Natty Bumpercar: So, here's the thing. I feel like I start the podcast with saying, so here's the thing, a lot. Should we change it to, so here's the thing, with net, no, we've got too many episodes. Problem is, I'm so busy, I haven't been to the studio in at least seven years, maybe 12 years or something. So now I'm stuck recording on this makeshift, talking to my phone, which is going to my ear, which is going to the computer, and it's wacky and I'm all by myself and I'm in a car. So if you're wondering, why haven't you been pumping out episodes? That's why. Because this is weird. Oh, hi, there's a person watching me. I'm on a phone. I'm just pretending I'm on the phone. Yeah. I'm on a call. Stop looking. Why are you still looking? Oh, they're still looking. I'm going to look down. I'm going to break eye contact. I can't maintain eye, they're gone. Okay. Hey, it's me, Natty Bumpercart, and that was me moving my phone. So where have I been? Well, I think I told you that in January I got banana sick, like flu, pneumonia, hospital, all this stuff. And evidently that messed up my immune system. And so then about a month and a half ago, I got something called, are you ready for this? It's a blast. I highly don't recommend it. Shingles. Yeah, I got shingles. I mean, I'm allergic to oranges, so I am legitimately scared that I'm going to get scurvy. And I haven't looked into what rickets are, but I mean, I feel like with scurvy and shingles, you know, maybe scabies, I don't know what that is. I'm going backwards in diseases. So it's fun. How do you get shingles, Natty? Well, aren't you vaccinated? Yeah. Yeah, I am. Two vaccines and not pleasant vaccines, like knock you on your bottom kind of vaccines. And so when I went to the doctor, oh, and how did that happen? Is there a funny story there? Sure. For a few days, my left side, my shoulder and chest was hurting. Was I having a heart attack? No, no. I just figured I'd pulled a muscle. And so I just was soldiering on. And then I was carrying a part of a outdoor couch thing to the backyard and over my head. And I stepped in a hole with my right leg, thought I broke my ankle because everything went quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack. And then I fell and then the couch landed on top of me. And I was like, I'm about done. I think this is it for me. I don't know. I'm good. And Emerson was freaking out. Are you OK? And I just kind of I wasn't opening my eyes and I just said, please leave me. I can't move. I just want to be here, which sounds like giving up. But it really was just me trying to combobulate myself, recombobulate. I know there's a discombobulate, so I'm assuming that there must be just a baseline of combobulation. I was trying to get myself back into combobulation. So while I was doing that, he ran inside, got my wife. She came out, yells, what's happening? What are you on the ground for? And they managed to pull me up. And I was sore. I was frustrated and limping a bit. And I said, I'm just going to go take a shower and I'm going to sit there in the hot water and it's going to make me feel better. So up I went. And when I went to take a shower, and I don't this is maybe a little too personal and I apologize, but I was taking my shirt off to get into the shower. And lo and behold, I'm covered in spots on my left side. And it's a band that goes from the middle of my front chest, like the sternum thing, all the way around to my back. And I'd never seen those before. And I was like, huh, well, this is strange. So then I showed my wife and she was like, maybe when you were, you know, working in the yard, maybe, you know, you got bit by something or you got poison ivy or, you know, just throwing stuff out there. And I was like, I don't know. I don't know. Do they itch? No. Do they hurt? No. Okay, well, just all right, let's let's monitor the situation. Let's keep an eye on it. Okay, I can do I can do that. So the next day, Monday morning, I was going to go into my favorite booth at Panera and have a wonderful cup of tea, probably my first of three teas of the day. And before I could go inside, I was just sitting there ravaged with pain, like can't even explain to you how much pain I was in. And I thought, okay, urgent care is right there. I'll pop in. I haven't been there in, you know, a month. I got to get my urgent care punch card checked every so often. And so I went in first one in for the week. Good for me. And, you know, they ask you everything and you fill out everything and then you go back to the room and the person asks you all the questions and which all the questions, all the answers, they're on the computer in front of them because I've been there before. I've answered these very same questions. I want to say dozens without any exaggeration of times. And so when they're like, well, are we are we taking any medications? And I'm like, I don't know. It's on screen. Well, when are you taking them? I don't know. Just something, something, something, something, something, something. And so then I have to look it up on my phone. I have to look over here. I have to look over there. And here's all the information. And then 20 minutes later, the doctor comes in and says, so what's going on? I start trying to describe stuff. And while I'm talking, she walks over, kind of lifts my shirt up and goes, oh, you've got shingles. And I didn't mean to do this, I, I, but I was just like, I don't like you. That's what I said. And she just kind of blurted out of my mouth and her eyes kind of got big. And I was like, I, I didn't mean it. I just, I don't want to have shingles. What is shingles? And you know, all through the rest of the visit was me trying to apologize for saying I didn't like this person, which is always comfortable. And you know, he was trying to describe, uh, what shingles are, what they come from. And I still have no idea. And people have been asking me questions ever since it happened, you know, like, oh, isn't that related to chicken pox? Yeah, I think. Did you get a chicken pox when you were a kid? I don't know. Did you get a chicken pox vaccine? I don't know. Is that something that exists? Was I supposed to get it? What did you get? The shingles vaccine? Yes. Two. There were two. I got part A and part B, part one, part two. I got part one and then the sequel. And they were like, well, how did you get it? And then the doctor, I don't know. It's they said it's stress related. And I said, I'm not stressed. There's no stress in my life running the Montclair Comedy Festival Spring Fling, five shows in one day, not stressful at all. And you know, a myriad of other life bits like not being able to record my podcast when I want to. And so now having to sit in a car and record, which is weird to me. But it was good. I had vaccinated, been vaccinated. I got the medicine and they said, well, you're in luck. This should be not a terrible, I forgot what they called it, not explosion, not exposition, not inquisition. I don't know. It should be it shouldn't be a terrible instance. That's not the word of shingles because you proactively were vaccinated and you now have the medicine and it's lasting for 10 days. And the pills, the medicine pills were the biggest pills I've ever seen. Like just as an example, I went by a barn where this horse that I know lives and I showed him the pill and he was like, no way, bro. And I was like, come on, bro. And he was like, no way, bro. I was like, bro, bro. And we kind of went back and forth like that for a while. But I managed to work through it. And now I'm just still not better. I mean, the spots are pretty much gone. I'm not contagious. That's a bonus. I can be in public and not have fear of infecting people with my shingles. Shingles? Why are they like shingles? What a weird name. And and and I was talking to people, they were like, oh, you could have it for a year. What if it gets on your face? You could go blind. And I was like, I don't want to hear any of those things. Keep those things to yourself. Mine is on my on my chest to my back. I don't want to hear about it get into my eyes. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. And, you know, I had to have special soaps and I couldn't take hot showers. I had to take lukewarm showers, which who enjoys that? Not even Luke enjoys lukewarm showers. They're just miserable. Like some people like, oh, I'll do a cold shower. It'll wake me up. It'll get the blood moving. And those people are, I don't know, bananas. And then there's people who like hot showers, which I find myself to be part of because they're nice. Oh, but they're going to dry your skin out. I don't care. It's warm. My house is cold. The shower is warm. I'll hang out in the shower. Right. But when you get out, it's going to be cold. I can't worry about that now. I'm going to worry about the nice warm shower and then I'll deal with the cold consequences and the dry skin consequences later. Okay. Yeah. All risks, no reward. I don't know how that works. So anyway, spots are gone. Hooray. Pain, still around. Boo. Got acupuncture, which is a blast. And while I was there, she said, did you want me to cup your back? And I was like, yes, because all I know about cupping is that Olympic athletes do it. And so as far as I can figure, and I don't know all of the criteria, I don't know all the protocols, the rules or whatever. But from what I have gathered from what she did by cupping me, I am officially now an Olympic athlete.

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumper Car and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https://www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumper Car. Also, pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere, post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The Bumper Podcast is produced at headquarters in Coffee Can Alley. It's recorded, mixed and produced by a producer. The Bumper Podcast features contributions from Aloysius J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle, Robot, Trunks, and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumper Car. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at nattybumpercar.com slash subscribe. Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumper Car. Hugs and hearts. See you soon.

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