Are we actually lonelier than we used to be?

In Episode 144, Kasey and Brian wade into loneliness: why so many people feel disconnected even when they are surrounded by people, why independence may not be the strength we’ve made it out to be, and how technology can give us more ways to connect while leaving our relationships increasingly shallow.

Kasey argues that we’ve been sold three promises that haven’t quite delivered: work hard and you’ll have what you need, independence will make you strong, and technology will bring us closer together. Brian describes the “monster” we’ve created: a world so efficient that we can meet almost every need without actually needing another person.

But this isn’t an episode about diagnosing the problem and walking away.

They talk about asking people for help, giving others opportunities to be useful, finding people who will celebrate with you, turning whatever work you do into service, and intentionally becoming a witness to the people around you.

See people. Notice them. Celebrate them. Let them help you. Let yourself be known.

We may not have the perfect answer to loneliness. Maybe we don’t need one.

Maybe we just need to remember that we’re all standing on the same sideline.

Loneliness is everywhere, but admitting that you’re lonely can feel different than admitting you’re stressed, anxious, or struggling. Kasey and Brian explore what has changed about the way we live, work, communicate, and depend on one another, and why genuine connection requires more than simply being around people.

• Why loneliness can exist even when we are surrounded by people
• The three “failed promises” of work, rugged individualism, and technology
• What Frankenstein can teach us about the monster of isolation we’ve created
• Why efficiency isn’t always a human good
• The difference between being alone and being lonely
• How social media creates wide but shallow streams of connection
• Why comparison and constantly editing ourselves can make real connection harder
• The importance of asking other people for help, even when we could figure it out ourselves
• Why allowing people to be useful to one another builds relationships
• “Will you think out loud with me?” as an invitation to connection
• How asking parents, colleagues, and friends for help can put us on the same team
• Why belonging requires intentionality
• Finding people you can call when you need help and when you have something worth celebrating
• Turning any job into a service job
• The importance of being a witness to someone else’s work, joy, struggle, and success
• Why waiting for the perfect solution can become an excuse to do nothing
• Choosing the process of connection even when we can’t control the outcome
• The reminder that we are all experiencing the human condition together

We spend a lot of time looking for a big solution to loneliness because loneliness feels like a big problem.

Maybe the response is smaller.

Ask for help.

Let somebody help you.

Celebrate someone.

Call somebody with good news.

Notice what another person is doing and tell them specifically what you saw.

Be useful to one another.

Be a witness.

Connection doesn’t happen accidentally. We have to keep choosing it.

Show NotesIn this episode:A few moments along the way:The Big Idea

Season five is here. Probably.

Kasey and Brian return to discuss what “back to basics” looks like in school leadership. They explore why leaders sometimes need to get on the line with their people, how screens may interfere with learning, why behavior should be treated as something students can be taught, and why educators must stop punishing personalities that do not fit neatly into the classroom.

Along the way, they detour through Taco Bell, restorative practices, handwritten notes, principal titles, paddles (not really), and the fine line between helping others and doing everyone else’s job.

The big ideas: Leaders build trust by sharing the work, accountability should lead to learning, and every student’s identity needs room to exist in school.

Kasey shares what a crowded Taco Bell taught him about leadership: Sometimes leaders have to stop managing from the sidelines and get on the line. Brian explains why his school is going “back to basics,” including more intentional use of technology, direct communication with families, and a renewed focus on relationships.

The conversation also examines behavior as instruction. Rather than relying on punishment, rewards, or the latest packaged program, educators must identify the skills students need and intentionally teach, practice, and reinforce them. Brian offers a particularly important challenge: Stop punishing personalities. The qualities that frustrate an adult in one setting may become a student’s greatest strengths when they are understood and refined.

Topics include:

• Getting on the line as a school leader
• Building credibility and trust by sharing the work
• Knowing when a leader needs to get off the line and repair the system
• Returning to hands-on, paper-and-pencil learning
• Using technology to access or communicate information without allowing it to replace learning
• Treating reading, mathematics, and behavior as equally important areas of instruction
• Accountability versus punishment
• The limitations of consequences, rewards, and stickers
• Restorative practices and protecting students from being revictimized
• Separating a student’s behavior from the student’s identity
• Refusing to punish students simply because their personalities challenge us
• Rebuilding relationships with families through phone calls, face-to-face conversations, and handwritten notes

Episode timestamps:

• 00:07 – Welcome back and the beginning of season five
• 01:15 – Kasey’s new role and why leaders must “get on the line”
• 05:52 – Sharing the work to build relationships and trust
• 08:53 – Brian’s back-to-basics approach
• 09:23 – Rethinking technology during the learning process
• 12:05 – Screens, distraction, boredom, and student behavior
• 15:20 – Can behavior be taught?
• 17:12 – Accountability, intervention, and behavior as instruction
• 19:39 – Restorative practices: Is the problem the practice or its implementation?
• 24:21 – Returning to the basics of discipline
• 25:00 – Stop punishing personalities
• 28:11 – Leadership, authority, and what staff should call the principal
• 30:20 – Direct communication and reconnecting with families
• 32:20 – Final takeaways
• 33:35 – Getting on the line without staying there forever

Key takeaway:

Students should be held accountable for meeting reasonable expectations, but accountability must include instruction. Our job is not to punish away who students are. It is to help them develop the skills to use who they are successfully.

What does it mean to close learning gaps without denying students access to grade-level learning? In this episode, John Almarode and I discuss how meaningful scaffolding protects the learning target, why access matters, and what teachers can do to uncover evidence of student thinking. We also examine why investing in teachers and implementation matters more than simply purchasing another curriculum.

Great conversations deserve a second listen.

In this edition of Second-hand Schurtz, we revisit Episode 38—a conversation recorded before Kasey became a principal about beginning the school year with purpose, clarity, and authenticity.

Starting strong isn’t simply about generating excitement. It’s about establishing commitments we can return to when the optimism of August meets the challenges of the year.

Brian and Kasey wrestle with five enduring ideas:

• Light up the room by leaning into who you are
• Make important beliefs tangible
• Create a genuine sense of belonging
• Decide in advance how conflict will be resolved
• Maintain a “to-be” list alongside the to-do list

Some of the language might sound different from the principal’s chair today, but the essential questions remain:

How will we resolve conflict?
What will we consistently focus on?
Who do we want to be while doing the work?

Original Episode 38: “Start the Year Off Strong—Lean Into Who You Are.”

In Episode 142, Kasey and Brian sit down with Mr. Rupp, a high school English teacher and creator known for his sharp, funny, and thoughtful videos about rhetoric, fallacies, and how we think.

The conversation moves from logical fallacies to grading, leadership, parent communication, and the complicated realities of teaching. Mr. Rupp breaks down ideas like the bike shed effect, the Nirvana fallacy, and hostile attribution bias, while pushing educators to think more clearly about the systems, assumptions, and reactions that shape our schools.

This episode is funny, challenging, and deeply practical. It is a reminder that education does not need to be perfect to be good, but it does require us to keep thinking.

Follow Mr. Rupp:
YouTube — MR RUPP™️
TikTok — @hashtagjrupp
Instagram — @hashtagjrupp

Find Schurtz & Ties:
Schurtz & Ties Website
Podcast Episodes
Apple Podcasts
Teach Better Podcast Network

#SchurtzAndTies#EducationPodcast#TeacherLife#CriticalThinking#EducationLeadership

In Episode 141, Kasey and Brian sit down with John Dini, author of Hunting in a Farmer’s World, for a conversation about entrepreneurs, systems, leadership, education, and the students who do not always fit neatly into the routines of school.

Together, they explore the difference between “hunters” and “farmers,” what happens when visionary people are placed inside highly managed systems, and how this applies to business owners, school leaders, teachers, and students. The conversation moves from entrepreneurship and exit planning to classroom routines, student autonomy, leadership vision, and the challenge of handing something you care deeply about over to someone else.

This episode is about seeing people more clearly, leading with vision, and making space for the students and adults who may not be broken, but may simply be wired to hunt in a farmer’s world.

Listen and learn more at http://www.schurtzandties.com

Hashtags:
#SchurtzAndTies
#EducationLeadership
#StudentEngagement
#LeadershipDevelopment

Why do smart leaders make things more complicated than they need to be?

In Episode 140, Kasey and Brian sit down with Casey Watts, author of The Craft of Clarity, for a conversation about leadership, initiative fatigue, and the kind of clarity that goes beyond simply communicating more.

Casey reminds us that hard work cannot overcome a lack of clarity. Sometimes the work that creates the most clarity is slower, more reflective, and more uncomfortable than simply adding another program, person, meeting, or initiative.

The conversation explores why leaders often solve the wrong problem, why “simple” does not mean “easy,” and why action is sometimes what helps us gain the clarity we keep waiting for.

A few big ideas from the episode:

✅ We often complicate problems because we are replicating systems we grew up in.
✅ Hard work matters, but it cannot replace clarity.
✅ Leaders sometimes “idolize clarity” and wait too long to act.
✅ Simple solutions often require deeper thinking, not less thinking.
✅ Staff ownership begins by asking better questions and listening without defending.
✅ Before launching the next thing, leaders should ask: Do we have to?

And yes, there were technical difficulties. A frozen screen. A disappearing guest. Possibly a blown transformer. Maybe someone owes someone coffee. But somehow, the chaos made the clarity even better.

This one is for teachers, leaders, instructional coaches, and anyone trying to make meaningful work feel less like “one more thing” and more like the right next thing.

#SchurtzAndTies #Episode140 #CaseyWatts #TheCraftOfClarity #EducationalLeadership #InstructionalLeadership #SchoolLeadership #TeacherLeadership #ClarityInEducation #PLC #InstructionalCoaching #LeadershipDevelopment #SchoolImprovement #TeacherClarity #EducationPodcast #EduPodcast #LeadWithClarity #LessButBetter #NotMoreWorkMoreIntentionalWork

What happens when educational leadership starts looking more like social media performance than authentic service?In this episode of the Schurtz & Ties podcast, Kasey Schurtz and Brian T. Miller are joined once again by educator and consultant Jed Hafer for a candid, funny, and deeply honest conversation about the rise of the “celebrity principal.” Together, they wrestle with an important question:When does sharing great school leadership become more about the leader than the students?The conversation dives into:Greeting students at the doorFilming school interactions for social mediaRemoving students from classroomsDelayed Learning Opportunities (DLOs)Instructional leadership vs. performative leadershipWhy behavior should be taught like academicsThe danger of “easy answers” in school disciplineAuthenticity, vulnerability, and ego in leadershipWhy professional development still mattersThis episode is equal parts reflective, practical, and entertaining, with plenty of moments that educators will immediately recognize from their own schools.Whether you are a principal, teacher, instructional coach, or simply passionate about education, this conversation challenges us to think carefully about what truly helps students and staff grow.🎙️ Schurtz & Ties Podcastwww.schurtzandties.com📚 Learn more about behavior and instructional systems athttps://www.behavioralleadership.com/#education #schoolleadership #principal #teachers #behavior #classroommanagement #instructionalleadership #educationpodcast #edchat #teacherlife #schoolculture #leadership #DLO #studentbehavior #professionaldevelopment #SchurtzAndTies #ErvinEducation

Psychologist, researcher, and author known for her work on gender, social norms, and the myths that shape how we understand boys, girls, men, and women. In this conversation, Cordelia Fine joins Schurtz & Ties for a careful discussion about gender in schools, the assumptions educators make about boys and girls, and why treating students as individuals matters more than leaning on stereotypes. The conversation moves through classroom expectations, masculinity, boys and purpose, gender roles, economic shifts, and the tension between equality, identity, and opportunity. Rather than offering simple answers, this episode explores why some of education’s hardest questions often live in the gray.

🎙 Schurtz & Ties Podcast

Follow the show for more conversations about education, culture, and learning.

#SchurtzAndTies #EducationPodcast #CordeliaFine #SchoolCulture #TeachingAndLearning #EducationConversation

Website: http://www.schurtzandties.com

Show Notes

Educator, author, and speaker known for challenging traditional thinking about motivation, rewards, punishment, homework, grading, and the role of power in schools. In this conversation, Alfie Kohn pushes on some of education’s most familiar assumptions: why control often replaces trust, how compliance can diminish curiosity, why democratic classrooms matter, and what it means for educators to serve as a buffer between students and harmful systems. The discussion moves through parenting, classroom decision-making, school leadership, and the tension between doing what is expected and doing what is right for kids.

Website:

Alfie Kohn

https://www.alfiekohn.org

Listen to More Episodes

🎙 Schurtz & Ties Podcast

Connect With Us

Follow the show for more conversations about education, culture, and learning.

#SchurtzAndTies #EducationPodcast #AlfieKohn #Motivation #ClassroomCulture #SchoolLeadership #Curiosity #TeachingAndLearning