Our youthful sexual experiences often tend to be one sided: a lot of giving and not much receiving. That’s one of the gifts of getting older—releasing the shame and breaking free of the molds of what sex “should” be, and finding the courage to communicate our true sexual desires.

That’s Krystal Martos’ journey, from thinking there can be only one person to meet all your needs, to being able to say “You are my person” to several people in your life, and understanding that only you are responsible for your own happiness. Nothing comes to you if you don’t ask for it.

And just as it’s up to you to ask for what you want, you have to have the strength to turn away what isn’t for you. We talk about the connection found in sex clubs, our sexual non-negotiables, and our sexual-misadventures, including chewing on banana flavored condoms in the middle of the desert.

Connect with Krystal: @djkmarie

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Jazz flows; it’s about improvisation, give-and-take, it’s about connection. I want sex that’s like jazz. For many people, sex ends up being about seeking control rather than seeking connection, and that control will never leave you with satisfying results. So many of us are taught about sex and love as one specific thing, and we try to force it to be that. We start playing a role in someone else’s dream, and try to control sex to fit that narrative.

Release that. Release the expectations, and experiment with what sex means to you. Try to find what the core of your sexual experience is, discover what sex means to you. Improvise. Adapt. Play. You might be surprised at what you find.

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Connect with Bonnie: Instagram, Email ([email protected]), Website

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We all need to talk about vaginas more often. What they look like, how they feel in yoga pants, what goes in them, and how to give them love. The way out of vulva shame, and all bad sex for that matter, is talking about it—it’s communication. That’s a theme that comes up a lot on this podcast: knowing yourself, asking for what you want, and owning your own choices despite what people think. Talking about sex leads to better sex, deeper connection, and more satisfaction for everyone. And isn’t that the kind of word you want to live in?

Connect with Amanda: Instagram

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Ashley Pardo had the ultimate “guarantee,” and yet… she wanted more. She left, she chose the promise of a happier uncertainty. Like many of us, Ashley was raised to follow to rules, and not to ask for what she wanted or needed. It was only when she began to explore her own pleasure—in food, sex, and life—that Ashley began to uncover her own truth. And even though the comfort of a label or a guarantee will never come, that’s okay, because Ashley has learned to trust herself to navigate whatever happens. That is true security. It’s the only guarantee we have: the person you end up with at the end of the day will always be yourself.

Connect with Ashley: Instagram, Website

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I connected with Jack Squire after recognizing the necklace he was wearing as a vibrator. Isn’t that fascinating, that by how we choose to present ourselves—our clothes, our hair, our accessories—we can attract the exact kind of people who can connect with us on a deeper level. And that’s what Jack wants everyone to know: a long relationship doesn’t mean a “deep” one. In relationships with friends, family, sexual partners… the depth of your relationship is defined by your own communication, not by the length.

Jack and I talk about our hot-buttons of jealousy, the savior-victim-villain complex, how a lack of communication leads to resentment, porn and it’s relationship to sex, Jack’s weight-loss journey, and just how sweaty sex can be.

Connect with Jack: Instagram, Website

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Have you ever gazed into your own pussy? Or required a lover to get to know your pussy before they’re allowed inside? Do you know how to ask for what you want, or even what feels good to you?

Rebecca Sunshine, better known as Sunny, is one of my sexiest friends. Sunny is tuning in to her pussy: checking in with it, how it reacts to different people, letting it take charge. Sunny is advocating for her own needs (and her pussy’s), and learning the power of demanding more from her sexual partners. She’s not looking for Mr. Right, she’s looking for Mr. Right Now. She’s rapping, twerking, dancing, and feeling sexy along the way.

Connect with Sunny: Instagram, Website

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What you are about to hear is an experiment. Because who makes the rules of what is and isn’t allowed, what is and isn’t acceptable? This episode includes a clip of me attempting to read a story while my lover goes down on me, and what follows.

My hope is that you listen with a brave and curious heart. When we talk about sex, we have more and better sex. And the more we are open and honest about our experiences in life, the more we walk around the world feeling more like ourselves, and then we can meet each other with more authenticity. Who doesn’t want more of that?

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Check out the Yoga Strong Podcast HERE

Taylor and I wanted to recap what we’ve been up to. What was originally the Tabernacle Retreat turned into a day to celebrate our bodies. And celebrate we did, both as individuals and as a group. My favorite places to be are the places we can show up with curiosity and with bravery, where a container can be created in which we can hold space for each other and meet others exactly where they are.

We celebrated our bodies, and we got to know each other in a deep, intimate way. We sat in the circle together, and we are all the better for it.

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I want to tell you a story today about selfish honesty—a time when I didn’t practice it, and when things could have turned out differently if I had. Selfishness doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Selfishness can look like expressing our want and our needs, so that we don’t have to be putting ourselves last. Communicate what you want out of your sex life, because the best foreplay is talking about sex. The more we talk about it, the more we’re going to have.

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Just because we’re adults doesn’t mean we don’t want to play with toys. Vivienne Amijee is in love with a toy of her own… her vibrator. Vivienne is on a new journey—one where her pleasure and her self are at the forefront. Gone are the days of making someone else (including their happiness, their pleasure) the center of your life, when they won’t do the same thing. There is so much left un-spoken when it comes to the dynamics of relationships and sexual preferences. Sex (and life!) is about communication, about conversation and exchange. If you want something, you have to go out there and demand it. You have to choose yourself. What happens when you do?

Connect with Vivienne: @tantineviv

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Check out the Yoga Strong Podcast HERE