Episode Summary

In this profoundly insightful and heartfelt episode, Donella dives into one of the most challenging emotions we face as humans: shame. She explains how shame differs from guilt, its roots, and why it has such profound power over our lives. Donella shares both personal and client stories, demonstrating how shame—especially stemming from childhood experiences, toxic relationships, and societal pressures—can shape our sense of self-worth and connection to others.

The episode isn’t just about identifying shame, but also about healing. Donella introduces self-compassion as the antidote and provides clear, actionable frameworks and exercises to help listeners move from self-criticism and isolation to kindness, connection, and mindful awareness.

Whether you’re grappling with shame from old wounds or want to cultivate more self-compassion in your life, this episode offers warmth, understanding, and a practical roadmap toward inner peace.

Key Topics Covered

The Nature of Shame:

Difference between shame and guilt

Psychological roots and real-life triggers

How shame becomes toxic and internalised

Real Stories:

Donella’s own experiences with shame from childhood

Client stories that illustrate shame in academic, family, and relationship settings

The Framework for Healing:

Understanding the “Shame Cycle” vs. the “Self-Compassion Solution”

The three core components of self-compassion (via Dr. Kristin Neff):

Self-kindness

Common humanity

Mindfulness

Practical Strategies and Exercises:

Compassionate Reframing

Self-compassionate letter writing

Physical self-compassion practices

Sharing your shame with trusted friends/support groups

Mindful practices such as naming emotions and the “Self-Compassion Break”

Creating a “shame inventory” journal

Therapy Approaches:

Overview of Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) and Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)

The importance of trauma-informed therapy

Encouragement to Seek Support:

Why professional help is a powerful act of self-care, not a weakness

Donella’s testament to the power of reaching out for help

Donella’s Challenge for Listeners

Donella invites you to take the “Self-Compassion Challenge”:

Choose one self-compassion practice discussed in this episode and try it this week. Remember, progress, not perfection, is the goal. Your journey—and even your setbacks—are completely human.

Resources & Recommendations

Books/Authors Mentioned:

Brené Brown on shame and vulnerability

Dr. Kristin Neff’s work on self-compassion

Therapies Discussed:

Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT)

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

Check the show notes on Donella's website for a full list of exercises, resources, and recommendations. Once the new site is live, the episode content will also be available to read or print for your convenience!

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Be kind to yourself, especially when it’s hard. Stay brave, embrace compassion, and find your peace.