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Sex & Performance Anxiety: What Helps with Dr. Evie Kirana
If you want sex to feel good again and not have to think about whether you're hard or softening, or whether you're going to have an orgasm soon — this episode gives you clear, usable tools to start moving in that direction.
In part two of this series on sexual performance anxiety, I talk with health psychologist and clinical sexologist Dr Evie Kirana about how to deal with sexual performance anxiety. We break down the real mind–body connection (no woo here - just pure physiology!), why you can’t force your erection or orgasm to cooperate, and how to shift from performance pressure to meaningful connection.
You’ll learn:
- Why fighting or hiding your anxiety makes it stronger
- How to tolerate anxiety in the moment without shutting down
- The four practical steps to deal with sexual performance anxiety in a new clinical model
- How connection-focused goals (instead of "I-have-to-get-this-righ goals") help your body during sex
- How partners can support without becoming the “fixer” or the “nurse"
Timestamps:
01:24 Introducing Dr. Evie Kirana
03:50 Gender Differences in Seeking Treatment for Sexual Dysfunction
05:30 Understanding Sexual Performance Anxiety (SPA)
07:57 Shame and Its Role
10:05 Cognitive Reappraisal: Changing Unhelpful Thoughts
13:06 Why We Can’t Control Sexual Function (Much Like Other Bodily Functions)
15:53 Shifting from Performance Goals to Connection Goals
18:44 The 4 Phases of Managing Sexual Performance Anxiety (& How To Do It)
25:05 Partner Dynamics and Navigating Progress Together
28:08 Why Society Doesn’t Talk About Sexual Performance Anxiety
31:45 Key Takeaways from Dr. Evie Kirana's Research
34:14 When to Seek Professional Help for Anxiety
36:45 Resources: MindMyErection.com
38:30 My Sex-Therapist Reflections & Final Thoughts
48:17 Outro & Support Resources
You can find Dr. Kirana’s free video resources for men & people with penises (and their partners) at MindMyErection.com.
The study discussed in this episode is A theoretical model for sexual performance anxiety (SPA) and a clinical approach for its remediation (SPA-R) by Rowland & Kirana, published in Sexual Medicine Review.
Interested in my services? Check them out here
Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here.
Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link
View all episodes
By Leigh Norén | Sex Therapist and Relationship ExpertIf you want sex to feel good again and not have to think about whether you're hard or softening, or whether you're going to have an orgasm soon — this episode gives you clear, usable tools to start moving in that direction.
In part two of this series on sexual performance anxiety, I talk with health psychologist and clinical sexologist Dr Evie Kirana about how to deal with sexual performance anxiety. We break down the real mind–body connection (no woo here - just pure physiology!), why you can’t force your erection or orgasm to cooperate, and how to shift from performance pressure to meaningful connection.
You’ll learn:
- Why fighting or hiding your anxiety makes it stronger
- How to tolerate anxiety in the moment without shutting down
- The four practical steps to deal with sexual performance anxiety in a new clinical model
- How connection-focused goals (instead of "I-have-to-get-this-righ goals") help your body during sex
- How partners can support without becoming the “fixer” or the “nurse"
Timestamps:
01:24 Introducing Dr. Evie Kirana
03:50 Gender Differences in Seeking Treatment for Sexual Dysfunction
05:30 Understanding Sexual Performance Anxiety (SPA)
07:57 Shame and Its Role
10:05 Cognitive Reappraisal: Changing Unhelpful Thoughts
13:06 Why We Can’t Control Sexual Function (Much Like Other Bodily Functions)
15:53 Shifting from Performance Goals to Connection Goals
18:44 The 4 Phases of Managing Sexual Performance Anxiety (& How To Do It)
25:05 Partner Dynamics and Navigating Progress Together
28:08 Why Society Doesn’t Talk About Sexual Performance Anxiety
31:45 Key Takeaways from Dr. Evie Kirana's Research
34:14 When to Seek Professional Help for Anxiety
36:45 Resources: MindMyErection.com
38:30 My Sex-Therapist Reflections & Final Thoughts
48:17 Outro & Support Resources
You can find Dr. Kirana’s free video resources for men & people with penises (and their partners) at MindMyErection.com.
The study discussed in this episode is A theoretical model for sexual performance anxiety (SPA) and a clinical approach for its remediation (SPA-R) by Rowland & Kirana, published in Sexual Medicine Review.
Interested in my services? Check them out here
Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here.
Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link