Sexy Tuxedo Jesus a Romance & Adventure Podcast

Sex is sexy, but sexy sex is even sexier.

Think back to the last time you had sex? What was it like? Was it great, was it just ok or was it a minor disaster

Many couples, who really really love each other aren’t feeling fulfilled in the bedroom. Something feels off or lacking. There is more suffering than joy.  Most cases this isn’t because they don’t belong together, or there is something fundamentally wrong with either partner, but because they have never been taught what sexual well-being and a fulfilling sex life, i.e. sexy sex, could look like.

What is Sexy Sexy?

Sexy Sex is the fullness of Love & Turn-On, when your 5 senses are activated and you then experience the spiritual connection.

 

It’s what we all really want and we can’t quite articulate, but know it when you have it.

 

It’s when you’ve got the basics-- safety, love and belonging and it’s amplified by an erotic energy. “Carnality feels welcome and safe.” There is no guilt or shame or fear.

 

Everything belongs. It’s all in the light. Naughtiness in the light is FUN and JOY.

SEXY SEX ISN’T JUST ABOUT INTERCOURSE, It’s connection!

“The tragedy of sexual intercourse is the perpetual virginity of the soul. ~William B. Yeats”

 

Sexy Sex is sex where you truly open up emotionally and sexually to your partner and receive love and safety and belonging from him and yourself.

 

Questions to know if you are having Sexy Sex

 

- Do you feel energized, uplifted and happy?

- Do you feel calm, centred and grounded, like you’ve become more of your true, authentic self?

- Do you feel more excited confident, like more is possible in your future than you could see before?

"Sex is always about emotions. Good sex is about free emotions; bad sex is about blocked emotions." -Deepak Chopra

 

What is a quick win regarding Sexy Sex?

-Listen to this podcast with your spouse. It will naturally prompt new conversations. You don’t have to take responsibility for awkward conversations, we'll start them for you!

-Get excited about taking your sex life on as a worthwhile endeavor, journey, and adventure that is full of mystery, risk, but is very meaningful.

-Put intimacy on the calendar. The goal is connection, not orgasm. The goal is closeness, not penetration.

In this episode you'll hear our wins and losses from 2016. Ironically, one of our previous episodes was on how we won financially, which allowed us to go to Europe. In a horrible twist, money was also one of our biggest defeats!

Also hear a hearfelt alopogy from Ron to Morgan about not getting her a birthday card last year. 

How we're already winning again with our money in 2017 and consistency and intentionality are the themes we carry into 2017. 

Proverbs 8:22-31

Links from the show: 

Mint.com

We did a lot of research on how to get into investing (small-ish amounts). This is a brand new world to us. We were on the fence between, Acorns, Wealthfront, but finally landed on Betterment and Digit.

More stuff we referred to in this show:

Sophia Sessions!

Come on a muy, muy romantico get away with us in sunny Mexico!

We sit down with our friend Matt and Laura Arbo who are brave enough to recount their honeymoon disaster. 

This kind of story is one we hear over and over or at least some form of it. 

It usually goes like this, "I was a good christian kid, I waited to have sex until marriage, and it was a disaster!"

Matt and Laura go into glory (glorious) detail of everything that went wrong on their wedding night and into their honeymoon. Including how the FedEx man almost walked in on their romantic, but not very private honeymoon airbnb.

No story would be great without a redemptive ending! They also share their secrets that brought them from awkward and painful to fun and enjoyable!

In this episode you also learn:

Why rose pedals on a bed isn't as sexy as you would think

How the cultural view of sex is only tied to the male orgasm

How preparing for great sex is a must

How a husbands lead is critical in making sex fantastic- (stay to the end, Matt really shares some great stuff about this)

We're so grateful to hear and share their story. Go follow them on instagram and let them know how much you appreciate them too. 

Matt on Instragram

Laura on Instagram

If you've ever wondered how we can afford to travel, this is episode where we share how we do it. 

Money, Money, Money or How to travel like a millionaire, even when you aren’t one. Follow along with The R&A Roadmap for Deeper Connection We are covering #7 LIVE GRATEFULLY BELOW YOUR MEANS.  

When we are grateful we say, "What I have and who I am is enough." A materialistic and busy lifestyle isn't sexy or fulfilling. When we trade entitlement for gratitude we end up with more time and money to spend on things that really matter.

We got an email the other day (we read it in the podcast) asking us a very pointed question, "How do you afford to travel like you do?" We knew something like this was coming and thought others were asking the same thing so we thought we'd talk about it in our 8th and final episode of season one. 

The gist is this, we live below our means, we spend less than we earn, we save a lot and we are super aggressive about getting to the root of our emotional and spiritual relationship with money.

In this episode, you are going to learn 6 crucial things that will change the way you think about money.

Why most Americans AREN’T Living a life of true romance and meaningful adventure.

Our own story of redefining the american dream and realizing how our relationship with money had a direct correlation with our connection with one another and our biggest dreams.

The three things that keep most people from getting control of their money.

And how saying YES to just one thing can help you overcome all these obstacles.

What the average american spends on housing, food and transportation and how taking control of these areas will allow to never feel guilty again about that fancy cappuccino.

Some easy practical steps to get you on a healthy financial path, plus 4 questions you must discuss your spouse TODAY, if you want to align your spending with your heart for Romance and Adventure. (see below)

We’ve also included all the steps we took and questions we asked ourselves to get financially ahead. How you handle your money is such a big deal, don’t wait till your next date night to talk about this topic, do it right away. Maybe eat a little ice cream after to reward yourself for your efforts.

1). Get Yourself Basic Financial Education

Enroll in Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University

Read every single blog post on SugarMama.Tv

Find a friend who is good with money and vulnerably invite them into your life and your spending habits, ask them for advice and help.

Manisha Thakkar, Director for Wealth Strategies for Women at BAM ALLiance recommends Practicing Joy Filled Spending and doing an audit of your expenses for the last 3 months to really consider what purchases gave you the best ROI/happiness. 

 Say YES to the Hero’s Journey (Spiritual/Emotional Health)

12 Step

Counseling/Therapy

Program at your church

Have a State of the Union meeting with your spouse and discuss these 4 questions    

What are we spending money on? (use Mint for a good trends report): 

Does what we spend reflect what we value?

What DO we value?

How can we create a new budget that better reflects our values, dreams and goals?

Be willing to make SEISMIC shifts

Downsizing into a smaller house

Selling a vehicle, etc

Sign up for our Webinar How to win at #couplegoals

http://www.romanceandadventure.com/couplegoals

LINKS & NOTES FROM THIS EPISODE

Average American Spending

To Buy or Rent a Home? Weighing Which Is Better

More Stats on Debt from NerdWallet

If you are following along with The R&A Roadmap for Deeper Connection We skipped ahead this week in honor of our first ever Romance & Adventure Yoga Wellness Retreat. 

R&A Practice #9 Make novelty a habit. Novelty is a big turn on. Put little adventures on the calendar every month and seek out new experiences to share with your favorite people. Say more yeses to spontaneous invites and fun opportunities.

In this episode we talk about the importance of incorporating novelty into our daily routines. According to one of our favorite sex therapists, Esther Perel, novelty is one of the big three universal turn ons (as in, I feel more alive and and I'd like to have some sex!). We find this to be completely true and something we make time for on a regular basis, whether it's a regular date night, weekend away or something even bigger like our recent trip to Europe. 

So what sustains desire, and why is it so difficult? And at the heart of sustaining desire in a committed relationship, I think, is the reconciliation of two fundamental human needs. On the one hand, our need for security, for predictability, for safety, for dependability, for reliability, for permanence. All these anchoring, grounding experiences of our lives that we call home. But we also have an equally strong need -- men and women -- for adventure, for novelty, for mystery, for risk, for danger, for the unknown, for the unexpected, surprise -- you get the gist. For journey, for travel. -Esther Perel

In this episode you will learn: 

-the 3 universal turn ons

-the 3 things that normally stop you from novel and playful experiences and how to overcome them

-how to make novelty an easy choice (evan at Trader Joe's) 

-one simple question that turns your downward spiral of worry into an upward spiral of possibility 

-how to balance our need for stability and spontaneity  

-what Mr. Rogers says about the importance of play

-our 4 simple steps to experience novelty in your life

We’ve also included all the questions that we asked each other (plus a few more we didn’t get to) in the notes below. Use them on your next date night with your lover, dinner party with your bffs, or as journal prompts to get to know your own heart better.

Thanks for listening and thanks for subscribing. If you enjoyed this episode, please click on the share buttons below and share with your friends and community.

BEAUTIFUL QUESTIONS FOR DEEPER CONNECTION:WHEN 

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING THAT YOU DID THAT SURPRISED YOU?

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE WAYS TO PLAY?

HOW MUCH DOES NOVELTY INFLUENCE YOUR PLEASURE/INTIMACY IN THE BEDROOM 

HOW DO YOU FIND BALANCE BETWEEN A GOOD, LIFE GIVING ROUTINE AND SPONTANEITY? 

WHAT NORMALLY STOPS YOU FROM TRULY EXPERIENCING NOVELTY PLAY AND ADVENTURE?

HUSBANDS: HOW TO PLAN A NOVEL DATE NIGHT 

Take charge and arrange the babysitter.

Put the date and time in your calendar. Make sure your wife does the same, or try and surprise her. 

Budget for the date plus surprises that you might find along the way. 

Plan for something she's always wanted to do or really loves doing, but do it in a way that's out of your norm, like starting the date in the early afternoon or drive over to the next town.

On the day of, tell her which clothes are appropriate, give her PLENTY of time to get ready, let her know the kids are taken care of and all she has to do is be ready to be whisked away. For added mystery, just give her the address of the place your date starts and have her take a taxi or Uber and arrive separately. It's really fun trying to find each other in a bar, park or concert. 

Make mental room for being spontaneous. See the horse drawn carriage going by? Go hire it. Do you hear that tango music playing down the street?Go check it out. Is that a wedding party over there? Go be a surprise guest. 

LINKS & NOTES FROM THIS EPISODE

Esther Perel's Ted Talk

Esther Perel's book, Mating in Captivity

Morgan on a unicycle 

A picture of the little mountain we snuck up in Matera, Italy

Do you know what would be a huge help to us right now?

YOUR ITUNES REVIEW OF THE R&A PODCAST!

Thank you so much for leaving us a review. Here is how to do it from your iphone...

Launch Apple’s Podcast app

Tap the Search tab

Enter the name of the Podcast (Romance & Adventure: The Podcast) 

Tap the blue Search key at the bottom right

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Tap the Stars to leave a rating

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R&A Practice #4: The basics of feeling good physically and spiritually come down to four simple things: eating more fruits and veggies, drinking lots of water, getting good sleep and rest, and forgiving every offense. Keep it simple and simply treat your body (and mind) like the temple it is.

What’s the secret to having enough energy to pursue romance and adventure? How does sleep and water relate to the quality of your sex life? Why is forgiveness as important as what you eat when it comes to living a long and healthy life?

In this episode we talk about the importance of taking care of the basics: good sleep, plenty of water, fresh foods, a steady practice of forgiveness. It’s the fourth of twelve practices that we have laid out for you in The R&A  Roadmap for Deeper Connection and a Beautiful, Happy Life. Ronnie and I sit down and interview one another from our bedroom in Nijar, Spain about what we do to feel our best physically, mentally and spiritually, the surprising (and interesting) things we learned about the basics of self care we normally take for granted, and what we think is sexy about going to bed at 9pm.

In this episode:

- You'll hear the cutest FUN FACT about sleep ever (in Morgan’s opinion).

- You'll learn what Harvard University says about sleep and what John Hopkins Health and the Mayo Clinic say about the healing power of forgiveness.

- You’ll learn what is probably to blame as your biggest sleep distraction.

- You’ll hear the good news that green drinks can actually be libido boosters (recipe below).

-You’ll hear each of our personal stories about struggling with unforgiveness and how we overcame this resistance to to find new freedom in our life and relationships.

We’ve also included all the questions that we asked each other (plus a few more we didn’t get to) in the notes below. Use them on your next date night with your lover, dinner party with your bffs, or as journal prompts to get to know your own heart better.

Thanks for listening and thanks for subscribing. If you enjoyed this episode, please click on the share buttons below and share with your friends and community.

BEAUTIFUL QUESTIONS FOR DEEPER CONNECTION:

How did you live in your teens and twenties? What did you used to be able to get away with (in terms of sleep, diet, ect) that you can’t now?

How many hours of sleep do you need each night to feel your best? What’s your ideal Go To Bed/ Wake up hour?

What foods make your body feel the best? What foods make your heart feel the happiest?

What would you rather drink than a big glass of water?

Do you like Green Drinks/Smoothies? What are your favorite recipes?

What does forgiveness mean to you? How do you practice it?

How many times generally do you have to forgive someone before you feel free?

Tell me about a time in your life when things weren’t going great, but you got your groove back by paying attention to the basics?

QUOTES FROM THIS WEEK’S EPISODE

"For better sex (and to rid your relationship of the “not now honey I have a headache” excuse) try bringing your spouse a pint of water to bed. Good hydration is a key to a better sex life.

“In the 17th century, getting up in the middle of the night was normal. People slept in two segments divided by an hour or 2 of alertness (prayer, reading, intimacy, socializing).”

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not just seven, but seventy times seven.”~Matthew 18:21-22

LINKS & NOTES FROM THIS EPISODE

Smoothie for Better Sex

INGREDIENTS:

1/2 frozen banana (high in B6 which regulates hormones and decreases stress)

1/4 cup strawberries & 1/4 cup peaches (Vitamin C increases female libido)

1 tablespoon raw pumpkin seeds (Full of zinc which boosts testosterone, important for sex drive)

1 tablespoon dark chocolate 70-percent cocoa or more (increases dopamine, the neurotransmitter of pleasure)

1/2 cup dark chocolate almond milk (more dopamine!)

1/2 cup cold water (you can increase hydration even more by using coconut water)

1/8 teaspoon ginger (increases circulation which enhances libido)

Better Sex Linked to Better Hydration

Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, Greg Mckeon Good chapter on the importance of sleep and rest(BOOK)

Forgiveness: Your Health Depends On It  (ARTICLE)

Narcoleptic Dogs  (VIDEO) & Otters Holding Hands While Sleeping (VIDEO)

 

You know what we desperately need right now?

YOUR ITUNES REVIEW OF THE R&A PODCAST!

Thank you so much for leaving us a review. Here is how to do it from your iphone...

Launch Apple’s Podcast app

Tap the Search tab

Enter the name of the Podcast (Romance & Adventure: The Podcast) 

Tap the blue Search key at the bottom right

Tap the album art for the podcast

Tap the Reviews Tab

Tap Write a Review at the bottom

Enter your iTunes password to login

Tap the Stars to leave a rating

Enter title text and content to leave a review

Hit Send

 You are done! Big giant hugs and high-fives from us. THANK YOU

Bring life-giving rituals into your daily routine, like lighting a candle in the a.m. instead of turning on a screen. It reconnects you to the present, to the sacred and to your True Self.

How do you get out of a rut and into a groove? Is there a way to stop feeling like life is passing you by? There are things we have to do everyday-- eat, sleep, go to work, put our kids to bed, clean the house and ourselves, are a few examples. Can we make this everyday stuff more romantic and adventurous?

In this episode we talk about the power of transforming daily routines into life giving rituals. It’s the second of twelve practices that we have laid out for you in The R&A  Roadmap for Deeper Connection and Sexy Confidence, Morgan and I sit down and interview one another about our evolving relationship with ritual, stories of how we’ve failed miserably, and how we hope to bring more ritual into our life to grow as individuals and as a couple.

In this episode:

- You'll hear the story of one of Morgan’s most embarrassing moments (it involves a white bikini and church).

- You'll learn how rituals are actually “spiritual technologies” that have the power to bring us back to our best selves.

- You’ll learn how to make peace with the tension between presence and productivity.

- You’ll hear the good news on how tiny acts of meaningful ritual can create big changes in the quality of your personal, family and married life.

-You’ll get the deets on Ronnie’s “Man Wall” and how you can create your own sacred space at home.

We’ve also included all the questions that we asked each other (plus a few more we didn’t get to) in the notes below. Use them on your next date night with your lover, dinner party with your bffs, or as journal prompts to get to know your own heart better.

Thanks for listening and thanks for subscribing. If you enjoyed this episode, please click on the share buttons below and share with your friends and community.

BEAUTIFUL QUESTIONS FOR DEEPER CONNECTION:

WHAT EXPERIENCE HAVE YOU HAD WITH FORMAL RITUAL? (CHILDHOOD UPBRINGING OR RELIGIOUS/SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCES)

WHAT ARE YOUR MOST MEANINGFUL PERSONAL RITUALS?

RITUALS CAN BE USED FOR MANY PURPOSES. HERE ARE THREE THAT WE EXPLORED IN THE PODCAST:

1) TO BRING MORE BEAUTY TO EVERYDAY TASKS

2) TO BRING MORE CONSISTENCY TO YOUR CREATIVE WORK AND PASSIONS

3). TO BRING YOU HOME TO YOURSELF NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE OR WHAT TIME OF DAY IT IS

TALK ABOUT/WRITE DOWN SOME RITUALS YOU’D LIKE TO EXPLORE WEAVING INTO YOUR LIFE FOR ONE OR ALL THREE OF THESE PURPOSES.

WHAT IS YOUR PERSONAL “MAGIC HOUR”- THE TIME OF DAY YOU FEEL MOST ALIVE, CREATIVE, EXCITED ABOUT LIFE?

WHAT ELEMENTS OF RITUALS ARE YOU DRAWN TO? LIGHTING CANDLES, REFLECTING ON MEANINGFUL PHOTOS/SIGNIFICANT OBJECTS, COMMUNION (FOOD OR DRINK).

DO YOU HAVE A SACRED SPACE IN YOUR HOME OR OFFICE WHERE YOU PLACE MEANINGFUL THINGS (LIKE RONNIE’S MAN WALL THAT SHOWCASED FAMILY PHOTOS, A BIRD FEATHER, ANTIQUE CLIMBING GEAR)? WHAT WOULD YOU PUT THERE IF YOU CREATED ONE?

WHAT ACTIVITIES HELP YOU COME HOME TO YOURSELF? BATH? YOGA PRACTICE? LONG RUN? DO YOU HAVE A DAILY PRACTICE OF THESE ANCHORING ACTIVITIES? WHY OR WHY NOT?

HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO INCORPORATE A NEW RITUAL INTO YOUR LIFE (OR ADOPT SOMEONE ELSE’S RITUALS) AND FAILED MISERABLY? WHAT DID YOU LEARN ABOUT YOURSELF THROUGH THAT EXPERIENCE?

WHAT RITUALS DO  YOU WANT TO GET BETTER AT? WHAT AREA OF YOUR LIFE DO YOU THINK COULD BE BENEFITED BY A NEW OR REVIVED RITUAL?

QUOTES FROM THIS WEEK’S EPISODE

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” -Annie Dillard, A Writing Life

“What we practice, we become. What’s true of playing the piano or throwing a ball also holds for our capacity to move through the world mindlessly and destructively or generously and gracefully. I’ve come to think of virtues and rituals as spiritual technologies for being our best selves in flesh and blood, time and space.” -Krista Tippett Becoming Wise: An Inquiry into the Mystery and Art of Living

LINKS & NOTES FROM THIS EPISODE

Becoming WIse http://amzn.to/1VU7i7D

Rituals for Livng Dreambook http://dreambook.vision/

Sabbath: Finding Rest, Renewal & Delight in Our Busy Lives http://amzn.to/1VWfzYb

Mason Currey Daily Rituals: How Artists Work http://amzn.to/1SRUYnt

Awakening delight in your physical senses returns you to the joy of being human. Look for ways to bring beauty into your day via taste, touch, sight, scent and sound.

How do you delight in your senses? We discuss the first of 12 practices that we have laid out in the Road Map for Deeper Connection and Sexy Confidence. Morgan and I sit down and interview one another about our relationship with our senses and how we’ve learned to to delight in them. 

In this episode:

-You'll hear why Ron loves the smell of barn, and why Morgan feels more alive when she has BO.

-You'll learn what it means for me to be a sensual woman and why she thinks genuine sensuality is the best way to redeem our relationship with food and our bodies (and how you never have to diet again). You'll also learn why it's dangerous to rely only on virtual forms of beauty (pinterest, instagram, etc) for inspiration, and how you can find a rich source of creativity  (and happiness!) daily, via your 5 incredible senses.

QUESTIONS ABOUT YOUR SENSES:

WHEN DID YOU FIRST AWAKEN TO BEAUTY?

DID YOU PARENTS TEACH YOU HOW TO DELIGHT IN YOUR 5 SENSES?

DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF A SENSUAL PERSON?

IF NOT, WHY? IF SO, WERE YOU ALWAYS THIS WAY? WHAT CHANGED IN YOU TO BECOME MORE SENSUAL?

WHICH OF YOUR 5 SENSES ARE YOU MOST COMPELLED BY?

WHAT SCENTS (SMELLS) IMMEDIATELY TELEPORTS YOU AND WHERE DO YOU GO?

WHAT IS A "BAD" SMELL YOU STRANGELY LIKE? (EX: BODY ODoR, BARN, TRASH ON A HOT DAY)

HAVE YOU EVER HAD A TIME IN YOUR LIFE WHEN YOU TRIED TO REPRESS YOUR SENSES?

 WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT RELATIONSHIP LIKE WITH PHYSICAL PLEASURE? DO YOU TRUST YOUR BODY'S CRAVINGS OR ARE YOU AFRAID YOU MIGHT LOSE CONTROL? (FOOD, SEX, ETC)

WHEN DID YOU START BECOMING AWARE OF THE BEAUTY THAT WAS CONNECTED TO YOUR 5 SENSES AND IN WHAT WAYS DID YOU MAKE A PRACTICE OF INVITING IT INTO YOUR LIFE? DID THAT AFFECT THE QUALITY OF YOUR LIFE?

IF YOU DON'T HAVE A PRACTICE OF DELIGHTING IN YOUR SENSES YET, WHAT IS ONE THING YOU COULD BEGIN TO DO DAILY TO BE MORE MINDFUL OF SIMPLE, SENSUAL PLEASURES?

HAS A SENSORY EXPERIENCE EVER SERVED AS AN ACT OF HEALING IN  YOUR LIFE? IF SO, HOW SO? WAS IT A CERTAIN PIECE OF MUSIC OR ART, WAS IT A MEAL SPECIALLY PREPARED FOR YOU OR BY YOU? DESCRIBE THE PHYSICAL EXPERIENCE AND HOW IT MADE YOUR SOUL FEEL.

HE SAID/SHE SAID, QUOTES FROM THIS WEEK’S EPISODE.

 "The heart of Romance and Adventure is deeper connection." -Morgan

"I grew up wanting so bad to be different, whatever the opposite of popular choices." -Ron

"Our senses are our primary way that we interpret the word." -Morgan

"I still move my toes around when I’m delighting in something, especially ice cream." -Ron

"Trusting that when I delight in my senses is actually a safeguard to over indulgence." -Morgan

"We don’t know how human we are- that we’ve distanced ourselves so far from our own smells." -Ron

LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE

A Natural History of the Senses

Women Food and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything

Everything Belongs, By Richard Rohr

The Moka Pot