Last episode I asked who told you about Allah. Today I want to ask something harder.

Who — or what — stood between you and actually finding Him?

Because there is a difference between being introduced to Allah and feeling close to Him. Between knowing about Him and knowing how to reach Him when things fall apart. Between having the deen in your life and having a real relationship with it.

A lot of us experienced Allah through people first. Through the way someone talked about Him. Through teachers, communities, and environments that left a mark before we were old enough to examine them. And those early experiences shaped more than we realize—they became the lens through which every prayer, every attempt to reach Him, was filtered.

In this episode we talk about what happens when hardship shakes your understanding of Allah. When religion starts to feel like control instead of connection. When you have had to find your way to Him mostly alone—without anyone showing you what a real relationship with Him actually looks and feels like.

This is not about blame. It is about understanding. Because once you can see clearly what stood in the way—it stops having power over the relationship.

The Allah you are looking for is not a fantasy. He is Al-Wadud. Al-Latif. Al-Qarib. Loving. Gentle. Near. And the path back to Him has always been open.

This episode is for the person who is still trying to find their way. And for the person who did not even realize they had left.

Who Told You About Allah?

This episode is different. There are no points to get through. No list of things to fix. No pressure to leave with an action plan.

This one is just a check in. Just me and you. A moment to sit, to think, and to actually feel what comes up when I ask you this question —

Who told you about Allah?

Not just the name. The version. The tone. The feeling you got the first time someone described Him to you. Were they warm? Were they fearful? Did they make you feel like Allah was someone you wanted to be close to — or someone you needed to be careful around?

Because here is what I have come to understand. That first introduction shaped everything. The way you feel when you try to pray. The way you respond when things get hard. Whether the relationship with Allah feels like a home you can return to — or like a standard you are always falling short of. Whether you run toward Him or hold back. Whether closeness feels possible or just slightly out of reach, no matter how hard you try.

Most of us were introduced to Allah by people who were still figuring Him out themselves. People who meant well and still passed on a version of Him that was incomplete. Heavy on the rules and light on the love. Full of what He would do if you got it wrong and quiet about who He actually is when you come to Him honestly, as you are.

And nobody ever asked us to look at that. Nobody ever said — the introduction you received shaped your relationship. And if the introduction was incomplete, the relationship has been harder than it should have been. And that is not your fault.

This episode is an invitation to go back to the beginning. To ask yourself honestly whether the version of Allah you were given helped you or left something missing. To think about what you would have wanted the introduction to sound like. And to consider — for maybe the first time — whether it is time to let Him introduce Himself.

Because it is never too late for a reintroduction.

And He has been waiting. Patiently. Lovingly. Without a single moment of impatience.

Sit with this one. 🤍

I Still Believe in Allah. I Just Can't Practice Right Now.

This episode is for the Muslim who still believes — but cannot show up for the practice right now. Not because the faith is gone. Not because they stopped caring. But because something happened. And somewhere along the way, the practice got tangled up in the pain. And untangling them has been harder than anyone told them it would be.

Maybe religion was used against you. Maybe it was delivered through someone who hurt you — someone whose voice you still hear when you try to pray. Maybe the Quran was quoted to justify something that was done to you. Maybe the masjid, or the prayer mat, or the adhan carries a memory that you are not ready to sit with yet. Maybe you grew up in a religious environment that left you more wounded than whole. And now every time you try to get near the practice, something in you shuts down. And you do not fully understand why. And that confusion makes the shame worse.

Because on top of everything else — you carry the shame of it. The shame of believing in Allah, of genuinely loving Him, and still not being able to show up. The fear that this makes you a hypocrite. The exhaustion of performing okay when people assume you are practicing. The silence of never telling anyone the full truth because you already know what most people would say. Pray more. Have more sabr. If your iman was stronger, you would be able to push through it.

And that response — as well-meaning as it sometimes is — has never once helped. Because this is not an iman problem. This is a wound. And wounds do not heal through pressure. They heal through time, through gentleness, through the right kind of support, and through someone finally saying — what happened to you makes sense. Your response to it makes sense. And you are not a bad Muslim for being in this season.

This episode is about all of it. About what trauma does to the relationship with the practice. About why believing and not being able to practice are not a contradiction. About the difference between a hypocrite and a wounded person trying to find their way back. About what it actually looks like to return to Allah when you are not yet whole. And about why the door has never required you to be healed before you walk through it.

You have not gone too far.

You are not too broken.

The door is still open.

And this episode is for the person who needed to hear that.

A lot of people think they are losing their faith.

But when you actually sit with what they are questioning — it is not Allah they are doubting.

It is the version of Islam they grew up with.

The rigid rules. The cultural add-ons. The fearful, incomplete picture that was handed to them before they were old enough to ask questions.

And nobody ever told them those two things were different.

This episode is for the person who has been carrying questions in silence. Who feels guilty for doubting. Who was shamed into thinking that questioning anything about their deen means something is wrong with their faith. And who has never heard anyone say — your questions are not a sign that you are leaving Islam. They might be a sign that you are finally finding it.

ShifaTalk will now be uploading on Tuesdays and Fridays In Sha Allah.

Feel free to follow me on my social media :

IG: @shifatalk, Youtube: @shifatalk & TikTok @shifatalk

Sometimes the people who know the most about Islam are the hardest people to actually talk to.

They know the rules. They know how to correct you. But nobody taught them how to connect with you. Nobody taught them that education without humanity leaves people feeling more alone — not more guided.

This episode is about connection. About what it actually does to a person when they grow up being corrected more than they were understood. About why the deen sometimes feels like pressure instead of peace. And about what changes when someone finally shows up for you — not with answers, but with presence.

You can know everything about Allah and still feel numb inside. You can be the most knowledgeable person in the room about the deen and still not know how to feel, how to grieve, how to ask for help without shame. You can recite the right answers and still feel completely empty when nobody is watching.

There is a belief in a lot of Muslim communities that religious people — especially knowledgeable ones — should not struggle emotionally. That if your iman is strong enough, depression cannot reach you. That if you really understood the deen, you would know how to handle your feelings. That needing therapy is a sign that your faith is not doing its job.

This episode is about why that belief is wrong. About why knowledge of the deen and emotional health are two completely separate things. About why the most religious person in the room can still be the most emotionally numb. And about what you can do when you recognize that gap in yourself.

ShifaTalk will now be uploading on Tuesdays and Fridays In Sha Allah.

Feel free to follow me on my social media :

IG: @shifatalk, Youtube: @shifatalk & TikTok @shifatalk

Last episode we talked about Sha'ban, Ramadan, and Shawwal — the prep, the training

wheels, and independence. And something stayed with me after that. A question I could

not stop sitting with.

Because what about the person who went through all three of those months and still felt

like something was missing? Who fasted and prayed and tried — but the closeness never

quite arrived? Who has been showing up to the deen for years and quietly wondering

why it never felt the way everyone said it was supposed to feel?

This episode is for that person. And the answer is not that they failed. The answer is that

they were never given the full picture of who Allah is. They were taught to fear Him

before they were taught to love Him. And you cannot connect deeply with someone you

were never properly introduced to.

You didn't know. And that's okay. Now let's talk about what changes when you do.

Eid Mubarak — a little late, but the love behind it is just as real.

And now that the celebration has settled, I want to talk to you about where you actually

are right now. Because you are not in Ramadan anymore. The training wheels are off.

And what comes next — Shawwal, the month you are already living in — is something

completely different.

Shawwal is independence. It is you and Allah without the structure, without the

communal lift, without the scaffolding that Ramadan provides. Sha'ban prepared you.

Ramadan trained you. And Shawwal is where you find out what you actually learned.

This episode is about all three months — what each one was doing in you, and why

Shawwal is not something to fear. It is something to rise into.

The last 24 hours of Ramadan are here. And I need you to understand what it means

that you are still in them.

This episode is about the biggest tragedy of Ramadan — leaving it exactly the same

person who entered it. About why even one small change makes you someone

completely different than who you were. About the person who is showing up empty and

still showing up. About the word mujahada — to struggle and do something even when

you feel nothing — and why these final hours deserve everything you have left to give.

You are still breathing. You are still in it. Do not let these hours pass like ordinary hours.

They are not ordinary.

Two days left of Ramadan.

And I know some of you are already afraid of what comes after Eid.

Afraid of going back to who you were before the month.

Afraid that everything you built is about to slip through your hands.

This episode is for you.

Because Eid is not the end of the relationship. It is the beginning of proving it was real.