"When do we start learning all this self-development stuff?", was a brilliant question I was asked by a client recently. As adults, I think we usually come across self-development by accident. Perhaps because we are struggling, starting a business or by stumbling across, 'The Secret'. But I think it starts way before that. When we are very small, we start to learn that thoughts, emotions and behaviour are ours to control. Well meaning adults may say things like stop crying, don't be angry, why can't you stop doing that and sit over there and think about what you have done. As an ex headteacher and parent I stand accused and plead guilty! But I know that you and I and all the other adults were always doing the best they could with the thinking which looked real to them in the moment.

But perhaps that is when we learn that it is up to us and as we get older we learn that there are many different ways to think better, feel better and do better. So the self-development rabbit hole searching begins. But the whole thing is based on a lie. The self we are trying to develop is a collection of thoughts, beliefs and old nonsense we have picked up and the one doing the developing of that self is made of the same stuff. That's why it is never ending and self-perpetuating. But, seeing through the façade of the self is different because when you see through it, it naturally falls away. And that is where freedom lies.

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