Grab your weirdest fruit puree and pour one out for your dignity—this week, we say goodbye to the Seltzer Bracket in true Beer Engine fashion: with a burp, a rant, and a few questionable decisions.

Tony returns with sticky hands and suspicious cans after a hard-fought bracket finale, while Griff does his best to pretend this is a serious podcast. We crown a champion (spoiler: it’s not your palate), reflect on what we’ve learned (spoiler: nothing), and question the state of “craft” in a world full of glitter and guava foam.

Also in this episode:

– A Seltzer Hall of Shame induction

– Griff’s unsolicited thoughts on carbonation levels

– Tony’s plan for a hard kombucha deathmatch

– A quick detour into macro nostalgia and malt liquor futures

– Plus: Is this the last waltz… or just the intermission?

It’s bubbly. It’s dumb. It’s exactly what you need in your ears right now.

Drink pairing: Whatever’s cold, vaguely citrusy, and legally considered alcohol.

Listener challenge: Guess how many times Tony says “it’s not that bad” in one episode.