you're exhausting yourself and there's no space for healing and there's no space for processing.

The other thing is to allow yourself to do mediocre work. And this is really hard for us perfectionists. But when it's hard, what we often want to do, especially again for perfectionists, is we want to do nothing at all. We want to wait until we feel amazing or we want to wait until we think it's perfect in order to do the thing or to put the thing out into the world. And I really believe you all that the secret to my success, other than expanding my self-image, is my willingness to do mediocre work when it's hard. And I honestly remember putting some things out in the world four years ago that wasn't my best work, even two years ago wasn't my best work. But I still showed up and I still did the best I could, and I allowed it to be mediocre, knowing that the momentum would keep me moving. And not only that, I would learn so much about what I want to do different next time. And so allow yourself to do mediocre work, especially when it's hard.

The other little hack that I have for showing up when it's hard is to do the opposite of what your mood tells you to do. Because oftentimes our moods want to feed themselves. Sad moods want to feed themselves with sad music, sad thoughts, sad clothing, sad, sad, sad, sad, right? Now, I will add this in there. There is a moment for that, especially if you haven't allowed yourself to feel for a long time. You need to get that sadness out. You need to put on the sad music and you need to cry.

But a lot of times what happens is that we indulge in these moods and we stay there, and we constantly live a life based on our mood, not our desires. And so when my mood tells me to procrastinate, I get to work. When my mood tells me sometimes you need to go work, and it's always, I wish you could see my hands right now the way I'm doing them, but sometimes my mood's like you need to go work harder. And that's coming from fear, or it's coming from me wanting to avoid something else in my life. That's usually when I'll go rest. When my mood tells me to go eat, that's when I check in with my body and I'm like, hey, are you really hungry? And usually the answer is no when the mood's telling me to eat. And so just doing the opposite of what my mood tells me to do is another way that I get to show up even when it's hard in service of who I want to be and in service of the vision that I have for my life, my company, and myself.

The other thing that I suggest, and we talk about this in the Week of Calm, I think it's on the final day, but it's important that you have a goal when things are hard. Because what happens is, if you don't have a focus when you wake up in the morning and your brain is left to do its mental gymnastics, that is not a good performance. You can just spin in an energy that doesn't serve you. And sometimes the goal can be so tiny for that day, but it gives you a focus of where to focus your energy and to, again, keep things moving in a direction that serves you. So I think that's super important. So have a goal.

Now I want to talk more about self-care when things are hard and how to show up. The first thing I've noticed when things are hard, what my mood tells me to do is to stay inside and to worry and panic and feel bad. So I like to get outside. I like to get outside every day anyway because I feel like we all need more vitamin D. But being outside and being in the sun and being in the fresh air is a way to get your energy moving and to shift your mood a little bit.

The other thing that I suggest is to get into good company. Put yourself around those people who uplift you, that you can talk with, that help you see the world maybe in a different perspective than what you're seeing it right now that's making it feel so hard. I think that's super important. Eating well. It's crazy that when it's hard is when we often want to choose foods that make it hard on our bodies. And this is why when it's hard and you're having a hard time showing up, it is so critical that you take care of yourself, more critical than ever. So this is in time when I want you to really think about nourishing yourself well with delicious foods that work for your body.

The other thing is to move. This is all about movement. And you don't have to move as fast as maybe you would when life doesn't feel so hard. But we want you to keep moving. Because when you stop moving, that inertia is often what takes us down and spirals us out of control. And so move. And maybe you go to the bare minimum, as I was saying earlier. Maybe the bare minimum for you today is I'm going to walk for 10 minutes, or I'm going to stretch for 20 minutes. But make sure you're moving your body every single day.

And then I couldn't have this podcast and not talk about one of my favorite topics, which is style. What does style have to do with showing up when it's hard? Get dressed. Again, remember what I said, moods love to feed on themselves. So a bad mood will tell you to go put on your sweats and eat Cheetos. That's what my bad moods used to tell me to do. They still try to tempt me every once in a while. But getting dressed is a sign to the universe that you're showing up. And more importantly, it's a sign to yourself that you are showing up.

It's just like that act alone tells my brain like, let's go. And again, this might be where you go to the bare minimum. Maybe you don't get dressed to the nines and do a full face of makeup. Maybe you're like, okay, I'm just going to put on a dress because this makes me feel a little bit better, but I'm not going to do my hair and makeup today, and that's okay. We have to give ourselves grace as well.

It's really a dance between honoring where you are as well as honoring where you want to go, honoring your goals, honoring your vision. And sometimes in life, we're moving quickly in that direction and we're feeling great, and life doesn't feel hard. And at other times, things happen and we have a lot of thoughts about them that weigh us down, and life becomes hard for us. And that is just the reality of being a human being. And so honor that and also honor where you are and honor where you're going and honor the pace that you need to go at.

Finally, and this is more of a broad question that I ask myself, when life is hard, when it feels hard, and the question is, who do I want to be in this? Who do I want to be in this hardness? Who do I want to be in this life? No matter what is happening in the world, you get to decide who you want to be in that. Oftentimes when hard things happen, we revert back to past patterns of how we've dealt with hard. And maybe that hasn't served you. I know it didn't for me. Because I would freak out, I would panic, I would worry endlessly for days, weeks, years. And then I realized, oh, wait, I can actually show up in this hard in a new way.

And this question has guided me in purposefully living in the hard. When we've had hard things happen in the company, I've asked myself, who do you want to be in this? As I am starting to deal with aging parents, I'm asking myself, who do I want to be in this? When I went through my divorce, when my daughter was sick, when I injured my back, I asked myself, who do I want to be in this? And my answers have ranged from loving to strong, to supportive, to assertive. But asking that question has allowed me to show up in the hard in a very intentional way that has helped me navigate it in a way that serves me. And on the other end of it, helped me to learn and to grow, and oftentimes, to create results that I would've never been able to create had I just allowed my past self to take over and behave the way that she was used to behaving.

Even during this world crisis that we're facing, I'm asking myself, who do I want to be? Who do I want to be for you all? Who do I want to be for my family? Who do I want to be for my team? And I'm allowing that answer to guide how I show up in the hard times and the hard things. During COVID, I asked myself, who do I want to be right now? And the first answer that came to my mind was, I want to be calm. I love you all, and I will see you in next week's episode.

Before you go, I have a beautiful gift for you, especially if you're craving more ease, alignment, and clarity in your life. It's called the Sweet Spot Playbook, and it's completely free. Inside I will guide you through a powerful four-step process to help you define what truly matters, clarify the woman you want to be, and start living from that energy starting today. So if you're done with the hustle, the confusion, and the endless striving, and you're ready to feel good while creating the life you want, this playbook is for you. You can go to schoolofselfimage.com/sweetspot to download your free copy. Because when you find your sweet spot, life doesn't just work better, it feels better. I'll see you there.

The Self-Image Manifesto

You’re Invited To Live An Extraordinary Life!

The post [Summer Series] Showing Up When It’s Hard appeared first on School of Self-Image.

How to Become the Leading Lady of Your Life<\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Host Tonya Leigh emphasizes a powerful truth: you are both the writer and the leading lady of your life. This means that, regardless of your past conditioning or the opinions of others, you can rewrite your life script at any moment.<\/span><\/p>\n

Many of us have been handed scripts from a young age that dictate how we should behave, think, and even feel. These scripts often stem from societal expectations, family beliefs, and cultural norms. Over time, we may have recited these scripts so frequently that they feel like our true selves. However, Tonya reminds us that these scripts are not fixed; they are merely options we have chosen to act out.<\/span><\/p>\n

This episode encourages you to dive deep into the idea of acting out your script and exploring the possibilities that come with embracing change. With the summer series winding down, Tonya also hints at exciting developments on the horizon, promising growth and transformation both for herself and her audience. Tune in to discover how to realign your life with the story you truly want to live.<\/span><\/p>","tablet":"

<\/p>\n

How to Become the Leading Lady of Your Life<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

<\/strong><\/p>\n

Host Tonya Leigh emphasizes a powerful truth: you are both the writer and the leading lady of your life. This means that, regardless of your past conditioning or the opinions of others, you can rewrite your life script at any moment.<\/span><\/p>\n

Many of us have been handed scripts from a young age that dictate how we should behave, think, and even feel. These scripts often stem from societal expectations, family beliefs, and cultural norms. Over time, we may have recited these scripts so frequently that they feel like our true selves. However, Tonya reminds us that these scripts are not fixed; they are merely options we have chosen to act out.<\/span><\/p>\n

This episode encourages you to dive deep into the idea of acting out your script and exploring the possibilities that come with embracing change. With the summer series winding down, Tonya also hints at exciting developments on the horizon, promising growth and transformation both for herself and her audience. Tune in to discover how to realign your life with the story you truly want to live.<\/span><\/p>","phone":"

<\/p>\n

How to Become the Leading Lady of Your Life<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

<\/strong><\/p>\n

Host Tonya Leigh emphasizes a powerful truth: you are both the writer and the leading lady of your life. This means that, regardless of your past conditioning or the opinions of others, you can rewrite your life script at any moment.<\/span><\/p>\n

Many of us have been handed scripts from a young age that dictate how we should behave, think, and even feel. These scripts often stem from societal expectations, family beliefs, and cultural norms. Over time, we may have recited these scripts so frequently that they feel like our true selves. However, Tonya reminds us that these scripts are not fixed; they are merely options we have chosen to act out.<\/span><\/p>\n

This episode encourages you to dive deep into the idea of acting out your script and exploring the possibilities that come with embracing change. With the summer series winding down, Tonya also hints at exciting developments on the horizon, promising growth and transformation both for herself and her audience. Tune in to discover how to realign your life with the story you truly want to live.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/p>"}},"slug":"et_pb_text"}" data-et-multi-view-load-tablet-hidden="true" data-et-multi-view-load-phone-hidden="true">

How to Become the Leading Lady of Your Life

Host Tonya Leigh emphasizes a powerful truth: you are both the writer and the leading lady of your life. This means that, regardless of your past conditioning or the opinions of others, you can rewrite your life script at any moment.

Many of us have been handed scripts from a young age that dictate how we should behave, think, and even feel. These scripts often stem from societal expectations, family beliefs, and cultural norms. Over time, we may have recited these scripts so frequently that they feel like our true selves. However, Tonya reminds us that these scripts are not fixed; they are merely options we have chosen to act out.

This episode encourages you to dive deep into the idea of acting out your script and exploring the possibilities that come with embracing change. With the summer series winding down, Tonya also hints at exciting developments on the horizon, promising growth and transformation both for herself and her audience. Tune in to discover how to realign your life with the story you truly want to live.

02:06 - The Concept of Acting Out Your Script

04:06 - Continuous Growth and Self-Discovery

07:05 - Daily Practice of Acting Out Your Script

10:06 - Meryl Streep's Acting Method

12:33 - Deciding Who You Want to Be

16:25 - Thoughts Create Feelings

20:09 - Utilizing Your Surroundings

24:06 - Faking It Till You Make It

Connect with Master Life Coach Tonya Leigh:

Welcome back to the School of Self-Image Podcast Summer Series where we are revisiting some of our most loved episodes from the past. So whether you're a poolside, or maybe you're still road tripping, or just enjoying the last bits of summer, these episodes are your invitation to reflect, realign and reimagine what's possible.

And hey, listen, if you haven't already, be sure to grab the podcast listener guide. You can go to schoolofselfimage.com/guide. It is the perfect companion to this series and beyond where we guide you through the episodes that will support you most and wherever you are on your journey.

Now, today's episode is a powerful one. It's all about acting out your script. Because here's the truth, you are both the writer and a leading lady of your life. If you don't like the story that you're living, it's time to write a new one, so let's dive in.

Welcome to the School of Self-Image, where personal development meets style. Here's your hostess, master life coach, Tonya Leigh.

Oh my goodness, how are you? It feels like forever since I recorded an intro because I batched the previous ones, and I realized we are winding down the Summer Series. That's right. I think we've got two more and then I've got something exciting for you. Can't tell you yet, I'll tell you soon, but we are shaking things up around here. We are doing things that we haven't done before. I am stepping out of my comfort zone for real, and I'm really excited about the growth that is in it for me, so stay tuned. Something exciting is coming soon.

But for today I am going to be sharing a previous podcast on acting out your script. You see, every day, we are acting out a story. And oftentimes, we are acting out a story that was written by other people that we've just acted for so long that we feel like it's us, but it's all optional. That's what I want you to know. Every single bit of what you are thinking, feeling, and doing right now is optional. It doesn't matter if you've been this way for as long as you can remember, you can change, you can write a new script and you can begin to act that out and you'll create very different results.

Now, what happens when we begin to act out a new script is that the people that have known you as the performer of your older script, they are going to have things to say. They're going to most likely remind you of who you've been. They're going to feel confused. They are going to maybe push back. And I want you all to know, that's just part of the process. That's on them. I have changed my life and my self-image so many times and gone through this process of people saying, "Who do you think you are? You know you can't do that. You know you can't be that way. You know you can't think like that."

I just have learned to stay in my own lane. I learned to think about who do I want to be in this situation? How do I want to show up? And eventually, you act out your script long enough until there's a new normal. And eventually, those people around you, they won't remember the old you. They're still around. They'll just know, "Oh, this is who she is now."

For me personally, I never want to stop writing my scripts intentionally. I feel like there's still so many levels of growth for me. I feel as if in many ways I'm just getting started. I know that sounds crazy because some of you are like, "You've been doing this for a long time." But to me, this work is all about getting to the truth of you.

Before the conditioning, before all the shoulds, before you were told who you should be. And if we've had a lot of that on us, there's a lot to unpack and unravel, and I'm here for it. Even if I'm 90 and still doing this, I'll be so delighted that I lived an intentional life. And so I've been thinking a lot about just over the next few months before the end of the year, "How do I want to be different? How do I want to grow? What is the script that I'm currently living out that's not serving me any longer?"

And that's the thing, some of the scripts that you're acting out may have served you and gotten you to a certain point, but they're holding you back from going to that next level. I call these success scripts. The very thing that made you successful may be the very thing that now is holding you back. And so, yeah, I've been thinking a lot about this. And if you're in the membership, I'm going to be talking about this even more before the end of the year, so we're going to be having some fun.

But here's what I want to leave you with before you listen to this older episode, you get to decide what you think about everything. And that is especially important when it comes to your thoughts about yourself. How you think about yourself is determining what goals you set, what you allow yourself to have, the relationships you have and the kinds of behavior that you tolerate. It determines how you show up with your money.

In fact, I had a member reach out to me last week and she was sharing that before she joined the membership, she really struggled with money. She had a lot of debt, she never could seem to get the promotion. And since being in the membership and doing this work, she has paid off of her debt and she has increased her income. And she finally realizes why it was such a struggle all those years. It really came down to her self-image. It came down to her thoughts about herself and what she believed was possible for her.

And when you start to work at that level, everything changes. Everything changes. You show up differently. You feel differently. People sense that. They know, "Oh, I can't get by with this anymore." Or maybe they sense, "Oh, this person deserves this opportunity." They are embodying a whole new energy. Your self-image really is determining your entire life. It's a mirror, like what you think you will see reflected back to you.

So if you've been struggling, take a look at your self-image. How are you holding yourself back? How are you not allowing yourself to have and become and experience all that you know want for yourself? You get to rewrite your script, my friend, and then it's a daily practice of showing up and acting it out until it's just who you are. You get good at what you practice. All right, enjoy this episode.

Today, I want to talk about acting out your script. That's what this is about, and we're going to be going a lot deeper within the membership next month. But one of the things that I often hear from women is that when they go to change, they often feel awkward. Some will tell me that they feel like they're faking it and no one likes to be a fake, right? And then other people around them will start saying things like, "Who do you think you are? You're trying to be someone you're not."

I know you all know what I'm talking about, because I've certainly heard all of that. You know what? I don't care. This is my life. I get to decide who I want to be. And because I'm always expanding, it's hard for sometimes for people to keep up and that's okay, not my problem, right? But it can make people around you super uncomfortable. And so I wanted to talk about this concept of acting out your script. And I want to offer you permission for it to be awkward, for it to feel weird, for it to not feel like who you are for a while.

So what do I mean by acting out a script? Well, we are all doing it. The question is, are you doing it consciously? Are you doing it deliberately? When I talk about acting out a script, here's what I mean. Many of us were handed scripts when we were children that told us how to behave, told us what to think, told us how to dress, told us where we should work, told us the kind of partner we marry, told us the kind of house we should live in, and even told us how much money we should probably make.

And a lot of us took that script and we began reciting it and practicing it to the point that we believe it's who we truly are. But y'all know that sneaky feeling underneath when you're not living in alignment with who you really are. I think it's why so many women feel frustrated. I feel like it's why so many of us feel stuck, because we're being someone we didn't really intend to be. And what I want to offer you is at any point in your journey, I don't care how old or young you are, I don't care what race you are, I don't care what gender you are, I don't care what religion you are. At any point, you can rewrite your script.

Now, I want you to really think about this, because some of the characters that you have been playing is feeling heavy. Maybe you're even feeling depressed, you're feeling not good enough, you're feeling frustrated. And oftentimes, we've been practicing these scripts for so long, we just believe it is who we are.

I read a really interesting article recently about Meryl Streep. She practiced a different type of acting when she starred in the movie The Devil Wears Prada. And basically, it's the type of acting where you don't break out of character the entire time you are filming the movie. So she stayed in character, I don't know for how many months, but she said the result of that is she became extremely depressed. Because if you've ever watched The Devil Wears Prada, her character is a sort of dark character.

And I was thinking about that in relationship to how we are acting in our everyday lives. We have been certain characters for so long that we have adopted a set point of emotions. We've adopted a set of beliefs. We've adopted a set way of showing up. And what I want you to know is you can break out of that character at any moment.

I think about my life and where I started from. Growing up in a trailer in the deep South with a deep Southern accent, which every now and then still comes out. I heard it just a few days ago actually, but I decided for myself that I wanted a different life, that I wanted to be someone different, and I have no shame in that. I own that choice 100% because that choice has led to a very, very different life.

I decided to rewrite my script of the kind of woman that I wanted to be, how I wanted to think, how I wanted to feel in my everyday life, how I even wanted to dress and show up. And all of this started when I was working as a nurse in a critical care unit. Some of you may have heard the story, but for those who haven't, I would just give you a really brief synopsis.

So I was working in critical care one night, and this doctor turned to me and he said, "Tonya, who do you want to be?" And I didn't know how to answer him. It was such an odd question. So I said to him, I'm like, "I want to be a good mom, a good wife, and a good nurse." And he said, "I'm not talking about the roles you play. Who do you want to be as a woman?" And I couldn't answer him. I didn't know. I had been a being who I thought I was supposed to be for so long. I had gotten out of touch with my deepest desires of who I wanted to be.

But when I was driving home the next morning at 7:00 AM, the word came to mind and I was like, "This is it. This is who I've always wanted to be, but I just never gave myself permission." And the word was worldly. I wanted to be a worldly woman. And the thing is, it was so outside of my norm. It was something that felt so unlike who I was. And at the time, it was, but I started to play around with what would it be like to be that woman, and I started to act out my script. I thought about what that woman would eat, what she would read, how she would dress, how she would think, where she would go. And over time, practicing that script, I consider myself to be a very worldly woman.

And you have the same opportunity, my friend. Who do you want to be? So while I can't go into great depth in this episode, I do want to give you some things to think about. And if this is some work that you're really being called to do, I would love to support you within the School of Self-Image membership. This is going to be our entire focus for the month of August, and we're going to be going way deeper. I'm going to be sharing some of my own personal exercises around this topic and guiding you through the steps to embodying the new you.

And what I can tell you is this is the process I use for everything. It's how I finally lost weight. I started embodying a naturally slim woman. It's how I've grown my business. I started to embody a successful CEO many, many years ago. Whenever I want to create something, this is the work that I do to create it. I'm telling you, this month is going to be one of the favorites. It already is a favorite of mine.

So head over to schoolofselfimage.com/join, and let's do this work in August. But for now, I just want to give you some things to think about. So what does it mean to act out your script? Well, you first have to write your script. Within the membership, we focus on yearly extraordinary goals, and those guide us, they sort of inform who we need to be. I just want you to practice for a day. Just practice showing up as the woman you want to be for the day.

Imagine that you are auditioning for a part in your dream life, and you have the script in your hand. Now, it's up to you to practice it. Now, what a lot of you want to do, you want everything outside of you to be different first. You know what I'm talking about. You're like, "Well, Tonya, when this happens, then I'll do it. When the kids are older, when I have more money, when I'm feeling better, when this, when that." And we just keep delaying our lives. Now is the time to start doing this work if you want to transform your life. Okay?

So just for the day, I want you to think about some questions, okay? The first question is, how do I want to feel today? Because how you're feeling is the most important part. It's why Meryl Streep was depressed during filming of the Devil Wears Prada. Every day she was practicing this dark, heavy energy. She stayed in character. And as a result, she started to embody that dark feeling.

And let me tell you why feelings are so important y'all. Your feelings are driving what you do and what you don't do. Think about it. Think about the days you wake up excited and how that day turns out, what you're inspired to do, who you're inspired to call, how you're inspired to show up, versus the days where you wake up just feeling sad and heavy. And, yes, you have to process all of these emotions, but just play around with me here.

What if just for one day you said, "You know what? I'm going to practice something new. I'm going to practice feeling confident. I'm going to practice feeling determined. I'm going to practice feeling alive and excited and passionate." Decide how you want to feel for one day. We're going to start there.

And not only do feelings and form what you do and what you don't do. On an energetic level, feelings attract things in your life and repel things in your life. If you walk into a room full of depressed people and you are feeling on top of the world and happy, guess what they do? They want to get away from you. You're not a match for that.

Equally, if you walk into a room and you're the one feeling depressed, the people who are feeling happy, they're like, "Ah, that's just not a match for where I am right now." It's just the way the world works. It's how energy works, so we have to pay attention to how we are feeling. So part of your script writing process is, what is the predominant emotion of my character for today? Maybe you choose joy. Maybe you choose gratitude, it doesn't matter. I just want you to practice cultivating your feelings on purpose versus just letting them be there by default. I have to do this work all the time, y'all. I don't wake up happy all the time. Sometimes I wake up feeling anxious. That's usually my go-to darker emotion is anxiety. And I have to do the work on transforming that into an emotion that's going to serve me way better.

So how do you want to feel today? It's the first thing I want you to think about. Then we're going to reverse engineer this, and I want you to ask yourself, what do I need to think in order to feel this way? Because your thoughts create how you feel. It's never anything outside of you. So what do I need to think today to create this feeling? Grab your journal and just start downloading possible thoughts that you can begin to practice thinking to cultivate this feeling that you're after.

But then I also love utilizing the external world to help me cultivate my feelings. And I do this within the membership. We focus on not only mindset, but style and surroundings. So I want you to think about style. It's very important, ladies, that we dress the part. So when you think about the woman you want to be and how you want to feel today, I want you to think about, "What does she wear? Is she wearing baggy sweats? She hasn't showered in a few days." I'm guessing not. You're going to have to cultivate your feeling with how you're showing up. So dress on purpose, dress in character, but style isn't just about what you wear. It's also in how you carry yourself, how you communicate.

Notice your body language. How do you want to walk into a room? Notice how you talk with others in your script. Maybe you talk less, maybe you talk more. Maybe you're more direct. Maybe you're a little less aggressive. It just depends. Maybe you want to be softer. Maybe you want to be harder. Just depends on where you are in your journey. But pay attention to how you show up. And this is all the work that you need to be doing first thing in the morning, really visualizing who you want to be for the day, how she's feeling, how she's thinking, how she's showing up, and begin to visualize it in your brain. Because here's the thing, the brain doesn't know the difference between real and imagined.

And as you begin to imagine yourself, you're rehearsing in your brain how you're going to show up in your life, but I don't stop there. I also like to think about my surroundings. What are some little things you can do in your surroundings to help cultivate this feeling? Maybe it's listening to a different type of music. Maybe it's not turning on the news first thing in the morning. Maybe it's reading a certain type of book. Maybe it's taking a bubble bath first thing in the morning. But how can you use your surroundings to help you live in character?

And then I want you to think about how you are showing up with your world. And here's the really important part. You have to imagine that the world outside of you is going to be the same for now. Your husband is still going to be your husband. Your children are still going to behave the way they normally behave, as will your coworkers. Let's just go ahead and imagine that, because a lot of times we want the world to change first before we get into character. But if we want to change the world, we have to be the ones that change first.

So imagine maybe sticky points in your day and how you normally respond. Now, how does your ideal self, your new you self, your embodied character self respond to that exact same situation? Practice it ahead of time. I used to do this with food. I would imagine a big plate of spaghetti in front of me. One that I would usually eat the whole plate and then go back for the second serving, and I would imagine the version of me who didn't do that, and I would just practice being her.

And was it uncomfortable? Yes. Why? Because it was a new character. It was awkward. It wasn't the way my brain usually defaulted. But over time, practicing being a woman who eats until I'm elegantly satisfied, it's just now what I do, it's who I am. But I had to practice that script for many, many years until I got it.

The same goes with creating wealth. I used to imagine, "What does a wealthy woman think? How does she show up in her life? How does she dress? How does she feel about money?" And I started to do that work way before my banking account gave me permission to, if you know what I'm saying. I had no reason to believe that I was wealthy other than I get to choose to believe that. I get to choose to feel it. But as a result, I've been growing my net worth for years now.

And again, this is the process I use to create everything. It is so powerful when you really get it. But here's the part where a lot of you don't get it, and you give up on yourself. The moment it feels awkward, the moment you're not seeing immediate results, the moment it feels hard, you go out of character and you slip back into the familiar character that's super easy for you.

And the reason why I've been able to create results in my life is that I practice and I fell, and I practice and I fell again. I have to read the script. I haven't memorized it yet, and it's awkward. But over time of failing and practicing, failing and practicing, all of a sudden one day I don't need the script anymore. I'm like, "Oh, this is just who I am now." I've practiced it for so long, I am now that character in my own movie of my own life.

Some of you may think of this as faking it till you make it, and I have no problem with that statement. But the reality for me has been you practice it until you become it, because we're all practicing something. But are you practicing something you want more of? Are you practicing who you really want to be? Are you just practicing over and over the same script that you no longer want to play out in your life? And again, you've practiced it for so long, you just think it's who you are. Well, I am here to tell you, you can rip that script up my friend, and you can rewrite a new one. And starting today, you can begin to practice that new character. And as you do, because this is the way the world works, y'all, the world is going to start reflecting it back to you.

So what script do you want to act out? You get to write it, you get to produce it, and you get to be it, but you have to be willing to put in the practice. It's not an overnight transformation. It is a commitment and a dedication to being the best version of yourself. So write out that script, the one that you really, really want to live out and get busy practicing it because over time, before too long, you'll notice you don't need the script anymore. It's just who you are. Have a gorgeous week, my friends. And hey, listen, I hope to see you within the membership.

Hey, are you ready to transform your self-image but lack direction and support? If so, I'd like to invite you to join the School of Self-Image. This is an exclusive monthly membership where you'll create your own powerful before and after story. Through weekly classes and coaching, you'll learn powerful techniques on how to elevate the quality of your mindset, style, and surroundings to change how you see yourself and create extraordinary results in your life. Head over to schoolofselfimage.com/join to learn more.

The Self-Image Manifesto

You’re Invited To Live An Extraordinary Life!

The post [Summer Series] Acting Out Your Script appeared first on School of Self-Image.

Investing in Yourself: How Your Choices Shape Your Self-Image<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

<\/strong><\/p>\n

Self-image is essentially how we perceive ourselves, shaped by our thoughts, beliefs, and experiences. Tonya Leigh explores the profound connection between the investments we make\u2014whether in time, money, or energy\u2014and the evolution of our self-image. This exploration is particularly relevant for women seeking to elevate their self-perception and overall life experience.\u00a0 Tonya emphasizes that our self-image acts as a lens through which we view our capabilities and potential. When we invest in ourselves, we are not merely acquiring things; we are affirming our worth and expanding our identity.<\/span><\/p>\n

She emphasizes the importance of the energy behind our investments, highlighting that buying from a place of fear or scarcity often leads to disappointment. Instead, she encourages listeners to invest from a mindset of deserving and self-worth, exemplified by her own experience purchasing a designer handbag as a step towards embracing a new identity.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Tune in to discover how your choices can empower your personal growth and self-image.<\/span><\/p>","tablet":"

Investing in Yourself: How Your Choices Shape Your Self-Image<\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

Self-image is essentially how we perceive ourselves, shaped by our thoughts, beliefs, and experiences. Tonya Leigh explores the profound connection between the investments we make\u2014whether in time, money, or energy\u2014and the evolution of our self-image. This exploration is particularly relevant for women seeking to elevate their self-perception and overall life experience. Tonya emphasizes that our self-image acts as a lens through which we view our capabilities and potential. When we invest in ourselves, we are not merely acquiring things; we are affirming our worth and expanding our identity.<\/span><\/p>\n

She emphasizes the importance of the energy behind our investments, highlighting that buying from a place of fear or scarcity often leads to disappointment. Instead, she encourages listeners to invest from a mindset of deserving and self-worth, exemplified by her own experience purchasing a designer handbag as a step towards embracing a new identity. <\/span><\/p>\n

Tune in to discover how your choices can empower your personal growth and self-image.<\/span><\/p>"}},"slug":"et_pb_text"}" data-et-multi-view-load-tablet-hidden="true">

Investing in Yourself: How Your Choices Shape Your Self-Image

Self-image is essentially how we perceive ourselves, shaped by our thoughts, beliefs, and experiences. Tonya Leigh explores the profound connection between the investments we make—whether in time, money, or energy—and the evolution of our self-image. This exploration is particularly relevant for women seeking to elevate their self-perception and overall life experience.  Tonya emphasizes that our self-image acts as a lens through which we view our capabilities and potential. When we invest in ourselves, we are not merely acquiring things; we are affirming our worth and expanding our identity.

She emphasizes the importance of the energy behind our investments, highlighting that buying from a place of fear or scarcity often leads to disappointment. Instead, she encourages listeners to invest from a mindset of deserving and self-worth, exemplified by her own experience purchasing a designer handbag as a step towards embracing a new identity. 

Tune in to discover how your choices can empower your personal growth and self-image.

01:06 - The Five Key Investments

03:27 - Personal Growth and Changing Desires

07:08 - Early Financial Habits and Investments

10:20 - Seeing Yourself as an Appreciating Asset

15:19 - Investments as Rituals of Belief

21:08 - Thriving in Uncertain Times

28:04 - Choosing an Extraordinary Goal

35:08 - Discovering Personal Style

39:05 - Budget Shock and Self-Image

48:58 - Practicing CEO Presence

51:00 - Exposure to New Perspectives

Connect with Master Life Coach Tonya Leigh:

What if the way you invest your time, your money, your energy is shaping your self-image more than you realize? Well, in this episode of our summer series, we are going to explore the powerful link between your investments and the woman that you're becoming, and I'm also going to be sharing the latest investment that has really, really expanded my self-image. So let's dive in.

Welcome to the School of Self-Image, where personal development meets style. Here's your hostess, master life coach, Tonya Leigh.

Hello, hello, friends, and welcome back to another episode of our summer series for the School of Self-Image podcast, where we are revisiting some episodes from the past. And this one is one that I got so many comments about. I had women in my DMs. I had women asking me questions. I had members talking about this episode because it's all about the investments that we make in ourselves and how it really does shape our self-image. More specifically, with this particular episode, I shared the five investments that I had made during that period of my life that really elevated my self-image. So make sure you listen to it, because if I've learned anything, it's that it's not the thing itself. It is really the energy behind the thing.

Here's what I mean. If you are investing in something from a place of fear and scarcity, and low self-esteem, thinking that that thing is going to fix you, chances are it's not because it's just you with the thing. I like to think about the first time I bought a designer handbag. I truly bought it from a place of deserving it, feeling like I really deserved it. I bought it from a place of really wanting to step into a woman who values quality, who really allows herself to have what she wants, unapologetically. Very different energy than purchasing a handbag because you think you're not good enough, and the handbag's going to make you better, buying it to impress other people, and so on and so forth.

Now, the really interesting thing about how I've evolved over the years is that, while I still appreciate quality, I'm not into designer handbags. And I know that's going to be shocking to so many people, but it just doesn't speak to me like it used to. I think, back then, that was part of my journey. I needed to prove to myself that I was worthy of beautiful things, that I could become the kind of woman who could afford those beautiful things. And then, once I went through that phase of my life, they just don't carry the same weight. Now, that's not to say I'll never buy another one, but I have absolutely no desire for designer handbags. And maybe it's because I have a few beautiful ones in my collection, so I feel sated. It may be because it's just no longer interesting to me, and I think that's a beautiful thing. That's us growing and evolving.

And listen, when you hear that, that's not to sway you from loving designer handbags. It's for you to check in and ask yourself, "Why? Why do I love them?" Anyway, this isn't about designer handbags. This was just to make a point. But I was thinking this morning, when I was preparing for the intro to the summer series podcast about the investments that have changed me recently, and there's one that stands out beyond all of the others. So since I recorded the episode you're about to listen to, I purchased land, designed my house plans, built a house, decorated a house, and I'm currently living in this home, and that, by far, has changed how I see myself.

You have to understand, and I've talked about this before with members, I think I've talked about on the podcast, but I had not fully lived into my success with my self-image for a while. And one of the ways I know that was the fear that I had around owning my own home. Because deep down inside, I wanted to, but there was always this fear of, "Oh my God, can you sustain this? Are you able to afford this?" Even though I clearly, on paper, could afford it. I had money and savings. I had been stacking cash, investing for a long time, so I could afford it, but there was something around my self-image that was still having a lot of fear around owning a home.

Since then, I've been living in this house now for over a year, and it just feels normal. It's like, "Oh, this is who you are. This is what you do." I've relaxed into it. My nervous system has settled into being a home owner. It's the first home I've ever owned. I'm almost 50 years old. I've always rented or lived with someone. And so, it was a huge, huge shift in my self-image, and I was thinking about what it shifted in me, and a deeper level of self-trust is the first thing that comes up. Also, seeing myself as an adult. I know that sounds crazy, but there's something that happens when you actually own a home and you are having to take care of the landscaping and pay the bills and pay the taxes, and keep up with maintenance. You see yourself in a different way, like as an adult. Now, I've always been an adult, obviously not always, since I've been 18. I've always worked. I've always taken care of myself. I've always been very responsible, but this is like another level that I'm actually enjoying.

The other shift that I realize this is made within me is actually helping me to compound my money and my wealth. I'm really seeing myself now as an investor. I am realizing this home is an appreciating asset, and in a course that I taught previously, The Wealthy Woman, we talk about that, like making sure that you are mindful of where you put your money, and is it appreciating or depreciating? Now, what's really interesting is that, ever since I was a young girl, I have seen myself as a woman who saves money. My dad would encourage me to collect all of my money from my piggy bank. I would give 10% to the church, because that's what we were raised to do, to tithe. So having that generosity of giving part of what you earn, and then saving a little bit for the future, and then spending a little bit. So I've always had the self-image of a woman who's pretty responsible with my money. I could save.

And then early on, probably in my 20s, when I was working as a nurse, I started investing in the market. And so that kind of investment is very familiar to me. So I would, inevitably, when I would get money, I would put a little bit into a cash account, a little bit into a savings account, and then I would invest the rest into the market. So I've seen myself as an investor, and I've seen and reaped the benefits of that and compounding interest. However, I don't know why it was, you all. Well, I do know why, because it's unfamiliar. But investing in a home felt like a completely different beast that I had a lot of fear around. Now that I've done it, it's exciting.

This year, we also purchased another home that we are going to be using as a rental property. We may sell it. But it's like now, real estate investment has become something that I'm really interested in. But you have to understand, I was so nervous about it because I'd never done it before. And of course, when you've never done something before, it is going to be very uncomfortable. Your brain's going to try to talk you out of it. But I just got busy studying and running numbers and seeing on paper like, "Oh, wow, this actually makes sense to put some of your money into the real estate market." And so, this house has also expanded my self-image as an investor.

Now, if you've been listening to this podcast for any length of time, you know the entire philosophy is this: you are subconsciously going to work to prove your self-image true. So think about that. Now that I've expanded my self-image as it relates to investing, guess what's happened? I'm reading more about it. I am growing in that area. I am talking to people who are real estate investors, as well as just financial advisors and experts in the field. And so, I am living into this idea that I am an investor, and it started with this house, seeing myself in such a bigger way around this topic. So, yeah, this house has changed me. But it's not the house. It's what it's asked me to step into. And that's how I want you to think about your investments in your self-image.

I wrote some notes down for this episode that I want to share with you, that I think will be very, very helpful. First of all, I want you to see yourself as the asset that appreciates, okay? So we know that the stock market fluctuates, real estate shifts, but when you invest in how you see yourself, your entire life compounds, your confidence, your income, your relationships, your joy. Because a woman with an expanded self-image, she becomes a magnet for possibility, okay? So, see yourself that way. You are the asset that appreciates, and the more you invest in you... Now, that's a term we throw around a lot, but invest in you in a way that expands you, that asks you to step up in some way, in a way that expands you, in a way that allows you to see yourself differently. You will begin to appreciate as a result.

Another thing that I've realized is that your self-image sets the budget. You'll only allow yourself to have, to spend, and to receive at the level of your self-concept. All right? It's huge. If you are always investing in the same thing, so when I say investing, it's like where you're putting your money. If you're always putting your money in the same things and it's mirroring back to you the same story, then your self-image stays unchanged and you continue to create the same results. But when you raise your self-image and you start making investments in that elevated image of yourself, your capacity for wealth, beauty, and support expands with it. The other thing is that where you invest is what you prioritize. If your money always goes towards stress management and never towards self-expression, it's a mirror of what you believe you deserve.

Survival and not success. I've seen this a lot. Now, this is a little bit of a gray area, but subconsciously, this is always working. It seems really good to invest in stress and management, but there is a difference, psychologically, in investing in stress management versus self expansion. So this makes me think about a conversation that I had with a member recently, where she told me that for 10 years, she had been investing in therapy and she stumbled upon my podcast. And she had this huge realization, and it was that every time she went to therapy, she was simply retelling the story of survival, like, "Let me just get through. Let me just get by." Now listen, therapy is a beautiful thing, and there are many times in the membership, you all know if you're in it, that I will recommend therapy to people. I'm like, "Listen, you really need to consider therapy so that you can work through these deep, traumatic wounds that you have from your past."

Coaching is all about looking for the expansion, and sometimes it can work beautifully with therapy. However, I do think there can come a time in a woman's life where she becomes so accustomed to retelling the old story, working through survival, that she doesn't thrive, and that's where coaching can come in and literally change your life. Now, how do you know when you're ready for coaching? I think you know when you're like, "I'm done with the story. I feel like I've worked through it. I have told it too many times. I'm not getting the results that I want. I feel stuck. I feel stagnant." That's when you may want to consider coaching if you've been in therapy for a while, but that's a whole different podcast, my friends. But I want you to really think about your investments. What are they saying about you? And it's not even about the investment itself, meaning it's not about the thing you're investing in. It is the energy behind it.

Another thing that I want you to know is that most women wait for evidence before investing. But the self-image-focused woman, she invests to create evidence, okay? She doesn't wait until she's ready. She invests and then she becomes ready through that decision. I come back to my house. I didn't feel like I was ready. There was some nervousness. There was some discomfort in building this house. But that decision demanded that a new version of me show up to support the decision. It was me creating evidence for, this is who I am now, this is how I live, this is what I'm creating. So if you sit around and you wait for evidence before you invest in something, you're going to keep perpetuating the same self-image that's keeping you stuck in the reality that you want to change.

The other thing is that when you stretch your investments, you stretch your identity. Making a scary, but aligned, investment, it pulls you out of your current identity and into a future one. It requires that you show up differently, and that is the point. That's how I want you to think about your investments. Another thing that I wrote down this morning that's really powerful is investments are rituals of belief. Think about it, every dollar, every hour, every yes is either a love letter to your future self or a way of keeping yourself in the past.

Another thing that I realized this morning that's super powerful is that avoidance is also an investment. Hear me out. Think about it: not hiring help. What are you investing in? You're investing in overwhelm. Not buying the dress may be an investment in your invisibility. Not hiring a mentor or joining a program might be an investment in you staying stuck. You see, everything is a choice and every choice shapes your self-image.

I also like to think of investing as an energetic rehearsal, because you don't invest because you're already her. You invest to practice becoming her. I always say you get good at what you practice. I like to think of it as self-image in motion. It's like stretching yourself to invest in the things that you really care about, but maybe you're afraid of, maybe you're nervous about, but deep down you know this investment will change me. Make the investment, and then live into that decision. And we're not just talking about money, you all. We're also talking about investment of your time and your energy. What are you investing in, and what is it saying about you?

And the last thing that I want to say about investments in your self-image is that it's not about the amount. It's about the intention. I think a $4 lipstick can feel more expensive than a $4,000 handbag if it's chosen with clarity, with confidence, and with intention. You can join a mastermind for $20,000, and you can enter into that container with a feeling of insecurity and not belonging. And if you don't work on that, and hopefully, a good mastermind will help you work through that, but if you don't, that mastermind is simply going to mirror back to you what you originally thought about yourself versus, "I'm coming into this mastermind to step it up. I'm coming into this mastermind to prove to myself what's possible. I'm coming into this with a powerful intention of using this container to help me see what I currently don't see and to overcome it." You can see it's a very different energy.

So, again, it's not about the amount. It's about the intention. You can join a $20,000 mastermind and get terrible results because of your self-image and the intention behind your decision, or you could join the School of Self-Image membership for $97 a month and have incredible results because of how you walk into that container. It's the energy behind the investment that shapes you. So I encourage you to really think about what you're investing in: your time, your attention, your energy, and what did those investments mirror back to you.

And if you want to mirror something new, something fresh, something expensive, then it's going to be a little uncomfortable, and that is the point. Growth is uncomfortable. But what it's going to do, it's going to require a new you to show up. It's going to require new thoughts, new habits, new emotions, and that will shape your elevated self-image that will then begin to run the show. And you just keep doing this over and over and over again. This is exactly what we do in the membership. And I believe it's why our members get such astounding results, because we're working at the core. We're working at the one thing that is influencing every area of your life, which is how you see yourself.

Now, next month in the membership, I am going to be teaching my Elegant Success Framework. This really should be a course, but I'm going to do it in a class. We're going to condense it down to the best of what I know around how to create elegant success, because I feel like that's what I've done. I truly can say that I have created a business that I absolutely love, and I've done it in a way where I haven't burnt myself out. I've enjoyed the journey, and I can now look back and say it's because of the things that I'm going to be teaching next month within the School of Self-Image. So if this is work that you want to do, if you want to work at the self-image level, and you want to focus on elegant success, this will be the month that you want to join. You can go to schoolofselfimage.com/join, and I cannot wait to see you inside. Until then, have a beautiful week, and I'll see you in next week's episode. And hey, be sure to stick around for the five investments that changed my self-image. Take care.

Right now is the best time to do this work. Right now is the best time to invest in yourself. I've had some of you reach out and say, "Tonya, with everything that's going on in the world right now, I just feel like it's not a good time." Let me tell you all something. First of all, I started my business in 2009, during the recession. During the pandemic, when the world shut down, me and my business thrived, and I'll tell you why. It's because I constantly invest in myself and I'm constantly elevating my self-image. I don't look around at what is happening in the world and use that to tell me what is possible. I don't look around at what's going on on the news, in politics, and the economy to tell me how I should think and feel.

I had a client reach out to me last week, who joined the membership right when it opened up, which was during the pandemic back in 2020, and she said, "Tonya, I cannot imagine my life right now had I not joined. I can't imagine how I would have navigated the whole pandemic, everything shutting down, all of the chaos, all of the fear and worry, had I not had the tools that you teach." She was like, "During that whole time," she was like, "I watched my friends gain weight. I watched them just fall apart, full of anxiety, full of fear." And she was like, "I thrived during that time." And that's what we do within the membership. We take whatever circumstances are handed to us and we figure out how to thrive in them, how to see ourselves at a higher level, and therefore create very, very different results.

When the world shuts down, we open up. When everyone is afraid, we find our peace. When everybody's clinging and hanging on out fear, we let go out of faith. And I will tell you, that way of being helps us to transcend all that's happening in reality, and it helps us to create a new reality. I've done it time and time and time again, when the world was telling me it wasn't possible, and I've watched my clients do it. This is why, right now, if you're afraid, if you're full of scarcity, if you're worried, it's the perfect time to invest in yourself. You are your greatest asset. Investing in your brain, investing in your environment, investing in your style, all of those investments elevate how you see yourself. They change your self-image, and it's inevitable. When you change your self-image, you change your results, you change what's possible, you change what you attract.

And that is exactly what I teach you within the School of Self-Image membership. And if you join as an annual member, you also get access to The Wealthy Woman. This is a course that I created to teach women how to create wealth. As someone who grew up in a trailer, who grew up what most people would consider poor, I know what it's like to struggle with my money. I know what it's like to struggle with scarcity and just a poor and limiting money mindset. And I also know what it's like to be wealthy. This is why I'm such a good teacher of this topic. I have so many of my members say that they appreciate the way I teach it because they can tell I can relate to the before. I can relate to being anxious and afraid around money. And I also know what it's like to live in the after. And I know how to get you from the before to the after. And I've had some members express concern about the economy.

I also have a dear friend who is in the membership, and she said, "Tonya, I really think it would be so powerful if you would teach a class about how to navigate this time." This is a friend who I've had for years. She has known me since I started my business, and she has seen how I just continue to up level no matter what is happening in the world, and it's something that's available to all of us. And so, I've decided that I'm going to be teaching a bonus module for The Wealthy Woman to support you all.

So if you're a member, be on the lookout for an email that will have all of the details. I don't know exactly when it's going to happen, but it will be before the holidays. And if you're not a member and you want to take part in The Wealthy Woman to support you in creating a wealthy self-image so that no matter what's happening in the world, you will continue to up level your wealth and your net worth, and your abundance, come and join us as an annual member. You can go to schoolofselfimage.com/join, and I cannot wait to see you in the membership. I cannot wait to support you.

So, today, since we're talking about investments and we're talking about money, I wanted to share five investments that have changed my self-image. Your self-image is how you see yourself. It's the thoughts that you have about yourself. Now, some of you may argue that you don't need to make investments to change your thoughts, and this is true. You don't need to do anything. You can attempt to do this work without investing time, money, or energy into anything. But without investments in yourself, you will slow your progress and you will make it so much harder.

One of the first things that I have members do within the School of Self-Image is to choose an extraordinary goal. And I've had so many women come back to me after a year, because that's how long we focus on the extraordinary goal, and they've achieved it, and they're so surprised. They'll tell me, they're like, "I have been trying for decades to do this, and I can't believe I was able to do it within a year." And it's because they invested in themselves to learn new tools, new skills, new mindsets, new ways of being.

Several years ago, I was in a mastermind with Benjamin Hardy. Many of you may know him. He's written several really phenomenal books. One of them is called Willpower Doesn't Work. And another one that he wrote, one of his very first books, is called Slipstream, and he gave me a copy of it. And I read that book, and I'm like, "This is why we should invest in ourselves." The whole idea of Slipstream is that you find someone that has done what you're trying to do, who has forged the path, who has learned a skill, learned a way of being, learned something, and you get behind them, and they can carry you further and faster than you could ever go alone.

And when I look back in my life, I've had so many slipstreams that I've gotten into that have carried me so much further than me trying to do it on my own. And then there have been moments in my life where I've tried to do it on my own, and I've been so frustrated that I just couldn't get there fast enough, or I couldn't get there at all. And if I'd known the power of investing in myself, that through investments we can find our slipstreams, I would've done it much sooner. When I think about a lot of the rooms that I place myself in, I have to pay money to be in those rooms, but within those rooms, I find slipstreams. I would love to be a slipstream for you all if you're called to this work, but you have to be willing to invest in yourself. So I'm going to share with you five specific investments that have changed my self-image, that have elevated how I see myself.

Number one is not going to be a surprise to most of you if you listen to this podcast, but it's been a significant investment. I don't know exactly how much, but I was trying to come up with a figure before I started recording this episode, and how much I've invested in coaching, and it's well into the six figures, and the ROI on that is invaluable. Not only with how coaching has allowed me to create wealth using my brain, but also how I feel. That's the most important part, you all. Who cares about money if you're miserable? Who cares about losing weight if you're still unhappy? I want to have tools in my life that help me to live with joie de vivre, and also to support me when I'm not feeling joyful, so that I don't spiral out of control. And having that is precious. You can't even put a price tag to it, beyond just being able to handle life with the tools that I've learned through investing and coaching. Coaching has allowed me to create myself on purpose.

Many years ago, I discovered that I did not have to continue to be the person that I was being, that I had a say so, that I could completely reinvent myself using coaching, and that is what I have done over and over and over again. In fact, some of you all, during The Worthy Woman Workshop, I showed you some of my before pictures, and many of you said, "Oh my God, that doesn't even look like you. You look like a completely new person." And I'm like, "Yeah, and I feel like one too. I think like a completely new person," which has allowed me to create a completely different reality than that version of me years ago. And that is thanks to coaching, the coaching that helped me to elevate my self-image, to expand what was possible for me.

Now, there are people out there who pooh-pooh coaching. They make fun of it, they don't believe in it, and they ridicule it every chance they get. And every time I see one of those people, do you know what I realize? There is no way I would want to trade lives with them. I have never seen someone who ridicules coaching have a life that I actually would want to emulate. But the people that I look up to, the people that I'm inspired by, the people that I would say, "Hey, can I trade lives with you for a day because your life looks pretty fun?" almost every single one of them has a coach or a mentor of some sort.

So you tell me, is it worth the investment? I can tell you, from my experience, it is the number one investment, hands down, that I have ever made in myself. And I can say this without any doubt. I would not be where I am today because I wouldn't be who I am today had it not been for coaching. And I continue to invest in coaching because I'm not done yet. I feel like I'm just getting started. I feel like you all are seeing Tonya 2.0, and I'm heading towards Tonya 5.0, and I know that I can't get there without coaching. And I think I'm a masterful coach with my clients. I can see things that they can't see, and the same goes for me. I have my own blind spots I can't see within myself, which is why it's so valuable to have really incredible coaches around you that can help you see where you might be holding yourself back.

The second investment that has changed my self-image in huge ways is investing in my style. Now, the majority of this investment has been in actual clothing, but I have also invested in discovering my style, which is so important, because when you invest in discovering your style, what you're really investing in is support in you getting to know yourself. Because as women, we forget who we are. We forget who we came here to be. We forget our essence. So in the beginning, for me, I was investing in courses. I was investing in certifications to figure out my own style. I wanted to figure out who I wanted to be and what I wanted to express on purpose, and how to do that through clothing because I knew it was important, but I didn't realize how important it was until I started to see the effect in my life.

And then I started to invest in my wardrobe. Once you know your style, it's so much easier to build a wardrobe that represents who you are. It's so much easier to get dressed. It's easier to feel confident because you feel aligned and you know that you are showing up on purpose. And so, this investment that I've been making in my style over the years has definitely had such a huge impact on my self-image. When you get dressed in something that represents who you want to be and you look at yourself, it's reconfirming all of these positive thoughts about yourself. I am a woman who knows who she is. I'm a woman who respects herself. I am confident. I'm a professional. Whatever it is that you want the story to be, you can use clothing to reflect that back to you, but you have to be willing to invest in your wardrobe.

Now, I am not suggesting that you go into debt buying designer clothing. That is not what this is about. What it is about is you seeing yourself as worthy enough to look and feel your best, and investing in figuring out what your style is, and investing in pieces that represent that style, so that you can show up in the world as the best version of yourself. And in doing so, you will see yourself differently. And when you see yourself differently, you create different results because your self-image truly is creating your entire life.

Okay, the third investment that I've made more recently that change my self-image in crazy ways, good ways, was back in 2020, when I moved into a penthouse apartment. And do you know what's funny about that? Years ago, I was coming up with different book titles that one day I might write, and one was called From Baptist to Buddhist, even though I'm not Buddhist and I'm not Baptist, but that was the gist of my spiritual journey. And the other title I remember writing down was From the Trailer Park to the Penthouse. Now, this was years ago, years ago, before I ever lived in a penthouse. So remember, words are powerful. Don't forget that. These little things that we write down and speak, don't be surprised if you stay the course, one day they pop up unexpectedly, and you're like, "Oh, I remember wanting that years ago."

But anyway, what happened back in 2020, I moved to Denver. I left a relationship where I'd been living with him for several years, and I was on my own. Now, I had lived on my own before. I had paid rent before, but I was still mentally stuck in the version of me who'd paid rent years before when I wasn't as successful as I was now. And so, when I started looking for apartments, first of all, I told my best friend, Brooke, I'm like, "I don't know if I can afford rent." And she's like, "What are you talking about?" She was like, "Look how much money you make." I'm like, "I haven't caught up with it yet, obviously." But I started looking around and I gave myself this ridiculously low budget. And so, when I started telling people, "This is what my budget is," and they were showing me what I could get for that, I was very just shocked. I was like, "What? This is not what I expected." Plus, Denver is way more expensive than where I moved from. So it was a little bit of a shock.

And so, I was at this one building, and the guy, the leasing agent that was showing me around, he was like, "I feel like I just need to show you this other apartment." And I think it's funny, now that I look back, because he was looking at how I was dressed, and he couldn't see me living in the little tiny studio apartment with no view based on how I was showing up. Now, he never said that to me, but I feel like that's what happened. So he was like, "Let me just show you this other apartment."

Well, he takes me up to the top floor and shows me the penthouse. When I walked in to that space, it felt like I was finally home. Do you all know what I mean? I felt like this is the woman that I've been trying to get to for all of these years. This is where she lives. This is where she's hanging out. It was the most gorgeous view of the skyline of downtown Denver. Also had mountain views. It was high-end appliances, hardwood floors. It was great. Lots of natural light, huge, tall ceilings. Everything that I had imagined that I wanted for myself was in that apartment.

Now, it was only two bedrooms, but I was single. I didn't need more than that. It was perfection. And then Rodney told me the rent, and it was three times more than the budget that I had in my head. And instantly, my brain went crazy. My brain started telling me things like, "This is ridiculous. You're being irresponsible. Who do you think you are? You don't need this kind of space. You're being impractical." You see, my self-image did not match the space, because had it matched the space, it would've been a no-brainer. It would've been easy.

So I had a choice, and this is the choice that we all have. I could listen to my brain, go get that studio apartment with a terrible view, and keep confirming a self-image that was limiting me, or I could say yes to the apartment and use that space to grow my self-image. And that is what I did. Being in that space changed me. And we talk about this a lot within the membership, but your surroundings are always mirroring back to you what you believe to be true about yourself. So if you want to change how you see yourself, change what you see.

Over the course of living in that penthouse, it was during the pandemic, so I had a lot of time by myself. I felt like I was dating myself again. It was so amazing. I fell in love with myself all over again in that penthouse. I was alone and happy. I was being held in a beautiful space, and people would argue, "God, that's so much rent, such a waste." And what they didn't see was how that space, how that environment nurtured, watered, and gave sunshine to a plant that was a little bit withered at the time.

That space brought me back to life. That space reminded me of my worth and my future. That space mirrored back to me abundance, luxury, beauty, and that energy fed me. And so, as I was being fed, guess what I was doing? I was putting out that energy, which allowed me to have the best year I'd ever had in my business. Making the decision to rent that penthouse demanded a new version of me, and that's what made it such an incredible investment. The ROI that came out of that rent, that seemed so impossible, was a new woman who was capable of so much more. You ready for the fourth one?

The fourth investment that changed my self-image was investing in an assistant. So not only did I move into a penthouse, but I also immediately hired a personal assistant. My poor brain, what she went through during that year, but I had her back. I'm like, "I got you, girl. I know you're afraid, but we're going to do this." But hiring a personal assistant created a huge shift in my self-image. Up until then, I'd had assistants in the business, like virtual assistants, but I never had an assistant that would come over and literally take care of me and my personal needs. I grew up, probably like many of you all, thinking, "I need to do it on my own. Work hard. Don't ask for help. Be strong." And I'm really good at that, and I didn't want to be good at that anymore. I wanted help. I wanted support. And I decided to let myself have what I wanted. And I encourage all of you to do that as well.

And so, hiring my assistant changed me because, number one, it confirmed that I am a woman who is willing to be supported. I'm a woman who doesn't have to do it by myself. I'm a woman who, turns out, other people want to support. So that was one way that it changed my self-image. It also elevated me into seeing myself as this boss. Hiring my assistant was mirroring back to me, like, "Yeah, you're in the big leagues now. You can't do it on your own anymore, sister. You need help. You've got to focus on growing your company. You need to focus on your vision. You need to focus on taking care of yourself so that you can be the best coach, the best CEO that this company and you need."

Hiring an assistant confirmed the belief that my time is valuable. And when you believe that your time is valuable, guess how you treat time? Like it's valuable. You don't sit around and procrastinate. You don't sit around and watch Netflix when you're supposed to be recording a podcast. You get to work. And hiring an assistant mirrored that back to me. I'm like, "Okay, she's come over to help me. I'm not just going to sit around and watch Game of Thrones. I'll do that when it's scheduled, but right now, let's get to work. That's why I'm hiring her, to give me more time, so I can focus on the things that are important to me, the things that I've committed to, the things that will help me grow."

And what's so interesting is our brain freaks out about investments that will actually help us to make money. I remember the first time I invested in a mastermind, my brain freaked out, but it was that investment that helped me to grow my business. When I invest in a new team member, sometimes depending on the salary, my brain wants to freak out, but I know that investing in that team member is going to help the company grow. And the same was for my assistant. My brain wanted to freak out, but I'm like, "No." I have reached a point where I don't have the time and I don't have the capability of really expanding anymore, so I'm going to have to get some personal help. And that investment help me to see myself in such a different way, and therefore, create very different results.

Okay, the fifth investment that I've recently made, and I think I've talked about this on the podcast before, but I had to throw it into this episode because it's had a big impact on my self-image, and that is investing in working with a tax and business attorney. I mean, he calls himself a tax attorney, but when I go and sit in his office, we're not talking about taxes a lot. Being in that office with him, sitting at this huge mahogany conference table, with legit whiteboards all around, and his other attorney sitting in there and me, and sometimes he'll bring in people that he wants me to meet, very successful business people, it's blown my mind at how I'm seeing myself so differently as a CEO, as a business owner, as a woman in business.

When I go in there, I step into my alter ego, which some of you may know, some of you may not know, but her name is Bella Bold, and me and Bella Bold, we get to business in that room. I don't have time for all of the, "Who do you think you are? You don't know what you're doing. You're not that smart. You're not a good CEO." Whatever the thoughts are in my brain, I don't have time for it in that room. I'm like, "Oh, no, we are practicing something else around here." So being in that room has helped me to see myself as a legitimate business woman.

Now, I don't go in there trying to pretend that I know stuff that I don't know, because it turns out that's not a smart businesswoman. I go in there in full confidence that I have built something extraordinary. I go in there in full confidence of knowing that everything I need is within me, and it's okay to be supported for the things that I might need support around, but it's all within me. And I ask thousands of questions. I speak my opinion. If something doesn't feel right, I tell people. I ask them to explain things a hundred times if I need them to, but I own my presence in that room. I use that investment and that environment as a practice ground to change my self-image.

Now, some of you all may be thinking, "But Tonya, you're just faking it until you make it." Listen, isn't everyone? I have no problems with that. Although I did share on The Worthy Woman last week, I was like, "Someone asked me about that." They're like, "It just feels so bad." And I'm like, "Of course, because no one wants to feel like a fake." I just don't think of it that way. The way I think about it is I'm practicing it until I become it, and that is what every human being on the planet is doing. No one comes out of the womb being able to do spreadsheets or play professional basketball. No one comes out of the womb just being good at making millions of dollars or, I don't know, driving a race car. No, you have to practice.

And here's the thing, you all. You get good at what you practice. The problem is a lot of you are practicing ways of being that don't serve you, and you're getting good at it. You're getting really good at being overwhelmed. You're getting really good at being poor. You're getting really good at feeling bad about yourself because that's what you practice all of the time. I'm just suggesting that we practice something that serves us, because as we do, we're going to get better at it. So investing and working with this attorney who really is like a business mentor to me, it's been an investment in seeing myself differently, because that experience is like a playground for me to practice this next version of me. And not only that, but I'm exposing myself to different perspectives. I'm exposing myself to new ideas. I'm exposing myself to knowledge that I didn't have. And through that exposure, we also begin to see ourselves differently.

So those are the five investments that have changed my self-image. Now, there are other investments that I've made that have had an impact, but these are the big ones that when I look back, they were key moments that I started to see myself differently. And so, I want you all to be thinking about how can you invest your money, your time, and your energy in things that will have an impact on your self-image in a positive way? Because when you change how you see yourself, what you see outside of you changes as well.

Now, if you want to make a really good investment in yourself, and I'm not just saying this because it's my membership, I'm saying this because literally hundreds and hundreds of women have said those words to me exactly, best investment ever. In fact, I'll be sure to share some of those on my Instagram stories. However, if you are ready to invest in yourself, because you are your greatest asset, come and join us before the doors close within the School of Self-Image membership. You can go to schoolofselfimage.com/join, and come join us. I can't wait to see you inside the membership, and I can't wait to see you on next week's episode. Have a great week, everyone. Cheers.

Hey, are you ready to transform your self-image, but lack direction and support? If so, I'd like to invite you to join the School of Self-Image. This is an exclusive monthly membership where you'll create your own powerful before-and-after story. Through weekly classes and coaching, you'll learn powerful techniques on how to elevate the quality of your mindset, style, and surroundings to change how you see yourself and create extraordinary results in your life. Head over to schoolofselfimage.com/join to learn more.

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