John and The Duchess pivoted from a canceled Thursday show into a Friday free-for-all, and somehow a perfectly timed Mike drop of a chicken squawk ended up naming the whole episode. They went from Colombia's cocaine hippos to Ron Popeil nostalgia to Trump flipping off NATO — and that was just the first hour.

• Cocaine Hippos of Colombia: Why Pablo Escobar's leftover hippo herd is terrorizing villages, and why John thinks 80 culled isn't nearly enough.
• Ron Popeil Rabbit Hole: Mr. Microphone, the bottle cutter that gave John stitches, and the Pocket Fisherman he launched into a creek out of pure rage.
• Boat Rage, Big Pig Edition: The cooler-of-beer-heaved-into-the-channel story. Enough said.
• Screaming Chicken Moment: Producer Mike's drop that accidentally titled the show. You'll know it when you hear it.
• Iran & the Strait of Hormuz: Trump thanks NATO by telling them to stay home, and John has a few choice words about Europe suddenly wanting to play hero.
• Governor Milky Squirrely vs. ICE: An NJ assembly member has a meltdown over laws the state has no authority to pass. It's glorious.
• The Woodbury Warbler: John volunteers to produce a local podcast for a purple-haired Jersey journalist covering township meetings. Hyperlocal news isn't dead yet.

Notable Quote: "You could stick one thumb in your mouth and one thumb up in your ass and every five minutes, switch. Because I will not lift a finger for you assholes." — John, on NATO suddenly showing up after the work was done.

Grab a drink, pull up a chair, and let the chicken scream.

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