How is it that sex can be so pleasurable and yet so complicated and anxiety provoking?

Why do couples in loving long term relationships often find it difficult to resolve issues in their sexual relationships? What are “sexual scripts” and how can they get in the way of having a more satisfying sex life?

In this episode of the TotalSelf Considered, Jeff Fine interviews Mike Moran, Licensed Psychotherapist & Sex Therapist, Certified Emotionally Focused (EFT) Couples Therapist & Supervisor, Inner Bonding Facilitator and Creative Arts Therapist. Jeff and Mike unpack models of sexual response and sexual scripts, and discuss the interconnection of our sexual and relational cycles while providing examples based on real-life cases. They also address other key issues such as whether there really is such a thing as being sexually incompatible with your partner, and how partners can learn to safely stretch their boundaries while being respectful of each other and themselves.  

“If this person’s so important to you that it would be a real loss if things were not to work out – when that’s the case, sometimes it’s very difficult to come forward and risk letting our partner into our more vulnerable feelings.” – Mike

“There’s the relational cycle and there’s the sexual cycle, and they’re different systems, different cycles but they’re inextricably linked.” – Mike

“It could be counterintuitive to think we’re in such a loving relationship, why would we be having this confusion, this anxiety… but there’s a lot to it when people are letting their armour down to be able to engage with each other at that intimate level, sexually” – Jeff

“When we’re helping couples, we want to help them realize that they’re playing it safe, and what are the blocks to them feeling safe.” – Jeff

Jeff Fine’s website: https://jefffine.com

Jeff Fine’s Total Self blog and podcast: https://jefffine.com/blog/

Mike Moran’s website: https://www.fulfilledcouples.com/