Snafu w/ Robin Zander

Hello and welcome back to Snafu, a podcast about behavior change. 

Pamela Larde, PhD is a scholar and expert on the topic of joy. She is the author of Joyfully Single: A Revolutionary Guide to Enlightenment, Wholeness, and Change and a professor of Leadership Development at Anderson University. Her mission is to help develop leaders who lead with heart. 

Pamela illustrates the role of joy as a powerful tool, empowering individuals to cultivate resilience and gracefully navigate the myriad challenges life presents. Through her teachings, the concept of joy transforms into more than just an emotion—it becomes a reservoir of strength, an anchor of optimism, and a guide to living life to the fullest.

In this episode, we talk about the importance of joy at work and in life, the difference between happiness and joy, what to expect from her at Responsive Conference, and more. 

Pamela is an official speaker at Responsive Conference 2024! If you haven’t yet, get your tickets here: https://www.responsiveconference.com/tickets

It was a pleasure having Pamela on the podcast!

Hello and welcome back to Snafu, a podcast about behavior change.

For today’s episode, I sat down with Carole Robin, PhD – an expert in leadership development and interpersonal dynamics. She is best known for her work at Stanford Graduate School of Business, where she taught the infamous "Interpersonal Dynamics" course. This course is considered one of the most transformative experiences for MBA students.

Her expertise in this field led her to co-author the book Connect: Building Exceptional Relationships with Family, Friends and Colleagues, which was featured as one of Bloomberg's Best Books of 2021. 

In this episode, we talk about the key to great leadership, why relationships are so important in your life, what we can expect from her at Responsive Conference 2024, and more.

Carole is an official speaker at Responsive Conference 2024! If you haven’t yet, get your tickets here: https://www.responsiveconference.com/tickets

It was a pleasure having Carole on the podcast!

Hello and welcome back to Snafu, a podcast about behavior change.!

For today’s episode, I sat down with Michael Melcher – author, executive coach, and lawyer. He's best known for his book Your Invisible Network: How to Create, Maintain, and Leverage the Relationships That Will Transform Your Career, a practical guide on building meaningful relationships.

Michael’s background includes a law degree from Harvard Law School and experience in both law and consulting. He writes and speaks on topics related to career management, personal development, and leadership.

In this episode, we talk about how to network effectively without feeling awkward, the importance of nurturing relationships every single day, how personal experiences have shaped Michael’s understanding of community and connection, and more. 

Michael is also an official speaker at Responsive Conference 2024! If you haven’t yet, get your tickets here: https://www.responsiveconference.com/tickets

It was a pleasure having Michael on the podcast!

Hello and welcome back to Snafu, a podcast about behavior change.!

For today’s episode, I sat down with Abby Davisson, former president of the Gap Foundation, and author who has worked in the fields of social impact and corporate philanthropy. Abby believes in using business to make positive changes in society.

She recently published a book called Money and Love: An Intelligent Roadmap for Life's Biggest Decisions. In this book, she talks about how to make important choices in life, especially when it comes to balancing money concerns with personal relationships and happiness. 

In this episode, we talk about social impact through work, money being more taboo than sex, going from intern to president at Gap Foundation, why her graduate degree was the best investment of her life, and much more. 

Abby is also an official speaker at Responsive Conference 2024! If you haven’t yet, get your tickets here: https://www.responsiveconference.com/tickets

It was a pleasure having Abby on the podcast!

Hello and welcome back to Snafu, a podcast about behavior change!

For today’s episode, I sat down with Alex Soojung-Kim Pang, a Silicon Valley-based author, consultant, and researcher famous for advocating for the  4-day work week. 

Alex has become a leading advocate for the concept of "deliberate rest" through his books Rest: Why You Get More Done When You Work Less and Work Less, Do More.  

Alex challenges traditional notions of productivity, arguing that strategic periods of rest and shorter working hours lead to higher productivity, more creativity, and better job satisfaction. 

In this episode, we talk about why we should work less and not more, the importance of deliberate rest in work, breaking work down into smaller tasks, and much more. 

Alex is also an official speaker at Responsive Conference 2024! If you haven’t yet, get your tickets here: https://www.responsiveconference.com/tickets

It was a pleasure having Alex on the podcast!

Hello and welcome back to The Robin Zander Show!

For today’s episode, I sat down with Sally Thornton, the founder and CEO of Forshay.

Forshay is a company that specializes in executive recruiting and improving workplace dynamics through diversity and inclusion. She has a background in creating innovative solutions for work-life balance and has been a speaker at various conferences, including TEDx talks. 

In this episode, Sally and I talk about the science of work, how to be a good leader, doing work you love, and much more.

Sally is also an official speaker at Responsive Conference 2024! If you haven’t yet, get your tickets here: https://www.responsiveconference.com/tickets

It was a pleasure having Sally on the podcast!

Hello and welcome back to The Robin Zander Show!

For today’s episode, I sat down with Michael Bugay Steiner, author of books that have sold a million copies, including The Coaching Habit, a self-published book that’s become the best-selling book on coaching this century. 

Michael Bungay Stanier is a speaker and executive coach. As the founder of Box of Crayons, he's trained thousands of managers in coaching skills. Michael’s work focuses on helping people unlock their potential and create more effective workplace cultures.

In this episode, Michael and I talk about turning your weaknesses into strengths, giving feedback the right way, talking about how to work together before you actually work together, and much more.

It was a pleasure having Michael on the podcast!

Hello and welcome back to The Robin Zander Show!

For today’s episode, I sat down with New York Times bestselling author, Charles Duhigg.

In this episode, Charles and I talk about the art of communication and the insights from his new book, "Super Communicators." We explore how effective communication is a skill that anyone can learn, focusing on the importance of asking deep questions to connect with others.Charles shares his experiences, including lessons from his time as a reporter in Iraq, and how understanding the types of conversations – practical, emotional, and social – can improve relationships.

It was a pleasure having Charles on the podcast! Find his book here: https://www.charlesduhigg.com/supercommunicators

I appreciate the irony. Do hard things, move to the Caribbean!

And while most of us probably aren’t going to move to a tiny island in order to make our lives more difficult, there are a lot of simple habits that can help.

Identify One Thing  Every Day That Scares You

Identify something that scares you.

• Notice someone you are intimidated by. 

• Recognize a moment when you avoided speaking up.

• Identify one moment in your day when you feel physically nervous or afraid.

You don’t need to take action – not yet! Just bring attention to one uncomfortable moment. 

Start with awareness.

A Daily Movement Practice

There is a lot to be said for daily exercise. 

Exercise is hard. When you push your physical limits, you get better at pushing the boundaries of what’s possible everywhere else in your life, too.

Unfortunately, more than two thirds of Americans are overweight or obese, so clearly pressuring people to exercise does work for everyone.

My approach to movement is different. Having broken my neck and then gone on to perform in the circus, I also know the consequences of pressure. Instead, I make a habit of moving every day to build the confidence that I can learn new things.

If you’re interested, here’s a short video about my movement practice.

Coffee Shop Challenge (h/t Tim Ferriss)

Try this challenge: go to your local coffee shop and ask for a 20% discount. 

The rules are that you are not allowed to give any explanation for why you are requesting a discount or any additional details alongside your request. If asked, “Why?” just say that you would like a discount and that is why you are asking. 

The point of this exercise is that you are going to be uncomfortable. It will take you outside of your comfort zone. 

Notice how it feels to make this request. Notice the tension in your body and  your voice. It doesn’t ultimately matter if you get a discount or not, so long as you try. 

As a former coffee shop owner, please give that 20% back to your barista as a tip!

Do Something Difficult Every Day

Do one thing today that is out of your comfort zone. It could be as small as a short exchange with a stranger, a much-needed conversation, or advocating for your opinion.

• Thank someone in their native language - If you first have to learn to say “thank you” in a language you don’t speak, all the better.

• Have a conversation with your spouse or a friend - You probably have something that you’ve been meaning to share, but haven’t gotten around to saying yet. Say it!

• Try to persuade someone of something - We are all selling to and inviting each other constantly. Advocate for your preferred restaurant or movie.

When my friends first moved to Vieques, I was skeptical. I’m all for beautiful ocean views, but it was so remote and isolated. (And the hurricanes!)

Now that I’ve spent a month living in that remote paradise, I understand their motivation a little better.  Living there is difficult. Every day is a stretch. And that’s the point!

In a world where I – and probably you – enjoy every other modern convenience, it is easy to get complacent.

 Perhaps, we could all use a bit more discomfort in our lives.

There are a lot of things about being an entrepreneur that I avoid, but one of the silliest is opening physical mail. When I was starting Robin’s Cafe, I got a lot of mail - plans from the San Francisco planning department, legal documents, food permitting, alcohol permitting, pest control notifications, more.

I was so busy figuring out the day-to-day of running the business that I developed the bad habit of just ignoring mail and leaving the pile to build up on my desk for weeks on end.

When I finally got around to dealing with the pile, there was always a notice that I’d ignored for too long - a vendor I was late to pay, an IRS document I’d missed, etc. As we all do when a task is too big, I came to dread opening my mail.

Failure as discouragement

When you fail at a task, the experience is often one of discouragement, and that discouragement leads to a diminished desire to attempt that same task in the future. As I discussed recently, success is usually tied to positive feelings and the release of dopamine. Negative feelings often have the opposite effect and result in a feedback loop of negativity and failure. For me, that meant avoiding the mail until I discovered late bills, which meant I’d continue to dread opening mail and let it pile up further.

Failure is often a sign that the task you are trying to undertake is too big. A trick, then, is to leverage the cue of the negative feelings of “I can’t do this” into action and try again, but make the next attempt different. One way to do this is to break the task down into smaller parts.

Make the next step smaller

When you are overwhelmed by a new behavior, the easiest way to tackle it is by making the next step smaller.

I don’t need to open and respond to all of my mail on the day it arrives. A small step is to open every envelope, even if I don’t take the mail out right away. This small step moves things forward and makes the next steps - removing the contents, reading them, responding - easier.

Take your large goal and just take one small step in the right direction.

Create positive associations

I have a letter opener that I really love - it is a beautiful folding knife with an olivewood handle. I’ve learned, in the years since Robin’s Cafe, that I derive a particular delight in opening mail with this knife.

Look for ways that you can create positive associations around the edges of the habit you’ve been avoiding. Positive feelings equate to feelings of success.

Play more

Play and self-judgment are antithetical. When we are being playful or curious with a habit, it is impossible to regard an outcome as a “failure.”

The best way I know how to play - especially when I’m not feeling playful - is to get profoundly curious about the task I’m trying to accomplish. Another is to make a game of the process. Personally, I get delighted when I see weeks worth of dealt-with mail pile up in my recycling bin!

Look for a step by step breakdown

You can almost always find a step-by-step breakdown of the task you are trying to accomplish. Google “how to do x” or interview someone better at that thing than you are. If you’ve hit a roadblock and aren’t sure how to make a task more manageable, someone else has likely solved this problem before you. In writing this article, I asked a few friends about how they handled their daily deluge of mail and got some interesting ideas I’ll try in the future!

At Zander Media, I receive 10x less physical mail than I did at the cafe. And while there are still remnants of my avoidant behavior, I’m excited to reframe failure as a cue for novel action. These days, I look for areas of my life where I’ve historically failed and replace the cue of failure with the understanding that I haven’t made that behavior small enough, yet.

Now, your turn: what’s something you’ve failed at, recently? Reply back and I’ll respond with one idea for how to turn that failure into a learning opportunity!

Until next time, Robin