Self Help Sucks

Were serial killers born or made? What about people like Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Elon Musk and Gary Vee? The average person looks on in awe as these God-like figures traverse the landscapes of our collective consciousness: why do some people seem to have it all?

Moreover, can the average schmuck like you and me become like them? What exactly does that take? There are no end of talented, hard-working and intelligent people in the world. Why do so few succeed then?

What is success? Is it being "happy" and if so, what does that mean?

These are some of the question that I have been discussed in these series of talks which I have entitled "Self Help Sucks". The title of the podcast is, of course, a marketing move just like the title of this very episode

Herein I offer a brief interlude while I gather my thoughts in order to plunge ahead into the unknown. To answer, once and for all, what it is exactly that separates "super beings" from people such as myself and yourself

Thank you for reading and listening!

The perennial promise of Self Help is that anyone can become a "suberbeing". Just like Steve Jobs, Elon Musk, Larry Ellison or [insert your hero or heroine here!] you too can become an excellent version of yourself and accomplish amazing things. Deep down inside we all believe this is true, that we are special and capable of accomplishing great things. Unfortunately, however, most of us live drab lives of mediocrity overshadowed by the debris of broken dreams and lost hopes. If that is putting it too harshly then at least most of us have not been able to live up to the promise of Self Help insasmuch as becoming the best version of ourselves possible

This episode revisits the key question of whether super-successful people are born with certain traits that predispose them to achieving the phenomenal success that they do during their lives. Are some people just meant to succeed? Certainly, when we study the early years of many successful people we find in them qualities and characteristics that seem to destine them for their later success. Don't we all know children who are gifted or talented in some way or at the very least single-minded about what they want to achieve in life? Some youngsters seem to embody traits that speak of future success while others struggle mightily just to fit in

Serial killers are often those who have been driven by sadistic and destructive tendencies from a very young age. Many were abused or neglected or came from otherwise dysfunctional homes. Others seemed to have had an innately cruel streak from a very young age and would revel in fantasies about inflicting pain and suffering on others. Many acted out their demons by torturing and killing animals before eventually moving on to human prey many years later. The question, again, is: were these people disposed to become serial killers? Was it something ingrained in their nature that caused them to go down the horrific path they chose in life?

At the end of the day there is a case to be made for the supremacy of the human spirit and will. No matter what the circumstances, people in every age have risen above the most severe hardships and setbacks in order to overcome and succeed. An extreme example of this was illustrated in the Nazi concentration camps of World War II. Psychologist Victor Frankl who later rose to fame through his acclaimed book, "Man's Search for Meaning" described how most prisoners succumbed to the day-to-day deprivations and brutality of camp life. Their spirits would be broken and they would become a shell of their former selves. However, a handful of prisoners rose above these most depressing of conditions and became saintlike figures who would share their rations and tend to the sick. These holy personages were ultimate examples of the power of mind over matter

 If it is possible for one, therefore, it is possible for anyone. Another great example of the power of ordinary people to transform themselves into extraordinary people is the Amway multilevel marketing program. Thousands of people from all backgrounds and walks of life have transformed themselves into successful leaders and multi-millionaires and this is something I have seen with my own eyes over the course of years of being involved with and studying the Amway phenomena. Nowhere else have I encountered a program where it seems that anyone from a restaurant server to a retail worker  to a corporate employee can literally change their whole lives and achieve such phenomenal levels of success. Again, just like Amway leaders always preach, "If we can do it, you can do it!"

The question then becomes, if we really can change then what is the key principle of Self Help in order to lift ourselves out of our present condition and create a brand new life of success for ourselves? That is what I begin to explore in this episode

Erich Fromm talks about "being", "doing" and "having" and self help generally glosses over the most important of these. We are sold on the idea of becoming the best version of ourselves: superbeings. We are told that once we have mastered the art of being then we can have and achieve whatever we want in life. What is missed out in this equation is that the only thing we really have in our power which is what we do

Self help sells us on the idea that we can somehow flick a switch in our minds - or something like that - and magically become different people. If you learn to think like rich people you will become rich. If you can eradicate the weaknesses and faults in your personality then you will suddenly become a new person and the best version of you. We are sold this Kool Aid as if self improvement were nothing more than a surgical process where all you have to do is change your personality defects and lo, and behold! You will arise from the ashes of your "old" you as a brand new super-you

The kind of self help that really works on the other hand is by necessity of a spiritual nature. This is because real self improvement and transformation requires that we do something that most self help books and gurus never mention: you have to do and be the best you can each and every moment you are aware. The focus should not be about being and doing what "successful" people do but being and doing what you know to be right. Like I say in this episode, success is not something you pursue but something you attract by virtue of who you become

The late great Stephen Covey talked about the difference between what he called the "Personality Ethic" versus the "Character Ethic." He said pretty much the same thing that I am try to convey here. Self help generally focuses on your personality and superficial fixes that are meant to create success without the hard work of character building. You are told to make eye contact and repeat people's names in conversations and always have a firm handshake and things like that. On the other hand, true success comes from building your character one moment and thought and action at a time

The key to whole thing is that if you focus specifically and relentlessly on doing the right thing and representing the best version of yourself at every point in time then everything else falls into place. You will feel good about yourself and you will automatically become the best version of yourself and yes, a super-you too. The problem is that we don't like being told to be good and do good. We want to be successful and do and have amazing things. Our focus is on the outward aspects of success and we feel that we can somehow engineer the best version of ourselves without being true to ourselves and focused on doing the right thing always