In this episode, Ali and Ros unpack the mental load in relationships – the invisible emotional labour of planning, organizing, and remembering that often falls on one partner. They explore how this uneven cognitive and emotional load creates resentment, burnout, and feelings of inadequacy, while the other partner may feel criticised, confused, or like they can never get it right.

Ali and Ros look at how relationship dynamics, communication styles, gender roles, and family and cultural backgrounds shape who carries the mental load at home. They invite listeners to recognise common patterns in couples – the over-functioning partner who “keeps everything in their head” and the under-functioning partner who waits to be asked – and how these cycles keep both people stuck.

The conversation offers practical, therapist-informed strategies for sharing the load more fairly, improving communication in couples, and making the invisible work visible. Ali and Ros also encourage couples to use 2026 as a turning point to reset expectations, build healthier boundaries, and create more balanced, sustainable partnerships.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Sharing the Load in Relationships

01:31 Understanding the Mental Load

04:55 The Dynamics of Carrying the Load

09:28 The Impact on the Non-Load Carrier

10:34 Exploring the Negative Cycle

17:35 The Long-Term Effects of the Cycle

18:14 The Shift from Adult to Parent-Child Dynamics

19:35 Influences on Relationship Dynamics

21:25 Understanding ADHD and Task Management

22:30 The Impact of Upbringing on Responsibility

25:00 Anxiety and Performance in Relationships

26:51 Life Events and Relationship Dynamics

28:06 Understanding the Cycle of Conflict

30:33 Exploring Internal and External Dynamics

33:17 Challenging Expectations and Finding Solutions

36:02 From Carrying to Sharing the Load

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Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.

Credits: Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk

Music by: Stile Tree Studio