I wanted to choose two people to spotlight who were single mothers, not by choice, and women who did not have the financial means to hire nannies, send their children to boarding schools or have the money only to work when they wanted. I chose Myrlie and my great-grandmother to highlight because they were truly single mothers who had to fight their way to success, all while working, managing their homes, and keeping the bills paid. They did not have endless means of wealth and support, they had a handful of people and only the money they made.

While I will be broadening my scope in the upcoming episodes and including interviews and stories on single women and mothers who are all over the board on lifestyles and incomes, I did want to make sure I focused on these two women first, as they were both alive at the same time, and both struggling to single-parent in a world that was not fair or kind to women and in Myrlie’s case, single mothers of color. 

I hope you have found a bit of inspiration from the brief stories of my great-grandmother and Myrlie Evers. Next week, we will be discussing the systems I have implemented in my life to help me keep my sanity as a full-time work-from-home single mother with ADHD. 

Please have a great week ladies and as always, stay safe and remember, we are in this together! 

Resources:

https://www.ruthshousect.com/blog/honoring-remarkable-single-mothers-throughout-history

https://singlenycmom.com/iconic-single-moms/

https://esme.com/single-mom-voices/perspectives/celebrating-most-influential-single-moms-black-history-month

http://mckenziesofearlymaryland.com/getperson.php?personID=I12981&tree=McKenzie1

https://naacp.org/find-resources/history-explained/civil-rights-leaders/medgar-evers

https://www.nps.gov/people/myrlie-evers-williams.htm

https://amzn.to/425zQyV (The Autobiography of Medgar Evers)

https://amzn.to/42Tmozn (For Us the Living- Myrlie Evers)
https://amzn.to/3Wt0yjE (Watch Me Fly- Myrlie Evers)

Let me kick off the episode with a brief recap of my week as a lone parent.

So, three Sundays ago, my daughter was out playing catch with a baseball. In the process of attempting to make a catch, the ball bounced off the top of her glove and hit her hard in the front of her mouth. She lost a baby tooth, dislocated one of her front adult teeth, and had a heck of a swollen lip that required a trip to the ER. That following Monday, we had to make the drive to her dentist for an Emergency consult to make sure we could save her teeth. Good news, it wasn’t as bad as it looked!

That Thursday she spiked a fever and ended up testing positive for strep. It took me a day to get her prescription because of the Amoxicillin shortage. On May 5th, as we are on day 6 of her antibiotics for strep, I got a phone call from her school saying that she was in the nurse’s office with an injured wrist. The nurse failed to mention the horrible looking bloody knees with gravel still impacted, the scrapes on both elbows, and cut up fingers. Yesterday we spent a whole day traveling over a three hour round trip to follow up dentist appointments and a visit to the orthopedic doctor for more x-rays and a cast. 

So, that is how things are currently in my world. I can only hope they are going better in yours! 

For today’s topic, what does it mean to be a single mother in America?  I want to open a discussion on where we stand as a country when it comes to single parent households and what that means for us as women. It’s one thing to see the numbers on paper, but those numbers do not paint the whole picture. To draw attention to the statistics, does not  spotlight attention on the very women who are working three jobs to make ends meet. We aren’t seeing the mothers who are putting their children to bed, and then spending two hours doing laundry and cleaning the house. 

We are not seeing the mothers who are putting their children on the school bus, working a shift on their feet all day, only to come home and do homework for college courses for a chance to gain a higher paying job.

According to the U.S. Census website, 80% of single parent households are ran by mothers. If you consider the statistic that ¼ of American children are living in single parent homes, that is a bit alarming. Not alarming that children are being raised by one parent, but alarming that 80% of the 37.9 million single parent (guardian) households in America, are in fact female ran. The census report goes on to say that 29% of all US households in America are single-person households, up from 13% in 1960...

U.S. Census:

https://www.census.gov/newsroom/press-releases/2022/americas-families-and-living-arrangements.html#:~:text=NOV.,were%20 maintained%20by%20a%20mother.

PEW Research Center:

https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2019/12/12/u-s-children-more-likely-than-children-in-other-countries-to-live-with-just-one-parent/

https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/03/01/gender-pay-gap-facts/#:~:text=The%20gender%20gap%20in%20pay,%2D%20and%20part%2Dtime%20workers.

Smart Assest:

https://smartasset.com/data-studies/where-single-mothers-fare-worse-economically-2022#:~:text=The%20median%20household%20income%20for%20single%20mothers%20is%20%2430%2C436.

https://aspe.hhs.gov/2021-poverty-guidelines

https://www.parents.com/parenting/dynamics/single-parenting/single-moms-vs-single-dads-a-look-at-the-double-standards-of-single-parenthood-how-we-can-do-better/

Books Referenced in Articles:

https://amzn.to/42cDCaN

https://amzn.to/4114KIc

Parents.com

https://www.parents.com/parenting/dynamics/single-parenting/this-is-what-life-is-really-like-for-a-single-mother-by-choice/

Educational Community for Middle/High School Students

www.transcendstudyhalls.mn.co

Oh my goodness, it has been two years since the last episode and I am so happy to finally be back. During this time, so much has happened and I cannot wait to sure this new journey with all of you! Please go back if you have a moment to listen to the first four episodes again so you can see the backstory and my purpose moving forward. I cannot wait to share my new community with you guys!

Check out the blog at www.smartsingleandunscripted.com

Hey Guys, so last week... I did a thing. 

The past two weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster for me. The realization that teachers are currently public enemy number one, with the idea that we are being asked to teach online and in-class students at the same time while providing all of our students the same attention and quality of education, made me do something that I never thought I would do, I resigned. After thirteen years in the classroom, I resigned.

I have been a high school teacher since 2008. I loved my job, I loved my content, I loved my students, I loved my community, and I loved my co-workers. Yet, with all of those overwhelming feelings of love and fulfillment from my work, there was still a part of me missing. As I go through this episode, I want to make a few things clear. First, I am not advocating that all of you clear off your desks, turn in your badges, and walk out on a stable source of income. Especially, if that income is what is providing you and your family healthcare benefits. And definitely do not do it, if that is your only source of income. I am in a bit of a decent situation in that I have a few income streams that I can fall back on during this time. Healthcare, I will have to figure out before mine expires on the 28th of this month.

I am also not advocating that everyone should work from home and be their own bosses because we all know our limitations. Some of you, me included, thrive in a well-structured environment where we know what is expected of us at all times. Most of us, I would imagine, would prefer to know that every two weeks a predictable paycheck is coming and that we have a pension safety net for retirement.

With that said, I did a thing. And to be honest, it was sort of on a whim. I spent two weeks agonizing over what I needed to do to be happy and provide the best care that I can give my daughter. I was bumping up against schedules and her school schedule and mine started conflicting majorly as winter progressed. My school no longer allows snow days, they have become virtual days, and her school has had a few two hours delays, so when this happens, I cannot take her. She was missing out because of me, and her education is more important to me than my job. I have the resources to bounce back and find income. She, however, is at a vulnerable age when learning could be something she falls behind with, or worse, decides she hates. And I was not going to let that happen if I can help it.

I have been employed full-time in some aspect since I was 17. The longest I have ever gone without a paycheck from a steady job, was three months and that was when I was 19. I need structure and I need confirmation that everything is stable and consistent. Recently, I have found myself fantasizing more and more about setting my own work hours and doing what I love at my own pace and on my own terms. My holdback has always been whether or not I have the self-discipline to work for myself. It’s always easier to know where you are supposed to be and when, and having someone else hold you accountable.

I have decided that my goal this year will be a full 365-day focus on improving my mental health and well-being while making sure that my daughter has the best care a rejuvenated me can give her. It's time to focus on me so that I can better focus on her.

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, a holiday that may or may not only exist to make single people feel like crap. Don't fall for the consumerism trap. Ladies, you do not need a partner to validate your self-worth. I will be spending tomorrow as I spend most of my Sundays. With my daughter, cleaning the apartment, and doing laundry at the coolest hangout in town, the laundromat. We'll eat grilled cheese and angel hair pasta around the dining room table while chatting about our upcoming week. When she goes to bed, I'll soak in a hot bubble bath and listen to a true-crime podcast. Ladies, if you cannot love yourself and give yourself the attention and respect that you deserve, then you really should not expect somebody else to either. You are enough to be.

Links:

Smart Single and Unscripted Website: www.smartsingleandunscripted.com

30 Best Things to do if You are Single on Valentine's Day

https://www.oprahmag.com/life/relationships-love/g30549407/single-on-valentines-day/

The History of Valentine's Day:

https://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/st-valentine-beheaded

Check out the blog and website at: www.smartsingleandunscripted.com

The past few months have been emotionally draining. I have been back and forth on the decision to sell the house, knowing that not doing so, would mean I would have to stay married, something that I do not want to do. Selling the house means moving my child out of the only home she has known, and one in which should we thought we would stay in forever, with her sparkling bedroom and her swings in the yard.

Sometimes, life hits hard. Sometimes we can get right back up and move on, but sometimes life delivers one knock-down punch after another. Sometimes, your husband has an affair in the middle of a lockdown, commits a felony in not one, but two states, and you lose your house…sometimes you want to fall asleep and not ever get out of bed, but sometimes…you take that hurt and pain, the sadness and grief, and you use it to create the best life you can give to your child.

That is what I am doing, and I hope you will take that journey with me. Tune in next week for episode 2, a journey through grief and the loss of normalcy.