The Attachment Confessions

Secure Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Born & Raised Secures

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Grab a hankie for your happy tears — because episode 22 is all about the holy grail of attachment styles: the Born & Raised Secures🙌

This is the final episode of TAC's 4-part attachment style deep-dive series, and we're going out with a bang. Because honestly? After three episodes unpacking insecure attachments, nothing feels better than getting an up-close look at what secure attachment actually looks like — and being reminded that it's achievable for every single one of us💜

Side note: listenership increased by 103% during this deep dive series. Y'all are incredible! Thank you.

What we cover in this episode:
  • How secure attachment forms in childhood — the two words that explain everything: consistent attunement
  • What securely attached people carry into their relationships and why it's so different from insecure styles
  • Interdependence — what it is, why it's the goal, and how it differs from codependence or avoidance
  • How secure couples handle conflict differently — approaching it with curiosity instead of defensiveness
  • Why securely attached people tend to attract other secures — and the 5 red flags that signal insecure attachment to a secure partner
  • Why attachment quizzes are pretty much garbage (and what to do instead)
  • The 2 things that actually earn your attachment security: self-awareness and daily practice
  • What "catch and correct" behavior is — and why it's one of the most powerful tools in your healing toolkit

    • Here's the truth: born secures don't make up the majority of attachment styles. But thanks to the miracle that is neuroplasticity, those of us who weren't blessed to start out secure can absolutely get there. It's not a quick fix — it's a daily practice. And it is so worth it🙌

    "What matters is that the moments when your insecure attachment rears its unpretty head happen less and less frequently. And when they do, you're able to recognize it quickly and pivot."

    💜 Ready to earn your attachment security? I personally recommend Dr. Sarah Hensley's programs. Listeners of The Attachment Confessions get 10% off Dr. Hensley's programs at thelovedoc.com — use code CHELSEA10 at checkout.

    👗 Dwell Apparel: Faith-inspired clothing, drinkware & accessories — Get 15% off with code CHELSEASCOTT at dwellapparel.com
    Also mentioned:
    • Thais Gibson — Learning Love (2023) and Personal Development School
    • Adam Lane Smith — Attachment expert & relationship coach
      • Catch up on the full series:
      • Episode 19 — Anxious Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Anxious Preoccupied
      • Episode 20 — Avoidant Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Dismissive Avoidant
      • Episode 21 — Disorganized Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Fearful Avoidant
        • ...more
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        The Attachment ConfessionsBy Chelsea S.