VAMPIRES VS THE BRONX MOVIE REVIEW

In this Netflix original film that we suppose is directed at younger kids, a group of pre-teens in the Bronx (natch) discover that the mysterious new real estate company that has moved into their neighborhood and is in the process of aggressively gentrifying it, are actually vampires who are intent on creating a new hunting ground. Which doesn’t make a lot of sense (really, at all) and we call it for what it is in our review. Chris, Ben, and Alexander all team up on poor Adrian who channels what remains of his inner child to defend himself.

**This review is also available in a longer, uncut, video version for TIME LORD subscribers and above right here.**

WATCH HERE

DIRECTED BY: Osmany Rodriguez

STARRING: Jaden Michael, Gerald W. Jones III, Gregory Diaz IV, Sarah Gadon, Cliff “Method Man” Smith, Shea Whigham, Coco Jones, Joel ‘The Kid Mero’ Martinez, Chris Redd, Vladimir Caamaño, Jeremie Harris, Adam David Thompson, Judy Marte, Richard Bekins, Zoe Saldana

 

YOUR REVIEWERS

 

Christopher Lawrence Cox (Founder, Da Boss)

Born in the wilds of northern Virginia, in 1992 Chris managed to put all of his survival skills to use and barely escaped with his life to Austin Texas, where ever since he’s dabbled in everything from plumber’s assistant to sandwich maker, from band to bar management. An opportunity to see theatrical release films for free by becoming a critic on a local public access show called “The Reel Deal” turned into a full-time job when Chris and his friends decided to take it to the internet. They built the site Spill.com, adding multiple podcasts and animated features, to no small amount of success. During this time, a fortuitous friendship sprung up between Chris and young Brian Salisbury, who was also a local film critic, and they merged their forces of will, and their laundry list of ideas for shows, to eventually build this paradise you see before you. Follow Chris on Twitter and Facebook and check out his Amazon Wish List.

 

Adrian El Critico (Screener Squad)

Though born and raised in Chicago, this film critic is Mexican to the bone. Adrian has been watching movies since he was a child, many of which might not have been age appropriate. Still, he couldn’t get enough. All throughout his life, friends and family would look to him for his recommendations and reviews on whatever films had come their way. Inspired earlier in life by the likes of Ebert and Roper at The Movies and then later Spill.com, Adrian decided film criticism and analysis provided a great outlet to further his love of film. He began to craft his reviews and thoughts on film in ways he thought would be accessible to devout film hounds as well as the casual viewer. Mixing in jokes, entertaining observations and robust critical analysis, Adrian El Critico may be new to OneOfUs, but he is already making a name for himself on our site. If Horror movies are your thing, get ready to hear his voice.

 

Ben Glasthal (Highly Suspect Review, Screener Squad, Breakfast Pub, Unstabletop Gamers, Video and Audio Editor, Assistant Site Manager)

Born in Boston, then ending up in Dallas, Texas in the early 2000s, Ben has always had a passion for film. He started in film school not long after where he launched MovieReelizations.com where he still writes reviews to this day. He’s since moved to Austin where he has been also hopping on podcasts and both ed...