You are a single parent. This does not mean that you have no desire for sex, romance, and marriage. You are still an emotional and sexual being as well as a parent. But, you are first and foremost a parent. That comes with certain responsibilities.

The Needs of Your Children

There will be precious moments when you can put your needs first, but for the most part, the needs of your children must come first. Of course, this is a generality. Every child and every situation is different. Children need differing amounts of your time and attention depending on their age and their personalities. But, in general, meeting your children’s needs comes before meeting your own emotional and sexual needs.

Time and Attention

Your children need your time and your attention – especially your positive attention. They need interaction with you other than “do your homework”, “stop that”, “be quiet”, “be still”, and those sorts of things. They need fun and affirming interactions with you too.

Those needs vary greatly from child to child, but your children probably need more of your time and attention than you realize. This is especially true if you are a recent divorcee. While your children are with you, they may miss their other parent and you are their only available parent. There is no tag-team parenting when you are single and have your children.

I know you have to work and clean house. I know you need some social interaction with other adults. But, when your children are with you, as much as possible, be there for them.

Safety and Security

Children also need their home to be a safe, secure place. A huge mistake I see single parents make is bringing people into their home to meet their children well before that person has earned enough trust to be allowed around them.

I’m not trying to be alarmist, but most victims of sexual abuse are not abused by complete strangers. Most of the time, they are abused by people their parents allow around them. And while it is true that people can be very good at hiding who they really are, why prematurely introduce people into your children’s lives when you don’t know them long enough or well enough to know if your children are safe around them?

Stability

Another huge need children have is the need for stability. This is totally undermined when they are forced to accept a steady stream of boyfriends or girlfriends coming and going time after time, year after year.

Children take it hard when they are forced to accept a new person into their lives. Then, they take it hard again when they are forced to sever ties with that person because that relationship ends. And some single parents put their children through this again and again and again with every cycle of “falling in love” then breaking up.

It’s much better to wait until you’ve been with someone for a while and seriously think marriage might be a possibility before you introduce them to your children.

Timing is Everything

If you’ve been through a breakup or a divorce, when it comes to starting to date again as a single parent timing is everything.

When to Start Dating Again

For your own sake, you need to take time to heal and morn and learn from your ended r...