Personal Growth

Learning to thrive is, at its heart, personal growth. Growth is a process. It takes time. So, don’t be discouraged if you’re not there yet. Keep doing the right things – and give it some time.

Start the Process

The first step in the process of thriving as a single person – if I may share a deep thought, or a cliché, depending on your frame of reference – is actually taking the first step. Sometimes the hardest part is overcoming the inertia of years of inaction and getting started. As the ancient Chinese saying goes – a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Small Steps

There has to be a beginning. There has to be a point in time when you take that first step. It can start with something small but significant, like saying a polite but firm no to something you really would rather not do. Or, saying yes and giving yourself permission to do something you have been longing to do but keep getting talked out of by yourself or others.

Maybe for you, the process starts with turning down that date with that person you know will pressure you for sex. Or maybe, it means taking out a piece of paper and a pencil or creating a new document on your favorite writing app and making your list of things you must have and list of things you will not put up with in people you go out with.

Big Steps

Or, your first step may be more difficult. It may be you breaking off your relationship with that person who has a way of making you feel ugly or stupid, or who does not value your opinions and beliefs.

It may be:

* Lacing up your shoes and starting that exercise program

* Preparing healthy, home-cooked meals more often

* Starting to track your money and planning your first budget

* Taking a class to learn more about an area you have fallen behind in or have always been interested in

Little or big, the starting place is yours to choose. But, there must be a start, a definite action that says things will be different from now on.

Start Where You Are

It would be great if things were different. It would be great if you were further along the path, but you are where you are.

In past posts, I mentioned that I endorse a form of fake it till you make it. I believe it is okay to fake it, as in asking yourself what would I do if I were successful, emotionally healthy, and confident, and then acting accordingly.

But, when it comes to your starting point, do not try to fake it. Be as honest with yourself as you can. Maybe, ask a few carefully selected friends to evaluate where you are and where you need work.

What do you need to work on? Your attitude? People skills? Dating skills? Conversation skills? Personal appearance? Personal hygiene? Budgeting and financial skills? Diet and exercise? Spiritual life?

Rate yourself in each area. Prioritize which areas you need the most work in and which areas need the most immediate attention. Then slowly and steadily do the work.

Proceed Forward

Once you achieve forward motion, keep up your momentum. Progress may come quickly in some areas. It may come slowly in others, but it will come. And, it will be worth it when you start to see the payoff.

Keep your goal in mind. Hang on. Wait a minute. What is your goal? You should always begin with the end in mind. Is your goal to get and stay happily married? Is it to simply stop going through a cycle of bad relationships? Or, is it to just live a