Shady & Untamed

If you’ve ever felt unsafe, alone or not okay without a single memory to explain why, this episode will help you understand where that feeling might come from.

On this episode we’re continuing our EMDR series with the memories you can’t recall, the ones your body holds onto, and how shame can quietly run the show.

We talk about the difference between explicit memories you can describe and implicit memories that live in your body, why so much of what we learn about safety and connection gets stored before we have words, and how experiences during pregnancy can shape a baby’s nervous system.

Then we get into object permanence, cry-it-out parenting and the still-face experiment, and how those early experiences can lay the groundwork for core beliefs like “I’m alone,” “I can’t survive” and “something is wrong with me.”

We also take on one of your questions about forgetting everything the moment you sit down in therapy, why shame works so hard to keep you from being vulnerable, where people tend to feel shame in their body, and why working through shame calls for feeling your way through it with a trauma-informed therapist.

New episodes drop every Wednesday.

Submit a Question for the Pod here: https://beacons.ai/shadyuntamedpodcast

We’re both licensed therapists, but this podcast is not therapy and we are not your therapists. It’s education with a little humor mixed in, not clinical advice.

If you’re in crisis, call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. You can also call or text 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, or text HOME to 741741

You can also reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788.

Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!) https://uppbeat.io/t/moire/summer License code: MGPLFEEUIXGKQRU2

If you’ve ever known you’re safe but still felt your body bracing like you’re not, this episode may help you understand where that comes from.

On this episode we’re answering listener questions and continuing our EMDR series with how we each explain EMDR to clients.

We walk through the 8 phases of EMDR, which phase is our favorite for complex trauma, how a container or peaceful place can help between sessions, and what to ask about if EMDR ever left you feeling flooded.

We talk about how your brain's main goal of survival can impact you negatively, how trauma can leave your mind feeling like a file cabinet that exploded, and why an old memory can still sting like a fresh paper cut years later. We share the eye doctor and yellow glasses comparisons we use with clients to explain how negative core beliefs shape the way you see yourself and the world.

Then we get into memory and the brain, including why flashbacks can feel like they’re happening right now and why tumbling down the rabbit hole is often less scary than keeping everything shoved down covered up.

New episodes drop every Wednesday.

Submit a Question for the Pod here: https://beacons.ai/shadyuntamedpodcast

We’re both licensed therapists, but this podcast is not therapy and we are not your therapists. It’s education with a little humor mixed in, not clinical advice.

If you’re in crisis, call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. You can also call or text 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, or text HOME to 741741

Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!) https://uppbeat.io/t/moire/summer License code: MGPLFEEUIXGKQRU2

If you’ve ever left therapy with everything talked through and still felt stuck, this episode will help you understand what’s happening underneath.

On this episode we’re kicking off our multi-part series on EMDR, starting with what it is, how it works, and why we talk about it so much.

We talk about the listener questions that shaped this series, from memories that flood you all week and vanish the moment you sit down in session, to how people begin to find self-worth after years of feeling like they were a mistake. We share why talk therapy alone sometimes feels like a Play-Doh spaghetti maker, and what changed for us after we trained in EMDR.

Then we get into the jargon, including what EMDR stands for, the difference between big R and little r, and how we explain the process to clients.

We also look at the difference between your brain and your mind, why your brain would rather mistake a stick for a snake, how negative core beliefs get laid down in early childhood, and why “I am not loved by this person” and “I am not lovable” are two very different statements.

Check in next Wednesday for part 2.

New episodes drop every Wednesday.

Submit a Question for the Pod here: https://beacons.ai/shadyuntamedpodcast

We’re both licensed therapists, but this podcast is not therapy and we are not your therapists. It’s education with a little humor mixed in, not clinical advice.

If you’re in crisis, call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. You can also call or text 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, or text HOME to 741741

Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!) https://uppbeat.io/t/moire/summer License code: MGPLFEEUIXGKQRU2

If you're the one holding the calendar, the grocery list, and every in-law's birthday in your head, you might have wondered, "How do I even figure out if a couples therapist can actually work with this?"

On this episode we're answering YOUR questions.

We talk about how to find a couples therapist who has done the work around misogyny and emotional labor, why a quick consult call is the perfect place to ask about it directly, and how one small phrase like "does your husband help around the house?" can tell you a lot about a therapist's assumptions.

Then we get into a question that's a lot more loaded than it sounds... why we became therapists! From a midlife career shift that started in the client seat to a twelve-year-old reading books about child abuse and needing to understand why people hurt each other.

We also talk about the winding paths through grad school, forensic work, and child advocacy that landed us both in private practice doing trauma work, and the moments in session we love most.

New episodes drop every Wednesday.

Submit a Question for the Pod here: https://beacons.ai/shadyuntamedpodcast

We're both licensed therapists, but this podcast is not therapy and we are not your therapists. It's education with a little humor mixed in, not clinical advice.

If you're in crisis, call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. You can also call or text 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, or text HOME to 741741. If you're in an abusive relationship, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 or by texting START to 88788.

Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!) https://uppbeat.io/t/moire/summer License code: MGPLFEEUIXGKQRU2

If the person who wants you feels boring and the one who keeps you guessing feels like home, your attachment style is probably running the show, and it's been running it since before you had words for anything.

On this episode we pick up where trauma bonding left off and break down the four attachment styles, secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized, where they come from, and how they follow you into adult relationships.

We get into Harlow's wire mother and cloth mother study, why comfort is a primary need and not a bonus, and why a caregiver can be completely attentive and still misattuned enough to leave your nervous system convinced the world isn't safe.

Then we get real about why anxious and avoidant keep finding each other, why a secure partner can feel avoidant to someone who's anxious, and why disorganized attachment is the most confusing one to live in, because how you show up depends on who you're with. If relationships leave you feeling confused more than anything else, that might be your clue.

We also talk about how attachment styles are learned, which means they can be unlearned and relearned, and why so much of that shift happens inside healthy relationships, including the one with your therapist.

Plus a few book recs we mentioned in the pod:

The Neurobiology of We Audiobook: https://a.co/d/08yBcPzw

Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker: https://a.co/d/04MWeJmB

The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog: https://a.co/d/04wYBclT

Want the attachment quiz we use in our own practices? Take it free at attachmentproject.com

New episodes drop every Wednesday.

Submit a Question for the Pod here: https://beacons.ai/shadyuntamedpodcast

We're both licensed therapists, but this podcast is not therapy and we are not your therapists. It's education with a little humor mixed in, not clinical advice.

If you're in crisis, call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. You can also call or text 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, or text HOME to 741741. If you're in an abusive relationship, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 or by texting START to 88788.

Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!) https://uppbeat.io/t/moire/summer License code: MGPLFEEUIXGKQRU2

A trauma bond doesn't always look like a problem from the inside because it feels like chemistry, loyalty, and hope that things will go back to how they were.

On this episode we're pulling that apart.

We talk about the difference between bonding over trauma and what trauma bonding actually is, why a lot of what the internet calls a trauma bond is really codependency, and why there are two kinds of trauma bonds, one you can think your way out of with the proper support and one rooted in childhood that usually needs deeper reprocessing.

Then we get into the slot machine effect and how variable ratio reinforcement keeps you hooked, the breadcrumbs and "it'll be better once we get there" promises that keep you waiting, and why your brain would rather blame you than admit you were powerless.

We also get real about why toxic can feel like chemistry while healthy can feel boring AF at first, how boundaries built on your worth hold long after the anger fades, and why leaving the relationship is often the most dangerous time.

New episodes drop every Wednesday.

Submit a Question for the Pod here: https://beacons.ai/shadyuntamedpodcast

It's Not You Book Resource link: https://a.co/d/0dj50PzP

We're both licensed therapists, but this podcast is not therapy and we are not your therapists. It's education with a little humor mixed in, not clinical advice.

If you're in crisis, call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. You can also call or text 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, or text HOME to 741741. If you're in an abusive relationship, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 or by texting START to 88788.

Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!) https://uppbeat.io/t/moire/summer License code: MGPLFEEUIXGKQRU2

If someone asked you right now what you need, could you answer without listing what you have to get done first?

This episode picks up where codependency and boundaries left off and goes straight into needs, starting surface level with the to-do list and digging down to what's underneath it.

We hand you the questions we challenge clients with before they take on something that isn't theirs to carry.

We talk about choice theory, why "I have to" is rarely true, and why sitting in the discomfort of a choice is still more powerful than pretending you never had one.

We also break down why a nice guy isn't automatically a good guy, and how kindness without boundaries can quietly become manipulation nobody intended. Then a sneak peek what's coming next... because trauma bonding deserves its own hour.

New episodes drop every Wednesday.

Submit a Question for the Pod here: https://beacons.ai/shadyuntamedpodcast

We're both licensed therapists, but this podcast is not therapy and we are not your therapists. It's education with a little humor mixed in, not clinical advice.

If you're in crisis, call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. You can also call or text 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, or text HOME to 741741

Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!) https://uppbeat.io/t/moire/summer License code: MGPLFEEUIXGKQRU2

Codependency doesn't always look like a problem from the outside because it looks like kindness, sacrifice, and being the reliable one.

On this 2-part episode we're pulling that apart.

We talk about the differences between codependency and people pleasing, why both typically trace back to a fear of abandonment and a belief that you have to be useful to be worth keeping around.

Then we get into boundaries, the actual mechanics of setting and enforcing one, the cost of self abandonment when nobody's even asking you to pay it, and the grief that shows up when people leave because you finally stopped managing everyone's feelings but your own.

We also settle a pet peeve once and for all: the difference between a boundary, a rule, and an ultimatum, because they are not the same thing and most people are only doing one of them.

New episodes drop every Wednesday.

Submit a Question for the Pod here: https://beacons.ai/shadyuntamedpodcast

We're both licensed therapists, but this podcast is not therapy and we are not your therapists. It's education with a little humor mixed in, not clinical advice.

If you're in crisis, call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. You can also call or text 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, or text HOME to 741741

Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!) https://uppbeat.io/t/moire/summer License code: MGPLFEEUIXGKQRU2

Everyone throws the word around. Almost nobody agrees on what it means.

In this one we get into what trauma actually is, what it isn't, and why the definition matters more than you'd think. We talk about why it's not really about the event itself, why two people can go through the same thing and walk away completely different, and why "it wasn't that bad" is one of the most common things we hear in a therapy room.

If you've ever compared your history to someone else's and decided yours didn't count, this one's for you.

New episodes every Wednesday.

Submit a Question for the Pod here: https://beacons.ai/shadyuntamedpodcast

We're both licensed therapists, but this podcast is not therapy and we are not your therapists. It's education with a little humor mixed in, not clinical advice.

If you're in crisis, call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. You can also call or text 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, or text HOME to 741741

Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!) https://uppbeat.io/t/moire/summer License code: MGPLFEEUIXGKQRU2

Before we get into anything, here's who's talking.

We're Jessica and Ana, two licensed trauma therapists who love all things therapy and wanted to share our passion, zero sugarcoating.

In this one we get into who we each are, how we work, what this show is going to cover, and why we decided the internet needed one more podcast.

New episodes every Wednesday.

Submit a question for the show: https://beacons.ai/shadyuntamedpodcast

We're both licensed therapists, but this podcast is not therapy and we are not your therapists. It's education with a little humor mixed in, not clinical advice.

If you're in crisis, call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. You can also call or text 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, or text HOME to 741741

Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!)https://uppbeat.io/t/moire/summerLicense code: MGPLFEEUIXGKQRU2