Miles inserts himself into a high-society text thread, while Bob gets knocked for a loop when Miles drops some news in his lap and then fails to answer any questions.

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and then live streaming is on and then i’ve got to come over here and i have to hit this over here Yeah. Static. Hey, everyone. Miles. Miles, the throat clear. Yeah, I was waiting for that fucking gong sound to go away. I love the gong. Get it on. It’s too long. Cut it. Cut it. Get it on. It’s not even 30 seconds. I mean, it’s… Oh, 30 seconds is all I need. Your honeymoon, but… Well, you don’t know a thing about my honeymoon. I had a hell of a good time. Yeah, I’m sure you did. Tantric. Well, I was going to say alone. Oh, okay. All right. Okay. There we go. Oh, my goodness. Hey, everybody. I’m tired. What are you guzzling over there? Nothing right now. You sound like a freaking daffy duck. I don’t know. I have no idea what you’re talking about. Okay. But I will have a drink now.
Oh, okay. Yeah. All right. By all means, take your time. We’re here for you. Good friends. Tonight is kind of special. We’re here for you. We’re here for you, sir. All right. Well, sorry, Mr. Perfect. Good tonight. Good night, Lombrow. Cool. Bye. So… Yep. So… You wonder why I have such trouble getting on the topics. I’ll have you know that I’m a lifelong stutterer. And this jack hole is not helping me at all. Oh, look, it’s. Back in the late seventies, early eighties. Mel Tillis school of how to quit stuttering. It’s come to kill me. How are you going to catch me? I met the man Mel Tillis. He said, whenever you having trouble, like just stop and pause. And then the words will come to you. Or sing. Yep. Right from the mouth of Mr. Mel Tillis. It took him a little longer to say it, but I am a graduate, so. Oh, there you go. So this…
A little bit of inside baseball here. Miles and I, we talk every week. We do the show. We talk before the show. You know, I’m very vested in the, you know, the lives and the well-being of his family. Oh, yeah. Okay. All right. Yeah. I’m always inquiring how everyone is doing. Yeah. Make sure that all their new jobs are going well. And you know, all that good kind of stuff. So typically miles does not send me stuff during the week. Hardly at all. In fact, most of the time he doesn’t, let’s just say that. Right. So I try to have an ongoing dialogue, but there’s not a lot of reciprocity in all this. So, um, so yesterday was, yeah, it was yesterday in the evenings.
Miles texts me. He’s like, for whatever reason, he couldn’t send it to me in the text. He’s always Mr. Redirect. He’s always like, no, don’t look here. Look over there. You weren’t answering. And so he texts me. He’s like, check your Facebook messenger. I’m like, why? What is this? Some kind of scam? Am I going to go over there and then be inundated with something? Yeah, yeah. And so I go, so at this point in time, because I’m trying to get over my stuttering, I’m doing all these podcast guesting things. Yeah. And so I was in the middle of doing a movie review for Jurassic Park or Jurassic World Rebirth. Yeah. And I’m talking away, you know, dinosaur. dinosaur dinosaur, Scarlett Johansson. And I open up my messenger and what do i see? Hey, by the way, our friend tim from college dead. Yes. Like a year ago or more a year and a half ago yes and i’m like and i’m like i’m trying to talk about dinosaurs.
And now all I can think about is my poor friend, Tim, who died a year and a half ago. I had no clue. Talk about extinct. Yeah. Nice one. And so then, yeah, now I’m totally distracted. I’m like, what? Is this like a joke? Is it some kind of weird thing from Halloween? Am I going to joke about that? Come on. Get out of here with that. Well, you’re Mr. Misdirection. You’re like, text me. Go to… Go to Facebook Messenger. Wait a minute. Instagram. Hold on a second. Go to threads. Real stuff’s on threads. I’m like following all these breadcrumbs trying to figure out what the fuck’s going on. I’m Dr. Lecter and you’re Clarice. What is it in itself, Bob? Go in my storage locker and find a head. In it yourself. Yes. Exactly. I’m like, what? And so, yeah. So then
I like text you back. I think I messaged you back. And then radio silence. Okay. I’m like, what happened? What is going on? What is the world coming to? It’s all coming down. Everything’s crashing. And nothing. And then this morning I wake up. Well, actually, I was awake. I got back from going out this morning to do something. Come back home. I didn’t take my phone with me. There’s a message from you. Hey, yeah. Let me see what it says. It probably said something stupid. What? Let me go look and see. I can’t remember now. You know what? You blow up my messenger with these stupid things. I go, what? I asked you last night before I went to bed. Do you have any idea what happened? Finally, this morning, after like 12 fucking hours, I don’t want to say. I don’t want to say it. I’m like, he’s already dead. You can say it. No, I didn’t want to say it. All right.
We still don’t want to say it. I had to guess. Here’s your problem. Tell me what my problem is. You are like having an elderly person on Facebook. You send me the most nonsensical bullshit videos that I could give a fuck about. I say, please don’t send all these. No, no. I’m your old uncle. I’m going to keep sending them. Cat videos and Kids getting hurt. Please stop. Please. Please. Limit it to like one a day. Okay. One a day. I’m trying to have a rapport with you. I know. It’s too much. It’s too much. It’s too much. I’m like, hey, have you ever been to the sandwich shop that’s close to you? Don’t know it. Or I don’t hear anything. You just ignore it. So I go on to the next. Because you send me like 70 things a day.
Please. Please. Knock it down to one. Maybe four or five on a really active day. Oh, my God. This guy. This is the most nonsensical bullshit. Jesus. You know, it’s like, hey, have you ever seen the world’s giant gnome? Yeah. It’s in your state. It’s not that far. I know. I’ve been to that city. You go to crazier shit. You’re like, I went and saw it. No. Had I known it was in that town, yes, I would have gone and seen it. Yes, I would. I had no idea it was there until after the fact. Well, I made you aware of it. And I’m probably never going back to that town again. So, you know. I’ve been banned. Well, that’s different. Yeah. I was texting the mayor of that town. I’m like, hey, by the way. No. You ever hear Ed Gein? Anyway. No.
No, that’s where the young bar major kind of picked me up, and I had to say no. Yeah, and you’re like, don’t. You’re going to hurt yourself. Don’t, don’t. Yeah, don’t. Yeah. I don’t know what a female hernia is, but you’re about to get one. You’re a vagina. You’re going to drop, yeah. You’re going to drop some eggs and try to pick me up. That’s why, okay? So I don’t know if other people have had to tell you this, And maybe they’re just trying to be nice. I don’t send anybody else anything. That’s the funny part. Oh, okay. I get it now. Okay. Only you. My friend. My one friend, Miles. No, because I don’t want to bother other people. I think it’s funny. Yeah. They might have lives or jobs or something. So I’m not going to send it to them, but I’ll send a hundred. I mean, thank God they’re not, you know, kitties and puppies and whatever else, but it’s just this nonsensical. It’s all interesting stuff.
Nonsensical. Oh, now I got to look at this. It’s so nonsensical. Let me see if I can open it up here. It is so nonsensical. Please. All right. Last five things I sent to Miles Tidal. Let me go back here. Besides the link to talk tonight, because you can’t remember fucking shit. Galloping Ghost Arcade in Brookline. F you, man. I’ve been concussed three times in my life. So F you, man. I’m going to have CTE. I sent you a thing about an arcade in Brookfield up in the burbs. We already talked about that. I actually sent you the obituary of the person who passed away. You didn’t send me that. You just said he’s dead. Well, right. Yeah. I mean, what more do you need to know? Yeah. And then I sent you a video about the world’s largest something or other. And I sent you a thing. It’s the last one. The fifth one.
about the McPike Mansion, which you and I visited. Right. So why do we have to discuss it? I told you you should have been Jerry Jewell from Facts of Life for Halloween this year. You know, I don’t know. Why do we have to rediscuss stuff we’ve already done? I don’t understand that. It’s like some old guy retelling the same story, you know, over and over. I thought the Jerry Jewell thing was hilarious. Well, good for you. Anyway, so Miles, like, you know, throws me into the blender hits puree and then leaves it on all night till the next day you know if you’re doing a podcast you really shouldn’t have been blowing it off and looking at your text messages well because you never said anything i thought it was important i’m like oh my gosh this must be no you do the podcast this is horrible uh
Well, we’re talking about Scarlett Johansson’s cans. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I enjoyed them. Hold on. I got to read this text. I don’t think I even mentioned that, to be honest with you. I got to read this text. Oh, shit. No, I kept going. You can probably tell, but I didn’t stop. Yeah. I used the rule of five that Mel taught me about stuttering, and I just kept going. Number one, don’t stop unless you need to take a pause. That’s the second rule. Take a pause. Maybe you should apply this to sending people messages. Okay, stop. You’re so sensitive. No, it’s too much. Don’t blow up my DMs with your bullshit, man. I’ve been waiting like six months for you to do this. Oh, my God. He will not quit. It is like some elderly relative.
I’m like, how long will I have to send him stuff before he finally says quit sending me stuff? Hey, Miles, have you ever seen the Blues Brothers? You know, I’ll be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you ever mowed grass before? Here’s a video on how to do it. Here’s some video of me from my security cameras mowing my grass. Jesus. I’m like, enough, please. So anyway, I just, yeah, I was just like shocked. Yeah, well, I was shocked, too. Yeah. I was shocked, man. He was a good guy. He was a young man, a virile, good-looking young man. Yeah. Nice guy. Yeah, he was a super guy, man. I didn’t know him as well as you, but yeah, he was a nice guy. Yeah. It’s sad. I know it’s just sad.
I know it’s not your month, man. Sorry. He died a year and a half ago. We just didn’t know it. It’s like if a tree falls in the forest kind of a situation. When I first looked at it, I’m like, wow. How could I not know this happened in June? I looked again and I’m like, what? Last year? I’m like, holy shit. It’s a year and a half. Talk about… If you’ve been sitting on this for a year and a half, Tidal, I was going to be really, really mad at you. And who knows, maybe you sent me a text a year and a half ago that says go over to friends or my space and look at my, my space profile. I got something to tell you. Okay. Enough time has passed. I’m going to tell you this right now. That guy, you know, yeah, he’s dead. Yeah, exactly. Talk about throwing for a loop. Come on. Well, why would I do that? Jeez. I don’t know. You’re, you’ve got really weird, you know, you’re weird.
Well, I don’t doubt that. I’m not disputing that. No one disputed that. When you’re raised by weirdos, you become a weirdo. Okay. All right. Yeah. I’m like Thorny Bush got remarried. Wait, it was a year and a half ago. That’s right. That’s when I was looking. Yeah. I’m just, but no, I was like, it threw me. I was just like all discombobulated there. And then as soon as I get done, I start firing off things to you. You know, what happened? What’s this? Here’s the, you know, looking stuff up. And then it’s like, you got like a check. You’re like, well, how and why and where and who, it doesn’t matter. He’s gone. He’s gone. You know, he’s gone. Well, I thought maybe you,
had a little more info, you know, considering well i would have given you more info, like man you could have just sent it to my facebook and not even mentioned, not even texted me well i figured you were on you i figured you were online somewhere and you didn’t answer your message so that i texted you. Well, I’m, I’m not always the best about yeah well wait a minute. I shouldn’t even say that you’re the fucking one who waits a whole day. I’m fantastic at answering messages. Maybe I was mourning the guy, all right? You don’t know. I might have been, like, five. You were mourning, and then all of a sudden, oh, DQ. Hold on a minute. Oh, man, now I’m really sleepy. I just ate, like, a whole peanut buster parfait. I better just sack out for a while. It’s hard. I have ADD, okay? I was really… Yeah, you got something. Something with a D on it, that’s for sure. My family all has ADD, all different dads, yeah. Yeah, exactly.
kidding yeah so but anyway, I mean, it’s just a horrible, it’s just a horrible, it’s horrible. I know. I hope. Oh my gosh. He’s got, he had two, uh, boys and you know, they’re men now well they’re you know they’re not they’re working their way, you know, into being a regular working men, but you know, there’s still some stops along the way. So you’re right. They’re not little children, but still. I don’t know. Tough, tough. Mm-hmm. But you know what the weird thing is? Yeah. The weirdest thing of all is… Wait, there’s more. Yeah. I’m like, how’s Miles still alive? Yeah. I’m like, my friend Mark, a contractor his whole life, super strong guy, drops dead. Tim, he dies. We don’t know anything about it other than that. And here you are. You’re pumped full of drugs, popping pills left and right, wrapping up things in parts of your body, and you’re doing fine. I’m Keith Richards, man. Yeah, no kidding. And I’m like…
i mean, I fear for myself. No. You know? Yeah. I, uh, yeah. I’m, I’m fearing for my life now. because apparently the people who don’t have to take, you know, 10 pills a day are the ones that are dropping dead so no figure it out, man. Oh, geez louise i’m like how’s this how’s this work yeah and i come to the conclusion that we’re the ones who are actually dead and he’s still alive. Yeah. The upside down. Yeah. We’re in the upside down. That’s so, uh, what’s up with you, I guess. Uh, well, you, you like more technology stories. Yeah. Well, whatever. I mean, I don’t know where the, where, how the other one, a technology story. I don’t know. Go ahead. Yeah. Oh, this guy’s all,
I’m a little down. I’ve been depressed all day. I’ve been all night for an answer that was not even an answer. You know, my dead sister used to say, get some therapy and get over it. I dug up more information in the 10 minutes we were talking ahead of this than you give me all day long. You’re like, oh, no, he’s dead. Yeah, you were getting a little weird with it, though. I won’t go into it. A little bit too intimate with it. Yeah, let’s not talk about that. Alright, so I’m on this group chat thing. Oh, wait a minute. You’re on a fucking group chat and you’re complaining to me about sending you a couple things? Oh my God. Talk about a fucking double standard. No, this is different. No, no, no. Ain’t like that. There’s no difference. You probably get $100
For this group chat. Okay. We were, we were, because they were trying to figure out, we’re trying to figure out some Halloween plans. Okay. All right. And there was, uh, some going back and forth, like, Hey, we could do this. So I can, I try to silence my phone at work. I, you know, I hear, you know, you know, okay. I saw it in my wife, my other, you know, everyone’s, you know, and so it’s like the end of the day, it must’ve been the day before Halloween, maybe. Anyway, no, no one knew it was like two minutes before Halloween started. Yeah. Whatever. So let me show up. I got to figure I’ll put on some holy underwear and be there. That’s all word goes to Christmas past. And I, I get, so I look at, Oh God damn it. Another notification. It’s like, I was on this like, hi Lisa, shall we go shopping today?
And you’re like, hello. Hello. Lisa’s friend. And, uh, yeah, I’m like, uh, so I look at it and it’s not a, uh, area code. I would know. I’m like, okay. Hmm. Someone’s really missed the, you know, ball on this one. Yeah. No. Okay. So this is your text back. No, but I’d be interested in some tacos. Wait, wait. Yeah. Okay, so there’s going to be a person A and a person B in this. Okay. So this is texter A, right? So I’m like, sorry, no Lisa here. And then it’s like, oh, oh, oh, oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. It’s no problem. Oh, I just, I wish you were in New York. I’d invite you out for a coffee. Oh, really? Yeah, I was wrong or something like, uh, no, you know, I was like, yeah, yeah, you know, whatever. I don’t drink. Whatever.
babe yeah right so uh that’s all that’s really sad, right? And then, like, 20 minutes later, like, what different phone number. Oh, hey, Lisa, uh, we up for shopping today? I’m like What is this, like, a call girl service or something you’ve tapped into? I don’t know so i’m like a code word to go shopping? Is that a code word for i don’t know if it was the exact same my wife was trying to say, it was the exact same question. I don’t know what it was. Right. So I’m like, sorry, no Lisa here. Uh, Oh, Oh, that was it. That was, I go, sorry, no Lisa here, but enjoy your, your time in New York. Ah, you know, I’m a mind. Fuck these people a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. This is so familiar. So I said to person a, who has not like quit talking to me. I just, I go, Oh, Oh,
Someone else has asked him at least a LOL. So now we’re done with person. It’s now person B. I, and they’re like, oh, well, that’s weird. I go, oh, I just thought it was fun. Or no, they’re like, how’d you know I was in New York? Okay. And I’m like, oh, LOL. I was having an accidental conversation with someone else from a different number and they had kind of given away the game plan, you know, LOL. I thought it was funny. Right. Well, I’m glad you thought it was funny, but I’m really concerned now. They’re more interesting. They’re more interesting. I want to know. Stuff that actually is applicable. And you just want to talk about shopping. No Lisa here, but I’ll go shopping with you. Are we heading to Frederick’s? I don’t, maybe I’m talking to Jennifer Love Hewitt. I don’t know who it is.
you know? And then, you know, so then it’s like, well, this is Jennifer love you. And in your mind, you’re like, Oh my gosh, Jennifer love you. And I’m texting her. Yeah. Right. You know, it’s like Britney Spears on the other one. I got to take a break. I’ll be back in a little bit. I’d be back. And, uh, yeah, I’m glad you’re enjoying this because I don’t think it’s funny or, you know, my assistant would only have access to a phone. And then, uh, now you’re an assistant. I’m like, well, And so I Google these. I didn’t Google the numbers. I look at the prefixes and one’s Texas and one’s California. Really? This is getting weird. So my wife’s like, you’re getting scammed. I go, what are they scamming me out of? They hadn’t asked for money. They didn’t ask for nudes. I mean, what are they scamming? Well, apparently they’re scamming you out of your daydreams about Jennifer Love Hewitt. So
Due to family pressure, I had to delete the conversation. Oh, well, you still had it. Yeah. No other follow-ups? No. No, I know. You’re in flyover country. You can drop down over the Mississippi and stop by and see me. I just thought it was funny. I’ll be like, oh, I know your plans. So you’re telling me two random strangers from Texas and California. Correct. You’ll spend… half hour, 45 minutes fucking around. Yes. Yes. Your friend for over 30 years sends you some interesting topics. Quit sending me shit. I haven’t gone all day to look at the crap you’re sending me grapes. I was thinking maybe it’s Lisa Kudrow or something. Oh, I mean, what if it’s like someone really cool? I mean, I get in on this, you know? Okay.
Yeah, I see where you’re at. You see? No, there’s nothing wrong with it. Maybe a little bit. Maybe a little bit wrong. It’s a victimless crime. No, I’m not saying on that end. I’m saying on the end where you’re chastising the people that you know in lieu of fucking around with two strangers. I didn’t know where it was going, man. I didn’t I didn’t know. I couldn’t tell. Maybe I was going to get a menage a trois with Texas and California. Yeah. Maybe I’m going to get drinking coffee with someone cool. You know, I don’t know. Yeah. Well, you know, if you need a 300 pounder in the mix, I’m willing to come on over. It’s probably like two Russian dudes or something. Minivan. I’ll be there.
16 hours. I got diapers. I try to hook up Manny. If I get more information, maybe we can send Manny in as me. Manny wants to be part of your nonsense. He does. I’m not going to go. I’m driving into New York for some bitch named Lisa. We know a gentleman in Jersey named Manny. Manny the mailman who listens to every once in a while but uh yeah he’s gonna be up for your nonsense. I don’t know. So many questions. So many questions. You are, you, you’re like, you live in the world of what if don’t you? Yes. Yes. Thank you. Yes. Yeah. The concrete stuff. Couldn’t care less. Yeah. Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I’ll give you a hundred dollars. No, no. Wait a minute. This could be Jennifer. Love Hewitt.
I did give him $100. That was to reserve the table for our coffee though. We’re going to go to Red Lobster and then I don’t know what we’re going to do. We’re going to Times Square and we’re going to Guy Fieri’s Chicken Guy restaurant. I just thought it was funny. He told me it was $100 to get a table there. I just thought it was funny that the second person was starting to get all huffy about it. Maybe they weren’t supposed to be know that they were in New York, huh? Maybe you ruined a relationship and now Lisa is stuck in New York. I don’t care. She’s having to work the streets to get back to Texas. It wouldn’t be the first time I ruined a relationship. I don’t even have no money for bus fare. Stupid Miles Tyler. Stupid Miles Tyler screwed me over. I had a millionaire on the hook and then he had to come in and fuck it all up because he doesn’t have…
He can’t read other people’s DMs. He’s got to fuck around with strangers. It’s duality of man, all right? Yeah. The ying and the yang. I will tell you, you are the guy on Let’s Make a Deal that always got the donkey. Yeah. Wah, wah, wah, wah. Oh, my gosh. No, I don’t want to keep the cash. I’ll take what’s behind door number two. Dumb jar number two.