The Wireless Podcast

Richard and Judy's marriage gets off to a difficult start when they honeymoon separately on different continents, while casino moguls Freshwave and Clyde want to take the phrase 'the House always wins' to its most all-consuming logical conclusion. Can love triumph over Richard's indecision, the villains' greed for victory and New Zealand's antiquated laws?

⚠️ META EPISODE ALERT ⚠️ The entirely appropriately named Tess Tickle and loose-trousered Captain Cockburn rummage around a Hawaiian shipwreck; while audience member (and daughter of a figure-skating legend) Laurie revels in her newfound powers of suggestion.

Mediocre young remainiac remoaner Jason Tepid finds himself imprisoned in Western Australia back in 2017 under a new British-Australian treaty, whilst over in Europe Geert Wilders is gearing up for that year's Dutch election. Some now dated and some still surprisingly relevant references to Brexit and all that ensue as Jason's quest to escape punishment and Wilders' lust for power are on a collision course...

Dr Spotless Dirt has been sent to the Planet of the Buttocks by NASA to find a remedy to save mankind's own backsides from extinction. But it soon becomes clear that this is only one small part of a much bigger threat facing the world, with its roots in biblical times. Let's just say our abnormally puerile audience really outdid themselves with the suggestions this time around...

Ace Iberian archaeologist Nikita might have nabbed a priceless magic carpet from a cavern, but now that the population of London is turning subterranean in pursuit of cheaper property prices, she may be the only one who can save humanity from the darkness. A thrilling tale, replete with excavated guacamole, lukewarm samosas, and precioussss things in the deep.

Arnold is a bullish American envoy in the South China Sea, at odds with the audibly Japanese submarine crew, and generally cuckolded by his wife back home. He may well have to mutiny and take control of the ship, if there’s to be any hope of stopping Australian PM (at the time) Malcolm Turnbull from starting a reckless unchecked war. A thrilling tale replete with accent troubles, naked beds and a lot of dodgy territory just about skirted!

Our tale follows Derek van Beeken and Robert De Nrio, two men fighting for their jobs in very different ways, one oppressed by the draconian employment laws of his country, the other by echoes of the past and his own hubris. But which will make the better fist of it?

Something terrible lurks in the dark dark woods (although it isn't punctuation) but that won't stop Moggy fulfilling his promise to a mysterious young woman. However, the rest of the world just got a little darker when a certain pop princess forgot to check whether she had all her personal belongings with her before alighting from the train.

Conflicting feelings butt heads in The Hamlet of Emotions, as Love and Hate battle for the hand of the only outsider, Tracey. Meanwhile, prosecutors bring a bit of Broadway razzle-dazzle to the oddly ecclesiastical courtrooms of the American South; as judges bow to style over substance, will Love conquer all?

When sisters Kandi, Candy and Quandee learn that only one of them has been included in their late father’s will, all sher-bets are off. In Britain, Jeremy Corbyn seems out some Prime Ministerial fancy pants, to give him a much needed dose of panache.

WARNING! Contains Crotch Goblins!