In 2020, Hannah was a trad wife, and Cece was a girlboss--at least on TikTok. We reflect on this (necessary? unnecessary?) flattening of identities into these archetypes for purposes of the ~aLgOriThM~ and debate the pros and cons of posting stay-at-home girlfriend/wife content and girlboss capitalist content. Along the way, we discuss Ballerina Farm, the allure of high-intensity high school extracurriculars like cheer, dance, and pageants, and the recent turmoil over diversity and inclusion at Chief, an exclusive women's networking organization for women with "senior leadership responsibility."