Sincerely Adorned

sociopath: noun 1. a person with a psychopathic personality whose behavior is antisocial, often criminal, and who lacks a sense or moral responsibility or social conscience. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.” -Galatians 5:22-23 I hope that you are starting to notice a pattern emerging from this series. I talk about the gifts of the Holy Spirit an awful lot, and there is a good reason for that. A few months ago I wrote a post about love, the most important fruit we have, but today I want to focus on the key to being able to use the gifts of the Spirit at all times, even when we don’t feel like it. Today we are going to talk about self-control. The Makings of a Selfish Sociopath If selfish ambitions have been the prison in my life, self-control has been the key that opened the door for my release. What does that mean? Well, if you look at the works of the flesh (found in Galatians 5:19-21), you will notice that self ambition is on the list. Self ambition, which means that you care more about yourself and your desires than others, will cause us to fail at every single one of the fruits of the spirit. But why? Well in our flesh, we are selfish. That means that we are capable of doing whatever it takes to get whatever we want. It means that I am capable of becoming a sociopath. That is in direct contrast with loving, being peaceful, being kind, being gentle, and so on and so forth — you get the idea. Apart from the Holy Spirit, every single one of us is capable of murder, molestation, rape, and adultery, just to name a few. This may shock you. If you believe that you are above committing any of these sins, you are being deceived. According to the Bible, our hearts are deceitfully wicked, and the works of the flesh are evident. Look at these two verses with me: “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it?” -Jeremiah 17:9 “Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.” -Galatians 5:19-21 Let me go on the record to state that I know that I personally am capable of doing all of those things on that list. I am capable of murder, lewdness, adultery, idolatry, outbursts of wrath, and the list goes on. I will say it in plain language. I know that I am capable of harming another person, planning a murder, and doing perverted things (lewdness). You may be tempted to say something like, “Don’t say that Kristin, I know you! That isn’t true at all.” But it is. It is true for all of us, according to God’s Word, if we give into our flesh and our heart’s deceitful desires. We think that there are levels to our sin, and we say that certain things are worse than others. But God only makes two distinctions when it comes to sin; blaspheming the Holy Spirit in Matthew 12:31 (denying and deciding permanently that God doesn’t exist), and stumbling a child in Luke 17:2. On this scale of mild sin to severe sin, we deceive ourselves into thinking that even though we may lie and envy, that we would never commit murder or heresy. But that isn’t biblical, and that kind of thinking gets us into serious trouble. That is the exact place that Satan wants us to be, caught off guard by our own sin. How Can I Stop This The only way to be set free from the punishment we deserve for our sin is believe entirely that Jesus Christ took the punishment for all of my sins, and cleansed me on the cross. But is there a way that we can stop sinning? The answer is unfortunately, no. However, believers do go through a process called sanctification,

This post is part of “The Basics” series, a series all about the basics of being a follower of Jesus Christ. The last post in this series was about praying. If you haven’t read it yet, I highly recommend it. But what comes next? Well if you want to get to know God better, and start trusting Him, you need to give Him opportunities to talk to you, to teach you, to love you. This starts with the regular intake of God’s word, but we need the Holy Spirit to help us understand what God is trying to tell us.  We need to hear God’s still, small voice. Nothing At All One of the things that alluded me most when I was a baby Christian was hearing from God. I remember that I wanted to hear from Him so badly, but days would go by without anything. Not a verse, not a word, not an answered prayer. I read my bible every day, but some days I didn’t understand the connection between the words on paper, and my life. Looking back on those times has made me think about you, dear reader. I have spent a lot of time praying about this specific topic, asking God to show me what He would have me say to you about it. The Practicing Stage When I was praying about it God reminded of a common scene that took place in my life at that time. I can still see myself, sitting at my desk (under my lofted bed), resting my feet on the ledge while I reclined in my office chair, quiet. Not saying anything. Trying not to think. Practicing. Listening. “My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they know Me. And I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; neither shall anyone snatch them out of My hand.” John 10:27-28 I don’t mind being the dumb sheep in this equation as long as the brave, strong shepherd is Jesus Christ. Sheep know the specific voice of their shepherd, but why? Because they hear it over and over again. They spend time with the shepherd until one day they would be able to tell his voice apart from any other voice. That is the same thing we need to do when we are getting to know Jesus. We need to spend time listening to Him. That doesn’t always mean we will hear Him, but we need to practice so that day can come when we can tell His voice apart from all of the others. We need to invest time in trying to understand our Father in heaven. Do you ever pray and then just sit there waiting for an answer? I used to do just that. I would sit there and try to focus on hearing from God. Many times nothing would happen, but it was good practice, and these days I do hear from God a lot more often. Sitting Still “Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” Psalm 46:10 I could take this verse very literally and say, “Sit still!” when you want to hear from God. But I don’t think that is what this verse means. On one level, sure, but there is so much more to it than that. For men maybe this verse means, “Stop trying to fix this!” For women I feel like this verse means, “Stop worrying and overthinking everything. Relax and trust me. I’m God. Stop letting your mind run scenarios like a hamster on a wheel, going nowhere. I’ve got this.” Notice that God has to use a few more words to get through to us women 😉 I don’t know about you, but I am very tempted not to sit still. I want to do something when I have a problem or something comes up. I always want to go talk to someone about everything. In fact I want to go talk to many someones. I think talking over everything in detail will make me feel better. Over the years, however, God has shown me that I need to take my worries and hurts to Him first. First of all, I may be overreacting, which He lovingly reminds me of once I calm down if that is the case. Secondly, I don’t want to involve anyone else in gossip, if the thing that is upsetting me has to do with someone else. Sometimes the best way for me to tell God about what is really bothering me is to think about what I would say to a close friend, and then say it to God instead.

This post is part of the “Becoming A Better Wife” series. One of the most fundamental problems in any marriage today is the problem of unrealistic expectations. We have unrealistic expectations for our husbands. Women all over the world are battling with the same problem, they desire to feel loved. When I first got married, I thought that I would finally feel loved and desired. I thought that all the issues from my past would melt away. Daddy problems, bam, gone. Insecurities, boom, permanently dissolved. Low self-esteem, p’wned (that is a gaming term for owned, or defeated). Loneliness, forget about it, I would never feel lonely again. But I was very wrong, and these insane expectations I thought my husband should meet put horrible stress on our marriage. Sinful People Cannot Be Perfect I am not saying that your husband shouldn’t cherish you, or love you the way that Christ loves the church. What I am saying is that your husband is not Jesus. Your husband could never take the place of Jesus in your heart. Not only that, but your husband is a human, made up of sinful flesh, just like you and I. That means that you cannot expect him to be perfect. Husbands make mistakes. Wives make mistakes. Jesus does not make any mistakes. Some of the most lonely moments in my life have been right next to my husband. I was lonely because I turned to my husband to help me through a situation where he did not understand how I was feeling. He could not understand. But the reason I was really lonely is because I wasn’t taking my problems to Jesus, the only One that truly understands every situation I go through. He is the only One that can love me the way I need to be loved. My Husband Failed, Let’s Have Some Kids A lot of times, women realize that their husband will not be able to fill this void in their life, so they decide to take the next step. Surely, having children will fill that void. It will give my life purpose and guarantee that there will be someone that loves me unconditionally. First of all, this is a huge mistake, because you are going from placing unrealistic expectations on your husband to placing them on your unborn child. Secondly, your quest to fill the void in your life will fail again and you will start to become bitter. Children of parents that expect them to be their, “everything,” will always tell you that they felt trapped and unequipped to meet the demands of this emotionally dependent parent. The Return Of Mrs. Thirsty Remember Mrs. Thirsty from John chapter 4? We talked about her in this post from the self-esteem series. She was looking to be satisfied, to have that same void filled in her life, but a string of unsuccessful marriages and living with her most recent boyfriend did not even come close to filling that void. She needed Jesus. He told her that if she drank the water He had, she would never thirst again. She would never feel that void again. “but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.” John 4:14 Not only would she never thirst again, but she also would have eternal life. That is an awesome deal, if you ask me. Changing The Pattern So how can we free ourselves, our marriages, and our children from the heavy unrealistic expectations that we place on people to give our lives meaning and make us feel loved? The short answer is, we can’t. Only Jesus can. But we have to allow Him to do this work. We need to accept that Jesus is the only One that will be able to understand everything we go through. We need to find our worth in His love for us as individuals. We need to believe God when He says that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. We need to acknowledge that we have made our husband and children into idols, and put their acceptance and understanding of us above God’s acceptance and understanding of us. We need to repent, and apologize to our family members.

This post is part of “The Basics” series, a series all about the basics of being a follower of Jesus Christ. We talked about the word of God (at length) in the last post. Today I want to talk about the other half of the conversation. In “Trusting God” I introduced the idea of an ongoing conversation with God, the goal being a more intimate relationship with our Creator. Now that we know that God speaks through His word, we also need to consider how we can talk to Him. Before I get started, I know this is Prayer 101, so I will not go into prayer too much as a spiritual weapon (that  will be for another post), but I do want to say that prayer is the #1 most underrated weapon in our arsenal against ungodly influences. Now back to prayer basics. When People in the Bible Prayed “Return and tell Hezekiah the leader of My people, ‘Thus says the LORD, the God of David your father: “I have heard your prayer, I have seen your tears; surely I will heal you. On the third day you shall go up to the house of the LORD.” –2 Kings 20:5 This is an interesting read in the bible. Hezekiah is sick, really sick. He is dying. Isaiah the prophet comes to him and tells him that God says to put his house in order, because he is going to die. Hezekiah is heartbroken. We don’t know all the details, but for some compelling reason, Hezekiah wants to live longer. So he prays and begs for God to remember how he has served God in truth with a loyal heart. God’s response is that he will add fifteen years to his life and deliver the city from the king of Assyria. All good news, right? But what I want to point out in this scripture (one that is not often quoted in a lesson about prayer 101), is the intimacy that prayer displays and creates. There is no way you can read this verse without recognizing the relationship between God and Hezekiah. It was a relationship that went both ways. You can see that they care about each other. That is the same relationship God desires with you and I. He wants to have this same closeness with us. “But certainly God has heard me; He has attended to the voice of my prayer.” Psalm 66:19 We also see throughout the book of Psalms how close David is to God through his repeatedly mentioned prayer life. David was serious about prayer, and through these prayers and psalms, we can see how this one aspect of David’s life created a friendship with and dependency on his Lord. “For I know that this will turn out for my deliverance through your prayer and the supply of the Spirit in Jesus Christ, according to my earnest expectation and hope that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death.” –Philippians 1:19-20 The Apostle Paul knew how vital prayer is, and he literally looked at the prayers of others for him as a life line, spiritually speaking. Prayer Modeled by Jesus “But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly. And when you pray, do not use vain repetitions as the heathen do. For they think that they will be heard for their many words. Therefore do not be like them. For your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him. In this manner, therefore pray: Our Father in heaven, Hallowed be Your name. Your Kingdom come. Your will be done On earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, As we forgive our debtors. And do not lead us into temptation, But deliver us from the evil one. For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.” Matthew 6:6-13 Why do people always quote this prayer? Why do people pray this prayer over and over? Well, it says right in this chunk of scripture that you shouldn’t pray vain repetitions. So that means if you don’t mean this prayer, don’t pray it. If it has lost all meaning and has just become something you do...

I pray that all of you have had an amazing holiday season with loved ones. I personally was ill on Christmas and New Years (and my birthday), but it was a welcome time of rest for my body and refreshing for my spirit as well. I spent a lot of time reading. But I also spent quite a bit of time thinking about this post. It has been on my heart to write a post about this for a while, and I finally feel like I understand what God wants me to say. I Just Can’t Say It When I was a teenager, I was looking for someone to love me. I didn’t understand God’s love for me, and I felt distanced from my family due to different circumstances. The lack of love I felt finally led me to have difficulty saying, “I love you,” back when people said it to me. There was too much at risk when I said it. I became dramatically aware of this problem when one of my close friend’s mothers told me she loved me before their family was getting ready to move away. I was shocked that she said it, even though I had so desperately wanted to hear it, that I just stood there and said nothing. I remember thinking, “What is wrong with me? I’m supposed to be a Christian, an ambassador of Jesus’ love, and I can’t even tell this woman that I actually do love, that I love her too.” The Risk If you are self conscious, you will understand me when I say that saying, “I love you,” was a risky phrase. Every time I said it was volunteering for rejection. Thoughts like, “What if they don’t say it back?” “Will they stop being my friend if I say this?” “Why should I make myself vulnerable?” raced through my head constantly. I reserved these three words for family and a few select friends. I was not willing to risk anymore of my already dwindling confidence. No matter how much I wanted to show people the unconditional love of Christ, I wouldn’t make myself be that open. When Things Started To Change Over the last few years, God helped me to deal with my insecurities (read this series all about it) and to replace my deceitful pride with godly confidence. Once I realized that God’s love and acceptance for me is all that I need, I was able to sacrifice my own feelings on His altar in a very open way. I started to realize that since I don’t look at other people or myself to give my life value, that I’m not risking anything I can’t afford to risk. Do my feelings still get hurt? Of course, but now I don’t see, “I love you,” as an opening for an eternal wound. Unconditional and Selfless Love The purpose of love is to show someone that you care for them in such a way that nothing they do can change how you care for them. Something I tell my kids often is, “I may not always like the choices that you make, but I will always love you no matter what.” This is the love that Jesus inspired by dying on the cross for our sins. He showed us His love by sacrificing His life. I believe that Jesus was also clear when He said, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:34-35 We are commanded to love each other. The verse doesn’t say, “weigh out the pros and cons of loving someone and then decide if you should.” This verse specifically addresses the love between believers, but it also tells us that the testimony of loving others will identify us as followers of Jesus Christ. What Is Love? … baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more. Just kidding. I couldn’t help myself. But in all seriousness, what does biblical love look like? It is a choice that we make, whether or not we are going to care for someone, no matter how they treat us. Everyone will point to 1 Corinthians 13 at this point, because it is true. Not because it is some cheesy poem about love. This chunk of scripture challenges us to do the most difficult thing any person can do, choose to love in extremely difficult circumstances. “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not en...

If You Don’t Know Him, You Won’t Believe Him This is the second post in the series, “The Basics,” which goes through the basic things we believe as Christians. Today I wanted to talk more about why it is important to know God. In the last post, “Getting To Know God,” I talked about why it is important to know what the bible is, how to use it, and why we all need to let our relationship with the Lord get way more serious. I quoted many bible verses. The next thing we need to talk about is trusting God. As a Christian there are certain perks (or advantages) that we have, because we know Someone that has inside information into everything. God knows everything that has happened in the past, and He knows everything that will happen in the future. He is all knowing (or omnipotent). In fact He created everything, so He knows exactly how things are supposed to work. Not only does He know, but He gave us the bible, which is a love letter that contains details about how everything in our lives should be approached for maximum joy, growth, and fruitfulness. Can you imagine what your life would be like if you had a friend that knew literally everything (let’s also try to imagine that this person isn’t extremely arrogant. I know, unlikely, but stay with me). Wouldn’t you ask their advice before you made decisions? Wouldn’t the fact that you knew someone with access to any type of information change the way you live your life? Let me throw one more factor into this hypothetical situation. Imagine you have not known this person for very long and you don’t know if you can trust them. Wouldn’t your ability to trust that person shape the way you behave when they give you advice or information? Trust is something that determines all the different aspects of your relationship with someone else. The same is true about your relationship with God. And if you don’t know Him, how will you be able to trust Him? God makes so many wonderful promises to us. These promises are supposed to help us live in victory, knowing our Father in heaven cares for us and will take care of us. But if we don’t trust God, these promises cannot be the tools for victory and confidence that God created them to be. I lived under a cloud of doubt for many years, even as a Christian. Even though I believed that God was telling the truth in His word, I wasn’t trusting Him that those truths applied to me. I didn’t believe God when He told me about His hope filled plans for my future. In my heart I said things like, “Well I know that is true for everyone else, but surely not for me.” Lies, lies, lies! There were reasons why I didn’t want to believe that I should trust God with my life. Maybe they will sound familiar. I Was Afraid I didn’t believe that God knew the best thing for me. I wanted certain things, and if God didn’t want to give them to me, well I was not going to go along with His plan. I was afraid that if I didn’t fulfill my future goals, or become successful that my life would be wasted. I cared more about what other people thought of me, and I wanted to prove myself. I was afraid that God would somehow let me down if I surrendered everything in my life to Him. Obviously, I didn’t know God very well!! God doesn’t let people down! That isn’t to say that as followers of Jesus that everything will be flowery and easy. No, I am not saying that. But if we trust God and surrender everything to Him, He will give us the best possible life according to His plans to allow us to take part in furthering His kingdom (helping others understand how to join us in heaven). I Cared Too Much About People’s Opinions I can’t overemphasize this point enough. I feared man (I cared more about what others thought about my life) and my own opinion of myself more than I feared God. As a result I did stupid things. Looking back, I understand why. The bible is very clear on this issue. Do you want to make smart decisions? Do you want wisdom? “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom,

Author’s note: Before you read or listen to this article, please keep in mind that this is written for people that are not currently experiencing spousal abuse, or going through counseling for sexual abuse. There are times when it is reasonable for people healing from abuse to go through an agreed time of breaks from sexual activity with their spouse. Please understand that this article is written for women that feel emotionally neglected by their husbands, and are seeking to solve this problem by withholding sex. That is not a biblical approach to this problem. However, anytime a woman feels she has been forced to have sex, even with her husband, that qualifies as abuse. For more information on what qualifies as sexual abuse within marriage please see this article by Leslie Vernick. ———————————- This is the first post in a series titled, “Becoming a Better Wife.” Before you get too deep into this post, if you are single, it is God’s will for your to abstain from sex. Why? Go read my personal testimony and you can learn from my mistakes. This post has been on my heart to write for a while now. I counsel married women on a regular basis, and lately my husband and I have even been doing marriage counseling. It’s not something we were looking to do, but I guess God thought we were qualified because He brought people to us. I really hate to say this, but it seems like there are several issues we hear over and over and over again. It seems to me like satan has convinced quite a few Christian women that certain behaviors towards their husbands are ok, even though what the bible says is clearly opposite. I’m not saying that women are the only ones to blame for painful marriage relationships, but I’m a woman so I am going to speak to other women. Before we start talking about this very sensitive subject, I want to say that I’m not the perfect wife, by any means. I’m a sinner just like everyone on this planet. However, as a wife, I feel like there are some things God has shown me in the last few years so that I can be a better helper against (that is what the Hebrew says) for my husband. I want to honestly and openly share them with you. In fact, let’s start this conversation out with prayer. It’s that important. Dear Jesus, Thank you for creating marriage. Please help us to be better wives to our husbands. Help us to follow Your word and Your will for our lives, especially when it will cost us something. Heal our broken hearts and help us to follow Your model for marriage, instead of whatever culturally acceptable picture the world gives us. Help us to be selfless, just like You are. In Your holy name, Amen We Withhold Intimacy From Our Husbands Yes, I am going to talk about sex. Please don’t stop reading. This is so important. I feel like if we could just become aware of the impact of this one area in our marriages, we would be so much more effective as children of God! When women come to me in marital distress there is always one question I ask first. It helps me understand how much damage has been done in the relationship. “How often are you having sex?” I usually get some puzzled look from the woman I’m talking to. In her mind this is not the first thing we should be talking about. The first thing women want to talk about in relation to marital distress is emotional neglect. I want to talk about emotional neglect as well, but first I need to know where things are on the husband’s end. For men, emotional care is linked with physical intimacy. I hate to give the devil so much credit, but to me it seems like he has figured out the beautiful circle that maintains marital relationships, and found a way to break the chain. I am a visual person, so I feel like a few images will help illustrate how this whole things works. Let’s take a look. You can see that for women, emotional care and stimulation lead to sexual desire. But you already knew that. However, I would like to introduce a piece of information that may be news to you (it wa...

This is the first part of a new series called, “The Basics” which I hope will lead you through a journey to understanding the basic ideas behind Christianity and your personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Even if you have been walking with the Lord for many years, I hope that this series will be a time of refreshing your faith as we walk through God’s word together. The first thing we need to do is talk about Jesus. Who is Jesus? Well historically we know that He lived over 2,000 years ago in the middle east. He is acknowledged as an insightful and wise teacher among most religions in the world today, but He is so much more than that. We can learn everything we need to know about Jesus in God’s word, an inspired book, written about God, Jesus, and their relationship with sinful people. The Bible is the only living book that has ever existed, and it continues to be a very important tool in our journey of getting to know God better. If you live in the Americas or Europe, you are very blessed to be able to get ahold of a Bible and read it whenever and wherever you want. Not all Christians have this blessing. In some countries in the world, the Bible is banned and illegal to own. That is how powerful this book is. The Holy Spirit aka The Helper When people first come into a personal, saving faith in Jesus, they may not know what the next step is. The next step is very important one. Without it you will not be able to fully understand the bible no matter how smart you are. Pray and ask God to baptize you with the Holy Spirit, aka the Helper, which is one of the three forms of God we read about in the bible. This Helper will help you understand the bible. Matthew 3:11 has this to say about the Holy Spirit, “I (John the Baptist) indeed baptize you with water unto repentance, but He (Jesus) who is coming after me is mightier than I, whose sandals I am not worthy to carry. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire.” I know this may seem like a lot to take in, and I promise we will talk about the Holy Spirit in detail later, but for now, pray for the Holy Spirit to be a part of your life. It will help when it comes to reading God’s very long love letter, also known as the bible. What God Tells Us About His Word I realize I am about to throw a ton of scripture at you with very little commentary, and there is a specific reason for that. Spend time reading these verses and trying to understand them. Pray for God to help you have understanding. Memorize them, meditate on them. God’s word is where you are going to start your amazing relationship with your loving Father in heaven. Now let’s look at some principles about God’s word that are found in the bible. “All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.” –2 Timothy 3:16-17 God’s word is perfect. It is also beneficial in so many ways! In this verse we see just a few of those ways, and I hope they blow your mind. God’s word is profitable (brings something positive and worth-while into our lives), and helps us to become competent people, able to do good. It makes us complete! Are you looking for completion in your life? I know I am! “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” –Psalm 119:105 God’s word guides us! It shows us the way we should go. “Blessed are the undefiled in the way, who walk in the law of the Lord! Blessed are those who keep His testimonies, who seek Him with the whole heart! They also do no iniquity; they walk in His ways. You have commanded us to keep your precepts diligently. Oh, that my ways were directed to keep Your statues! Then I would not be ashamed, when I look into all Your commandments.” –Psalm 119:1-6 Following God’s word will bless us and keep us from being ashamed. “But He (Jesus) answered and said, ‘It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone,

This is Part 3 of the series titled, “Self-Esteem: A Well Groomed Lie.” In part one we went over the definition of self-esteem and covered the first three points of the definition in contrast to God’s word. In part two we finished the final point of self-esteem and I told you a story about Mrs. Thirsty. I ended by saying that self-esteem is a clever way of disguising sinful and destructive pride. If you missed the first two parts of this series, please go back and listen to them before you listen to this concluding part. What Self-Esteem Really Means Let’s summarize the definition of self-esteem again since we are going to address the sin connected with it. Self-esteem is the idea that I am able to competently deal with the challenges of life and that I think it is natural for me deserve success, achievement, fulfillment, and happiness. The simple way of defining self-esteem is thinking I am awesome at dealing with life, and I deserve all the good things coming to me. Now let’s take a look at the first and most basic definition of “pride” according to Merriam Webster’s dictionary. “Pride is a feeling that you respect yourself and deserve to be respected by others.” You see what I did there? Pride and self-esteem have the same basic meaning. I am tempted to go off on a rant about the ambiguity of the English language and how we use the word pride to mean different things. When your child does something well, you say you are “proud” of them, but that isn’t the same kind of pride we are talking about. But I will refrain from my rant and simply say that the word pride in the bible is never in reference to feeling joy on the behalf of others, the way we use it in English. What The Bible Says About Pride When pride is mentioned in the bible, it is always in reference to respecting yourself, and is used alongside of words like haughty and wicked when talking about individuals. The same word is also used in Hebrew to denote God’s majesty and splendor, but it is not used in this way towards the individual person (aside from God). If we look through the book of Proverbs we can get an accurate idea about God’s feelings toward pride: “The fear of the Lord is to hate evil; Pride and arrogance and the evil way and the perverse mouth I hate.” Proverbs 8:13 “Where pride comes, then comes shame; But with the humble is wisdom.” Proverbs 11:2 “By pride comes nothing but strife, but with the well-advised is wisdom.” Proverbs 13:10 “In the mouth of the fool is a rod of pride. but the lips of the wise will preserve them.” Proverbs 14:3 “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” Proverbs 16:18 “A proud and haughty man – “Scoffer” is his name; He acts with arrogant pride.” Proverbs 21:24 “A man’s pride will bring him low, But the humble in spirit will retain honor.” Proverbs 29:23 You get the idea, pride is bad, sinful, evil behavior, and it is in stark contrast to wisdom, humility, and honor. I Feel Like I’m Going To Throw Up I’m going to tell you straight out, when God finally opened my eyes to the fact that my “low self-esteem” was a clever device satan used to blind me to my own pride I was shocked. I remember feeling sick to my stomach. But the word of God tells us straight out that pride is deceptive, “The pride of your heart has deceived you, You who dwell in the clefts of the rock, Whose habitation is high; You who say in your heart, ‘Who will bring me to the ground?’” (Obadiah 1:3). When we operate out of the pridefulness of self-esteem we place ourself on the high places, believing that no one else can determine how good or bad we are. That no one else can determine our worth. We saw in Proverbs that one of the swiftest paths to destructions is through pride. That is why satan has been so clever to disguise pride with the concept of self-esteem. Now What? But that isn’t the end of this story. You may be thinking, well what good thing can replace the evil concept of prideful self-esteem in my life?

This is Part 2 of the series titled, “Self-Esteem: A Well Groomed Lie.” In part one we went over the definition of self-esteem and covered the first three points of the definition in contrast to God’s word. If you haven’t listened to part one I highly recommend you listen to or read it before getting into part two, and with that recommendation, let’s get started on the fourth point of the definition of self-esteem. Is Worldly Fulfillment Natural? 4. Self-esteem is also the experience that success, achievement, fulfillment – happiness – are right and natural for us. I’m just going to address one thing on this list, because it is the most important. Worldly fulfillment. Is fulfillment right and natural for us? There isn’t any specific verse that tells us, “God made you to desire Him, and if you don’t turn to Him, you will have an empty and miserable life, no matter what you do.” But we do see stories of famous people, people that have it all, committing suicide or overdosing on drugs they are taking to numb the painful emotions they feel. Worldly objects and worldly relationships just can’t fill the God-shaped hole in our hearts, can they? This reminds me of one of my favorite stories in the bible. Jesus is doing something He was always doing, looking for lost people that needed Him. He was at a Samaritan well, during the hottest part of the day, a big no-no at the time and in that culture, and he encounters a woman. Let’s go straight to the text in John 4:6-18: “Now Jacob’s well was there. Jesus therefore, being wearied from His journey, sat thus by the well. It was about the sixth hour. A woman of Samaria came to draw water. Jesus said to her, “Give me a drink.” For His disciples had gone away into the city to buy food. Then the woman of Samaria said to Him, “How is it that You, being a Jew, ask a drink from me, a Samaritan woman?” For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans. Jesus answered and said to her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, ‘Give Me a drink,’ you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water.” The woman said to Him, “Sir, You have nothing to draw with, and the well is deep. Where then do You get that living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well, and drank from it himself, as well as his sons and his livestock?” Jesus answered and said to her, “Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.” The woman said to Him, “Sir, give me this water, that I may not thirst, nor come here to draw.” Jesus said to her, “Go, call your husband, and come here.” The woman answered and said, “I have no husband.” Jesus said to her, “You have well said, ‘I have no husband,’ for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; in that you spoke truly.” Say Hello To Mrs. Thirsty Meet Mrs. Thirsty, the shameful adulteress that had been married five times unsuccessfully. This woman was going to the well in the middle of the day because no one else wanted to be around her. She was an outcast. Please keep that in mind, Jesus loves the outcasts just as much as He loves everyone else. Jesus went after the outcasts of society during His ministry. Mrs. Thirsty is someone I can relate to in so many ways. If you read the verse after this, you will find out that Mrs. Thirsty knew about the Messiah that was coming (4:25). She was searching for something that would fulfill her!! But it didn’t come to her naturally, as Dr. Branden assures us it should in his definition of self-esteem. She had been through five marriages and now she was living with a man she wasn’t married to. This was not culturally accepted during this time, as it is today in the world. She was desperate for something to give her life meaning! At first she thinks Jesus is talking about special wat...