*THIS IS AN AUDIO ONLY EPISODE* (Sorry - the camera died)

This episode is part of a new series where we answer your questions.

Today's question:

"I don’t think I have a ‘deep self.’ Everyone always says, ‘go inward,’ but I’m like… to what? It’s just noise in there. Is that normal? What do you do when there’s no essence to find?"

For this episode, Lora and Jeff dive into the experience of searching for a "deep self" and only finding noise. We explore what essence might really mean - and how the language around it doesn't always land for everyone. From neurodivergent perspectives to moments of flow and everyday presence, we unpack different way of experiencing the self without forcing it or shaming yourself for not feeling it right away.

We discuss:

• Why “go inward” isn’t always the most helpful cue

• How essence can show up in flow states, memory, and everyday presence

• The role of language and neurodivergence in shaping inner experience

• Why resistance deserves curiosity, not pressure

• Community, teachers, and patience as antidotes to pop-psychology shortcuts

Want to join the conversation?

If you've got something you'd like us to unpack - big or small - send it our way. Your curiosity fuels these conversations.

Connect with So What Who Cares

Email: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@sowhatwhocarespodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@sowhatwhocarespodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠So What Who Cares Podcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@sowhatwhocarespodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find Lora McCarville at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.loramccarville.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Chapters
00:00 The Traveler and the Young Man’s Question
01:46 Listener Question: “No Deep Self?”
03:54 Essence, Noise, and Neurodivergent Perspectives
15:18 Finding Flow and Everyday Presence
28:45 When Resistance Shows Up
41:47 Teachers, Language, and Community
1:21:41 Closing Reflections by the Fire

#sowhatwhocares #sowhatwhocarespodcast #loramccarville #jeffkalasky #selfdiscovery #essence #mindfulness #selfawareness #mentalhealth #neurodivergent #healingjourney #growthmindset #resistance #presence #relationships #traumahealing #innerwork #compassion #community #podcastcommunity

This episode is part of a new series where we answer your questions.

Today's question:

"Lately I'm starting to think I'm doing 'too much caring.' Like i'm hyper-attuned to everyone else and constantly managing the emotional temperature in the room. Is that trauma? Just being nice? Can you talk about the weird place between codependency and compassion?"

We explore what it can look like when caring turns into caretaking, and how to stay grounded in your own emotional integrity. We discuss practical ways to witness others without absorbing their feelings, and how mindfulness and self-awareness can support healthier relationships.

We discuss:

• Being hyper-attuned can signal both strength and overwhelm.

• Compassion should not come at the cost of your own well-being.

• Codependency and compassion are not the same—support doesn’t mean self-erasure.

• Mindfulness and emotional neutrality can protect your energy.

• Emotional integrity helps you show up with presence, not burden.

Want to join the conversation?

If you've got something you'd like us to unpack - big or small - send it our way. Your curiosity fuels these conversations.

Connect with So What Who Cares

Email: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@sowhatwhocarespodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@sowhatwhocarespodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠So What Who Cares Podcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@sowhatwhocarespodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find Lora McCarville at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.loramccarville.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Chapters

00:00 The Traveler’s Arrival and the Village’s Curiosity

01:16 A Listener’s Question: Too Much Caring?

02:54 Navigating Codependency and Compassion

16:45 Finding Balance in Emotional Connections

#sowhatwhocares #sowhatwhocarespodcast #loramccarville #jeffkalasky #emotionalhealth #compassion #codependency #mindfulness #mentalhealth #emotionalintelligence #selfawareness #healingjourney #boundaries #selfgrowth #traumahealing #innerwork #relationships #empathy #selfcare #podcastcommunity #mindfulrelationships #emotionalwellness #growthmindset #healing

Building community through connection.

In this conversation, Lora and Jeff explore the multifaceted nature of community, emphasizing the importance of connection, respect, and open communication. We discuss how relationships are built on trust and the need for recognition within a community. The conversation also touches on the impact of isolation and loneliness in modern society, the significance of shared experiences, and the role of mindfulness in fostering community engagement. We highlight the necessity of collective care and the challenges of navigating differences in relationships.

We explore;

• Community is about connection, not just shared interests.
• Respect is given, trust is earned.
• Open communication strengthens relationships.
• Isolation and loneliness are mental health crises.
• We are meant to be in connection.
• Recognition is about being seen in community.
• Mindfulness is present moment awareness.
• Navigating differences is key to community.
• Community is built on care and affection.
• Difficult conversations build trust.

Connect with So What Who Cares

Email: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@sowhatwhocarespodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@sowhatwhocarespodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠So What Who Cares Podcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@sowhatwhocarespodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find Lora McCarville at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.loramccarville.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Community Building

01:48 The Importance of Community

03:55 Understanding Respect and Communication

09:14 Navigating Differences in Relationships

11:50 Shared Values vs. Shared Interests

16:10 The Role of Community in Mental Health

21:39 Isolation and Loneliness in Modern Society

26:25 Engaging in Difficult Conversations

32:29 Collective Care and Mindfulness

#sowhatwhocares #sowhatwhocarespodcast #loramccarville #jeffkalasky #community #connection #respect #trust #opencommunication #mindfulness #relationships #mentalhealth #belonging #sharedexperiences #collectivecare #isolation #loneliness #selfawareness #healing #wellbeing #growthmindset #podcast #podcasting

In this episode, Lora and Jeff explore the link between knowing your core values and building authentic community. They start with a conversation about the difference between shame and guilt — and how understanding these emotions can guide us toward living in alignment with what matters most. From there, they dive into a practical core values discovery exercise, sharing their own top picks (like compassion, integrity, and resilience) and reflecting on where those values show up in life — and where they want them to show up more. Along the way, they unpack why shared values are the foundation of true connection and how embracing them can help overcome isolation and foster belonging.

In this episode, we explore:

• The difference between shame and guilt, and why we’re wired for shame.

• Why shared values are essential for community.

• A guided core values discovery exercise you can follow along with.

• How to choose and refine your top values.

• Where values show up in relationships, work, health, and personal growth.

• The role of compassion, integrity, and resilience in everyday life.

• How to notice when you’re living out of alignment with your values.

• The challenge of individuality in a communal world.

• Personal stories that shaped our understanding of community and belonging.

• Why identifying your values is the first step toward finding your people.

  
  

Connect with So What Who Cares

Email: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@sowhatwhocarespodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@sowhatwhocarespodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠So What Who Cares Podcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@sowhatwhocarespodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find Lora McCarville at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.loramccarville.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Shame and Guilt
02:24 Understanding Community and Shared Values
05:03 Core Values Discovery Workshop
07:48 Exploring Personal Values
08:12 Values in Relationships and Community
09:58 The Role of Integrity in Community
12:25 Resilience and Community Dynamics
14:49 Navigating Individuality and Community
17:46 Experiencing Community in Different Contexts
20:08 Building Community and Connection
22:54 Reflections on Community Experiences

#sowhatwhocarespodcast #sowhatwhocares #loramccarville #jeffkalasky#corevalues #findyourvalues #communitybuilding #authenticconnection #integrity #compassion #resilience #belonging #valuesalignment #mindfulnesspractice #relationshipbuilding #selfawarenessjourney #healingjourney #valuesdriven #selfdiscovery #emotionalintelligence #personaldevelopment #growthmindset #podcastcommunity

In this powerful meditation, Lora guides you through a process of emotional integration - helping you connect with the parts of you that carry pain, protection, and patterning. You'll gently shift old emotional loops and move toward inner peace.

This isn't about fixing yourself. It's about listening deeply - and letting your unconscious shift the pattern. What you'll experience:- Emotional Integration - a gentle yet powerful way to meet difficult feelings without overwhelm- Parts work + hypnosis - tools to identify protective parts and shift emotional patterns- Inner peace - a guided pathway toward resolution, softness, and internal harmonyIdeal for:- Anyone navigating emotional overwhelm or repeating inner stories- Listeners curious about their internal protectors and what they're guarding- Those seeking a body-based, subconscious approach to emotional healing

Connect with So What Who Cares

Email: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@sowhatwhocarespodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@sowhatwhocarespodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠So What Who Cares Podcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@sowhatwhocarespodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find Lora McCarville at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.loramccarville.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

#meditation #guidedmeditation #partswork #IFS #RRT #emotionalintegration #emotionalhealing #selfawareness #innerpeace #innerwork #traumarecovery #subconsciousmind #healingjourney #mentalwellness #sowhatwhocares #sowhatwhocarespodcast #loramccarville

In Part 2 of our deep dive into the Shadow, Jeff and Lora go even further — from the depths of trauma to the spark of liberation. What does shadow work really look like? Is it always heavy? Does it have to hurt? What about the parts of ourselves that shine too brightly?

This episode explores how to actually tend to the parts we’ve disowned — not just the painful ones, but the golden shadow too: our brilliance, confidence, and power that we may have hidden away to survive.

In this episode we explore:

Connect with So What Who Cares

Email: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@sowhatwhocarespodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@sowhatwhocarespodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠So What Who Cares Podcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@sowhatwhocarespodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find Lora McCarville at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.loramccarville.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

In this meditation, Lora invites you to meet the inner wall that has long protected you. Through gentle hypnosis and parts work, you'll uncover what stands between you and your next chapter - not to force it, but to honor it, understand it, and begin to shift from within.

What you'll experience:

- Unconscious Exploration: A journey beneath the surface to connect with hidden patterns

- Parts Work & Hypnosis: Tools to understand and befriend your internal protectors

- Transformational Insight: A chance to soften, integrate, and move forward with clarity

Ideal for:

- Anyone feeling "stuck" or unsure about their next move

- Those who sense an internal block but don't know where it comes from

- Listeners ready to go deeper into the subconcious and meet it with compassion

Connect with So What Who Cares

Email: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@sowhatwhocarespodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@sowhatwhocarespodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠So What Who Cares Podcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠@sowhatwhocarespodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find Lora McCarville at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.loramccarville.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

#meditation #guidedmeditation #partswork #innerchild #hypnotherapy #mindbodyconnection #emotionalhealing #selfawareness #innerjourney #mentalwellness #selfdiscovery #healingpath #shadowwork #innerwisdom #sowhatwhocares #sowhatwhocarespodcast #loramccarville

You’ve seen the posts. Heard the term. Maybe even said it: “I'm doing my shadow work.”
But what is the shadow, really?

In this two-part dive, Lora and Jeff wade into the fog of the human psyche to explore the parts of ourselves we’ve disowned — the messy, the shameful, but also the powerful and luminous. From family dynamics and cultural programming to unexpected gold hiding in the dark, this conversation shines a gentle light on what we avoid... and how reclaiming it might just free us.

And yes — we open with an eerie, vintage-radio-style story. Because of course we do.

In this episode, we explore:

- The importance of ratings and reviews for podcast growth.

- Understanding the shadow self is crucial for personal development.

- Disowned parts of ourselves can include both negative and positive traits.

- Cultural context influences how we perceive and engage with shadow work.

- Patterns in our behavior can reveal disowned traits.

- Integrating traits is more beneficial than eliminating them.

- Personal stories can illuminate our shadow work journey.

- Projection of our shadows onto others is a common behavior.

- Macro and micro perspectives help us understand societal shadows.

- Compassion towards our shadows fosters self-acceptance.

Connect with So What Who Cares

Email: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@sowhatwhocarespodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@sowhatwhocarespodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠So What Who Cares Podcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@sowhatwhocarespodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find Lora McCarville at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.loramccarville.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Chapters

00:00 Navigating the Open Sea of Self-Discovery

00:43 The Importance of Ratings and Reviews

03:23 Understanding the Shadow Within

09:03 The Cultural Context of Shadow Work

10:48 Patterns and Disowned Aspects

16:43 Macro and Micro Shadows in Society

21:45 The Golden Shadow: Embracing Our Full Selves

27:59 Compassion for Our Shadows

#sowhatwhocarespodcast #sowhatwhocares #loramccarville #jeffkalasky #shadowwork #jungianpsychology #selfdiscovery #healingjourney #podcastconversation #mentalhealthpodcast #personaldevelopment #spiritualgrowth #integration #compassionateawareness #subconsciousmind #innerwork #systemichealing #reclaimyourpower #therapytools #nervoussystemhealing #ayahuascaretreat #podcastcommunity #selfawarenessjourney #shadowintegration

Welcome back to part two of our deep dive into the unconscious mind.

In this episode, Lora and Jeff explore the practical and personal terrain of working with unconscious material—how it shows up, how to notice it, and how to begin integrating it. From symbolic dreams and family patterns to inherited beliefs, cultural systems, and unexpected triggers (like a butter dish), they unpack how the unseen forces within us shape everything from our values to our reactions.

Lora brings a trauma-informed, curiosity-first approach to engaging with the unconscious, including tools from hypnotherapy, mindfulness, and active imagination. Jeff brings thoughtful questions and his own experience of trying to untangle personal truth from inherited programming.

In This Episode

• How dreams speak the language of the unconscious

• Tools for exploring symbolic material safely

• What it means to be "resourced" before digging deeper

• Why integration is messy, non-linear, and sometimes surprising

• The difference between healing and becoming more you

• How inherited emotional blueprints shape choices and self-image

• Why ego resists change—and how to stay curious anyway

#sowhatwhocarespodcast #loramccarville #jeffkalasky #theicebergepisode #unconsciousintegration #shadowwork #jungianpsychology #generationalhealing #dreamsymbols #mindbodyconnection #traumainformedhealing #healingjourney #selfinquiry #innerchildwork #liminalspaces #nervoussystemsupport #emotionalpatterns #familydynamics #consciousparenting #collectiveunconscious #innerwork #curiosityoverjudgment #personalgrowth #spiritualdevelopment #steadyjerks

You might think you're steering the ship—but what if something beneath the surface is holding the wheel?

In this first half of a two-part conversation, Lora and Jeff explore the conscious, subconscious, and unconscious layers of the mind—and why what we don’t know is often what drives us. Using metaphors, clinical insight, personal stories, and somatic wisdom, we unpack how early imprints, ancestral beliefs, and even misunderstood gut instincts can shape our lives without our awareness.

Lora shares trauma-informed ways to begin exploring the unconscious without shame or overwhelm. Jeff opens up about the moments he’s realized certain values, choices, or reactions might not actually be his—they might be inherited or imprinted from long ago.

Whether you’re newly curious about shadow work, or deep into healing old patterns, this episode offers gentle insights, surprising clarity, and encouragement to stay curious about what lives beneath the surface.

In this episode:

-Conscious vs. subconscious vs. unconscious: What’s the difference?

-Why Jung rejected the term “subconscious”

-The iceberg model of the mind

-Gut instinct vs. misread data (and how trauma confuses the two)

-The story of the trombone and the imprint in the sand

-Generational beliefs and inherited emotional blueprints

-Patterns, defensiveness, people-pleasing, and guilt as signals

-How mindfulness, meditation, and curiosity help reveal what’s driving us

-Why self-knowledge is always evolving—and never complete

Connect with So What Who Cares

Email: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@sowhatwhocarespodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@sowhatwhocarespodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠So What Who Cares Podcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠@sowhatwhocarespodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find Lora McCarville at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.loramccarville.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Chapters

[00:00] Listener Invitation + Iceberg Parable

[04:10] Conscious, Subconscious, and Unconscious Defined

[08:15] Jung’s Perspective + Iceberg Reframe

[12:40] Gut Instinct or Misread Data?

[16:00] The Trombone Story + PTSD & Imprints

[20:45] Imprints, Samskaras & Subtle Grooves of the Mind

[25:30] Curiosity in Mindfulness & Pattern Recognition

[30:00] Signs of Unconscious Drivers: Guilt, Defensiveness, People-Pleasing

[34:20] Inherited Stories and Generational Programming

[39:00] “The System Can’t Know Itself” and Embracing Evolution

[42:00] Lora’s Story: Divorce and the Legacy of Suffering

[47:15] How to Begin the Work + Why Curiosity Is Key

[50:00] Parting Thoughts + What’s Coming in Part Two

#sowhatwhocarespodcast #loramccarville #jeffkalasky #theicebergepisode #unconsciousmind #shadowwork #jungianpsychology #generationalhealing #innerwork #mindbodyconnection #traumainformed #healingjourney #selfinquiry #integrationwork #nervoussystemregulation #gutinstincts #consciousliving #mentalhealthpodcast #personaldevelopment #emotionalawareness #patternsandtriggers #selfdiscovery