The TotalSelf Considered

How is it that sex can be so pleasurable and yet so complicated and anxiety provoking?

Why do couples in loving long term relationships often find it difficult to resolve issues in their sexual relationships? What are “sexual scripts” and how can they get in the way of having a more satisfying sex life?

In this episode of the TotalSelf Considered, Jeff Fine interviews Mike Moran, Licensed Psychotherapist & Sex Therapist, Certified Emotionally Focused (EFT) Couples Therapist & Supervisor, Inner Bonding Facilitator and Creative Arts Therapist. Jeff and Mike unpack models of sexual response and sexual scripts, and discuss the interconnection of our sexual and relational cycles while providing examples based on real-life cases. They also address other key issues such as whether there really is such a thing as being sexually incompatible with your partner, and how partners can learn to safely stretch their boundaries while being respectful of each other and themselves.  

“If this person’s so important to you that it would be a real loss if things were not to work out – when that’s the case, sometimes it’s very difficult to come forward and risk letting our partner into our more vulnerable feelings.” – Mike

“There’s the relational cycle and there’s the sexual cycle, and they’re different systems, different cycles but they’re inextricably linked.” – Mike

“It could be counterintuitive to think we’re in such a loving relationship, why would we be having this confusion, this anxiety… but there’s a lot to it when people are letting their armour down to be able to engage with each other at that intimate level, sexually” – Jeff

“When we’re helping couples, we want to help them realize that they’re playing it safe, and what are the blocks to them feeling safe.” – Jeff

Jeff Fine’s website: https://jefffine.com

Jeff Fine’s Total Self blog and podcast: https://jefffine.com/blog/

Mike Moran’s website: https://www.fulfilledcouples.com/

The post Sex In a Loving Relationship: So Pleasurable and So Complicated appeared first on Jeff Fine.

[et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section”][et_pb_row admin_label=”row”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text”]

Do you have questions about medical marijuana that you wish you could get straight, scientific, non-judgemental answers to? Do you have a health condition that you believe cannabis could help with, but hesitate about talking with your doctor? Are you open to using medical marijuanna but unsure how to obtain it legally?

In this episode of The Total Self Considered, Jeff Fine interviews Sang Choi, the pharmacist in charge and director of the downstate region medical marijuana dispensary in New York. Jeff and Sang discuss the long-lasting impact of the predominantly illegal status of marijuana, the resulting stigma created around its use for medical purposes, and why even though political and cultural attitudes have been shifting many people are still uncomfortable talking about medical marijuana with their health providers. Sang explains how CBD and THC work in our bodies and the importance of finding the optimal balance and dosage of each ingredient to meet one’s unique needs. Jeff and Sang also go over the process of finding a certified practitioner, obtaining a medical marijuana card, and what it’s like to visit a medical marijuana dispensary. 

“To be able to reduce the dose or use medical marijuana instead of an opioid, what an amazing thing that would be…” Jeff Fine

“I think when you break it down to, that cannabis is medicine, it helps patients feel more at ease that it’s not this hokey medicine but an actual substance, a natural substance that helps the pain or nausea…” Sang Choi

“People should know that it’s not illegal to talk to your internist or any other doctor about the possibility of treatment with medical marijuana…and not worry about getting in trouble.” Jeff Fine

“It’s tested for potency, contaminants, fungus, heavy metals, and pesticides, so in the medical program you’re assured that you’re getting a very good product that follows good manufacturing practices.” Sang Choi

Jeff Fine’s website: https://jefffine.com

Jeff Fine’s Total Self blog and podcast: https://jefffine.com/blog/

Sang Choi’s profile on etain: https://etainhealth.com/sang-choi/

Etain: https://etainhealth.com/

NY State Department of Health list of medical marijuana practitioners: https://www.health.ny.gov/regulations/medical_marijuana/practitioner/public_list.htm

[/et_pb_text][et_pb_button admin_label=”Subscribe Sign up Button” saved_tabs=”all” button_url=”https://mailchi.mp/mytotalself/signup” url_new_window=”on” button_text=”Let me know when new episodes and blog posts are up!” button_alignment=”center” background_layout=”light” button_rel=”|on|||” custom_button=”off” button_letter_spacing=”0″ button_use_icon=”default” button_icon_placement=”right” button_on_hover=”on” button_letter_spacing_hover=”0″ /][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section]

The post Medical Marijuana: What You Need To Know appeared first on Jeff Fine.

[et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section”][et_pb_row admin_label=”row”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text” background_layout=”light” text_orientation=”left” use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid”]

Why do so many of us find it so difficult to talk about sex? How important is the pleasure aspect in sexual relationships? Who should one go to if they are having issues with sexual intimacy?

In this episode of The Total Self Considered, Jeff Fine interviews Zoya Simakhodskaya, a psychotherapist specializing in couples therapy and sexual relationships. An experienced therapist, instructor, and EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) practitioner, Zoya brings her insights from many years of working with couples and educating therapists about the importance of addressing sexual issues in relationships. Jeff and Zoya discuss what goes into a healthy, satisfying sex life and why people avoid talking about sex. Together, they break down common patterns that lead to issues in sexual relationships, and the personal, social and cultural factors that complicate the issues, and share some advice for couples who may be struggling.

“The quality of the emotional relationship will always affect their sexuality.

It’s very hard to feel relaxed, and playful, and have fun if you are stressed out.”- Zoya

“Being intimate implies you have to let some of your armor down. If you don’t feel safe, that armor is really hard to let down.”  – Jeff

“Be brave and courageous to bring it up if you’re struggling.” – Zoya

Jeff Fine’s website: https://jefffine.com

Jeff Fine’s Total Self blog and podcast: https://jefffine.com/blog/

Zoya Simakhodskaya  – Center for Psychological and Interpersonal Development: https://cpidnyc.com/about-us/zoya-simakhodskaya-phd/

[/et_pb_text][et_pb_button admin_label=”Subscribe Sign up Button” saved_tabs=”all” button_url=”https://mailchi.mp/mytotalself/signup” url_new_window=”on” button_text=”Let me know when new episodes and blog posts are up!” button_alignment=”center” background_layout=”light” button_rel=”|on|||” custom_button=”off” button_letter_spacing=”0″ button_use_icon=”default” button_icon_placement=”right” button_on_hover=”on” button_letter_spacing_hover=”0″ /][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section]

The post Talking about Sex: Complicated, Uncomfortable, Necessary appeared first on Jeff Fine.

[et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section”][et_pb_row admin_label=”row”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text” background_layout=”light” text_orientation=”left” use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid”]

When we’re injured we want answers. We want someone to tell us what is wrong and what to do about it. Yet all too often, people in pain find themselves on the medical merry-go-round. They go to multiple doctors and other providers only to find that their pain remains unchanged or worsens. And because pain causes not just physical but also emotional suffering (hopelessness, despair, and frustration), sometimes people stop trying to find new ways to heal.

The good news is that yoga, though familiar to many in our culture but rarely viewed as a viable modality to treat and manage injuries and pain, may be just what the doctor didn’t order!

In this episode of the podcast, I speak with Caryna Wong, who has had great success using yoga to help clients work through injuries, manage pain, and improve their functional capacity. Caryna found non-traditional ways to manage her pain and heal herself after going through the aftermath of a car accident, as well as auto-immune and other health problems. As someone who personally dealt with chronic pain and multiple injuries, and transformed herself, Caryna brings unique insights into her work with people dealing with injury and pain.

“People who are hurt or have pain, they already feel bad so they don’t want to feel worse.” – Jeff

“Moving hurts but not moving would hurt more.” – Caryna

“The more you can control your body, the more you’re going to be able to control the pain.” – Caryna

“The consistency of your attention to this is going to help you with staying injury free.” – Jeff

Jeff Fine’s website: https://jefffine.com

Jeff Fine’s Total Self blog and podcast: https://jefffine.com/blog/

Caryna Wong’s Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/carynayoga/

Caryna Wong website: http://www.carynawong.com/

[/et_pb_text][et_pb_button admin_label=”sign up button” button_url=”https://mailchi.mp/mytotalself/signup” url_new_window=”off” button_text=”Let me know when new episodes and posts are up!” button_alignment=”center” background_layout=”light” custom_button=”off” button_letter_spacing=”0″ button_use_icon=”default” button_icon_placement=”right” button_on_hover=”on” button_letter_spacing_hover=”0″ saved_tabs=”all” global_module=”27322″ /][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section]

The post Yoga: An Effective Yet Underrated Treatment For Injuries And Chronic Pain appeared first on Jeff Fine.

[et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section”][et_pb_row admin_label=”row”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text” background_layout=”light” text_orientation=”left” use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid”]

The number of options when deciding what to include in your exercise program can get overwhelming: functional movement, body weight exercises, strength training, cardio, yoga, pilates, crossfit… As a result, it can be challenging to devise a fitness program that’s safe, effective, and maintains your interest long-term.

In this episode of The Total Self Considered, Jeff Fine interviews Vincent Metzo, Dean of the Advanced Personal Training Program at the Swedish Institute, Director of Education of Kettlebell Concepts, and licensed massage therapist.  As Vincent and Jeff discuss how to help build a healthy fitness program for 40-60 year-old “weekend warrior” types, they delve into the history of physical education programs in the US, what’s lacking in current fitness and exercise trends, and how important it is for people to have “physical literacy”. They encourage people to shift their mindset from “exercise” to a lifetime model of physical activity that includes locomotion skills, body management skills, and object manipulation skills.

• 40-60 male and females who want to exercise, have fun, compete, but avoid injury
• Active sedentary lifestyle
• “Just do what you like” might not give you the best return on your investment
• Baby boomers and Gen X have had very different physical education programs in school
• First crucial step when designing a fitness program is to assess where you are so you can set a realistic roadmap to where you want to be
• It’s common for people to end up injured, bored, or lost, if they blindly start an exercise program without looking at where they are and where they want to go
• Importance of mindset and thinking of exercise as a practice vs just one thing that you do
• Martial arts is a lifetime model of physical activity which we are lacking in this country
• The outcome of focus on sports & games vs physical literacy in schools
• Physical literacy: locomotion skills, body management skills, object manipulation skills
• Quality of movement: an essential component not many people pay attention to
• Even some professional athletes are not physically literate because they are very specialized
• Three main parts of the original physical education programs: military gymnastics (being fit and strong enough to work and defend yourself), medical gymnastics (staying healthy and healing yourself), and pedagogical side (games, sports and leisure activities)
• People need to choose different types of exercises: something for their physical self, something for their emotional/spiritual self, and something that they enjoy
• Trends: increase in small group personal training, foam rolling and self-myofascial release
• Economic and political reasons behind the current state of physical literacy
• What role can trainers and mind-body professionals play to help people be healthier
• Movement snacks
• Schools can teach people the three components of fitness: resistance training, cardiovascular training, and flexibility
• Difference between activity and exercise
• Generational differences in fitness levels

“There’s one school of thought which says ‘Find something you like and just do that.’ But what you like, what you’re good at, what comes easy to you, isn’t necessarily the thing that you need.” – Vincent Metzo

“There’s so much out there: functional movement, body weight exercises, strength training, cardio, yoga, pilates, crossfit … it can get pretty overwhelming pretty quickly.” – Jeff Fine

“With exercise, it’s about a practice, it’s not just one thing, it’s about an evolution of your self-actualization through your physicality.”- Vincent Metzo

“We are talking about embracing a mindset of movement, of physical literacy that’s much more inclusive then just working out.”- Jeff Fine

“If you want to have this larger, fulfilled life, and be a contributing member to your society, […] then you need to need to do a few more things than just going to the gym and getting on a few machines.” – Vincent Metzo

“We want to inspire people to think more broadly about their bodies and the joy of movement, not just sets and reps.” – Jeff Fine

Jeff Fine’s website: https://jefffine.com

Jeff Fine’s Total Self blog and podcast: https://jefffine.com/blog/

Vincent Metzo: Physical Culture Music and Art – Radio Free Brooklyn

Blog: www.lowtechhigheffect.com

Online courses: www.physicalculturepress.com

Indian club and wand exercises and classes: www.indianclubs101.com

Ketlebell exercises and classes: www.kettlebellbootcampnyc.com

[/et_pb_text][et_pb_button admin_label=”Subscribe Sign up Button” saved_tabs=”all” button_url=”https://mailchi.mp/mytotalself/signup” url_new_window=”on” button_text=”Let me know when new episodes and blog posts are up!” button_alignment=”center” background_layout=”light” button_rel=”|on|||” custom_button=”off” button_letter_spacing=”0″ button_use_icon=”default” button_icon_placement=”right” button_on_hover=”on” button_letter_spacing_hover=”0″ /][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section]

The post The Key to Safe and Effective Fitness Programming for 40-60 Year Olds (and everyone else!): Physical Literacy and Mindset appeared first on Jeff Fine.

[et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section”][et_pb_row admin_label=”row”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text”]

In this episode of The Total Self Considered, Jeff Fine interviews Wendy Tomkiel, a certified EFT therapist and supervisor who is also trained in AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy), and ISTDP (Intensive Short Term Dynamic Therapy). Wendy and Jeff breakdown the anatomy of a couple’s fight, by explaining the primal wiring that all humans have, and the ways attachment needs shape our reactions to each other. Through typical examples of negative cycles, they pinpoint how EFT helps couples slow down enough to see their own movements in a cycle, and access more options when they start to fall into old patterns.

http://jefffine.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/Jeff-Fine-podcast-ep-4_Wendy-Tomkiel_final.mp3

“We as human beings don’t survive in solitary. We need to have connections and we know that in a very primal, deep level, it is hard-wired into our brain.” Wendy Tomkiel

“In this storm that feels so chaotic and overwhelming for both, each person’s coping strategies actually make perfect sense.” Jeff Fine

“What we always know is that there’s more to the story. And if it doesn’t make sense, then we don’t know the whole story.” Wendy Tomkiel

“The negative cycle is very restricting, it’s almost as if they’re stuck in some place where there’s not many options.” Jeff Fine

“Couples who have a secure bond – they fight, all couples fight – but they’re able to repair and come back together and heal the wound together.” Jeff Fine

[/et_pb_text][et_pb_button admin_label=”sign up button” button_url=”https://mailchi.mp/mytotalself/signup” url_new_window=”off” button_text=”Let me know when new episodes and posts are up!” button_alignment=”center” background_layout=”light” custom_button=”off” button_letter_spacing=”0″ button_use_icon=”default” button_icon_placement=”right” button_on_hover=”on” button_letter_spacing_hover=”0″ saved_tabs=”all” global_module=”27322″ /][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section]

The post The Anatomy of a Couple’s Fight: Triggers, Perceptions, Actions, and the Unspoken Softer Feelings Underneath appeared first on Jeff Fine.

[et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section”][et_pb_row admin_label=”row”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text” background_layout=”light” text_orientation=”left” use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid”]

In this episode of the TotalSelf Considered, Jeff Fine interviews Erika Muraski, physical therapist extra-ordinaire. Erika was a competitive ice-skater until she had a career ending injury. She had always wanted to be a physical therapist and the experience of getting hurt and having to give up the sport she loved has made her highly attuned and compassionate to the needs of her patients.

Jeff and Erika discuss back pain and treatment approaches from multiple perspectives: first, Erika explains the physical structure of the spine and surrounding soft tissue, and the related “mechanical” issues or imbalances that can lead to back pain. After going over the symptoms of various types of back pain, and when one should seek medical attention, Jeff and Erika delve into the impact of lifestyle factors, particularly the role that our sedentary lifestyles and stress have for so many of us experiencing back pain.

There’s an overwhelming amount of recommendations out there to reduce back pain – core strengthening, zero drop shoes, standing desks, stretching, ice, heat, doing more, doing less, laser therapy – but which of these actually help?

http://jefffine.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/Jeff-Fine-podcast-ep-3_edited-_mixdown_final.mp3

Summary of Episode

Quotables

“I tend to always think from their perspective. How horrific is it to wake up and the moment they move they’re in immediate pain. It’s horrible. Understanding that component of it and then giving them even five minutes of relief… it makes a difference.”

Erika Muraski

“When we’re upset, there are physiological and hormonal and chemical changes in the brain and the body that contribute to how muscles are functioning. They can become tighter, more brittle just from being in this fight or flight kind internal experience.”

Jeff Fine

Resources/links

Jeff Fine’s website: https://jefffine.com

Jeff Fine’s Total Self blog: https://jefffine.com/blog/

Erika Muraski’s website https://setptusa.com/erika-muraski/

[/et_pb_text][et_pb_button admin_label=”Subscribe Sign up Button” saved_tabs=”all” button_url=”https://mailchi.mp/mytotalself/signup” url_new_window=”on” button_text=”Let me know when new episodes and blog posts are up!” button_alignment=”center” background_layout=”light” button_rel=”|on|||” custom_button=”off” button_letter_spacing=”0″ button_use_icon=”default” button_icon_placement=”right” button_on_hover=”on” button_letter_spacing_hover=”0″ /][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section]

The post Back Pain: Symptoms, Causes, Practical Solutions appeared first on Jeff Fine.

[et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section”][et_pb_row admin_label=”row”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text”]

It is estimated that in 2017 over 80 million people filled a prescription for a psychiatric medication. What does this tell about the people taking these medications (are they all mentally ill?) and how they’re diagnosed (what’s different about the criteria for a diagnosis of depression or anxiety today compared to the 1940’s)?   

In this episode of The Total Self Considered, Jeff Fine interviews Dr Scott Hirsch, a clinical associate professor in the Departments of both Neurology and Psychiatry, as well as Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at NYU Langone. Dr Hirsch shares his insights on our current understanding of mental illness and medications used for treatment, including medical marijuana. As a practitioner who has been exploring the mind-body connection for many years, Jeff is very interested in how Dr Hirsch integrates psychiatry and neurology in his practice. They discuss the distinction between neurologically based disorders and other conditions, how the brain and mind interact, how medications work in treating epilepsy, depression, anxiety and other issues, and the role medical marijuana can play in treating certain disorders and opioid addiction.

http://jefffine.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Jeff-Fine-podcast-ep-2_mixdown_final_01.mp3

Summary of Episode

Quotables

“The medicines don’t change who the person is. What they do is they help a person obtain better control of their emotions, their experience, their behavior.” Scott Hirsch

“[Medicine is] Not so much a crutch but something that will help you, like a shoe. You will be able to walk on gravel without hurting your feet.” Scott Hirsch

“Metaphor of diabetes – if your pancreas is not producing enough insulin, you’d probably take insulin to help you. So if your brain needs help modulating your mood…” Jeff Fine

“If [medical marijuana] could help somebody get off opioids, that would be very promising.” Jeff Fine

Resources/links

Jeff Fine’s website: https://jefffine.com

Jeff Fine’s Total Self blog: https://jefffine.com/blog/

Dr. Scott E. Hirsch: https://nyulangone.org/doctors/1851514434/scott-e-hirsch

IQVia Total Patient Tracker Database for 2017: https://www.iqvia.com/institute/reports

[/et_pb_text][et_pb_button admin_label=”Subscribe Sign up Button” saved_tabs=”all” button_url=”https://mailchi.mp/mytotalself/signup” url_new_window=”on” button_text=”Let me know when new episodes and blog posts are up!” button_alignment=”center” background_layout=”light” button_rel=”|on|||” custom_button=”off” button_letter_spacing=”0″ button_use_icon=”default” button_icon_placement=”right” button_on_hover=”on” button_letter_spacing_hover=”0″ /][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section]

The post True or false: “Taking psychiatric medication means you’re mentally ill.” appeared first on Jeff Fine.

[et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section”][et_pb_row admin_label=”row”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text” background_layout=”light” text_orientation=”left” use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid”]

Most partners begin a romantic relationship with the best of intentions to create a safe, secure, and loving connection. But not too far down the road many couples find themselves hopelessly locked in seemingly unresolvable, repetitive cycles of conflict, alarmed by the pain of feeling so disconnected and the fear of not mattering or not measuring up to their most import person.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is arguably the most effective model of couple therapy

In this episode of The Total Self Considered, Jeff Fine interviews Dr Laurie Freeman,

Quotables

“We aren’t just changing the way people interact, we’re not dealing with the symptoms, but

“When alarms bells go off inside of us the connection we have to our most important other

“One of the nice things about EFT is that as the therapist we have an assumption that

“When couples feel safe and secure with each other, they have the sense I can count on you,

Resources/Links

Jeff Fine’s website: https://jefffine.com

[/et_pb_text][et_pb_button admin_label=”Subscribe Sign up Button” saved_tabs=”all” button_url=”https://mailchi.mp/mytotalself/signup” url_new_window=”on” button_text=”Let me know when new episodes and blog posts are up!” button_alignment=”center” background_layout=”light” button_rel=”|on|||” custom_button=”off” button_letter_spacing=”0″ button_use_icon=”default” button_icon_placement=”right” button_on_hover=”on” button_letter_spacing_hover=”0″ /][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section]

The post Emotionally Focused Therapy: A Roadmap for Distressed Couples appeared first on Jeff Fine.