Lost Virginity

Okay, first, let’s get the bad news out of the way. Second virginity is not the same as virginity. Once you have sex you are no longer a virgin. That ship has sailed. There is no do-over. It is not truthful or accurate to call yourself a virgin. A virgin is by definition someone who has not had sex. Period.

Your Point?

Okay, that may seem a tad harsh, but as they say, it is what it is. The definition of virgin is what it is. Now that we have that out-of-the-way, let’s move on.

There are many of you who in a moment of weakness gave up your virginity and now regret it. Some of you were maybe coerced, tricked, or forced into giving up your virginity. Perhaps, an increase in knowledge or a change of heart has left you regretting earlier life decisions. Or, maybe you are like me, maybe you found yourself the victim of a divorce. Where does that leave you? Is there any point to second virginity if you are no longer a virgin?

Yes, there most certainly is.

After my divorce, I joined a program called DivorceCare. That is where I was first introduced to the concept of second virginity. Since then, I have also heard it referred to as “second chance virginity”, “secondary virginity”, or even “revirginization”.

Second Virginity

The concept is simple and important. You can make a decision today to abstain from sex until marriage and be sexually pure from here on. You can deliver to your future spouse the purest you possible. The point is, you cannot change the past, but you can decide what happens next.

Right here, let me address my Christian brothers and sisters. The past is the past. It cannot be undone. But, thank God, there is forgiveness. There is no do-over, but there is a fresh start and a future that is a blank slate waiting to be written.

An Analogy

Here is an analogy for my Christian brothers and sisters. When you are born again, you are not physically born again. You are literally born again, but it is in the spiritual sense, not the physical sense. It is the same for second virginity. By definition, you are not a virgin, but in a spiritual sense you can become pure again in spirit and live in purity from this point on.

Easy? No. Doable? Yes!

The things which are most important, most worthwhile, and most rewarding in this life are seldom the things which are easily done. It is usually the hardest choices to make and the hardest things to do that lead to the best changes in life.

I would suggest to you that one of the biggest reasons there are not more people in the world striving toward purity is not because they don’t think it is a worthy goal or a good thing to do, but because it is hard to do. In fact, a lot of people think it is impossible. Why embark on a quest in which you are so likely to fail? Why swim against considerable social, cultural, and sexual currents?

And yet, more people than you would imagine begin this journey and fight this fight. Not all of them succeed. Some have more success than others. But, speaking for myself, I am glad I made the effort, despite my mixed success. I share a little about that in this related post.

Yet, despite so many failures, many people do achieve a second virginity that they feel great about and are happy to report to their future spouse when the time comes for those types of conversations. It is doable. Many people have done and are doing it. 

But, Why?

But, why bother? Is this a goal worth pursuing? Without a clear vision of why you are striving for purity, you will never attain it. So, why bother?