Seniors in the Building

Much has been written about habits, what they are and how to change them. As creatures of habit, our daily lives are made up of repeated behaviours that we have developed over a lifetime. What are our habits? Are there any we would like to change? Can we change, or are we too old? Of course, we are never too old to change, and our discussion covers the gamut from loading the dishwasher, driving, or yelling at the TV, to challenging our habits of thought. Our habits shift as we adapt to our changing physical abilities. We adapt and adjust as we go, and if we are thoughtful about it, we can be proactive rather than reactive in our changes. Our habits can be closely tied up with our identity, so as we age, we need to look more broadly at who we are and let go of binary black and white thinking. Yet, even though some thinking may change, we don’t let go of our moral compass and continue to fight against prejudice, seeking justice. Of note, because we recorded this podcast over zoom there is more talking over one another than usual! In spite of that it is a lively conversation.

Convenience shapes our daily lives, saving us time and effort. Our reliance on it grew during COVID and has remained strong. But what might we have lost along the way? In this episode of Seniors in the Building, we explore convenience as a double-edged sword.

Innovations such as washing machines and dishwashers have become household essentials for many. Yet their benefits invite broader questions about how convenience changes our lives How have labour-saving appliances changed women’s work? How does having meals delivered affect nutrition and health? How do smartphones affect relationships and connection? How does using a calculator affect our ability to do simple arithmetic?

As we explore these trade-offs, we acknowledge that convenience can become a necessity as we age. We may need mobility aids to get around or home deliveries when we stop driving. Ultimately, having a choice offers the best balance: continuing to do what we can for as long as we can, while using conveniences for the rest.

As a group, we have collectively been retired for 12,10, 5 and 4 years. Have we made the shift? What kind of retirement are we experiencing? A meta research analysis of retirement adjustment identifies eight different types of people who may have trouble transitioning to retirement, even though they are capable and successful. Do we identify with any of them? Yes, we do and discover that we can even add a category that is not there. Talking about our experiences of retirement provides some clarity on what has gone well and things we want to change. When we no longer have work to structure our days, they can seem long. When we like to be needed, there may be no outlet. When we become physically challenged, the things we loved to do are no longer accessible in the same way. When we try to adopt a new identity, our old one keeps intruding. These all force us to adopt new behaviour and develop new interests while we build on the strengths of our relationships and the old interests we continue to enjoy. Retirement is definitely a journey. How is yours going?

Sleep! Wonderful sleep! In today’s podcast we tackle the issue of sleep. Do we have more trouble sleeping now? Have our sleep patterns changed from younger years? How do we fall asleep? We have all developed ways of falling asleep like reading, thinking good thoughts, or practicing yoga nidra. But now we seem to require new ways to fall asleep maybe because we have more time to worry or are less physically active than earlier in our lives. Health issues can cause us to wake up, or get up in the night more often, or create anxiety. The good news is we can nap during the day if we need. We talk about dreams and nightmares, both recurring and new, and what they might be saying. We identify different strategies for getting a good night’s sleep and conclude that not all strategies work for everyone. We need to find our own unique ways for getting a good sleep. An interesting podcast that won’t put you to sleep!

As seniors are we seeking more safe places or happy places than in our earlier lives? Do we have places that we like to go to when we are under stress or need a break? Is it a physical space? Is it something we create in our mind? Geographic places can give us a feeling of safety, belonging or a sense of peace, sometimes they are long standing for us and sometimes we discover them in surprising ways, places like Wales, Lake Michigan, or Newfoundland. When we are forced to find safer places to be due to a break down or perpetual anxiety, we may look to eastern practices of meditation to help us. Following the breath is a way to let go of the thoughts that chase us. Shifting and realigning our whole way of being once we are no longer working means shifting and reframing our lives. Because of that, peace, serenity and quiet do come in different ways than earlier in our lives and we are adjusting and adapting our happy places all along our journey.

A smile lights up our faces and according to science has positive health benefits. Smiling at someone else makes us approachable and often brings a smile in return. So, what makes us smile? Music, movies and tv shows make us smile. Favourite comedians make us smile. Grandchildren, gardening and telling stories make us smile. But sometimes we don’t feel like smiling or laughing and we must work at making a space for laughter. Health issues particularly pile up as we age and sometimes it is hard to remember what makes us smile. What we do know is that where there is life, even in tough times, there is still the ability to laugh and smile. Sometimes it’s laughing at ourselves, sometimes it’s laughing at the absurdity of life, sometimes it is taking pride in the multicultural fabric of our country and relishing in the hopefulness that brings. Maybe laughter is the best medicine.

How do we stay informed about what is going on in the world without letting all the alarming news colonize and overwhelm our inner life? What do we do to stay centred in the face of what seems like chaos? We watch the news because we want to know and be engaged in what is happening around us. It influences actions we take, it calls us to use critical thinking, and it can make us very anxious and fearful. Building resilience means managing the news, at times censuring it to avoid visceral reactions or taking a time out from it, a break. It also means looking outside of mainstream media for the rest of the story. Building resilience also means focusing on our inner life and enriching it with spiritual practices that help us to fight off apathy and take small actions that can have a big impact. Most importantly, lessons from our own lives teach us how to stay informed and not be overwhelmed by today’s news.

Do the seasons affect us differently as we grow older? Have we become more aware not only of the changing world around us, but also of the changing seasons of our own lives? In the northern hemisphere, we experience the changing of the seasons quite dramatically with four very distinct seasons and we are moving through the autumn into winter. We may say the same of our lives, but our conversation continues to reflect our own unique responses to the seasons and how those responses have changed somewhat over the years. With Rick and Elaine still out east, this time in Digby, Nova Scotia we explore our own resilience as we adapt to our changing bodies, changing interests and how those are reflected in the changing seasons. Quilting, gardening, ice skating, hockey and playing outside in the dark, and Johannesburg all make an appearance in our conversation.

In a departure from our usual focus on aspects of growing older, we wanted to talk about what it means to be Canadian at this time in history. Rick and Elaine join the conversation from Newfoundland, having just attended the 25th Anniversary Commemoration of 911 in Gander, Nfld. That event was a moving reminder of who we are as a welcoming, compassionate, get ‘er done kind of people who embrace difference and try to ease hardship. Jean Chretien, who spoke, is one of our country’s many heroes. We acknowledge our huge country and the landscape that shapes us, giving us resilience, persistence and a sense of looking out for others alongside acknowledging our history of indigenous land claims and reconciliation. We share our experiences of travelling and studying internationally, of being an immigrant and of instilling in our children a sense of the breadth and depth of Canada. Listen as we talk with pride and passion about being Canadian.

When we retire, others may think we have retreated from the world, but in fact we are now free from the versions of ourselves that we didn’t choose. So, what looks like retreating is simply being a more authentic self. This can be both freeing and daunting at the same time. Sometimes those masks are learned behaviour, or are based on gender or societal expectations which are all more difficult to shed. We may find that after wearing a particular mask for so long we aren’t sure who we are without it. As we talk through what it means to find a new self in our 70’s we discover that who we are now is still in development. We also discover that we have more agency to reject masks and be unfiltered. We are more aware of our capacity to learn and to disregard the expectations of others as we move toward our new selves. In short, in the words of Karl Jung, “Later life is not merely decline but it can be an undertaking for establishing a different psychological and spiritual vocation.” An exciting task for our seventies.