This is Part 3 of a 6-part series on erectile dysfunction. This week: the conversation.

Less than 60% of men experiencing ED talk about it with their partners. That means more than half are keeping it to themselves—and silence creates distance.

In this episode, Stacey shares two contrasting stories: one where pretending ruined the experience, and one where honesty created intimacy from the start. Then she breaks down how to actually have the conversation.

In this episode:

• When and where to talk about ED (hint: not right after it happens)

• What to say and what not to say

• Expanding your definition of sex

Talking about it won't fix the ED, but it takes the pressure off. But once you name it, you liberate yourself.

Next week: Part 4. The partner experience and the questions they're secretly Googling.

Thoughts? Need adjustments?

.

Resources + References:

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12152114/

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📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook

📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

This is Part 2 of a 6-part series on erectile dysfunction. This week, we're exploring the mechanics of erection.

Many penis owners do not know how their body works below the belt. Not because they're uninformed, but because nobody ever taught them. So when erection challenges arise with no obvious explanation, it's easy to assume you're just broken.

In this episode, Stacey breaks down how erections work and what interferes with the process—psychological, physical, and everything in between.

In this episode:

• The physiology of erections (and why it's not as simple as it seems)

• The connection between psychological and physical ED

• What can interfere: cardiovascular issues, medications, nervous system, pelvic floor, and conditioning

Understanding the mechanics isn't a fix, but it gives context. Because it's easier to work with things you understand.

Next week: Part 3. How to talk about ED with your partner.

Resources + References:

https://youtu.be/52vH6gDUVI8?si=4sXtUCB5O9PrjC9R

https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/body/22000-pudendal-nerve

https://www.webmd.com/men/what-is-corpora-cavernosa

https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/medicine-and-dentistry/tunica-albuginea

💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/

📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook

📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

This is Part 1 of a 6-part series on erectile dysfunction. Not the mechanics or the fixes —we'll get to that later. This episode is about the part nobody talks about… the emotional weight.

In this episode, Stacey explores what it feels like to live in a body that's changed. The heartbreak and the inconvenience. The way masculinity gets hitched to erections.

In this episode:

• The pressure to maintain an erection

• 3 ED archetypes: pretenders, withdrawals, and searchers

• Why ED feels lonely despite billions of targeted ads

• How shame keeps men from speaking up

Resources + References:

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5503428/

https://academic.oup.com/jsm/article-abstract/21/4/296/7614307

💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/

📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook

📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

In this episode, Stacey explores the rejection stories we tell ourselves and how they affect our sex lives.

She shares a story about a boundary violation that turned cruel and breaks down why we make every 'no' about our worth. How do we separate someone's no from our self-worth? And how fear of rejection gets in the way of leaning in.

💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/

📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook

📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

You want to protect your kids from the pain. But you also don't want to lie to them. So do you tell them about the affair?

Whether you stayed together or split, whether your kids are minors or adults, this question comes up.

There is no one right answer.

In this episode of Sex IRL, Stacey explores the complexity and nuance of deciding whether to tell your kids about infidelity.

Find out how to think it through.

In this episode:

• The tension between protection and honesty—both instincts make sense

• Privacy vs. secrecy: one protects, the other hides what affects everyone

• Where your kids are at: their age, capacity, and whether they can (or want to) hold this truth

• Why this decision shouldn't be made alone if the relationship survived

This one's messy. There are layers. But that's what makes it worth talking about.

📸 Follow Stacey on Instagram & TikTok for insight, truth, and grown woman reflections

💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/

📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook

📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

Last week, we discussed the penis owners' scorecard. This week, we're talking about vulva owners who perform pleasure.

Moans that are a little too extra. Making that "feel good" face to make them feel good. And putting on a show, even when the sex is mediocre at best.

Sounds like generosity, but smells like performance.

In this episode, Stacey explores:

• Why managing someone else's feelings is actually manipulation

• How faking it cheats your partner out of a chance to get better (sex is a skill, not instinct)

• The hidden cost: they think they know you, but they don't—they only know the role you're playing

• What happens when nobody gets to see what's actually real for you

This one's for vulva owners and anyone carrying feminine energy. But if you've ever performed to keep the peace? It's for you too.

📸 Follow Stacey on Instagram & TikTok for insight, truth, and grown woman reflections

💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/

📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook

📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

If we had a nickel for every time someone with a penis said, "My partner's pleasure is the most important thing to me," we'd all be rich.

Sounds noble. But most of the time, they mean: "I need them to get off so I can feel like I'm good in bed."

In this episode of Sex IRL, Stacey breaks down the difference between generosity as performance vs. presence. Making your partner's orgasm is your scorecard effs up the experience.

In this episode:

• Why "Did you come?" is often about anxiety, not attention

• How ego-driven performance kills presence (and pleasure)

• The difference between "I need you to feel good" and "I want to be with you while you feel whatever you feel"

• What happens when both people are managing feelings instead of actually feeling

This one's direct. And yes, we're mostly talking about people with penises. But it's really about anyone who's turned sex into a performance to avoid feeling like a bad lay.

📸 Follow Stacey on Instagram & TikTok for insight, truth, and grown woman reflections

💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/

📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook

📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

She's the one who remembers birthdays and keeps the group text alive. He's the guy who handles the money and fixes what's broken.

They look like opposite types, but they suffer the same affliction: performance instead of presence.

In this episode of Sex IRL, Stacey digs into how the roles we play (think: the selfless woman or the endlessly capable man) keep us hidden.

These archetypes don't just show up in our daily lives. They follow us into the bedroom. And when your personality becomes a performance, intimacy flatlines.

In this conversation, we explore:

• How high-functioning roles kill real intimacy

• Why performing desire (or satisfaction) makes things worse

• What it actually takes to feel seen, known, and wanted

• One question that could shift everything

Next week: Are you really serving your partner's pleasure? Or just your ego? It's gonna be spicy.

📸 Follow Stacey on Instagram & TikTok for insight, truth, and grown woman reflections

💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/

📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook

📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind

A lot shifts after 40. Your tolerance for pretending disappears. That bottomless energy you used to have? Poof… gone. Suddenly, you're saying no to things that used to be an automatic yes (including sex).

It's not selfishness. It's honesty.

In this episode of Sex IRL, Stacey explores how to step into main character energy without shutting people out or burning everything down to the studs. Because showing up as your whole self gives intimacy a fighting chance.

In this episode:

• Why fakeness feels intolerable after 40

• How to say no to what you don't want while leaning into what you do

• Why "what's genuinely best for me is ultimately best for us"

• The magnetic pull of authenticity

📸 Follow Stacey on Instagram & TikTok for insight, truth, and grown woman reflections

💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/

📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook

📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind

This is the inaugural episode of Sex IRL, a brand-new podcast from Stacey Herrera. If you've been listening to Love Is…, you'll notice the shift. Stacey explains why she's pivoting toward the topic she circles back to most: sex.

But this isn't a show about techniques or tips—you can Google that.

Sex IRL is about the messy, funny, deeply human ways we reach for each other, and all the fears, silences, and cracked knees that come with it.

In this short intro, Stacey shares why sex is the entry point to bigger conversations about intimacy, connection, and what gets in the way.

📸 Follow Stacey on Instagram & TikTok for insight, truth, and grown woman reflections

💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/

📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook