Here's something nobody in the modern dating conversation wants to say out loud: Hookup culture isn't freedom. It's a trap. Especially for those of us with insecure attachments.

This week I'm joined by Bev Mitelman – Certified Relationship & Attachment Trauma Practitioner and founder of Securely Loved – for one of the most important conversations we've had on The Attachment Confessions. Bev brings 25+ years of clinical expertise AND her own lived experience with insecure attachment to unpack exactly why hookup culture and attachment healing are fundamentally at odds.

Y'all — a lot of us have told ourselves that keeping things casual is the safe option. That it protects us from getting hurt. That it's empowering. This episode is going to challenge that in the best possible way🙌

This convo is going to hit close to home for a lot of us. And that's exactly why we needed to have it💜

Bev is a Certified Relationship & Attachment Trauma Practitioner and Certified Menopause Specialist with 25+ years in personal growth. She helps people break toxic relationship cycles, rebuild self-worth, and communicate with confidence in love, parenting, and family life. As someone who grew up in an unpredictable, chaotic environment and absorbed deeply unhealthy relationship patterns as a result, Bev knows firsthand that you're not broken — you're following an old emotional blueprint that can be healed.

Let me ask you something — how many times have you said yes when you meant no? Stayed silent when you should have spoken up? Set a boundary and caved on it within five minutes?🙋

Same, y'all. Same. And as a healing fearful avoidant, I am so done letting that be my story. This episode is a wake-up call — for my anxious preoccupieds, my fellow fearful avoidants, and honestly anyone who's ever abandoned themselves to keep the peace💜

As Dr. John Delony says — behavior is a language. When someone repeatedly disrespects your boundaries, they're telling you exactly how much they value you and the relationship. That's a lesson I wish I'd learned a whole lot sooner💜

"We do not set ourselves on fire in order to keep others warm." — Peaceful Barb

Attachment expert Bev Mitelman joins TAC to kick off our brand-new Summer Guest Series — and y'all, we're going there. We're talking about how hookup culture is absolutely wrecking our attachment healing. This one might ruffle some feathers, but it's a conversation that needs to happen. Don't miss it🙌

What happens when two avoidants fall in love? In this raw, eye-opening episode, we go inside the trenches of the most painful relationship dynamic — the Fearful Avoidant and the Dismissive Avoidant — with real-life couple Tesha & Taylor.

This is not a highlight reel. This is the unfiltered truth about what it actually looks like to love someone when each of your biggest needs are your partner's ultimate triggers.

Tesha and Taylor sit down to share their story — the blissful beginning, the conflict that changed everything, the breakthroughs, and the moments they almost didn't make it. Together, they unpack how they each discovered their attachment styles, what their dynamic looked like at its hardest, and how they've learned to communicate, reconnect, and choose each other — even when every instinct says run.

In this episode, we cover:

Whether you're a Fearful Avoidant, a Dismissive Avoidant, in a relationship with one, or just trying to understand your own patterns — this episode is for you.

This conversation is honest, emotional, and deeply human. Grab your headphones and get ready to feel seen.

Doing the work together just got a little easier. 🤍 I created a FREE Attachment Conversation Guide for Couples — packed with questions to help you and your partner go deeper, heal together, and finally feel understood. Grab yours now! DM me on Instagram @theattachmentconfessions and I'll get it sent your way!

💜Looking to heal your own FA/DA relationship? Listeners of The Attachment Confessions get 10% off Dr. Sarah Hensley's attachment healing programs at thelovedoc.com — use code CHELSEA10 at checkout.

If this episode hit home, share it with someone who needs it. You never know what people are going through – and attachment science genuinely changes lives. It changed Tesha & Taylor's.

xo - Chelsea

Y'all – this one is personal. The fearful avoidant / dismissive avoidant relationship dynamic is, without question, the most painful attachment combination out there. And as a healing FA who's been on both sides of it? I know this one all too well. 

In this episode, we're getting into exactly why the FA/DA pairing starts off feeling like fate — and why it almost always ends in flames.

What we cover in this episode:

The FA needs to feel seen, heard and understood. The DA needs peace and harmony above all else. When those two core needs collide – especially in conflict – it creates a cycle that's genuinely brutal to break out of. But it's not impossible. As long as both partners are willing to do the work.

💜Looking to heal your own FA/DA relationship? Listeners of The Attachment Confessions get 10% off Dr. Sarah Hensley's attachment healing programs at thelovedoc.com — use code CHELSEA10 at checkout.

Listen to these episodes first:

Coming up next:

Our first-ever couple joins the pod! Tesha & Taylor are an FA/DA couple who've lived this dynamic firsthand — and are now on the road to healing. You will NOT want to miss this one. 🙌

If this episode hit home, share it with someone who needs it. You never know what people are going through – and attachment science genuinely changes lives. It changed mine.

xo - Chelsea

Hello, Confessions Fam! Welcome back for episode 23!

He’s baaack! Everyone’s favorite Dismissive Avoidant (actually, recently discovered Fearful Avoidant who leans avoidant) – Brent Stokes – is joining the pod again to help answer YOUR questions!

You’ve inquired – and as your semi-fearless host, I’m here to give you my {not so} expert attachment advice, purely based on my past year of personal heartbreak, Phoenix-like rising, and next-level obsession of burrowing down the attachment science rabbit hole. 

When the people have relationship questions, we’re here to give you the best possible answers to your attachment woes. Been there, done that – got 3+ decades worth of insecure attachment T-shirts!

Today is going to hit hard, provide sound advice, and bring clarity on your most-asked attachment questions I’ve received over the past 7 months since TAC launched.

As ALWAYS, please ask any attachment-related questions or just chit chat with me on Instagram @theattachmentconfessions

To have your question answered on future Q&A episodes, send an audio message with your name, location, and question to the “TAC hotline” to be featured.

Love you guys so much and thank you for your heartfelt questions!

xo - Chelsea & Brent

Links from today's episode:

>>NEW OFFER FOR LISTENERS OF THE ATTACHMENT CONFESSIONS!!<<

We are SO excited to share that The Attachment Confessions has teamed up with our favorite attachment expert, Dr. Sarah Hensley, to offer listeners of the pod something special!!

Use promo code CHELSEA10 at checkout for 10% off ANY of Dr. Sarah Hensley’s transformative attachment healing programs, digital products and services at:

The Love Doc | Relationship Coaching Services 

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Grab a hankie for your happy tears — because episode 22 is all about the holy grail of attachment styles: the Born & Raised Secures🙌

This is the final episode of TAC's 4-part attachment style deep-dive series, and we're going out with a bang. Because honestly? After three episodes unpacking insecure attachments, nothing feels better than getting an up-close look at what secure attachment actually looks like — and being reminded that it's achievable for every single one of us💜

Side note: listenership increased by 103% during this deep dive series. Y'all are incredible! Thank you.

Here's the truth: born secures don't make up the majority of attachment styles. But thanks to the miracle that is neuroplasticity, those of us who weren't blessed to start out secure can absolutely get there. It's not a quick fix — it's a daily practice. And it is so worth it🙌

"What matters is that the moments when your insecure attachment rears its unpretty head happen less and less frequently. And when they do, you're able to recognize it quickly and pivot."

Grab your one-way ticket to cringeville, y'all — because episode 21 is a deep dive into the most complex attachment style of them all: the Fearful Avoidant. And since this one hits particularly close to home for yours truly, I am not holding back any punches💜

Sometimes called disorganized attachment, the FA is my own attachment style — and this episode is my most personal deep dive yet. Whether you're a fellow Fearful Avoidant, you've loved one, or you've been completely baffled by the hot-and-cold patterns of someone in your life (cue Katy Perry's 2008 hit "Hot N Cold"), this one is going to make the relationship light bulbs illuminate like never before.

This is part 3 of TAC's 4-part attachment style deep-dive series.

As Dr. John Delony says — "what kept us safe when we were children will eventually destroy us as adults." This episode is proof of that. And also proof that awareness is the first step to changing it🙌

Life is so much sweeter on the other side of your insecure attachment. I promise.

Grab a pillow to scream into – because episode 20 is all about the Dismissive Avoidant😅

The DA tends to get the most attention of all the insecure attachment styles — and for good reason. It's the most predictable, yet often the most frustrating, confusing, and heartbreaking attachment to be on the receiving end of. Whether you're a DA yourself or you've loved one, this deep dive is going to make everything make sense💜

This is part 2 of TAC's 4-part attachment style deep-dive series. If you haven't listened to Episode 19 on the Anxious Preoccupied yet, go back and check it out — the contrast between these two styles is genuinely mind-blowing.

If you've ever dated a DA and felt completely blindsided by their withdrawal — this episode is your explanation. And if you're a DA yourself? You're about to finally make sense to yourself🙌

As Dr. Sarah Hensley says — every DA might as well have a diploma in dismissive avoidance. That's how freakishly predictable this attachment style is.

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Y'all — before we get into today's topic, I have to share some news that still has my jaw on the floor. The Attachment Confessions has been named one of the Best 30 Attachment Theory Podcasts in the US by Million Podcasts, ranking alongside some of the leading experts in attachment theory. I am truly flabbergasted and so incredibly grateful. All glory to God — and to YOU, my confessions fam!🎉💜

Now — episode 19 kicks off a brand new 4-part series where we're putting each attachment style under the microscope. And we're starting with the Anxious Preoccupied. If you're an AP, have loved one, or have ever been baffled by anxious attachment patterns in a relationship — buckle up. We're going deep🎙️

This isn't a roast session, I promise!😂 Every insecure attachment style has its shadows AND its superpowers, and we're covering both. The AP just wants to love and be loved. Understanding the science behind why their patterns sabotage that goal is the first step to changing it.

Are you an Anxious Preoccupied who wants to share your story on the pod? I'm actively looking for an AP guest for an upcoming lived experience episode! DM me on Instagram @theattachmentconfessions.

>>Want 15% off awesome, faith-inspired clothing and accessories? Check out Dwell.Apparel and use my referral link to get this discount!

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OR use discount code CHELSEASCOTT at checkout

One of the most common questions I've gotten since starting this podcast is about love languages — and how they relate to attachment styles. So in the spirit of Valentine's Day, we're getting into it 💜

You've probably taken the love languages quiz. You know your results. But here's what most people don't know — your attachment style is actually what predicts your preferred love languages. They're connected, but they're not the same thing. And understanding the difference? Total game changer.

Whether you're deep in your attachment healing journey or just starting to connect the dots — this episode ties two of the most talked-about relationship frameworks together in a way that'll make everything click🙌

Knowing your love language is a great start. But knowing your attachment style is what helps you actually use it.

>>Want 15% off awesome, faith-inspired clothing and accessories? Check out Dwell.Apparel and use my referral link to get this discount!

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OR use discount code CHELSEASCOTT at checkout