Exploring Open Love, Polyamory, and Conscious Non‑Monogamy with Wayne Lesane (Follow Your Heartsong / transitioning to Sex Ritual Radio) On KXFM Laguna Community Radio, Rose hosts Follow Your Heartsong and shares that the show is transitioning into Sex Ritual Radio, continuing its focus on sexuality, spirituality, and holistic/radiant health while opening dialogue around taboo topics.
This episode centers on open relationship dynamics—ethical/conscious non-monogamy, polyamory, and consensually loving or having sex with more than one person—and features guest Wayne Lesane, a sex and intimacy coach (with Los Angeles Sex Therapy) and co-creator of Shades of Non-Monogamy.
Wayne explains his background: he has been married to his wife Melissa for 23 years and they have been non-monogamous since day one, beginning with early conversations about monogamy’s sustainability for him. He notes that early on there were few resources, so they learned through trial and error, which later motivated their coaching work. He questions the label “ethical non-monogamy,” pointing out that people don’t say “ethical monogamy,” and emphasizes consent, intention, and transparency as the distinguishing factors from cheating.
They discuss how non-monogamy is an umbrella that includes poly, swinging, open relationships, kink, and more, and Wayne shares that they started in swinging for about 10 years (including club/party culture and swapping), had children during that period, then transitioned into dating separately in a way that looked more poly. Wayne prefers identifying as “non-monogamous” rather than being boxed into labels, and Rose adds that monogamy is also a broad umbrella with widely different expectations.
Both highlight how unspoken assumptions about monogamy and roles (boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife) can create chaos, and that informed consent in relationship agreements requires upfront conversations about expectations.
Wayne describes what has helped sustain their long-term relationship: frequent real-time communication, honesty versus transparency, ongoing check-ins, and being willing to slow down, pause, or take breaks from open dynamics when needed.
He shares their current family structure: he has an older son from a previous marriage, four children with Melissa, and for the past two years has had a girlfriend, Isha; he and Isha are expecting a baby boy in April, and they all live together.
Rose and Wayne discuss how this “village” approach supports a blended family, provides more caregiving adults, and avoids the common societal pattern of conflict between co-parents. The conversation addresses common challenges such as jealousy and compersion. Wayne offers actionable guidance for jealousy: look inward first, name the fear underneath (loss, abandonment, not feeling chosen), speak it out loud, and build trust; he also suggests that meeting a partner’s new interest can reduce fear.
They emphasize creating emotional safety so jealousy can be shared without shaming or gaslighting. Rose notes that open-relationship conversations can deepen intimacy and warns against opening a relationship to fix an already struggling marriage. They also explore societal conditioning, patriarchy, and autonomy—especially double standards around men’s vs. women’s sexuality.
Rose and Wayne discuss how women’s desire is often misunderstood, how many couples fall into repetitive sexual patterns, and the importance of learning, communication, and slowing down sexually. They touch on consent practices in kink spaces and the value of explicit conversations (“sex dates”) about desires, boundaries, and trusting “no” and “yes.”
Wayne shares where listeners can find and work with him: ShadesofNonMonogamies.com, Instagram (@ShadesofNonMonogamy and Wayne Lesane), and the Shades of Pleasure podcast on Spotify and other platforms.
He also mentions offering support groups (including a men’s group and a couples support group through Los Angeles Sex Therapy).
The episode closes with Rose’s signature “heartsong” question, and Wayne answers that his current excitement comes from learning and exploring something new—especially discovering sexuality and desire alongside a new partner.
00:00 Show Intro and Taboo Talk
00:58 Tonight’s Topic Polyamory
02:00 Guest Background and Terms
03:08 Open Since Day One
05:40 From Swinging to Poly
07:07 Defining Swinging Basics
08:14 Labels and Relationship Umbrellas
09:59 Expectations and Consent
12:39 Education Before Opening Up
14:55 Transparency and Hard Talks
15:53 Family Dynamic and New Baby
20:39 Village Mentality Parenting
22:44 Jealousy Tools and Trust
25:40 Naming Jealousy Safely
26:52 Compersion Explained
29:03 Unlearning Patriarchy
29:51 Intentional Relationship Maintenance
32:33 Modernizing Relationship Traditions
35:54 Evolving Together Long Term
38:53 Gender Double Standards
40:52 Better Sex Through Slowness
44:49 Boundaries And Consent Culture
48:03 Where To Find Wayne
49:23 Heartsong And Closing
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