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Signals of Safety: Real Stories of Nervous System Self- and Co-Regulation
The hardest part of a taxing day likely isn’t a thing on the to-do list— our nervous system state that influences how we perceive what needs to be done and if we have on "depression googles," we can expect that even the lightest load may feel like seriously heavy lifting. When depletion hits and dorsal shutdown pulls you under, forcing productivity can deepen the spiral. I share how I recognized my capacity, swapped a plan that I didn't feel connected to in the moment for one that felt more aligned, and used small, body-first moves to steer back toward safety. From literal sunlight on my skin to honest words with my daughter, each tiny choice was designed to do one thing: not make it worse, so something better could emerge.
We get practical about self-regulation: noticing state before strategy, choosing “comfy cues” that quietly lower threat, and practicing compassionate self-talk that interrupts the urge to self-criticize. I also break down why rehashing conflict can flood your system and how to ask for support in ways that soothe rather than spike. Inner child attunement shows up as a guide, helping meet adult responsibilities and younger needs so decisions can feel holistically beneficial. The throughline is capacity—matching the day’s demands to the body’s actual fuel, not the fantasy of what you “should” be able to do.
The heart of this conversation is a bed-side moment with my 14-year-old. Advice didn’t help; my nervous system did. I shifted from fixing to co-regulation, lay down, and practiced coherent breathing until the room felt safer. No lecture, no push—just presence. That silence sent a signal he could trust and opened the door to one small, self-chosen step up the ladder. If you’ve ever tried to talk someone out of collapse, you’ll hear why safety often travels faster through breath, tone, posture, and proximity than through the smartest words.
If this resonates, subscribe for weekly episodes, share it with someone who needs a gentler path, and leave a review to help others find the show. Your step today can be tiny—one breath, one boundary, one text to a supportive friend. Take it.
If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!
For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.
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By Trish Sanders, LCSWThe hardest part of a taxing day likely isn’t a thing on the to-do list— our nervous system state that influences how we perceive what needs to be done and if we have on "depression googles," we can expect that even the lightest load may feel like seriously heavy lifting. When depletion hits and dorsal shutdown pulls you under, forcing productivity can deepen the spiral. I share how I recognized my capacity, swapped a plan that I didn't feel connected to in the moment for one that felt more aligned, and used small, body-first moves to steer back toward safety. From literal sunlight on my skin to honest words with my daughter, each tiny choice was designed to do one thing: not make it worse, so something better could emerge.
We get practical about self-regulation: noticing state before strategy, choosing “comfy cues” that quietly lower threat, and practicing compassionate self-talk that interrupts the urge to self-criticize. I also break down why rehashing conflict can flood your system and how to ask for support in ways that soothe rather than spike. Inner child attunement shows up as a guide, helping meet adult responsibilities and younger needs so decisions can feel holistically beneficial. The throughline is capacity—matching the day’s demands to the body’s actual fuel, not the fantasy of what you “should” be able to do.
The heart of this conversation is a bed-side moment with my 14-year-old. Advice didn’t help; my nervous system did. I shifted from fixing to co-regulation, lay down, and practiced coherent breathing until the room felt safer. No lecture, no push—just presence. That silence sent a signal he could trust and opened the door to one small, self-chosen step up the ladder. If you’ve ever tried to talk someone out of collapse, you’ll hear why safety often travels faster through breath, tone, posture, and proximity than through the smartest words.
If this resonates, subscribe for weekly episodes, share it with someone who needs a gentler path, and leave a review to help others find the show. Your step today can be tiny—one breath, one boundary, one text to a supportive friend. Take it.
If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!
For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.