What happens inside your mind when you wake up irritable frustrated…and then start criticising yourself for it?

In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I sit down with clinical psychologist and Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) expert Dr Chris Irons for a reflective, inside-out conversation on shame, self-criticism, and how compassion actually shows up in real life.

We begin with a simple but, I suspect, relatable moment—waking up in a bad mood—and follow how threat system activation can cascade through the day, leading to frustration, disconnection, and a second layer of shame and self-criticism. Chris introduces the powerful “three arrows” metaphor (pain, defensive responses, and shame/self-criticism), and shares a vivid analogy of shame as “too much salt,” overpowering our emotional experience.

We explore how self-criticism, rumination, and worry can trap us in loops, why awareness can sometimes make things worse, and how cultivating compassionate wisdom, courage, and care can help us respond differently. Chris also shares insights into Compassionate Mind Training (CMT), including the “compassionate ladder,” fears, blocks, and resistances to compassion, and how practices can be tailored to individual differences such as attachment style, shame, and neurodiversity.

We also look ahead to emerging research in CFT, including ADHD, hormonal influences, and how technology and personalised approaches may shape the future of compassion-based interventions.

This is a more open, less structured, conversation about what it’s actually like to be with our minds, and how we might learn to meet ourselves with compassion. I hope you enjoy it!

Timestamps:

00:00 Welcome and Guest Intro

01:27 Irritable Morning Story

03:36 Tricky Minds and Threat Loops

07:37 Self Criticism and Shame Spiral

12:29 The Three Arrows Explained

16:12 Reconnection Needs Courage

17:31 Compassion Qualities and Shame Types

22:32 Shame as Too Much Salt

26:13 Finding Compassion in the Dark

28:40 Practice Pathways and Compassion Ladder

30:37 Compassion Ladder Basics

31:14 Finding Your Best Starting Point

32:35 Researching Individual Differences

35:58 Neurodiversity and Tailoring CMT

36:55 When Compassion Triggers Threat

40:29 Fears Blocks and Physiology

42:04 ADHD Study and Menstrual Cycle

46:49 Assessment Guided Personalisation

52:04 Wearables and Daily Practice Choice

53:28 Context Triggers and Self Wisdom

59:47 What’s Next: Research and Access

01:03:18 Spreading CFT Beyond Therapy

01:04:15 Closing Thanks and Farewell

Links:

Dr Chris Irons’s website:

https://drchrisirons.com/

If you would like to learn more about compassion focused therapy, you can find Dr Stan Steindl's book The Gifts of Compassion here: https://www.ausapress.com/p/the-gifts-of-compassion-how-to-understand-and-overcome-suffering/

Say hi on social:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drstansteindl

Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/StanSteindl

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_stan_steindl/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stan-steindl-150a5264/

Website: https://www.stansteindl.com/

YouTube Video URL: https://youtu.be/mfK3XBCWQWg

*Affiliate Disclaimer: Note this description contains affiliate links that allow you to find the items mentioned in this video and support the channel at no cost to you. While this channel may earn minimal sums when the viewer uses the links, the viewer is in no way obligated to use these links. Thank you for your support!

Video hashtags:

compassionfocusedtherapy, selfcriticism, shame, mentalhealth, psychology, selfcompassion