Sex Out Loud with Tristan Taormino

Journalist Tracy Clark Flory joins Tristan Taormino to talk about her new memoir Want Me: A Sex Writer's Journey into the Heart of Desire. They discuss her early interest in sex and how her attitudes were influenced by her hippie parents, the media, and HBO's Real Sex. As a young adult, she struggles with failing at being a woman, and she searches for "what men want" and her own desirability through porn, strip clubs, sex writing, and a lot of casual sex. She comes clean about being an orgasm faker during this time, and they unpack why. She shares when she began to challenge the paradoxical sexual norms of our society and center her own desire, pleasure, and power. They delve into how her mother's death affected her sex life, her orgasmic breakthrough, and what she's learned from visiting porn film sets. The book is deeply personal, yet brilliantly analyzes the social and political forces that shape the current sexual landscape. Special thanks to Calm and Sakara for their support of this episode.

Tracy Clark-Flory is a senior staff writer at Jezebel. Her work has been published in Cosmopolitan, Elle, Esquire, Marie Claire, Salon, The Guardian, Women's Health, and the yearly "Best Sex Writing" anthology. She has appeared on "20/20," MSNBC and NPR. She is the author of the memoir Want Me: A Sex Writer's Journey into the Heart of Desire.

In part 2 of a 2 part series on the new book We Too: Essays on Sex Work and Survival, contributors join Tristan Taormino to read from their chapters in the book and discuss how sex workers have been left out of the #MeToo movement. Selena the Stripper, host of the podcast Heaux in the Kneaux, shares faer foreword where fae talks about first forays into SW and becoming a stripper and activist for stripper's rights. Writer/activist Vanessa Carlisle tells the story about forming Hooker's Army, a peer support and self defense collective for sex workers. Tina Horn, who served as assistant editor, reads from and discusses her deeply personal and fascinating piece on sex, power, cults, and BDSM. Special thanks to Calm and Sakara.

Selena the Stripper is a sex worker, sex work labor advocate, blogger, podcaster, and artist. Fae is president of Strippers United, formerly known as Soldiers of Pole, which is a labor coalition of strippers, other sex workers and their legal team who are fighting for the right to a safe equitable workplace for strippers across the United States and beyond.

Vanessa Carlisle holds a PhD in Writing and Gender Studies and has been a sex worker for twenty-two years. She writes and teaches on a variety of sexuality-related topics, from sex workers' rights to polyamory, creating healthy boundaries, kinky skills, and more.

Tina Horn is the creator and writer of the sci-fi sex-rebel comic book series SfSx (Safe Sex). She also hosts and produces the long-running kink podcast Why Are People Into That?!.

Editor Natalie West joins Tristan Taormino in part 1 of a 2 part series on her new book We Too: Essays on Sex Work and Survival. In the wake of the #MeToo resurgence, sex workers of all kinds were hesitant to tell their stories of harassment, coercion, and assault. If sex workers (SWers) tell stories of being victimized, it confirms what people already think they know: sex work is degrading and dangerous. If they don't speak, they can't get community support, resources, a chance to speak their truth, and, in rare cases, justice. Natalie talks about sex work labor, victimhood, the problematic movement to "save" SWers, the role of law enforcement, and the conflation of sex work and trafficking. There is deep resilience and hope in this book which shows how organizing is a tool of empowerment and healing.

Natalie West is a Los Angeles based writer and educator. She worked as a professional Dominatrix while obtaining her PhD in Gender Studies. She moonlights as a sex work and BDSM authenticity consultant for film and TV productions and is currently at work on a memoir. Special thanks to Like A Kitten and Sakara for their support of the show.

Dr. Elisabeth "Eli" Sheff joins Tristan Taormino to talk about her latest book Children in Polyamorous Families, which is based on her groundbreaking 20+ year Polyamorous Family Study, which is the only longitudinal study of polyamorous families with children to date. She talks about the advantages for children raised with polyamorous parents as well as the unique challenges they face. Plus: how does growing up in a polyamorous household affect their attitudes about communication, relationships, and love? Eli works with the team that developed the Bonding Project, an app that can help people figure out what kind of relationship style works best for them: one-to-one, one-to-many, many-to-many, or solo. Tristan takes the test and Eli tells her about her results. Special thanks to Calm and Like A Kitten for their support of this episode.

Dr. Sheff is a researcher, expert witness, coach, speaker, and educational consultant. With a PhD in Sociology and certification as a Sexuality Educator from the AASECT, Dr. Sheff specializes in gender and sexual minority families, consensual non-monogamy, and kink/BDSM. Sheff is the foremost academic expert on polyamorous families with children, and her 20+ year Polyamorous Family Study is the only longitudinal study of poly families with children to date. Sheff co-chairs the Consensual NonMonogamies Legal Issues Team for the American Psychological Association, Division 44.

Director/co-producer Jeff M. Giordano and interview subjects Imani Johann and Jade Theriault join Tristan Taormino to talk about the groundbreaking full length animated documentary Romantic Chorus. The film is focused on sex and romantic connections featuring 21 diverse interviews with people from a wide range of genders, cultural backgrounds, abilities, and sexual orientations as they discuss sex, monogamy, fear and technology. Jeff talks about the process of making the film and what surprised him along the way. The group has a lively discussion about desire, dating, intimacy, polyamory, cyborgs, and even dick pics and The Bachelorette! Special thanks to Sakara and Dipsea for their support of this show.

Jeff M. Giordano has been directing documentaries since 2004. In 2020, he won an award for Disability Justice for the 70 minute documentary The God Given Talent: the Creative Life of Charles Curtis Blackwell.

Imani Johann is a 31-year-old queer black Philadelphia native who owns Decadent d'Vices with a mission to provide pleasure to all bodies as all bodies deserved to feel good.

Jade Theriault is a cyborg who combines provocative thought with moving furniture. Jade has performed at many showcases and festivals, and has a new short film coming out called Masked & Abused.

Tristan Taormino welcomes relationship, leadership and business coach Shana James to explore men, masculinity, and vulnerability. They talk about the rigid gender roles men are expected to embody, the effects of toxic masculinity, and the challenges many men face in sex and relationships. They cover the problematic nature of some men's coaches and "men's work." She shares some of the most common issues her clients come to her with including confusion, fear, and desire and the importance of men's vulnerability in order to have satisfying relationships. They dig into changing gender roles, power dynamics, and women's emotional labor in relationships.

For 15 years, Shana James coached more than a thousand leaders, CEOs, authors, speakers and people with big visions to find love, rekindle spark, step into more powerful leadership, start and grow businesses, increase their impact, create a legacy, and become more personally inspired and fulfilled. She cuts through distraction and provides direct access to confidence, power and clarity. She has an M.A. in psychology, DISC certification, and coaching training, more than a decade facilitating groups and workshops, and has started multiple businesses and helped hundreds of entrepreneurs start their own. Thanks to Calm and Sakara for their support of the show!

Sex and relationship coach Stacie Ysidro joins Tristan Taormino to talk about sex and sobriety. We discuss the challenges people experience with sex and relationships when they get sober, including anxiety, depression, fear, and disconnection. She uses many different modalities to help navigate these often new and complex waters, including sexology education, breathwork, movement, sounding, zen philosophy, somatic coaching, and Tantra. She explains what "spiritual death" and how her approach is rooted deeply in embodiment and spirituality. We also wrestle around with the problems with the concept of sex addiction. Special thanks to Sakara and Dipsea for their support of this show.

Stacie Ysidro, founder of Holistic Progressions, has been coaching individuals and couples throughout the United States over 10 years. Her passion is helping people experience erotic freedom, full self acceptance and expression with grace and ease. She most enjoys seeing the transformations in people's sex lives extrapolate into all areas of their lives, creating more pleasure, fulfillment, passion and peace.

Kaytlin Bailey joins Tristan Taormino to talk about the history of sex work in the U.S—a piece of history that has been undocumented and ignored. She shares stories from her YouTube video "U.S. History from a Whore's Eye View" including the life of black trans sex worker Mary Jones in the 1800s and the connection between World War I, the military, STDs, and policing sex worker bodies. As in her podcast, she profiles a diverse array of people, and we dig into the lives and careers of Valerie Solanas and Cardi B. Kaytlin makes the connection between past and present sex worker experiences, criminalization, and their relationship to societal norms about women. She makes a compelling argument for why we should all care about whorephobia and sex workers.

Kaytlin Bailey is a natural born contrarian and professional provocateur. Stand up comic, writer, sex worker advocate and host of the The Oldest Profession Podcast, she has dedicated her life to telling better sex worker stories. Special thanks for support from Sakara and Calm.

Journalist, activist and author Kelly Cogswell joins Tristan Taormino to talk about the history of Lesbian Avengers, queer activism and lots more. She talks about the inception, rabble rousing, direct actions, and ultimate end of the Lesbian Avengers. We discuss how the group internally grappled with race, class, culture as well as different goals; she shares her insight into social justice activism, what remains similar and what has changed. She shares her thoughts on the state of democracy and why we need free speech and fair media more than ever. She has an interesting take on the precarity of Roe v. Wade and the confirmation of ultra-conservative Amy Coney Barrett to the U.S. Supreme Court. Why is the word lesbian important and what happens to lesbian visibility in a time of no labels and the proliferation of many more sexual orientations?

Prize-winning journalist and author Kelly Cogswell was awarded the Joan Heller-Diane Bernard Fellowship for her project documenting the Lesbian Avengers. Her book, Eating Fire: My Life as a Lesbian Avenger was a finalist for a Lambda Literary Award, a Publishing Triangle Award, and was also featured on The 2015 Over the Rainbow Project book list. Her most recent project is a new memoir, A Word of Our Own, which explores the word, lesbian, in stories about her body and life. She is locked down at the moment in Paris. Special thanks to Calm and Dipsea.

Sex and intimacy coach and educator Dr. Alison Ash joins Tristan Taormino to talk about desire, intimacy, embodiment and caring for our nervous systems. We discuss the power of both desire and sexual shame and how to confront both. She covers some basics about how our nervous systems work, defines embodiment, and offers strategies for nervous system care. We talk about how to respond to stresses, triggers, and emotional dysregulation in ourselves and our partners. She explores why embodiment and nervous system care are important for creating and sustaining healthy intimacy and relationships.

Dr. Alison Ash is a trauma-informed sex and intimacy coach and educator, lecturer at Stanford University, author, and founder of TurnON.love. A champion for others overcoming shame and deepening pleasure, Dr. Ash helps her clients experience the kinds of sexual interactions and romantic relationships they long for.

As a sociologist with a PhD from Stanford, Dr. Ash has a comprehensive understanding of the complex societal challenges that often lead to unsatisfying and disempowering sexual experiences. She also draws on her extensive training in the Hakomi method of psychotherapy as well as Somatica model of sex and intimacy coaching to support her clients to radically explore and courageously express themselves. This episode is possible because of the generosity of Calm and Dipsea.