THE WITCHES MOVIE REVIEW

Open wide and give a smile to the Grand High reviewers who have the unenviable task of deciding whether to spare Robert Zemeckis’ adaptation of Roald Dahl’s “The Witches” or to turn it into a rodent and squash it beneath our feet like the vermin that remakes often are. Led by Anne Hathaway as the head of a witch coven who come to blows with a child and his grandmother, the spell of this film eluded theaters, but did it hypnotize reviewers Davey, Matt, Eliot, and Jennifer? You’ll just have to see.

**This review is available in a longer, uncut, video version for TIME LORD subscribers and above right here**

WATCH HERE

DIRECTED BY: Robert Zemeckis

STARRING: Anne Hathaway, Octavia Spencer, Miranda Sarfo Peprah, Stanley Tucci, Jahzir Kadeem Bruno, Chris Rock, Codie-Lei Eastick, Kristin Chenoweth, Brian Bovell, Charles Edwards, Morgana Robinson, Josette Simon, Eugenia Caruso, Ana-Maria Maskell, Orla O’Rourke, Penny Lisle, Simon Manyonda, Philippe Spall

 

YOUR REVIEWERS

 

Davey Peppers (Staff Writer, Audio and Video Editor, Screener Squad, Eye on the Prize)

Many words have been used to describe Davey Peppers. Words like “Eh” and “Please go outside, just once”. He studied film and advertising at Southern Illinois University – Carbondale, because two degrees in fields with terrible job placement is better than one, and currently runs the YouTube channel Game Mechanics. He is easily distracted by shiny things and even the most basic passing mention of a movie being sad. He can be found on Twitter as well as staring at a blank wall wondering what the point is, and if his spending so much time staring at walls is the reason he’s not funny.

 

Matt Foster (Screener Squad)

Matt Foster is a stand up comic, podcaster, and movie critic currently living in the greater Salt Lake City area. His lifelong love of genre film began early, when he realized they freaked out his mom. He performs (epidemics permitting) regularly on Dungeons and Comedy, a DND live play with standup comedians, and is the slightly less mustache-y half of the Nighthawks Podcast, a cinema-centric discussion cohosted by Trevor T. Trujillo.

 

 

Eliot Nelson (Screener Squad, Staff Writer)

Soaked in the soggy rains of Seattle, Eliot developed a love of sci-fi, movies, cartoons, heavy metal, and all of geekdom. Pursuing his passion for the written word, he got his BA from The Evergreen State College in Olympia, Washington. He has since worked exclusively in the foodservice industry, like any liberal arts major worth their salt. Eliot wiles away the hours listening to movie reviews, writing his epic sci-fi novel, and consuming as much media as possible. His favorite movies include The Lord of the Rings, City of God, Dawn of the Dead, and Groundhog Day. When not rambling to himself about the ineptness of entertainment executives, Eliot posts infrequently on Twitter and squawks regularly on his podcast The Debasement Tapes.

 

Jennifer Lynn Larsen (Giganticast, Highly Suspect Reviews, Screener Squad)

Born near Seattle, WA, Jennifer has transplanted to Austin TX and is equal parts Roller Derby Girl, Cosplayer, Dungeon Master, Mothra Priestess, and game nerd. She writes the weekly Cosplay beat for Bell of Lost Souls under the name Mayhem’s Muse and travels the world competing in traditional Ground and Horseback archery tournaments with T...