Welcome to Shart Tank, where I—your host, a wildly successful businessman with many, MANY lucrative businesses (just ask me, I’ll tell you)—hear investment pitches from none other than Sydni, who’s serving up some of the most absurd, unhinged, and legally questionable business ideas we’ve ever heard. Will I invest? Will I cry-laugh? Will I regret giving Sydni a platform? Yes to all.

This might be one of our funniest episodes ever—and don’t worry, there’s more shart where that came from. Part 2 is coming soon.