In the midst of a cost of living crisis, what better way to save a few florins than a cosy night in watching the televisual box? Cupid’s managed to bag a dodgy Firestick from the local bridge trolls and it comes with access to the usually-restricted godly channels. Say hello to chariot racing’s Flaming Ring of Death and the cult 1980s action classic that is Gnome Force. Small height, big fight! So catchy. Oh, and Zeus, mighty King of the Olympus Pantheon, drops by too. But will Thor’s loincloth survive unsoiled?

Warning: contains foul language and harmonic gaseous expulsions.