TRANSCRIPT FOR EP52:

Welcome to SHE is Confident. Hi! This is Deon Teh and in this episode, I will be sharing with you about HUSBAND & WIFE

As we know that each family has its own issues to resolve and reality to face. 

A typical family is formed by a man and a woman that who fall in love and both came from different growing background and different beliefs, especially in this modern society, when everyone is talking about having freedom even after marriage. 

When there is no communication both ways, the husband & wife relationship will start to crack in between and if there is no effort to put on, most of the couple will choose the decision to end the relationship

We are just like a puzzle that lacks one piece, therefore we are searching for that piece to fulfill our completion and this has led to many of us being hurt when we are unable to fulfill each other.

This will cause contradiction in between husband & wife relationships and it becomes more complicated when there are children involved, 

We may have many unmet matters that happened behind our original family and it remains inside in our body memories, unknowingly to us. And whenever either husband or wife behaves or does something that recalls the matter and brings up the unmet expectation and if not self-awareness might cause unhappiness.

In my previous episode, As I mentioned about my complaining habit made my husband unhappy especially after married, however I managed to deal with it with a positive attitude, 

In 2007, we had our 1st child and we did have a lot of disagreement on nurturing our son, as I am more 

Kiasu; the fear of losing out the type of mother, while he is calmer and a more relaxed type of parent however we have found a way between us so that each of us can find our balance.

I remembered that I have a discomfort emotion whenever people ignore me, unfortunately, my husband has this behavior too. My husband is a quiet person and whenever he has a disagreement with me, he usually keeps to himself and does not communicate with me. 

Unless I take the first step to talk to him, he will ignore me. I will be upset while he seems to be ok.  

For many years, I keep repeating this discomfort feeling again and again. In the end, I found that because I am more emotional, it causes me to have such feelings and this feeling eased after I found my inner peace and my inner security increased.

So, for now, I focus on what he has but not what he doesn't have, after all, humans are imperfect, and because of that, we have compassion for each other especially our loved one.

I was doing self-awareness as well as self-healing using the singing bowl, this has helped to unblock the past experiences that I wasn’t aware of, and I read further on articles that related to this area and understand that the relationship with your partner is a long term project.

Life after marriage is to learn how to face our challenges, and how do we understand each other. By turning all the worries into blessings, we support and give space to each other as we trust each other.

I learned to let go of my stubbornness,  if not I will be unable to more understand others, therefore I learned not to judge by correct or wrong as everyone has and depending on what kind of situation.

We will either attract a partner who is either behaving the same way as our parents or totally different from our parents. This is because what you focus on becomes your reality.

I remember that during my pregnancy, I will meet many pregnant women, no matter in shopping or anywhere as that is what I focus on. When you keep focusing on what your partner lacks, you will find him more uncomfortable and dislike him.

What characteristic your partner has is usually formed during in his original family, to have a clearer understanding of the character of your partner, you might want to explore my previous episode on Enneagram. But you can group them according to 3 wisdom centres. 

No.5,6,7 is about the head means he or she is analytical, No.2,3,4 is about the heart means he or she is emotional, and No.8,9,1 is about the gut feel means he or she is intuitive / has a sixth sense.

I have some simple tips for you:

If your partner is the analytical type, you can let them become your house financial controller, if they are emotional type, you can inform them where you are first whenever you go and if they are the intuitive type you let them have more personal space.

Conclusions

It is important that we put out efforts to know our partner as well as ourselves so that we can learn what we don’t have and know what is our partner's merit, this can help each of us improve our relationship to be a better couple.

Usually when husband & wife relationships turn sour, at the same time the money issues will appear. When you lack inner security and try to control the behaviour of your partner, that is the time to change yourself and not ask your partner to change or suit you.

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If you want to talk about transforming your inner child, healing your relationships with yourself and money, connect with me through my Facebook and the link is in the show notes.

End

I look forward to seeing you in my next episode where I will be sharing with you about BODY & MIND & SOUL.

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TRANSCRIPT FOR EP51

Welcome to SHE is Confident. Hi! This is Deon Teh and in this episode, I will be sharing with you about FAMILY BONDING.

It is important that we need to have the right mindset when we handle our family, especially after we have children.

When I first did a personal development course in 2004, the book that my teacher recommended was tilted Fish! for life. 

It is a story related to a mother called Mary Jane, who had taught her children by applying the FISH! Four principles of Play, Make Their Day, Choose Your Attitude, and Be Present, the principles were original from the children's step father Lonnie who is a well-known fishmonger who works at the famous Seattle fish market called Pike Place Fish, it was not only fish market but also tourist destination where people assembled each day in large crowds to watch the live market action and left with smiles and stories as well as fish.

In the story, Mary Jane and Lonnie have just created a family, as they start building a life together,  being working parents, having a growing family, the children having school tension, the whole family going through economic stress, and Mary Jane’s sudden weight gain and eventually they managed to overcome all the problems using the 4 principles. 

Although 16 years have passed since I first read the book, I did not forget these four principles. As of today, I still find it useful and would like to share it with you. The problems they faced are common problems for many people, through their stories, you can also learn how to have a connection with family and build a life together. 

As my husband needs to work on shifts, I get to spend more time with my son. Hence my son and I are much closer compared to my husband and my son. Usually, my son will look for me more than him and the communication between both of them are not as good as mine with my son.

Due to the different nature and character of my son and my husband, both of them always have different perspectives or views and this has led to many arguments especially when they spend time together during weekends on my husband’s off days. As a mother to my son, I will always take his side.  

Both parents have equal responsibility towards our children and as parents, we need to be more bonded to see what our children want and not just one side thinking, 

Also, I choose to display the right attitude so that the three of us can have a better relationship.

I will attend workshops organised by my Son’s school and also join other online courses to learn how to love ourselves for instance. I learned that we are connected to each other, once we are bonded,  it is easier to handle the challenges that we face.

Besides that,  I also join other courses like Enneagram and Hawkins to better understand human beings'  different ways or points of view, and now I find it easier to handle things that happened within my family and I have managed to turn many worries into blessings also.

The more we bond with each other the calmer I become when dealing with family matters

In the past, I used to think that it was my family members' faults when something arose. 

Our relationship is closer and more importantly we are connected. Your family is your practicing place for your life. So don’t just simply complain and feel that it is your husband or your children's fault, they are the people who will lead you to the purpose of your life in this lifetime and this is my realisation after I wanted to resolve the issues or problems I faced in my family. 

We may have many disappointments with our family members, no matter how bad it is. when it is time to let go of some of these feelings, we do need to let go. Be the planner of your family but not waiting for results without efforts and I can tell you that this is impossible if you simply wait without making an effort.

Your disappointment should not be the reason for you to give up but you have to dig in to find the reasons that caused this.

 and anything sure has a reason behind it to let you find out the gift behind it. 

You can join the workshop or read any related books that can act as a guide to find out more about how to be a family starter instead of doing nothing. 

Every family can create a special corner or room at home, whenever any family member encounters that any moment needs to have its own space and can self-awareness or self-healing there, so that they can have a self-cleansing or calm moment to see how to seek help from family members.

Every peace starts from us, without needing you to change. If there is a lot of struggle between your conscious and logical thinking, and you will feel tortured, it seems like the whole world owes you.

So be the person who loves yourself but not selfish. Just start from there first, and you will be able to find and see your life purpose.

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If you want to talk about transforming your inner child, healing your relationships with yourself and money, connect with me through my Facebook and the link is in the show notes.

End

I look forward to seeing you in my next episode where I will be sharing with you about HUSBAND & WIFE.

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TRANSCRIPT FOR EP50:

Welcome to SHE is Confident. Hi! This is Deon Teh and in this episode, I will be sharing with you about Turn worries into blessings.

In the past, it is common for us to get physical punishment by our parents or even our Teachers in school.

However, under social regulation and in this modern world, the physical punishment is getting lesser.

If we are unable to heal ourselves properly,  we end up using verbal abuse or language violence especially for parents are working hard to earn money to take good care of the family

Once, I attended a parenting workshop organised by my Son’s primary school which talks about language violence, I realised that many of us are unintentionally putting our language inappropriate ways and I watched the video that shows how language violence affects the children and pushes them to their limits and eventually causing them to take their lives. 

 We have our own inner pain that bring from our original family no matter whether we are aware or not 

Whenever anything happens around us and our pain appears and your inner world will respond ins.tinc.tive.ly  to the outside world and this hurt will pass through if we don't handle appropriately.

Since young, My siblings and I never get physical punishment from my parents, however, life is not easy for my parents and my late mother had to work very hard for our family and because of that she unintentionally put the blame on my father using inappropriate language.

There is one curiosity feeling always in my heart that I wonder why my late mother did that, however, until recently I started to realize that if given same  situation, I think I will also be unable to handle such situation , having no solution to the problem, I might also react in same way as my late mother.

Hence,  I choose to leave this feeling and I decide to not carry it with me any more and since I know the reason why she did it, I choose to do it in a better way.

I remembered that when I was around 12 years old, my youngest uncle paid us a visit. During the visit,  he commented that my teeth was too yellowish when I laughed at his joke, suddenly I felt hurt and my emotion turned 360 degrees like a roller coaster ride. At that age I didn't know how to deal with this incident and my natural feeling was to hate him.

Years later , this uncle passed away in a car accident and I felt that my hatred for him was like a curse to his death and I felt very guilty. And ever since then, everytime when my teeth hurt , it reminded me of him. Recently my tooth broke again and I was reminded of him and I decided to do the self awareness practice that I learned from my online teacher and I let go of the guilt as that is my uncle's life journey as there is nothing I can do to change it .

When each incident happens, I will ask myself what is my feeling and what is my belief and what is my expectation and what is my unmet expectations, what was my past incident and have I released it for that past trauma, this is my awareness daily practicing.

By realizing my feelings and being more aware, I learn how to turn the worries into blessings especially in my gratitude journal, and getting rid of my fear really helps me a lot. I let myself calm and stable emotionally and belly breathing has a very good effect in helping me improve the situation.

Each time, the more I think about the reason behind it , the more  I understand. When we give our blessing and guidance to them, the outer world will change. As we are human beings, we have our 5 senses that we cannot simply shut down, however we can use awareness daily to bypass all these feelings to understand what is the gift behind.

Every one of us wants to be good and no matter how badly they react and it is just calling for help or love.

When something happens, you can feel your body, with the feeling, if you still want to further to let the worries go , you can do awareness daily to self heal,  this is to let your emotion pass through and you will be clearer to what caused you to have such emotion.

As an adult we have to mind our language, especially when we are with children that are still immature, and they do not have the experience to disregard the hurt words. We should be the ones who turn into blessings and guide them in the right direction.

I wish everyone could find suitable ways to handle our self-awareness when something happens. 

We come to this world to carry out further practice to be better humans and always take the present as a start, turn worries for the past to blessing and enjoy each moment.

If you want to talk about transforming your inner child, healing your relationships with yourself and money, connect with me through my Facebook and the link is in the show notes.

End

I look forward to seeing you in my next episode where I will be sharing with you about FAMILY BONDING.

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TRANSCRIPT FOR EP49:

Welcome to SHE is Confident. Hi! This is Deon Teh and in this episode, I will be sharing with you about EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATIONS.

In this Modern world, many of us will have limited patience to listen to others, therefore our communication often breaks down regardless of any area, especially in family or work that might cause unnecessary suffering to each other.

We receive overwhelming information daily due to the advanced technology, therefore there is a lot of influence that makes us react daily, furthermore, if we carry our own emotions, we will easily burn out and do something that is beyond our inner desire. 

Effective communication is another way to improve our relationship with the outside world but it is important that we start with our relationship with ourselves first once we can balance ourselves, we will have the right concept of communication which will improve your communication.

Just like every child, my son also loves to play video games, and each time my son and I will have many arguments. For example, certain video games could have inappropriate content according to my standards, I would not want him to play but he thinks it is ok. 

As a mother, I have many negative thoughts over his video playing. To stop him from playing excessively, we Initially limit the days that he can play. 

However, when he does something he likes and will contribute to his knowledge or skills, I will show my encouragement and support to him.  For instance, he loves watching youtube videos to learn painting skills. Sometimes I will join him too. I remembered once we had a nice conversation on a particular and the paint colour that the instructor used in the video to do a painting of the northern lights. I learnt a colour concept which I previously did not really pay attention to, and we had a good heart to heart discussion. 

In my company, for every order we receive, we will need to draft the drawing of the product in our system to make the final fabrication of the product. Once, there was an order where the customer was unable to understand the 2D drawings of his order even after my staff spent 8-9 hours drafting it

After getting feedback from the customer, my staff insisted that there is no way to change the system to suit the customer requirements. 

Both sides did not want to change or compromise. I stepped in and communicated with both sides to find a solution to the problem. After mutual communication with them, I managed to get a solution that can help customers as well as save my staff’s time instead of redrafting the order.  

This is another kind of my curiosity towards things that happened and I chose to react positively and communicate well.

Treat our child as our friend, let him feel your love is without conditions, no matter how I will not threaten to take away his necessity or reward him to stop playing, I will take an opportunity to play with him and try to understand what game he is playing. I will try to talk to him reasonably and from time to time he knows what we think and we can discuss the things he does in a calm and positive manner.

In work, I realise that effective communication is not just one-way communication. 

No matter how good the communicator is, it will also depend on what kind of person that I am dealing with, a negative or positive person. how would you persist in this situation if the person is negative and how to find out the gap in between and be getting closer to getting a compromise.

I am willing to listen to them and they also, in turn, be willing to listen to me, they are not just robots that do without thinking and at the same time, I keep learning in areas that I am not familiar with and surprisingly I learn a lot from them,  like some that are not in my area or that area that I didn’t pay attention before which can improve overall.

I found that no matter it is my Son, my husband, my staff as well as myself, we all have inner awareness that arises from this effective communication,

By having effective communication, we no longer need to nag and we can see improvement in all of us.

If we remain humble in whatever status we are in, we will see things from a different perspective and in the end, we will benefit from this effective communication. 

We should use positive and curious feedback instead of criticism that might improve things but will hurt each other's relationship and test each other 's limits too.

Conclusions

I remember this saying: What can you achieve if you win the world but lose the support from the people around you. We live in a world where we are connected to each other, there is no way that we can live by ourselves, and everyone in this world depends on each other, therefore effective communication will make you a better self.

Compassion comes from understanding, for the majority of us, we see things on the surface and jump into conclusions too fast, and we are carrying too many worries and fear within us, and what we actually need is to be mindfulness ourselves and when we have stability and peace.

If you want to talk about transforming your inner child, healing your relationships with yourself and money, connect with me through my Facebook and the link is in the show notes.

I look forward to seeing you in my next episode where I will be sharing with you about TURN WORRIES INTO BLESSINGS.

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TRANSCRIPT FOR EP 48:

Welcome to SHE is Confident. Hi! This is Deon Teh and in this episode, I will be sharing with you about our Thoughts.

Have you ever paid attention to what you think each time, as we always surrender to the outside environment, most times when we are affected by external factors and it decides our emotions?

There is a book called ‘The Hidden Messages in Water’ by Masaru Emoto. According to him, human consciousness has an effect on the molecular structure of water. When you pass a love message on the glass for a certain time and when you look at the water molecular under the microscope, it appears to have a very beautiful crystal shape look, this really shows that whenever what you think to others, you will reflect exactly just like a mirror.

We all know that the human body is made up of 75% water, hence we can change our external state by starting with a change in our internal thoughts. 

When we start with good thoughts first, this will make our communication harmonious.

After my son is born, as a new mother, I always will search for solutions for the daily issues that I faced

I had a lot of negative thoughts that I reacted to without knowing. In fact, my son and my husband are also being affected and always I will receive negative responses, and it makes me angrier and my life doesn’t feel happy at that time.

It is a common scenario that when a child does not finish his or her homework, many parents will think of them as being lazy or prefer to play. 

For my case, in my mind whenever my son does anything, my first thought is to think negatively. As a mother, whenever my son has a request, my first instinct is that he is up to no good and to say NO to his request.

For example, when he started to play video games, we will think that he will be addicted to the games. Whenever he plays, I worry endlessly. Many thoughts like him becoming a bad boy, neglecting his studies, becoming addicted, or affecting his eyesight or health, etc. 

In the name of love,  I tried to control him in order to ease my fearful thoughts.

I changed my mind after reading Masaru Emoto‘s book - The Hidden Messages in Water’.  I have a realisation and feel that his concept is very interesting and I decide to change the way that I think.

I am able to choose to allow the news, views, or ideas that enter into my mind. Being mindful is the best way to affect your way of communicating, if you love everyone like a family member, it is reflected back to you just like a mirror. 

I train myself to be present too, hear the voice they want to express and not make a judgment or voice my views too quickly.

By writing a gratitude journal or always having gratitude thinking, allows you to convert your thinking to a positive one no matter how bad the situation.

There is no free lunch in this world, we have to put an effort into communication with our loved ones.

On a daily basis, I continue to put in an effort and slowly I can see my results.

I can see myself being able to handle things or situations in a more calm way and my thoughts do not run wild(wire) easily and panic like last time. 

My outside world is massively changing due to taking good care of my thoughts. I feel amazing about this result and if I say this is a miracle , and it is due to the efforts that I put in.

You have to start with yourself first, complaining and criticizing doesn’t help at all.

This makes both parties upset and unable to resolve the problem.

We always end up hurting our loved one deeply with our thoughts and when we speak out hurtful words unintentionally.

It is important to set up and do whatever it can to boost you to a balancing position like physical training and mind training. Love yourself as I have mentioned in my previous episode and also another useful practice I do to keep myself in harmony would be belly breathing. You can easily search on the internet to learn how to do so.

Conclusions

I had experienced negative effects from my thoughts for so many years and I am glad that I can have a way to fix it and it has enabled me to show more of my true personality and be more humorous than before.

Most importantly,  I feel that everything has a way to resolve, no matter with family or with others.

When we change our thoughts in positive ways, positivity will attract good things.

and the outside world will change automatically and this is not magic but is the effort as a parent, especially as a mother to your child.

If you want to talk about transforming your inner child, healing your relationships with yourself and money, connect with me through my Facebook and the link is in the show notes.

End

I look forward to seeing you in my next episode where I will be sharing with you about EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATIONS.

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TRANSCRIPT FOR EP47:

Welcome to SHE is Confident. Hi! This is Deon Teh and in this episode, I will be sharing with you about our judgement.

Many of us like to judge ourselves based on our previous experiences, especially failed ones. 

And we would judge in a negative way with our brain logic, at the same time we also will judge others by using our logic especially to our children.

Our relationship with our child based on our judgments and with our past experiences, and we also worry how other people will judge us on how we teach our child, especially when we are not able to teach and train our child according to what we want them to do, we as parents would receive many judgments.

As parents, we also like to judge our children according to other people’s standards which may not be suitable to apply to your children. If we cannot do it well using those standards, how are we going to expect our children to do it well and achieve the results that you want?

Children may be hurt by our demanding requests. When we judge them using our own standards, the family will not be in harmony  and it affects everyone in the family. 

My husband and I have high expectations for my only child. 

We expect him to do his homework independently and automatically each time when he comes back from school, fully occupying all his free time with extra classes that we want him to attend and spend little time playing video games etc. 

However , things don’t always turn out the way you want. As a mother, I was full of fear and worry that he might not turn out well. I started to make lots of assumptions and judged my son. In the end, we have a very tense relationship and also between my husband and my son. 

I will have an opinion on everything he does, from his sitting position, school homework to what he will do during free time. As long as it is not done to my standards, this means that he is disobedient and being naughty. He started to feel frustrated and became defiant. And one day he told him that he was very pressured with his life and I suddenly realised that he has lost his happiness, and his happiness has become a term and condition from his parents.

The more we force our thoughts on him, the further his connection with us becomes.  When the gap gets bigger, I am more afraid and lost to what to do. 

By opening up my mind and feeling the inner heart, getting rid of my fears and worries that he will not do well, don’t think too much and I choose to shut my mind from negative comments but be open to constructive feedback. And overcoming anxiety at the end.

Enjoy every bit of the hard work, and in the end, no matter whether things go according to my wish or not, I can face it calmly, and will not be trapped by my logic thinking.

I realised that I was only a guidance to my children, and he needed to live his own life. We just need to become wise mentors by their side to guide him to the correct path but not my expectations.

I am aware that I have to be humble but not fragile, confident but not prideful, be more creative but not arrogant, even toward my child, I always feel that we have to listen to each other, if I am right he has to follow, if I was wrong I apologise too.

Always aim to do one thing at a time, it doesn’t matter how many things you need to do, 

Do it well one by one instead of trying to do many things at the same time. 

Do things you have a passion for or you like and enjoy to do and you will understand your children more.

If other people’s judgment can help to improve ourselves, we should accept it, otherwise, we leave it. Depending on how your child is, some children do better under pressure but some are not, and every child is unique, you have to put an effort to find out and guide them.

Every child has their life to lead and ambitions they want to achieve when they grow up, respect them and communicate well with them without any expectation.

No matter who they are and what they do as long as they are happy and behave properly in their life, they can always upgrade themselves when they grow up.

Our judgment belongs to us, do not be mistaken that the whole world thinks the same way as you.

When you focus on what is your weakness, you will only see your weaknesses, and to make matters worse you will only see people's weaknesses.

Start thinking from today about your own merits and actively let go of the bad emotions, it is like playing a  game of life. Allow it to level up and to enjoy the beautifulness of things and everything surrounding you!

Your child has his own life but is still young hence we need to guide them but not force them. Only when children are truly happy, then they can do the things they like and continue to live a balanced life and be in harmony with their soul.

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If you want to talk about transforming your inner child, healing your relationships with yourself and money, connect with me through my Facebook and the link is in the show notes.

End

I look forward to seeing you in my next episode where I will be sharing with you about Our Thoughts.

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TRANSCRIPT FOR EP46:

Welcome to SHE is Confident. Hi! This is Deon Teh and in this episode, I will be sharing with you about the power of intention （起心动念）

There is a Chinese book that I enjoy reading and would like to share with you. The book is titled  Liao Fan's Four Lessons (了凡四训), written by Yuan Liaofan, who was born during the Ming Dynasty. He wrote the book to teach his son that destiny can be changed through proper cultivation of kindness and humility. Thus one should not be bound by fate, but by one's own actions.

The author was told by a monk that he would only live to the age of 53 and will not have any son. At first, he did not believe the monk's words, but as the monk's other predictions began to occur with great accuracy, the author then pro actively made an effort to rewrite his fate. In relating his own life experience in changing destiny, Liao Fan at the age of 69, wrote and taught these four lessons to his son.

The first lesson shows how to create destiny. The second lesson explains the ways to reform. The third reveals the ways to cultivate kindness and the fourth talks about the benefits of the virtue of humility.

After reading the book, I became more aware that even though our feelings are invisible to the eye, it can control our emotions, just like our electronics devices, that are controlled by electrical frequencies that are also invisible to the eye, and therefore our invisible intention can also crate achievements that we might never imagine or think about it

We have to be thankful that our lives compared to our grandparents are so much more convenient.

Like how we could travel because of the invention of aeroplanes, cars, and other vehicles. 

Have you ever wondered where those inventions came from? Especially when there are no examples for these inventors to follow or model after. 

I believe that these inventions came from the intention. 

All thanks to the Wright brothers, the ford brothers. 

With their intentions and determination, they continuously create prototypes over prototypes, and finally they achieve the actual end product. 

By having an intention in their mind to making it into a reality, 

Another example would be as Mother Teresa, where she sets her intention to do good and charity for most of her life. These people are connected to the world and contributed great service to society,  making them be outstanding in their field.

I remembered that when I first came to Singapore in the early 1990s, the very first time I crossed Singapore & Malaysia custom, 

I was amazed by the skills of the drivers as they could navigate their cars in and out of the narrow gaps between the road lanes just to move forward in the traffic jam. And I thought to myself that I will never be able to do this as only men will be able to do so.

Twenty years later, when I have decided to do more and help for my brother-in-law’s company. I had learnt to drive myself to the JB factory from Singapore without the help of others. I followed my male colleague who drove and showed me the way, I recorded the route on a piece of paper. Although the GPS system was already available, I still insist on double-checking the route physically to make sure as this is my character.

Moreover, the new highway is still under construction and I had to turn here and there, the roads were really winding. That really confuses me and in addition, I have no sense of direction. 

Despite all these, I was able to successfully find my way back and drive myself to our JB factory 3 times a week during traffic jams.

Letting my staff be responsible for their work and willingness to grow with the company is another of my intentions.

In recent years, I often try to let them know that they have to create their intentions, and don't need the

company to monitor them and they also need to know that company won't wait for them if they don’t want to grow with willingness. 

I’m happy to know that my intentions for them have turned out well because, during the partial lockdown for co-vid 19, my staff was able to perform their work duties even without me being in the factory. 

Just like Liao Fan, he has his original fate, when he decided to change and make the decision and be responsible for his life, his destiny changed, 

I was so shocked that after reading this book that we can change our fate and I know that our past can not be changed, but our future is not fixed and if you have the determination to change, it will change. 

The cosmic law works in a magical way. Once your intention is aligned with the universal, everything is going back to your inner heart and does not depend on the outside environment, 

Therefore using cosmic law, I let my intention be converted to reality.

In the past, I always try to run away from the problems I faced and wished for a miracle, however it didn’t happen and the bad situation or things did not disappear. 

Until the moment I accepted it and set my intention,  I was able to zoom in the problem and think deeper about what I can do to solve the problem.

I had many intentions before until I really found the right intention that I am passionate about.

In the end, I found that educating a positive mindset is my passion, therefore I am eagerly to convert this passion to skill and can be my alternative choice in my life journey.

I stop asking many useless questions that previously I did, I know that in order to realise my intentions. I need to have a plan, and take action for the right intentions.

I need to love myself but not be selfish and as well as self-care and will not be stubborn in my thinking. 

Read more good books to overcome our past experiences that have blocked our mind and all these good books have good intentions with great wisdom to help you, it can change your mind set with positive ways and when your intention is right from there you will have a good start.

Remember to take action, just like now we are able to enjoy a lot of modern technology advances, they all started from the creator's good intention and made it happen by their action.

Your intention may become reality now or later, 

When you set intention, everything is possible.  if you have passion and you would accumulate the skill and become the master of the skill. 

Good Intention with the right ways will produce fruitful results that benefit others and contribute to society, this is a wonderful achievement regardless of how big or small the contribution.

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If you want to talk about transforming your inner child, healing your relationships with yourself and money, connect with me through my Facebook and the link is in the show notes.

End

I look forward to seeing you in my next episode where I will be sharing with you about our Judgment.

https://www.fac...

TRANSCRIPT FOR EP45:

Welcome to SHE is Confident. Hi! This is Deon Teh and in this episode, I will be sharing with you about Every Child is unique (part 3)–HAPPY CHILD

As mentioned in Part 1 and Part 2

As parents, right from the day, our children are born,  we are constantly learning how to be responsible parents.

We love our children and they are like an extension of ourselves and also become leaders of the next generation. 

How can we raise them in the best way to allow them to be who they are and how we can best guide them so that they can live to be themselves.

In a child’s learning journey, it doesn’t mean that they have to get high marks in their academics so that they are considered good or smart. It really depends on what their personalities are.

In my previous episode where I talked about Enneagram, everyone has different types of personality. 

Each child has their strength and weakness and we can use this as a guide on how to balance their personal elements.

I believe most children if not all, are carefree and happy with no strings attached when they were young, 

As time goes by when they meet with any challenges, are we able to go hand in hand and face it together? 

Are we concern about their inner feelings or just concern over their result, are we comparing them with others, have we pass our inner fears to them as well. 

Can our child be able to do anything that he wants without having to meet our expectations?

As you know from my previous episode that I have placed many expectations on my child,  like tuition for, learning the piano, etc. 

In the beginning,  I did not see any pressure from him, managing my expectations. 

Hence I kept on pushing him. Even though I did not compare my child with others,  the expectation of doing well gave him great pressure. 

I realised that I use loving him as a reason to control him, and our relationship became tense when he responded negatively, 

I felt more hurt and when I happened to read an article about this and  I started to use the method that was taught,  that is turning my worries into blessings to him and both of us became more connected. 

As a working mother, we too have our pressure from work and sometimes we forgot and bring along the anger and back home.  Especially when I reach home in the evening and discover that he has not finished his homework that he was supposed to finish after school at his nanny’s home.

His relationship with his father also being tested.  As my son is a perfectionist, he has high expectations for the things he does or plays. , 

If there is any imperfection, he will start to grumbling and may end up quarreling with his father. But his father is a more relaxed and chill person whereby he doesn’t understand why his son has to throw such a big temper over nothing. 

To the child, when he is able to feel that you are concerned about him from your inner heart without carrying any conditions, he will be mindful and will do what he should do.

However, it may not happen well all the time and we need to continuously guide him and be well communication because the child may not be as matured as us. 

Every time when I communicate with him, I will ask about his feelings and what he thinks when we did something wrong.

My husband also got influenced by us and started to learn how to communicate better with my son. 

The parenting workshops from his schools especially during his primary school time, helped me a lot. 

Throughout his growing years, we found out that he is extremely kind and caring towards animals, he is talented in music and painting,

 although he refuses to attend class to further improve his skill. As parents, we have to give him space.  If he really wants to learn later,  he can do so at any time.

As parents, we have to learn to take care of ourselves first, when we are aware of our actions and correct them accordingly, our children will learn and correct themselves too. 

It is important that children do not be too critical of themselves and must learn how to manage their pressure with their parents’ help and concerns. 

By doing so, their inner heart will be stable and will not over worry, be sad, or have negative energy.

Disregard what other people will think about your children and if your expectation doesn’t align with them, learn to be present, enjoy the moment together with them, your children know what is suitable for them, 

every child wishes to be good children to their parents, just like how we want to be good parents. Take note that your advice should not be an instruction to them.

Our criticism of our children is like a knife that will cut through their heart and hurt them, some might see this as a power to push them on, 

however, there is inner hurt even though some children will feel lesser and it might help them to achieve certain things but it won’t help them to have a correct concept to continue their life journey.

How we treated our child also the same as their body cell will remember.  

Just like how we being treated when we were a child and when at a later age we always will remember the happy or hurtful moment that we encountered.

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If you want to talk about transforming your inner child, healing your relationships with yourself and money, connect with me through my Facebook and the link is in the show notes.

End

I look forward to seeing you in my next episode where I will be sharing with you about the power of intention.

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https://www.instagram.com/d_t_l_y/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/deon-teh-leeyong-573a0766/

TRANSCRIPT FOR EP 44

Welcome to SHE is Confident. Hi! This is Deon Teh and in this episode, I will be sharing with you about Every Child is unique (part 2)–CHILD’S MIND

As mentioned in Part 1,

As parents, right from the day, our children are born,  we are constantly learning how to be responsible parents.  We love our children and they are like an extension of ourselves and also become leaders of the next generation. 

How can we raise them in the best way to allow them to be who they are and how we can best guide them so that they can live to be themselves.

In a child’s learning journey, it doesn’t mean that they have to get high marks in their academics so that they are considered good or smart. It really depends on what their personalities are.

In my previous episode where I talked about Enneagram, everyone has different types of personality. Each child has their strength and weakness and we can use this as a guide on how to balance their personal elements.

They are individuals that need our guidance rather than setting the path for them. 

What we want to arrange or set up for them, could be from our inner fears towards the world, our desires that we want to fulfill or we do not want to lose face. 

Instead, we should help them to be more focused so they can find out what they want to be, just like how we as adults, change to what we want to be frequently. It is okay when they make changes according to what they set their mind to at the moment and they need to accumulate more life experiences on their own. 

Just like many parents nowadays, I was overly concerned about my son as a new parent. This causes me to have my mood swings and it changes according to his behavior. I have too many inner fears about his relationship to this world and his future. 

My son is the only child in our family, when he goes to his nanny house, he is also much loved by his nanny and her family. And so since young, he is well protected and is rather self-centered which I believe will not help him in his personal development. 

We have many disagreements in our daily life. For example, we want him to study hard so that he can further his studies at university just like his cousin. 

However, he is just a child and due to his character, he still is unsure of what he wants to do in the future yet. 

Therefore we need to think of a way to let him understand what life all about is and guide him to understand what exactly is his life journey, what can he do to further his interest or to pursue what he able in his life.

I realized that I can have a better way to communicate with my son instead of scolding him, this will turn him away. We need him to understand the reasons behind our worries, and this takes time.

 There is not magic, the child will keep on making the same mistake or behaviour over and over again, 

Therefore as parents, we need to have patience and have the wisdom to guide and accompany him and accept the mistakes and face his difficulties together. 

This will be the biggest support that he receives and it will make him be a stronger person.

I have also learnt to understand what he is thinking and thinking from his point of view.  I have introduced him to mindfulness as well as to finding his inner heart by himself and guiding him on how to balance his mind and body and not push himself to the limits. 

My husband and I don’t share the same teaching method for our child. However, if we were to quarrel about this, this will let the child feel unsafe as he does still not understand our adult world.

Be Frank to ourselves about what happened and each time we learnt from past mistakes and reflect on how to handle it better. 

We learned how not to fear and give time to understand and be more aware of each other’s feelings. 

Nowadays children’s mindsets are totally different from our generation, and the world concept is also different. They get to connect easily to the world and are easily affected either in positive or in negative ways.

By understanding them, letting go, or reviewing our past experiences because there is no perfect method to apply to all children as all are different and unique. 

Allow them to be themselves.

We may be successful in our careers, but this doesn't mean that our relationship with our child will be good. We must not neglect and must make an effort in order to have a great relationship with them. 

By accompanying them, letting them see your hard work in your work area, having an optimistic outlook in life,  your unconditionally love for them, all these will form his bright side of the mind.

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If you want to talk about transforming your inner child, healing your relationships with yourself and money, connect with me through my Facebook and the link is in the show notes.

End

I look forward to seeing you in my next episode where I will be sharing with you about Every Child is unique (part 3)–HAPPY CHILD

https://www.facebook.com/leeyongteh
https://www.instagram.com/d_t_l_y/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/deon-teh-leeyong-573a0766/

TRANSCRIPT FOR EP43

Welcome to SHE is Confident. Hi! This is Deon Teh and in this episode, I will be sharing with you about Every Child is unique (part 1)–Be Friend TO OUR CHILD

As parents, right from the day, our children are born,  we are constantly learning how to be responsible parents.  We love our children and they are like an extension of ourselves and also become leaders of the next generation. 

How can we raise them in the best way to allow them to be who they are and how we can best guide them so that  they can live to be themselves.

In a child’s learning journey, it doesn’t mean that they have to get high marks in their academics so that they are considered good or smart. 

It really depends on what their personalities are. In my previous episode where I talked about Enneagram, everyone has different types of personality. 

Each child has their strength and weakness and we can use this as a guide on how to balance their personal elements.

How do we act and behave towards our child is non-verbal education for them. As a chinese saying, If the upper beam is not straight, the lower beam will be crooked , loosely translated - if someone with authority sets a bad example, those below them will follow in their corruption. 

We as parents are mentors to our child and if we don't set a good example to them, they will learn all the bad habits from us. 

However, based on our past experiences and upbringing from our parents, we end up placing our hopes on them just like how our parents did to us. 

We forget that every child has his own journey to go through just like what we did and our responsibility is to be their mentor and guide them in the right path but most of the time we tend to control them and steer (stir)them to what we want instead. 

Ever since my son was born, as a new mother, I encountered many first time with him. Feeding him, bathing him, sending him to school etc. 

For 13 years, we have had our fair share of tensions and misunderstandings, as my only son, I do hope that he can become a pianist. I tried to force him to attend lessons however, it didn't work as he does have his own thinking, dislikes and character. 

It worsens my relationship with him as well as with my husband.

However, it still doesn’t work for him that is because every child is different and I started to think deeper.  

I can see that he has talent in music, even one of his teachers mentioned to me however, he has no intention to further on his piano lessons, in the end, I gave up as I don’t want to force him to continue as it gave him pressure.

After attending many parenting workshops organised by his secondary school, I realised that children these days are under the influence of new technology and media, they have very different ways of thinking than me.

I started to be his friend, don’t let him be afraid of me, consider issues he faces from his point of view, talk to him heart to heart. 

I let go of my past ways and learn new ways of guiding him in order for me to become a role model for him to follow, and I allow him to have his own opinion and I stop comparing him to others.

As parents, we come from different background and both of parents will react differently when nurturing our children. Therefore both husband and wife will need to communicate; don’t insist that your way is correct, or your partner’s method is wrong or etc

I went through a lot of learning and I realised that my child has his own path to walk. Because he is an individual and it is unreasonable to control him instead of guiding and teaching him.

Our children need the most from us is our affirmation and whatever the choice they made, we need to support and if they met with any trouble or issue, we will be the first to protect them.

We must allow our children to be themselves but not pamper them, bearing this in mind,  we should accompany them but not be the master of their life. When they grow up, as parents, we should stand aside to cheer for them

When we give them freedom, it doesn't mean they can do whatever they want. They should follow our advice and for issues that are beyond their capability to decide,  they must refer back to their parents for discussion, therefore having a  close relationship with our children is very important.

Preaching to our children tends to include criticism, the child will try to avoid us, because no one likes to be criticised.

Hence, let go of our worries for our children and turn all these into blessings for them and together with our children we learn to improve and grow together. 

If you want to talk about transforming your inner child, healing your relationships with yourself and money, connect with me through my Facebook and the link is in the show notes.

End

I look forward to seeing you in my next episode where I will be sharing with you about Every Child is unique (part 2)–CHILD’S MIND