Lara and Carey go forth into a DOOZY of a penultimate Vanderpump Rules season twelve recap, but first they have a big laundry list to get through. They react to the brand new trailer for season three of The Valley, and give their verdict on whether or not it looks like a flop. Plus, the official reason for Brandi Glanville’s face parasite is REVEALED.

They also discuss “Love Story: JFK Jr and Carolyn Bessette,” Sarah Pidgeon’s star power, Naomi Watts’s rindom turn as Jackie O, and how it stacks up to “The Crown.” Then, a lengthy dive into Netflix’s new and often shocking “America’s Next Top Model” commences, featuring The Shell formerly known as Tyra Banks, Shandi, Dani, Keenyah, Miss J, and more.

On VPR, the countdown to Pride continues, as Venus prepares his magnum opus of hosting the fabled SUR Pride brunch; Natalie prepares to rehearse for a live Pride performance of her song “Passenger.” Angelica returns from Houston with new boobs and a new man but begins to misfire over Shayne’s renewed interest in Natalie. Natalie and Jason have a production-arranged date at a harrowing paint zone in DTLA. Chris begins to get cold feet over committing to Audrey. Marcus confides in Venus about Kim’s conscious uncoupling with birth control, Natalie chooses not to pursue things further with Shayne or Jason. Finally, Audrey’s big comedy debut arrives, as she rindomly decides to standup. Her roast of her colleagues veers into the “too far” zone, though, when she drills into Angelica’s chaos and “emotional homelessness.”

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Lara and Carey discuss Carey locking into his fitness journey, becoming a protein gay, Nancy Guthrie’s kidnapper caught on Nest cam, and a DoorDash driver getting caught in the mess, Jill Zarin getting axed from the RHONY reboot, Bad Bunny continuing to provide gift after gift, and Fiona the Loneliest Sheep in the World being forced into Hetero Hell.

Back on VPR, Kim and Natalie get details on Anjelica’s boob job in Houston straight from the source. Venus sets up a Pride photo shoot at Villa Rosa complete with Chris, Jason and Marcus; LVP forces Venus to relive his gay trauma; Audrey confides in her gay, Parker, over her reservations with dating Chris, then gags said Chris at Universal Studios, leaving him in the dust.

Jason tries and fails at waiting on Lisa and Ken’s table at SUR, and is soon relegated to the host stand; he also gets taught Shayne’s Meisner-esque methods on the set of a Vertical Drama. Venus Le Fleur hits up TomTom with Parked and demon twink Ryan, recapping his recent car blowjob and how he’s back in the love game. Then at McKenna’s beach birthday, Audrey and Chris work through their bumpy road to going steady while Natalie gets her bi on the beach bar with Jason and rindom Allison. 

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Lara and Carey discuss the unrelenting pull of WhatNot, the latest Oura ring-busting episode of Industry, Lara’s tried and true Bitcoin approach, Red Rooms as the movie of our decade, OnlyFans University, the horror of Savannah Guthrie’s missing mom, and more.

Back on VPR, Big Central California continues its propaganda as the crew wakes up from their bacchanal in SLO for a day of wine tasting. After some double headed dildo shenanigans, the boys pile onto the party bus as Angelica tried to whip the girls into her slut-shaming frenzy. Natalie is pelted by a rogue wave of red wine and Jason finally snaps, calling Angelica out and addressing Spread Hole Inc*st gate once and for all. Audrey, defending her budding romance with Chris, tries to pick apart Angelica’s accusations as she contends with lingering discomfort over her new man’s business ventures.

Meanwhile in WeHo, Lisa hosts the 8th annual World Dog Day, furthering her long term plan of staging a coup and taking over West Hollywood. Back at the Paso Robles house, Shayne calls it quits with Angelica, attempting to avoid being pulled further into her fembot chaouse. But Angelica, still programmed to complete her mission of heteronormative oppression, doesn’t give up that easy, allowing herself to be offered up as a sacrificial lamb in VPR’s classic humiliation ritual. We have served.

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Lara and Carey head back into the livestream continuum for one last reunion episode of RHOSLC Season 6. First, they discuss Brandi Glanville debuting her new head at Sundance, holding her face parasite cards close, and our own speculations over her actual diagnosis.

Meanwhile, Britani runs off stage after Meredith’s confounding bigotry defense, returning soon after with a giant coffee and a backbone. Meredith continues to maintain her innocence in PlaneGate as Hengie K breathes enough in her corset to speak twice. Babygirl Lisa gets rill about her marriage issues with John, and Bronwyn channels a possessed child and monologues about Muzzy and Todd, revealing she and Mr. Farts have separated. Wild Rose breaks down over her own marital tribulations after severing ties with Entity. Bronwyn snaps back into Transatlantic mode and tears into Meredith one last time. Au revoir for now, our Sisters of Salt! 

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Lara and Carey return to discuss a rogue Waymo crash in LA, the horror of traveling in a branded Waymo, Lauren “Alive Girl” Bezos enlisting Law Roach as her stylist, Bella Hadid breaking up with her cowboy, and Tilda Swinton and Nicole Kidman’s glorious embrace.

Back in Paso Robles, the crew settles in for their first night, as Demy, Kim and Angelica pilgrim out over the cousins’ OnlyFans. She tells Shayne, who reveals some cousin lore of his own and Marcus gets blackout and chastised by Demy. The next day at the Women in Wine party, LVP “Mama” arrives to lead this rindom assortment of wine mavens as Marcus reels from his hangover and Jason and Chris interrupt Lisa to flirt with the ladies of the vine. That night, the crew heads out to downtown San Luis Obispo, where Venus tries to break his seven year dry spell after a sexy stranger chats him up. Inspired by the power of Le Fleur, the crew descends into a pansexual make-out fest on the dance floor, bringing the entire community (and Robot Angelica) to its knees.

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Lara and Carey to the livestream for another rendition of SUP AFTER DARK, recapping part deux of the RHOSLC season 6 reunion (live with chat!) First, they discuss an update in Beckxit, the liberation of Amanda Batula, Club Chalamet’s new pivot, and a divisive episode of INDUSTRY.

Back on the reunion, Angie’s scroll reveals Babygirl Lisa’s Reality Von Teased-esque alter ego, as Meredith continues to let her Plum Sister flail against the firing squad. Britani arrives to muted reaction, as Mary answers for the cult allegations and gives a sad but potentially hopeful update on Robert Jr’s struggle with addiction. Lisa lobs a vague accusation at Bronwyn over Todd’s Dubai activities; and its curtains for Heather and Meredith’s friendship. Then, Meredith — gearing up to address PlaneGate — begins her most lawyer ass chess play yet, diverting from her own allegedly feral behavior to weave a tale of Britani, bigoted nail techs and Yelp reviews. The countdown to the end continues… 

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Lara and Carey discuss a 21-year-old wellness influencer documenting her cornea-eating eye parasite, Blake Lively and Taylor Swift’s novel-sized text messages, JLo’s PR stunt with the unhoused, and a freakish snowstorm in Kamchatka, Russia.

Back on VPR, Lisa is gearing up to celebrate SUR’s 20th anniversary of Lisa’s reign of terror. The staff comes together for the anniversary party, as Kim and Marcus’s on-off relationship from Hell pulls Natalie back into its vortex. Audrey and Angelica’s tensions continue to bubble and Shayne and Angelica’s AI romance deepens. The crew heads to Paso Robles to help Lisa with a Women in Wine event, where Audrey and Chris revel in their post-f*ck flow; Marcus and Kim call it quits again, and Angelica’s resentment towards Audrey strengthens during lunch at Madonna Inn. Then, at the Airbnb, Demy, Kim and Angelica uncover a particularly raunchy OnlyFans featuring Chris, Jason, and a bottle of lube…

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Lara and Carey take SUP Livestream after dark, following their historic live watch of RHOSLC Season 6 Reunion (Part 1). The chat suggests, and they listen. But first they discuss Luann and her hot new Euro man galavanting on the beaches of Cancun, Chris Noth negging SJP on Instagram, a Joe Keery stan taking things to a place AI marriage and baby, Jenny Lewis marrying her dog, and Bryan Johnson’s long, lurid tribute to his girlfriend on X.

On RHOSLC, the ladies meet in Lisa’s former (and Meredith’s current) home of New York. Ms. Marks, Esq. starts things off by launching into Wild Rose’s very public booze blackout at BravoCon, while Whitney’s pill-popping accusations against Meredith seemingly slip away. Meredith’s sister in Plum, Lisa, begins her Terminator assault on Heather and Angie (who can barely breathe in her corset), and Bronwyn, gagging them within an inch of their lives. Bronwyn, done with her Transatlantic bob and embracing wavy extensions, attempts to clear up lingering questions over her sordid past. She also confronts Lisa about Gout D*ck Gate and other insults on Todd’s manhood. Britani arrives to muted reactions from her sisters of salt, waving to an invisible audience and continuing to alienate her coworkers. The Entity may have lost a Rose, but it gained a BabyGirl. 

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Lara and Carey return to the scene of the crime to discuss the new horrors LVP has unleashed upon the world, but first they discuss the fantasy of a Courtney Love podcast, Ariana and Sandoval tentatively settling their hetero-hell house drama, Rachel Leviss’ sound bath purgatory, Chiara Ferragni beating her Christmas cake allegations, and the latest feud between the Sisters Sheen.

Back on VPR, Lisa assembles her hired models for a merch photo shoot, where Angelica ramps up her back injury claims and starts spreading the Good Word about Chris and Jason’s penis pumps– much to Audrey’s dismay. Demy and Natalie decide to end their friendship, and Jason and Angelica reach a non-resolution. Shayne vanquishes male shame once and for all by revealing not only a close return to Kratom and his family history of hardcore drug use, but also his gunshot wound-wrought erectile dysfunction. Shayne’s short horror movie premieres at the most rindom film festival in LA, where his Randy Quaid-ass dad and Debbie Downer sister attend in trailer park fashion. The crew celebrates at Barney’s Beanery, where Marcus terrorizes Kim for hugging her friends and Audrey confronts Angelica over PumpGate, as further evidence mounts in favor of Angelica's true form of a CIA agent and/or a 3D print-out robot. 

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In the finale of RHOSLC, Lara and Carey explore the Brian de Palma-esque close to the sixth season of our fair ladies of Salt Lake. But first, they get a Lara Cholera update and the Charlize Theron Hollywood agenda.

On the final day in Greece, Meredith starts off the morning as a cheerful barista, much to the confusion of everyone. In a cinematic crescendo, Bronwyn calls Meredith out for lying and using her as a pawn in her wicked games. Angie arranges a playwright to write a Greek tragedy about the women, right after they guzzle white with her Greek cousin Michalis. Then they assemble in the liminal theater, where they’re each dragged medically by Stella and her brigade of mute actresses. A final confrontation of the Group v. Meredith follows, where vaguely lesbian lines are dramatically drawn in the sand, forever burned into the sands of Greece... 

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