Thank you Newsstand Studio at 1 Rockefeller Plaza for providing a place for me to record this episode for y’all! No more Brooklyn closet recording!!!

 

Welcome back to The Refined Collective Podcast! You may have noticed that we’ve got a new look and sound. I’m so excited to share my new vision for the podcast with you as we continue on this journey together. If there’s an elephant in the room, I’m gonna talk about it. Are you ready to ask the hard questions with me?

 

I am so excited to be starting off this new season of the podcast with Dr. Celeste Holbrook. She has been a guest several times (her episode is one of the most downloaded ever!) and this time we’re diving into sex ed. Something I’ve realized recently is that a lot of us, myself included, didn’t get the comprehensive sex ed we should have in school. So let’s fix that together!

 

Let’s Talk About It

• There’s this idea in Christian culture that if we talk about sex or consent or how to put on a condom… that everyone will start having sex.

 

• “The more information a person has about sex and sexuality, the more likely they are to make healthy decisions about sex.” - Dr. Celeste Holbrook

 

 

1. Where Is The G Spot? Do all women have one?

• The backside of the clitoris (the clitoris is larger than you think!)
• If you were to put a finger inside, you’d feel it about an inch up on the front side of your vaginal canal.
• Everyone has a G Spot, but not everyone likes it being stimulated.

 

1. What Is Squirting?

• It’s not pee, but it does have small amounts of urine in it. It’s actually mostly interstitial fluid, which is held in the G Spot.

 

1. What’s The Difference Between STIs and STDs?

• STI: Sexually Transmitted Infection // STD: Sexually Transmitted Disease
• For the most part, doctors use the term STI because conditions that are sexually transmitted do not always develop into STDs (and it carries less stigma).
• Dr. Celeste and I chat about how to talk to the person you’re dating about any STIs you may have.

 

1. To lube or not to lube?

• When you get wet, that is your body creating a sort of natural lubricant to make the rubbing and friction of skin glide more smoothly. Lube assists in making sex more comfortable and pleasurable.
• There are many reasons why you may not get wet even though you are aroused— it’s always best to have lube around because you’ll never know when you need the extra help.

 

1. What Type Of Lube Should You Use??

• Silicone: Cannot be absorbed and act as a pillow in your vaginal canal. (For this reason it is also a bit messy.) Best for vaginal pain during sex. Do not use this when using a silicone toy. 
• Water-based: Will feel the most like your natural lubricant and will be absorbed into your skin so you may have to reapply. More viscous than slippery.
• Hybrid (water and silicone): Has a more natural feel while still feeling very slick.
• NEVER use a lubricant that has any sort of sugar as it will mess with your natural pH. Always read the ingredients.
• Need some lube suggestions: Uberlube + Jo.

 

1. Should You Go To The OBGYN? Even if you’re not sexually active?

• From Hopkins Medicine: Women should start Pap smear screening at age 21. Between the ages of 21-29, women whose Pap smears are normal only need it repeated every three years. Women ages 30 and over should have testing for the human papillomavirus (HPV) with their Pap smear.

 

1. Are Blue Balls A Thing?

 

• “The term ‘blue balls’ in and of itself is coercive.” -Dr. Celeste Holbrook

 

• It’s uncomfortable, sure. But not serious or dire. 
• This term should never be used to coerce someone into having sex. Masturbation is always a solution.
• Also did you know women experience blue vulva?

 

1. Does Sex Get Better With Time And Practice? Or are some people just incompatible?

 

• “The biggest lie we are told is that sex is natural. Sex is biological. We are built for pleasure. We are built for reproduction. Sex is not natural— it is a skill we need to learn.” - Dr. Celeste Holbrook

 

• As you practice sex and communication more, it can absolutely get better. Work with your partner to explore how to make it feel better for both of you.

 

• “We are not modeled normative sexual behavior. All sexual behavior we see is performed sexual behavior, either in porn or in media.” - Dr. Celeste Holbrook

 

 

Interested in learning more? Starting on September 23rd, Dr. Celeste and I will be hosting a 3-part Sex Ed 101 Workshop series answering all of the questions you have. We’ll be talking about anatomy, consent, and what to expect your first time. You can sign up for just one workshop or all three. Sign up here!

 

Resources

• Sign up for the Sex Ed Workshop I’m hosting with Dr. Celeste here.
• Listen to Dr. Celeste’s episode of TRC all about painful sex and shame narrative.
• Keep up with Dr. Celeste on IG at @drcelesteholbrook and check out her site.
• Check out Rockefeller Center on IG at @rockefellercenter and Twitter at @rockcenternyc

We invest large amounts of money into our careers. But with things like love, we think “It’ll happen when it happens,” and with things like kids, we think “I’ll think about that down the road.” What if we were just as intentional about our reproductive health as we are our careers? Modern Fertility is an easy way to test your fertility with an at-home test at a fraction of the cost. Go to ModernFertility.com/refined for $20 off your fertility test.

 

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