In this week's holdall-packed episode, Frinton TV's Twig Harper will be presenting the first of a 200-part series about something or other. There's also the first ever appearance on radio of an alarm clock with a tuba nailed to the side, and a Dalek will be appearing as himself. Plus find out what to do if a bowler hat is fired at you from a cannon.

All this and a genuine policeman tonight on tonight's collection of audio accoutrements tonight, presented by string consultant and banjo tuner to the Royal Family, John Dredge, tonight.