Louvre security guard Wilbur has his sights set on curatorship and the hand of the ravissante Cecily, but first, Monsieur Beaujolais needs him to investigate a curious case of materialising art. A shadowy but efficient Dutch Master; a particularly persistent canard; and fourth dimensional exploits in the name of civil engineering all make an impression, while the audience’s childish response to French affirmatives threaten to disrupt the play’s mise-en-Seine.

Title: The River That Ran Fast

Main Character: Wilbur

Strange Secret: He is Dead

Climactic Final Location: A Café in Paris

Sponsored by: Time Travelling Biscuits